FROM I FALL TO PIECES:

all of these quotes are referring to Doc Detachable Body Parts 

Cordy: "Okay flesh, anytime you wanna stop crawling is okay with me!"

Cordy: "What is stalking nowadays, like, the third most popular sport among men?"
Angel: "Fourth after luge."

Doyle: "Not a lot of things make me shudder, but this guy crawling around under the covers, at least it was just his hands down there. I wish I hadn't even thought of that."

Angel investigations' first paycheck..wahooo!!!!
Doyle: "Let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty."
Angel: "You guys go on, I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames."
Doyle: "Oh right, you're pretty much the night deposit guy."

FROM SENSE AND SENSITIVITY:

Angel.and Kate step in his office..Angel shuts the door behind him.
Cordy: "Mr. and Mrs. Spock need to mind meld now!"

Cordy: to Angel "The whole place is going nuts!This is so not good."
Angel: "Okay. I think someone needs a hug!"

Angel to a mafia boss he is beating on "You know Anthony, you can be a rainbow.....and not a painbow."

FROM IN THE DARK:

Spike mocking Angel and a girl he is helping from a rooftop.
(Rachel)"How can I thank you? You mysterious black clad hunk of a night thing."
(Angel)"No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad ass vampire, but love and a pesky curse, de-fanged me and now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth."
Rachel reaches for his hair.(Angel) "No, not the hair! Never the hair!"
(Rachel)"But there must be some way I can show my appreciation!"
(Angel)"No, helping those in need's my job and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!"
(Rachel)"I understand, I have a nephew who's gay, so..."
(Angel)"Say no more! evil is still afoot and I'm almost out of that Nancy boy hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel mobile. Away!"

Doyle: "If you and I ever hope to take that cruise together to the Bahamas, we're gonna need a lot more clients of means."
Cordy: "And an alternate universe in which you are Matthew McConaghey."

Doyle: "Frankie Tripod..a big no."(on seeing Spike)
Cordy: "Oh, I get it, some kind of three-legged monster?"
Doyle: "No, he's human."
Cordy: "Then what's the name supposed to....oh."

Spike: referring to how Buffy was hurting over Parker "She is cute when she's hurting, isn't she?"
Angel: "She's cuter when she's kicking your ass."

Doyle:"Where's Angel?"
Spike: "Hmmmm.Tall brooding guy? Cave man brow?"

FROM ROOM WITH A VIEW:

Cordy stays with Angel until she finds a new apartment.
Angel: "You got peanut butter on the bed."
Cordy: "Really? I don't think so. I'll look." After looking, she comes back in the kitchen."Angel, at some point in recent history, you got peanut butter on the bed and it's gross, I think you're gonna have to change the sheets."
Angel: "I don't even eat."
Cordy: "Then, I don't even want to know how it got there!"

To Mrs. Ghostie:
Cordy: "I'm from Sunnydale, you're not scaring me, you know!"

Cordy: "The place has that little old lady smell like...violets and aspercreme."

                                                             

FROM SOMNAMBULIST:

Cordy: "Glamourous L.A. life, I get to make the coffee and chain the boss to the bed. (And that is bad, how, Cordelia?hahahahaha) Gotta join a union."

Cordy, Wesley and Angel are talking about how this vampire hadn't changed his killing style in 200 years:
Cordy: "Gallagher changed his act more times than this guy in the last two centuries. Why do you think he uses the same old schtick?
Wesley: "Well, I mean, it's a classic, isn't it? Everytime he smashes that watermelon, I just....."

Angel:"Give me a stake."
Cordy: "It's like, eight in the morning!"

FROM EXPECTING:

to Cordy's friends after they ask him if he wants to go out
Angel: "I don't lounge all that well."
Wesley: "Ha ha! Good one! He's no lounger this one!" places his arm around Angel
Serena (Cordy's friend): "The good ones are always gay!"

Cordy threatens phantom Dennis after he makes her stereo go loopy because she has a date there. Jealousy, much?l
Cordy: "I'll play Evita around the clock! The one with Madonna!"

Angel tells Cordy he has to call Wilson (demon dream date) after she wakes up pregnant.
Cordy: "What would I say to him? I had a really great time, I think you left something at my place?"

Cordy downs a bucket o' blood out of Angel's fridge.
Angel to Wesley : "I don't think I ever realized just how disgusting that was. get her back to bed. And maybe order her a pizza or something."

Wilson: "This is a private club. Featured word : 'private'."
Angel: "And if you don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word: 'ass'."

Wesley to impregnating demon: "As a pointed courtesy, I like to get to know my opponents before I engage in mortal combat. Do you have any hobbies?"

FROM THE BACHELOR PARTY:

Harriet (Doyle's ex) on her soon to be hubby, Richard: "He's got a good heart, Francis, just like you."
Doyle: "Yeah, maybe, but the container! Can I get a side of bland with that bland?"

Richard's dad on bachelor party schedule: "First, we greet the man of the hour. Then we drink. Bring out the food, then drink. Then comes the stripper, darts and then we have the ritual eating of the first husband's brains and then charades."
Richard's bro #1: "Wait. What was that? Charades?"
Richard's bro #2: "Yeah, I don't know about that."

Richard's auntie at bridal shower: "Come on girls, it's time for pornographic pictionary!"
Harriet to Cordy: "Thier ways are not our ways."

Bro #1 to Richard after Harriet decides to break it off: "You don't need her anyway."
Bro #2: "Yeah, who wants a wife who's knees only bend the one way."

Cordy to Doyle: "Are you gonna become loser pining guy, like, full time now? 'Cause, you know, we already have one of those around the office!
Angel and Doyle: "Hey!"
Cordy motioning to Angel: "He can get away with it! He's tall and look at the way clothes hang on him!"

FROM SHE:

Cordy: to Angel "I thought I ordered the ground (coffee beans). Maybe you can crush them with your vampire strength. Just mush the bag. Mush them."

Angel: at Cordy's party feelin' oh so alone, Dennis pulls out a chair for him..
"Hi Dennis. How're you doing? Still dead? I know the feeling."

Angel: "I've got two modes with people. Bite and avoid. Hard to shift."

Cordy: to Wesley "You would think a guy who could use an ancient sythian sword bow could use a cell phone!

y: "There were quite a few of them, perhaps we shoudl have a plan."
Angel: "Here's the plan. We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us."
FROM I'VE GOT  YOU UNDER MY SKIN
discussing how Angel is dealing with Doyle's death
Cordy: "Look, you don't have to be Joe Stoic about his dying! You don't have to be unflappable."
Angel: "I'm not unflappable."
Cordy: "Great, so...flap!"

Cordy: "I wonder if I should put plastic down. Angel, are you expecting any big vomiting, here? Cause I saw the movie!"  




 



 

Angel to Wesley on performing the exorcism himself. He tells him it takes great concentration and resistance. 
Angel: "Wesley, you don't even have sales resistance. How many thigh masters do you own?"
Wesley: "The second one was a free gift with my buns of steel video."

Cordy: "I need an ethos box."
Rick (owner of magic shop): "A lady who knows what she wants. Commendable."
Cordy: "Yes, I'm great. Just pop it in a bag and I'm out of here."

Cordy: "(was this) handcrafted by blind tibetan monks?"
Rick: "Pieced together by mute chinese nuns, now that's craftsmanship!"

FROM THE PRODIGAL:

Cordy on a password for the new security system just installed.
Cordy: "Come on! The installation guy said it should be something you can remember...like my birthday!"
Angel: "I don't know your birthday."
Cordy: "Yeah, tell me something you don't know that I don't know!"

Angel to his father after he had killed his little sister Kathy.
"She thought I had returned to her.....an angel."

Demon: threatening Angel "You're dead!"
Angel: "I'm already dead. Welcome to the club." as he chops his head off

Darla to Angel: "What we once were informs all that we become. The same love will infect our hearts, even if they no longer beat. Simple death doesn't change that."

FROM THE RING:

Cordy: surfing through a demon database "Why isn't Wolfram and Hart in here?"
Wesley: "Uh, because they're lawyers, not demons.
Cordy: "Fine line if you ask me."

Cordy: making fun of Wes' social life (or should I say lack thereof) "Oh I know, every night it's Jeopardy followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out girls, this one can't be tamed!"
Wesley: "I admit it might not be as intoxicating as a life erected on high fashion pumps and a push up bra!"

Cordy: "Sir, Madam, I'm Detective Andrews and this is Detective...Yeltsou. Show them your badge. And take down thier license number...4- 3- niner- Peter- Charlie- Edward."
Wesley: "Something's going down tonight, something with the man!"

Angel: "I think we did a good thing here tonight."
Wesley: "Yes, we set the captives free."
Cordy: "Well, actually, didn't we set a bunch of demons free?"
Wesley: "Uh...well, technically, yes." 

FROM ETERNITY

Angel and Wesley while they are watching Cordy act (VERY BADLY) in a play.
Angel: "Maybe we can make a break for it."
Wes: "Impossible."
Angel: "Front exit?"
Wes: "We' d be spotted instantly."
Angel: "Back door?"
Wes: "Blocked."
Angel: "That's it then, we're trapped."
Wes: "We might try shouting fire, it's not exactly a crowded theater."
Angel: "And I thought I knew an eternity."

Rebecca (skeleton actress) to her agent about Angel.
Rebecca: "He doesn't know who I am."
Cordy: "He's culturally retarded that way!"

Rebecca: "Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman...they're vampires."
Angel: "Frank Langella was the only performance I beleived, but..."

Cordy: "Judging by the outfit, I guess it's safe to come in. Evil Angel would have never wore those pants."

Rebecca tells Angel that she is a has been. (She has been NOT eating, if you ask me!)
Angel: "Not according to these." lifting up several tabloid mags.
Rebecca: "According to those, I slept with Ernest Borgnine and I'm bulemic."
Angel: "Hey, I've heard Ernest Borgnine is a very skilled lover."

Wes and Cordy ask Becky what kind of drug they gave him when Angel turns to Angelus.
Rebecca: "Does it really matter?"
Cordy: "Well, if he's all homicidal I'm thinking...YES!!!"

FROM FIVE BY FIVE:

Cordy: "...generally, you don't change a guy, what you see is what you get. Scratch the surface and what do you find? More surface!"

Cordy: "You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl is less scowly."

Cordy wants Angel to buy lunch for a client and he says he didn't bring any money.
Cordy: "Okay, Elvis, when you're a big star, you can get away without carrying cash."

They see Faith after she tries to shoot Angel with a cross bow.
Angel: "I thought she was in a coma."
Cordy: "Pretty lively coma."

Angel puts on a suit (yeow, by the way) and pretends to be  a lawyer to go snooping around Wolfram and Hart. His charade works and you guessed it....wackiness ensues!
Lawyer: "You!..pauses...Angel thinks he recognizes him as well...HIM....We're in the Gruver meeting."
Angel: "Right."
Lawyer: "What the hell is going on with these people? I mean, is this a negotiation or a cotillion?"
Angel: "I know, it's like..."
Angel: "That's exactly what I was trying to tell Frank."
Lawyer: "Who's Frank?"
Angel: "Works with Louise in contracts."
Lawyer: "Contracts! The problem is not contracts. We have to close Gruver now before the soft offer becomes hard and the stocks go.."
Angel: "Through the ceiling!"
Lawyer: "In the toilet!"
Angel: "Right!"
Lawyer: "Keep me in the loop, will you? I want to know the instant they fold.They are folded?"
Angel gives him an "Of course look" It's priceless.
Lawyer: "Look, uh, gotta jump. Email me. Good to see you."
Angel: "You too."   

FROM SANCTUARY:

Cordy: to Angel "People always get a little funny right after they've been sadistically tortured. Well, you'd know!"

Faith: "How do you say 'Gee, I'm really sorry that I tortured you nearly to death?'"
Angel: "Well, first off, I'd leave off the 'gee'".

Buffy's ticked after she sees Angel comforting Faith.Whatever, Buff. Go back to your GI Jerk.
Buffy: "Giles said that she tried to kill you."
Angel: "That's true."
Buffy: "So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling?"

Angel: "You can't possibly know what she's going through."
Buffy: "But, of course you do. I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I never murdered anybody."

Buffy: "I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him."
Angel: very sarcasticly, you go, boy! "That's great. that's nice. You moved on. I can't! I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again and it cuts me up inside and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home!"
Buffy: "See? Faith wins again."
Angel: "Go!"
No Buffy, I think that Angel wins.

FROM THE YOKO FACTOR  (i KNOW THIS IS A BUFFY EP, BUT THE ANGEL/RILEY INTERACTION WAS JUST TOO AMUSING TO NOT PUT HERE):

Riley: "You didn't by any chance go and lose that pesky soul did you?"
Angel: "Don't push me, boy."

Buffy: "He wouldn't hurt anybody."
Angel: "I might hurt you."
Riley: "Oh please try."
Angel: "Ha. Some threat. You can barely stand,"
Riley: "Trigger finger feels okay."
Angel: "You actually sleep with this guy?"
Buffy: "Okay, that's enough! I see one more display of testosterone poisoning and I will personally put you both in the hospital."
Angel: "He started it."

Riley: "Even when he's good, he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King Of Pain and girls really like that."

FROM WAR ZONE:

Cordy: "I miss that smell."
Wes: "Camembre, I believe."
Cordy: "What? No! Money! I like to smell a little money once and a while."
Angel: "She's not just saying that. Hide sometime in the office and watch her. It's uncanny."

David(millionaire geek): "Are you familiar with Dungeons and Dragons?"
Angel: "Yeah, I've seen a few."
Wes: "You mean the role playing game."
Angel: "Game......right!"

Cordy: "And the idea of a vampire in a white hat, probably a little gimme a breaky."

The slaying gang locks Angel in a meat locker and he pounds his way through the wood on the side of the door. He can't reach the latch. Cordy and Wes are outside the door anf she reaches down and unlatches it.
Cordy: "Trying to open that?"
Angel: "No! I just love old meat lockers!"
Wes: "You should've tried to call us on your cell phone. You probably forgot you had it."
Angel: "These things hardly ever work. Besides, it was a lot easier and quicker to just...Look! I'm the boss here and I say when we use the cell phones and people are gonna die and I have to go!"
Cordy: "You're welcome!"

Gunn(slay gang leader): "What're you doing here?"
Angel: "Skulking...professionally."

FROM BLIND DATE:

Lindsay gives Angel this big speech about how he was poor and his family lost thier house and blah blah blah...Here's the tail end of it:
Lindsay: "I swore to myself that I was not gonna be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face."
Angel: "I'm sorry, I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil yet?"

Gunn: "Gimme one good reason (why I shoudl help you)."
Angel: "It'll be extremely dangerous."
Gunn: "Okay!"

Gunn walks in Wolfram and Hart and creates a distraction while Ang breaks in through the sewer.
Gunn: "Wooooohoooo! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe 'em! Evil white folks really DO have a mecca! Did you just step on my foot?..........I need a lawyer!.....Oh, I get it, you all can cater to the demons but what about the black man!"

FROM TO SHANSHU IN LA

David Nabitt: "What did I do today? Made a few more million. All right, several. Big whoop. What does that mean?"
Cordy: "No more shopping at Penny Saver?"

Cordy: "Enough with the scratch and sniff visions! If I ever meet those powers that be I am gonna punch them right in the nose! You think they have a nose?"

Female oracle's ghost: "I can't stay long, I've been dead awhile. So far I don't like it."

Cordy to Angel, handing him a bucket o' blood: "C'mon eat. You too! Don't be embarassed! We're family." (Isn't that sweet!)

Cordy: "Wow. Angel...human."
Angel: "That'd be nice."