Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever Gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody but I am unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

(Invictus, W. E. Henley)

Hilda:

I

I had that dream again, about Siegfried and me talking at the fountain, long before Poseidon took control over me. We were so full of hope those days, so full of life...

But morning took that dream away, forcing me to face reality. Siegfried was gone, my God Warriors were gone and the one I used to be was also gone. None of what I loved remained, only Freya and Asgard, my heart and my prison.

As every morning since the death of my friends, I went to the port to check on the building of the langskips, the great warships I had ordered for them to make their journey to the Allfather’s hall. Carved on the bow of each of them was the symbol of my warriors.

Midgardsormr, the World Serpent, for Thor; Fenris Wolf, Loki’s son, for Fenris; Sleipnir, Odin’s horse, for Hagen; the Harp for Mime, the Skull for Alberich; a white Tiger for Syd and a black one for Bud, the only two-headed langskip; and then, Fafnir, the Dragon, for my own dragon, Siegfried. It wouldn’t be long for them to be finished, to be ready for the moment of the goodbyes.

But I wasn’t ready. Not yet. Hope still burned in my heart, and grew higher every time I went into the crypt where their bodies rested.

Ever since Athena and the saints had freed me, I had tried to use my power to bring them back, to take them away from Hel’s arms and back to mine, but all had been useless.

Until now. I had been looking over the books at the castle’s library and had found a glimpse of hope. It was difficult and dangerous, but I had to do it, it was my only chance to make up for all the sins I had committed.

Freya knows nothing about it, and won’t know, not until I succeed or fail. I had hoped to send her to Japan for some days, but Hades woke up and Athena was fighting him. Poor Saori, her destiny seemed to turn darker as time went by.

So I had to ask for help somewhere else. And she accepted, as I knew she would. She cared about my God Warriors almost as much as me, loved Asgard and had the power to keep it safe from any threat, and what was more important than all that, she understood my decision. She would do the same for hers.

That left Freya as my only worry. She would have to stay away from some rooms at the castle, or stay at an inn. I wasn’t sure of any of those options, but I had no choice. Anyway, I had decided to leave Geri and Freki, my wolves, with her. I had thought of leaving my ravens, Munin and Hugin, too, but thought it better and decided not to. I was going to need them.

II

She arrived today, came to me while I was hunting, typical of her. The few warriors I had left tried to attack her, fearing her. I was lucky she was in a good mood and just froze them with her Cosmo, if not I would have had any warriors at all.

My people didn’t seem too willing to accept her as their ‘temporary guardian’, but they still respected me and what was even more important, at least for me, trusted me, so they did as I said.

I knew they had hoped for me to leave Freya in charge, but she was too hurt by both Hagen’s death and Hyoga’s departure to Elysium as to handle the well being of an entire town. And she wasn’t able to keep the ice at bay, she had no Cosmo and no link with the Gods. The person I had chosen could, she had both. She was a trusted friend and a powerful being, and I knew both Freya and Asgard would finally get to like her. Yes, the Queen of the Hunt was a right choice, a Greek Goddess to solve a problem a Greek God had brought me. Artemis, Goddess of the Moon. Goddess of the Night.

III

Freya refused to bid me goodbye. She thought my actions were foolish, and probably due to the pain of the loss. Due to the pain, perhaps, but not foolish. I had planned all this very carefully, I wasn’t the kind of person to rush into any decision, and this hadn’t been an exception.

Artemis did come. She walked with me as long as I let her, caressing the heads of my wolves, who liked her at the spot. She had tried to get in touch with the Allfather during the evening, to control the ice, but found it easier to just use her Cosmo. It wasn’t what I had expected, but it worked nonetheless. At least the world wouldn’t be in danger of flooding during my time out.

‘’ This is it, from now forward I must continue on my own ‘’, I said, gripping Grungir, my spear, tighter.

Artemis nodded, her almost pupiless eyes fixed on mine. ‘’ Today, I’ll look over your country, tonight I’ll look over you. Both Asgard and you will be safe ‘’

After that, she got nearer and kissed me softly on the lips, a maiden’s kiss, which I knew symbolised her commitment to my pledge.

‘’ Thank you, Artemis, I owe you ‘’

‘’ Oh, yes, a lot ‘’ she said, rolling her eyes, ‘’ Acting as a freezer and hunting for your people is soooo difficult ‘’

I smiled at her sarcasm, knowing that both chores were easy for her. If it weren’t for the present state of affairs, I would have reminded her that not all beings had her powers, and that even her sister, Athena, almost died trying to do what she had to do for a week, in a day. But for now I just enjoyed her playfulness, her teasing attitude and the mischievous look in her face. It was a comforting sight that made up for Freya’s absence.

‘’ You’ll triumph, my friend, I’ll make sure Tique smiles on you ‘’

‘’ I’d rather the Norns, but since I’ll be seeing them soon, a Greek Goddess might come in handy ‘’

I checked my backpack and my cloak, scratched my wolves’ heads, look at the sky to see my ravens flying over us and bowed to Artemis before I set my gaze on the forest before me.

‘’ Keep an eye on Freya and do tried not to turn Asgard into Ragnarok ‘’, I teased over my shoulder, heading into the woods. I didn’t know if she answered me or not. All I could picture was my dragon, sleeping in the crypt, waiting for me to wake him with a kiss.

IV

Seven times the sun went down and seven times the moon lit my way through the forest before I arrived to the Bifrost, the bridge of ice that united Asgard to Midgard, the rest of the world, and where Yggdrasil, the tree of life, was.

The sight was beautiful, a mixture of coldness and warmth, both in the shape of the bridge and the tree.

‘’ So here she comes... we knew she would, didn’t we ‘’

I turned around when hearing that voice, but could find no one. Fearing it was an illusion due to my tiredness or some evil spirit, I spat to avert evil and raised my Cosmo. I had gone too far as to be tricked by trolls or elves.

‘’ Scare us, she wants. She should be the one to be afraid, if she knew whom is she facing ‘’

I looked again, and again all I could see was the endless white of the snow, the cold blue of the bridge, and the blue-green of the gigantic tree.

‘’ Whoever you are, reveal yourself or face me. I’m Hilda of Polaris, ruler of Asgard, and I have spoken ‘’

Giggles were heard over the place, and still, I couldn’t find the beings that made them. All I could figure out was that they were, at least, three beings, possibly females, and certainly powerful, as to not be afraid or at least disturbed by my presence.

‘’ Hilda of Polaris? That name says nothing to us. There was a Hilda a long time ago, one of Odin’s daughters, you don’t happen to be her, do you? ‘’

‘’ I don’t know who I am. The Allfather chose me to shield his power, that’s all I know. That’s why I’m here. My warriors died for my sake, I want them back and I need answers to do so ‘’

‘’ Answers, you said? We can give you that, many answers, but will you be able to live with them, with the questions they will rise? ‘’

I listen to that voice, that three-toned voice and found I was trembling. There was more in that question that what they allowed me to see, and yet, I also knew that my answers were there.

‘’ If I’m not able to live with them, at least I will die content ‘’

Suddenly, I saw three figures walking towards me, cloaked in green. They had been standing there all the time, but their clothes hadn’t let me distinguish them from the trunk of the tree.

‘’ Good answer, Hilda of Polaris, but we fear we don’t have the words you need ‘’

‘’ Urd, Skuld, Verdandi ‘’, I muttered, glad I had my spear with me.

‘’ You were taught well, our child. We had feared you had forgotten us ‘’, said Urd, although her voice was mixed with the ones of her sisters.

‘’ But I haven’t. In fact, I came looking for you, I came for answers ‘’

Skuld stepped forward, taking of her cloak. Red hair fell over her olive shoulders, enhancing the beauty of her green eyes. ‘’ Answers? We already told you we don’t have them. But we know where they are. Are you willing to listen? ‘’

I nodded, feeling both nervous and afraid. It was then when a cold grip closed over my arm, making me start.

Verdandi had walked until reaching my side, her cloak lying on the snow. Her bony hand was around my arm, as her face, almost skull-like, stayed fix on mine. Her hair fell untidy around her, covering her in a misty look.

‘’ Hilda of Polaris, you were given Odin’s power for a reason, and to gain your answers, you must follow his steps. We believe you already know what they are, you wouldn’t have come if you didn’t ‘’

‘’ But... ‘’ I muttered, starting to feel tears coming to my eyes, ‘’ I don’t know. I came here looking for you, the ones that know it all, not for a place ‘’

‘’ Are you certain about that, child? ‘’ whispered Urd, making faces at Verdandi. She was a flat chested girl with golden hair, very much like Freya’s, although her face was much more mischievous, covered by freckles and with yellowish eyes.

‘’ No, I’m not. I didn’t come to see you, I came to Yggdrasil ‘’ I stared at the tree for a moment, unable to find either its root, or its top. Odin had once came to this same tree, and found wisdom in it. Now it was my turn to follow Odin’s steps.

Verdandi nodded at my words, as the three sisters covered themselves with their cloaks and backed away, their backs against the tree trunk. When I looked back, they were gone.

So now, all that was left was Yggdrasil and I.

I knew Odin’s story too well, I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t. His search for wisdom had brought him to the very place where I was standing and the Norns had probably given him the same answer they gave me. Now I had to face my fate as Odin’s chosen one and start my own search for wisdom, the wisdom I needed to bring my warriors back.

I left my backpack, my cloak and my spear on the snow, the images of the langskips in my mind. Finally, I got rid of my tunic. Odin had given himself to himself, and I had to do the same.

Yggdrasil stood tall next to the bridge of ice. Although I had been raised to endure the coldness of Asgard, being naked in the middle of a snowstorm was starting to affect me. I knew that Odin had hung from Yggdrasil, but how I had no idea. The tree trunk was too wide to climb it, and the branches were too high.

‘’ Odin, what I am going to do? ‘’, I found myself crying, despair leaking into my heart. But as the tears started to fall down my cheeks, I discovered the first of my answers. Looking inside of me, I allowed my Cosmo to grow, to get into every corner of the place, to the very heart of Yggdrasil. Far away, I could feel Artemis’ Cosmo, taming the glaciers of Asgard, and even farther, Athena’s, fighting an evil so great that my own power seemed to falter against it.

But nothing of it mattered as Yggdrasil’s branches closed around my ankles, taking me into the air. Somehow, I knew that I wasn’t the only thing the tree had picked up. In a deep corner of my mind I knew it had also picked up my spear and I even knew what it was going to do with it; so I didn’t feel afraid when Grungir went into one of my sides, its cold metal mixing with my warm blood. I know that I hung exposed to the wind nine nights in all, wounded by the spear and given to Odin. Myself given to myself on that tree of which no man knows where its roots run. They did not bless me with loaf or horn. I looked down, took up the runes, shrieking I took them, then I fell.

V

My eyelids felt heavy when I opened my eyes. Instinctively I looked for my wound, but it was already tend to, covered by a bandage. The other thing that I discovered was that a cloak was around my shoulders and that a horn with mead and a dish with bread were by my sides.

‘’ Norns ‘’ I muttered, my tongue still numbed by the time without speaking.

‘’ Yes, our child, we are here. You did good, and now its time for you to regain your strength. But first, tell us something; who are you? ‘’

I looked up at Skuld, not fearing her green eyes anymore. They were slanted and sensuous, but also tired and sad. They were the eyes of a woman whose life had been stained many times, and would be stained again many others.

‘’ I’m Battle... Hilda, leader of the Valkyries. I’m the daughter of the Allfather ‘’ I said, accepting the mead Urd offered me. She didn’t scare me either. She was nothing but a child, a spoiled girl whose future only held the present of Skuld.

‘’ So you found the answers you were looking for ‘’

‘’ No, Verdandi, I have not. But I know where to find them ‘’ I muttered, showing her my hands. The Norn backed up when seeing them. Runes covered them as if they were tattoos, each of them connected with the other, shaping every spell that made the World what it was.

‘’ Urd, will you answer my question? ‘’

‘’ What will you give me? ‘’ asked the girl, spreading her hand towards me. It was the first time I was addressed by any of them singularly and the other two didn’t seem to like it.

‘’ My first born ‘’ I answered ‘’ It will be named after you ‘’

The girl’s face beamed as she started clapping obviously pleased by my answer.

‘’ If I know the answer, I will speak, if I don’t, I won’t. Either ways your first born will be mine ‘’

‘’ Are the langskips ready? ‘’

Urd smiled and closed her eyes, showing me the palm of her hands.

‘’ I see six of seven already waiting at the shore. The Serpent, the Harp, the Twin Tigers, the Wolf, the Skull, the Horse. But the Dragon ain’t ready yet. I see a girl with a sad look placing a strand of her golden hair in the Horse’s ship and many men charging them with gold and silver, food and weapons. Women are crying at the door of a crypt, but a figure guards the beings that are kept inside, a black-haired woman, who is also caring over Asgard and yourself ‘’

‘’ Have I answered your question? ‘’ she asked, her eyes shinning once again.

‘’ Yes you did, and I’m honoured. Now I have to go. Thank you, Norns, for all your help. Your names will always be remembered at the Halls of Valhalla ‘’

The Norns bowed to me and disappeared. I knew it wasn’t going to be the last time I saw them but I also knew it was the most important. I had first laid my eyes on them as a woman, now as a Valkyrie, and they were the only ones that knew in which way I was going to see them next.

I got dressed, pick my backpack and my spear. Munin and Hugin flew down and rested each on one of my shoulders, their beaks speaking stories of heroes, of peasants, of men. Like that I started walking, tired but wise, to find my third answer. To the Well of Mimir.

This time the walk was shorter, but harder. My wound hadn’t healed yet and sometimes the pain became unbearable. And still, I went on. Finally I found the place I was looking for.

At the top of a snowy hill, hidden by some black cypresses, was the well. It was made out of wood and I couldn’t find its bottom gazing from the top. A head made of stone was next to the bucket and tears of blood run from it to the well.

Mimir had been the wisest being and the Vanir cut his head off. Odin, to keep his knowledge alive, placed it at this well, so his blood would bring answers to those who seek them. And I was seeking them, desperately.

‘’ Mimir, great one, I’m Hilda of Polaris, leader of the Valkyries, the one who shields the Allfather’s power. I ask permission to drink from your well, will you give it to me? ‘’

After I spoke a voice answered directly to my Cosmo, making my marrow freeze.

‘’ Hilda of Polaris, you may drink, but first you must pay the price. Will you do it? ‘’

I nodded, taking my spear. Blood still stained its mirror-like surface and I was about to stain it again. Using all the strength of my soul I kept my eyes open, my mind thinking over and over again of Siegfried, as the blade cut deep into my left eye.

After that I took the spear out, pain and blackness menacing to take me away. Using it as a cane, I walked to the bucket and dropped it into the well. Somehow I managed to take it back and sip from it. The liquid tasted of mead, but its colour was that of blood.

As words and images started to appear in my mind, I smiled, slowly being taken into oblivion. Finally, all my questions had been answered.

VI

‘’ Come on, girl, wake up, it’s not time to sleep ‘’

‘’ Mmh... Allfather? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, suuure. Losing one eye made you said stupid things, girl? ‘’

I moved my hand to my eye. Yeah, it was gone, an empty socket. A bandage covered it. It seemed I had finally accomplished my goal.

‘’ I’m not a girl, you fool. I’m Hilda, Odin’s shell ‘’

The man that was tending to my wounds looked at me. His eyes were as mischievous as Urd’s, but they hid a cunning intelligence instead of a teasing personality. Slowly, I remembered who he was.

‘’ Loki ‘’

‘’ Oh, I’m flattered! ‘’ he said, his shrilling voice banging in my ears, ‘’ So, seems your eye isn’t such a flaw in the end. Well, see you around, good luck ‘’

I gripped my spear to get up. He had left it by my side, as well as my cloak and things. I couldn’t imagine why he, who hated me most, had helped me, but I knew looking for answers in him was useless.

‘’ Thank you ‘’ I said as he disappeared in the woods, ‘’ Very much ‘’

‘’ Don’t thank me, Odin’s shell, you won’t want to do that after you see my gift ‘’

I stood there, motionless, as he finally went away. His words had made my skin fill with goosebumps, fearing the worst, but I had other things to do instead of worrying. Finally, I knew what I had to do.

Loki had taken me to the foot of the hill, where the cypresses opened in a small prairie. It was as good a place as any other was to what I was about to do, although I would have rather being nearer Asgard, that way someone would have been able to help me if something happened. Not that it mattered, my life was worthless compared to the ones of my warriors and I had to bring them back, I just had to. And I had no time to lose traveling; I could feel the langskips being blessed by Freya and Artemis’ strength fighting the one of the glacier.

Soon the corpses were going to be placed on them, and finally burned, sailing in their last trip.

No. I’d rather die than let them go.

I gripped my spear tighter, looking at the fading sun and the growing moon. Yes, it was time to finish what I had started.

My Cosmos burned high, surprising me with its strength. Asgard revealed to me at its fullest, as my land. As Valhalla. The hearts of my people beat strong there, making the blood of the city flow. Far away, Athena’s Cosmo was also flaring, as the ones of her enemies and her saints. I wished to help her, but I couldn’t. I was here for my Einheriar, no one else.

Because that was the main problem, the reason I hadn’t been able to bring them back. I hadn’t accepted what I really was. Yes, I had always known I had Odin’s power, but that was a shadow of the truth. I was Odin, he had given himself to himself, which meant that he gave all that he was to me, his daughter. Hilda, leader of the Valkyries. Himself.

And as a Valkyrie I had a right, a gift and duty. I was the one who chose the Einheriar, the warriors that deserved to live in Odin’s hall. In my hall. And I already knew whom I was going to choose.

Midgardsmorsr. The purple aura of the serpent opened to me, rising from the bottom of the sea.

Fenris Wolf. The shine of his bloodstained fangs glowed in the dark as he howled.

Sleipnir. His hoofs opened the earth under him and the sky turned crimson as he galloped through it.

The Harp. Its requiem filled my soul with a sad but defiant tune.

The Skull, laughing at me with a mocking grin.

The Tigers. Their claws slashed through the night, opening a wound in the very sky.

I heard Athena's shriek in the sky, I heard one of her saints falling like a shooting star. I felt Artemis’ Cosmo burning through the heart of the world and beyond. I saw Her fall and rise again.

No, I had to find the lasts links, I had to forget about the rest, I had to forget about them.

Fafnir. He came out of his cave, fire burning from his mouth, from his body. The entire world rocked under the weight of his claws and knelt before the power of his stare.

Odin. I saw myself rising from a sea of corpses, escaping from the pale arms of Hel. I saw battles and enjoyed the sight. I saw Asgard and my heart started beating once again. I saw my warriors and blood started flowing in my veins. I saw them breathing, and I breathed every breath they made.

I was alive. They were alive.

I was Odin.

VII

‘’ Hilda... Hilda... By Zeus, stop playing around and wake up! ‘’

‘’ Artemis...? ‘’

I opened my eyes... my eye... slowly. The world seemed to be about to collapse on me, but a firm hand around my wrist kept me from falling into oblivion once again. The tall black-haired girl knelt by me, holding me between her ivory arms A teasing look was on her face, although I knew she was both worn-out and worried.

‘’ What... are you doing here? ‘’ I muttered, pushing away the hair from my face, ‘’ Asgard... ‘’

‘’ I told you, Hilda of Polaris, during the day, I was to watch your country. But at nyx, I was to watch you. And we are well into my realm, my one-eyed friend ‘’

I gazed up into the sky and smiled at seeing the moon and the stars. But another worry came into my mind.

‘’ Athena... ‘’

She nodded, kissing my forehead. ‘’ My adelfi will be fine, as well as her saints. Their war is over, and so is yours ‘’

‘’ You mean... ‘’ I couldn’t refrain from crying at the glimpse of hope she was opening to me. ‘’ My warriors... ‘’

‘’ They are alive. But I don’t know for how long. You gave them life, but their physical state is the same they had seconds before life left them ‘’

She must have noticed my concern because she smiled softly and went on.

‘’ I’ve done all I could for them, and my Cosmo is still doing it. Don’t forget I am also a Goddess of healing, you fool... But still... we can’t claim victory, not yet. They are in the line between life and death and it’s their decision whether they want to cross it or not ‘’

‘’ It was Loki’s gift to me. He kept me alive, so I would lose them again ‘’ I said, trying to stand. At that moment, my legs faltered, and I would have fallen if it weren’t for Artemis’ arms.

‘’ I have to go to them... I must help them... Siegfried... ‘’

‘’ Shh... ‘’, I heard her say as the night closed around me once again, ‘’ Don’t worry, I’ll take you to them. And I’ll take care of you, too. No one will die while I’m around... ‘’

VIII

And she didn’t lie. Not only did she kept the ice at bay and my people safe and in peace, but kept us alive. Both her and Freya have been doing their best to heal us all, and they are making a great job. I can already feel my power coming back to me, and it won’t be long for me to be fully recovered. According to Freya, my God Warriors are also getting better by the minute.

I know I can’t face them yet, neither my soul nor my body are ready. But I will, someday. For now, all I can do is close my eyes and let my Cosmo reach theirs, reach my Dragon and dream of him, of what was, and might still be.

Allfather, is this true? It’s so strange, to finally be at peace with myself. It’s almost as if I where daydreaming. But I know I am not. The runes that cover my hands, the scar that runs at my right side and my empty eye socket prove that; that things have changed.

A new time of peace opens to Asgard, and it’s my duty to make it the best this land has seen. It is the time to heal old wounds, the time to recover all that was lost, the time to triumph over our fates. It’s the future, bright and clear, and I am ready to give my life for it. To fight for life the same way I’ve already did...

...To be, and remain, invictus

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Saint Seiya is copyright of Masami Kurumada/SHUEISHA, Toei Animation CO., LTD, Shonen Jump. The rest of the characters and plot line are mine, so if you have any comments, suggestions, corrections, critics, etc,etc,etc, don't doubt to drop me a line at derrewyn@hotmail.com or at derrewyn@bolt.com. Please, if you are linking this page to yours, or taking the story to post it on your own site, do tell me about it, so I can add you to my 'links' page and also know where my things are (no, no, I am NOT an order freak, quite the opposite to be honest ^-^!)BTW, in case some of you didn't notice, I don't follow StS story line perfectly, so don't bother in telling me about gaps or things like that, I'm conscious about them.

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