So... this is it... This is how it feels to be broken and reborn. This is what it feels to die... This is Ragnarok.

The meaning of everything. The end of everything. The beginning.

‘’ Hilda? Are you awake? Do you need anything? ‘’

I opened my eyes painfully and looked at my sister, touched by her candour. I had forgotten how ethereal she was, how she seemed to be about to vanish, to disappear with the rays of our dying sun. I had forgotten how much she cared for me. How much I loved her.

‘’ Yes, dear sister. Or should I say no? I am awake, that is correct, though I need nothing. I know it all now. I see it all. What I need you cannot give me, nor can I take it. My need to forget will remain forever with me, but it’s a need I can live with ‘’

My gold-crowned sister frowned, but didn’t say a word. What could she have said? We were sisters, yes, but we weren’t the same. We would never fully understand each other. We were sisters, but we were also strangers, divided by that thing called Cosmo. Divided by the true of what I was. Of what I had become. Of what I had reborn in.

‘’ Hilda... you... why didn’t you tell me about ... about... ‘’ Freya looked at the floor, knowing the answer for her question. But she needed to say it, and I... I needed to hear it. I needed to hear I had betrayed her trust. I needed to come to terms with the fact that she was now another Asgardian to me. A child to love and protect, but not my sister, at least not the way she used to be. I had to understand that I couldn’t share my life with hers anymore.

‘’ Why did you tell her and not... not me?’’

Because I cared for her and didn’t want to see her in pain. Because I didn’t want her pretty face to darken after the responsibilities taking care of Asgard meant. Because I didn’t want to lose her. Because she couldn’t keep the ice at bay.

‘’ Because you are not what we are ‘’

I would have given anything not to see her face like that. Not to see her eyes, those huge and innocent pools of green, getting turbid because of the tears. I would have given my life not to make her cry. But my life wasn’t mine to give. And she had to understand, as much as I had to.

‘’ The... the stranger... ‘’ Oh, Father, if you could hear the disdain in her voice! The hate! She understands, finally, but blames another for my change. Blames another, when she should be blaming me, ‘’ That woman you left us with... she’s still here... She was about to check on the God Warriors’ wounds last time I saw her, but still... if you want to see her... I can tell her... ‘’

I nodded, watching her turning her back to me and walking towards the door.

‘’ Hilda... ‘’ she whispered, stopping before leaving the chamber, ‘’ You do know that she helped Poseidon, don’t you? You do know she betrayed you and forgave his life? ‘’

‘’ I know ‘’ I had felt her in my slumber. I had felt him in my slumber. And I had wanted to kill them both. I had wanted to kill them for allowing that drowning Cosmo to shine with all its might once again. But time helped me to understand. And so did my own guilt ‘’ She has many sins to atone for, and giving her uncle a second chance was something she had to do to pay for them. Besides, it wasn’t his fault what happened to me. I am the only one to blame. I was weak. I cannot be weak ‘’

Freya took some steps back when hearing the coldness in my voice and was unable to stop a short gasp from escaping through her pouted lips.

‘’ You are not... you are not my sister... aren’t you? ‘’ she said lowly, tears running down her cheeks.

‘’ I am not the sister you used to know, but still I am your sister. I’ll always be ‘’

She nodded, the light of knowledge shinning dimly for some seconds in her teary eyes, and then left, leaving me alone once again, just like when I slept. Just like when I died.

I felt heat. Though it might seem strange, I felt that. A sea of lava running through my veins. Was this Niflheim? But... where was the coldness? Where were the giants? The pain was there, but it was a burning pain, not the cold grip of Hel... where was I?

I opened my eyes slowly, a world of shadows slowly opening up to me. A figure was by my side, one of its hands shining over me. A woman. A young woman with long black hair, combed in the Asgardian way, in three long plaits with a silver ribbon entwined with them. Her features were cold, but through them I could sense a mischievous spirit and even unsuspected warmth.

‘’ You... are not Hel ‘’ I found myself whispering, my voice sounding alien to me.

‘’ Luckily for you, I am not ‘’ she answered, her cold voice making me doubt. A part of me felt her answer had been rather obvious, but another... After all, Hel was a half-white half-black Goddess, and the woman before me could be described like that, her incredibly long black hair enhancing the paleness of her skin.

‘’ Then you must be Lady Eir and I am in Valhalla. Is... is my brother also here? ‘’ I added hopefully, trying to look around me.

The woman moved her hand away from me, making the burning feeling disappear to be replaced by the warmth of the room.

‘’ I’m not sure whether to feel please or angered by the comparison, sire ‘’ she said, the mocking lilt in her ethereal voice surprising me, ‘’ I had hoped you would remember me... or at least my Cosmo... ‘’

She smiled, pushing one of her plaits over her shoulder in an uncaring movement that made her look... feral. ‘’ Don’t worry about that, I’m sure you’ll remember... later on. As regards your question, your brother is here indeed... ‘’

The woman placed her hands on my shoulders to stop me from getting out of the bed, showing that, either she was incredibly strong, or that I was incredibly weak. I assumed it was the latter.

‘’ If you move, you’ll open all your wounds, and I’m not in the mood of closing them once again, so I might just let you bleed to death ‘’

I sighed, relenting. Something in her voice told me her words were not empty warnings.

‘’ Your blood was almost frozen, and using my Cosmo to warm it was a rather risky decision. I was afraid I was going to lose you again, Bud ‘’

Again? Then I wasn’t dead. I was alive. And so was Syd. The memory of Odin’s Cosmo reaching my soul and body seemed to flash in my mind, but I couldn’t grasp it. And the girl had also used her Cosmo. She had been the one to make me feel as if I was burning. A healer? No, I was numb, but not stupid. She was as much of a healer as I was of a sinless man. I could see it –know it-, the danger –the feral spirit-, the lust for battle –for the hunt-, I could see it all. She was like me –I was like her-, a loner – a huntress-, an assassin – a warrior-

She knew this – I knew her- She had felt me before – I had felt her- She had chosen me – I had been chosen by her – She was...

...............................................................................................................................................

I stood before the broken body of my prey, wondering if what I had done had been right. The deer, that once ran free and wild, lightening the forest’s heart with its playfulness and beauty, had had no chance to escape me. I was faster, stronger... and had no innocent heart. My naïveté had died the moment of my birth, while the deer had cherished it throughout its entire life. And what good had that done to him? He was dead now, the pure, the innocent. And I had killed him. I lived.

‘’ You are crying ‘’ said an ethereal voice, while a cold wind began to sweep through the forest, covering everything with a thick layer of ice.

I had heard of this, my stepfather had told me stories of the sort, of men going too deep into the forest and never returning, trapped by the spirits of nature. Although I had never believed him. The spirits of Nature were slaves of a God Warrior, if someone had made reckless men disappear, it had been him, not elves or giants.

But now... the storm wasn’t a God Warrior’s doing. It wasn’t Nature either... It was something – someone – different. Maybe the forest was alive, just like the old man had said. Maybe.

‘’ Why did you kill him if doing so would make you cry? ‘’

‘’ Why do you think? ‘’ I said cautiously over my shoulder while whipping the tears away with my sleeve.

‘’ What I think doesn’t matter. This is not the first time you kill, nor will be your last. And yet you cry. This is the first time you cry. Why? ‘’

‘’ Because it was beautiful and I took that beauty away from him ‘’

‘’ That’s not the reason you are crying ‘’

‘’ Because it was better than me, but he is dead and I am alive ‘’

The voice went silent, making me notice that all the sounds of the forest had died with it, leaving me alone with the silence and the corpse of a deer.

Then I heard footsteps. The unmistakable sound of the snow crunching under someone’s weight. And for the first time, I doubted. I doubted if I was strong enough to face what was to come.

But then again, I had only one way to find out. So I turned around and faced my Fate.

‘’ How can you tell if he was better? ‘’

‘’ By the All-father... ‘’ If I hadn’t believed in my stepfather, now I knew I had been mistaken. The girl –if a girl indeed, and not a spirit- was unearthly. Dressed with only a crimson tunic and a bear’s fur over her shoulders, she moved through the storm as if a part of it, the ice never resting on her body. Even her skin, almost as pale as the snow, hadn’t reddened because of the cold. And her eyes... Her eyes where spellbinding, so clear that they almost seemed transparent, touched by the lightest colour of aquamarine I had ever seen. And all that paleness, just to be enhanced by the darkness of her black hair, that fell wildly over her shoulders and down her waist. But her looks where nothing compared to the veil of mystery and danger that seemed to shroud her. She seemed to be made of that, of mystery and danger... and darkness. Despite all the light I could see in her, her soul seemed to be made of darkness.

‘’ How can you? ‘’ she repeated evenly, her cold voice echoing in my ears.

‘’ Because I’m not innocent, and he was ‘’

She smirked, a mischievous glitter appearing in her previously expressionless eyes. ‘’ I’m not innocent either, does that make me evil? Does that make me unworthy? ‘’

‘’ You are beautiful ‘’ It wasn’t the answer she wanted and I could tell that by the way the tranquil paleness of her eyes was broke by a sudden darkness, that very soul I had seen before. But what could I have said? She was beautiful indeed, but beauty didn’t mean she wasn’t evil. Beauty didn’t mean a thing.

‘’ And so is the deer, and you took that beauty away from him. You already said that, Bud ‘’

‘’ I know ‘’

The girl smiled, though I couldn’t tell whether she was pleased or not. Despite the precious seconds in which she allowed her feelings to touch surface, she was still unreadable. She was still clothed in mystery.

‘’ You never doubt, not once, always answering what you think I want to hear, or what will stop me from punishing you for killing my sacred deer ‘’ She was now inches from me, her eyes drinking into mine, reading my every essence. She was tall, almost like me, and no fear shone in her eyes. Nothing did. It was as if in that complete paleness nothing could be reflected, nothing but my own eyes, mirrored in hers.

‘’ You are Nanna, aren’t you? ‘’ She arched one of her delicate eyebrows, the hint of a smile on her lips.

‘’ The Nordic Moon Goddess? You can call me that if you want to, though I doubt she’ll appreciate it. Gods don’t like being deprived of territory ‘’

‘’ And aren’t you one of them? ‘’

‘’ A God? No, I’m a Goddess, silly, can’t you tell that by yourself? ‘’

Her teasing came as a surprise, making me wonder whether all that coldness wasn’t anything but a carcass, a veil that hid a being of a different nature. Could it be so? Could it be, or she was just Loki in disguised, playing games with me... though if that was the case , he had certainly chosen a pretty disguise.

‘’ Hey, enough telling, Bud, look at me in the eyes, not elsewhere ‘’ She giggled when seeing me blush, the storm stopping around us as she did.

‘’ You are strange, Asgardian, powerful, bitter, yet kind. And a good hunter, who isn’t ashamed of crying for its preys when the hunt is unfair. A strange man indeed. A man whose star shows he will serve Odin, though Ull should have called you to his hall. Or maybe even myself, maybe I should have taken you to Ortygia, I should have made you my Guardian... ‘’ Once again that enigmatic smile, that mystery. A Goddess.

‘’ No, that can’t be ‘’ she went on, an absent look on her face, and then, just for a second, a glimpse of pain, of sorrow for that which cannot happen. A Goddess that felt pain?

‘’ You... ‘’ She raised her hand to stop me from going on, while she took some steps away from me and looked at the deer.

‘’ You’ll serve Odin well, Bud. A mighty God Warrior you will be, though you’ll feel pain, so much pain... ‘’ she frowned, kneeling by the deer’s side while petting its broken neck, ‘’ All of you, fallen heroes, are meant to suffer so much, are meant to shed so many tears, and I won’t be able to help you, none of you. I am to watch you fall, and cry your deaths like a frigid damsel losing those she calls children ‘’ She lifted her hand from the deer’s neck, staring at her now blood-spattered palm. A deep wound mark it, a wound that hadn’t manage to heal. Then, she closed it into a fist, white energy emanating from it to be discharged against a tree, leaving nothing but icy crystals.

‘’ Bud, you are pledged to Odin, you felt this and know its true. You are not a mere mortal, you are loved by the Gods, and when the day comes, you will accept whatever they require from you, won’t you? ‘’

The Gods. Yes, I knew that. I had known it ever since I had met Syd, ever since I had desired to show my parents –my real parents- how wrong had they been. How they should have chosen me over him. To show them I was better, and Syd was the worthless one, the child that should have been abandoned, left in the cold and raised by a poor old man who, no matter how much he tried, couldn’t even take care of himself.

‘’ You will ‘’ she whispered, her eyes fixed again on mine, ‘’ Fallen heroes, you are all the same, and yet, I can’t help being drawn to you. An abandoned child... a warrior... no, a hunter, and as a hunter, you deserve to have a hunter’s patron. Or should I say patroness ‘’

That smile. Sarcasm, irony and even love seemed to live in that smile. A mortal’s smile in a demon’s body.

‘’ Bud, I don’t belong here, but your aura... no, your Cosmo, called out to me the moment you killed this deer, the same way it had called out to me the day your parents left you. That’s why I choose you. A child protected by the Moon. Whenever you are in need, call out to me, and I will help you, however I can ‘’

‘’ Nanna... Goddess... ‘’ I said, stopping her before she could leave. I had heard all that, listened, tried to understand, and yet, all that waiting just to be left with so many questions? With strange words that meant everything and nothing at the same time?

‘’ Artemis, Bud, that’s my name, I hate protocol, so I would avoid the use of ‘Goddess’ if I were you ‘’

Her voice reassumed her coldness, her harshness, though it didn’t leave its mischievous undertone, ‘’ Now take your prize home and take care of your stepfather, he hates what he has done to you almost as much as you hate what he does to himself ‘’

‘’ Artemis... ‘’ I savoured the strangeness of that name, a name I somehow knew belonged to a Greek Goddess. The Goddess of the Hunt. This girl.

‘’ Will I see you again? ‘’

This time she laughed sincerely, though her mocking stare remained unchanged, ‘’ Of course, I like hunting here, and a companion is never refused, though you need better arrows... ‘’ She looked over her, and then smiled, closing her hand and then opening it over mine, allowing a tiny silver arrow with a silver cord to fall on it. ‘’ There, this is my mark, it will help you with your accuracy. And will also tell you which preys you shouldn’t follow ‘’ She winked when saying this, a strange glow melting the coldness of her face.

‘’ You said I was strange, though I can’t help thinking you are stranger ‘’ Artemis shrugged, though I could see a proud glitter on her eyes. ‘’ That’s the spirit, Bud, from now on I’m no longer a Goddess to you, but a friend, so just speak your mind... even if that means calling me strange ‘’

......................................................................................................................

She was....

‘’ An arrow... ‘’

The black-haired girl arched her eyebrow quizzically, freeing me now that I was still.

‘’ An arrow? You do have a strange way to remember things, Bud... I would have waited for a ‘Hi Artemis, long time no see’, or maybe for a ‘Damn, you again’, but ‘an arrow’?? Well, I’ve been called worse things than that, who knows.... ‘’ she shrugged, half-closing her eyes, ‘’ Honest, Bud, ‘an arrow’? ‘’

I couldn’t refrain myself from laughing, the bandage around my chest making every movement a torture, but a welcomed one. I was Alive. In Asgard. I was Home. The Dream, the Vision... it had been true, the feeling of having Odin’s Cosmo awakening us all.

‘’ Sorry... it’s just... the first thing that came to my mind... ‘’

‘’ An arrow... ‘’ she repeated, her eyes glittering mischievously, ‘’ I wonder if... ‘’ Her hand moved to my neck, her fingers gently struggling with the bandage around it.

‘’ You still have it! ‘’ Triumph and pride. She had always had that. That, and her dark veil of mystery.

‘’ Of course... I do ‘’ I took the silver arrow away from her hand, and placed it between the bandages, ‘’ Though you... probably knew that ‘’

‘’ No, I did not ‘’ Long eyelashes fluttered like butterflies, darkening her aquamarine eyes. She could be such a child when she wanted to.

At least having her around would make me smile a bit. She was, after all, the only friend I had. Maybe I could introduce her to Syd, ask her if she could tell him nice things about me, so he wouldn’t hate me, so he would learn to care for me... Maybe.

‘’ Artemis... how... how is Syd? ‘’

The teasing in her eyes disappear, replaced by that impassive look I knew so much. So that bad was it.

‘’ And Hilda? ‘’

‘’ She’s a Goddess ‘’ she said matter-of-factly, though that never had meant much. In this era, being a God, a warrior or a simple peasant made no difference. I knew it because we had tried to kill a Goddess. And almost succeeded.

‘’ She’ll live, and so will your brother ‘’ I smiled at her words, glad she could still see into my mind. Glad she had relented and been honest for a change.

‘’ Thank you ‘’ I said sincerely, feeling suddenly drowsy.

‘’ Now sleep, it will do you good ‘’

‘’ But... I want... to see him... ‘’

‘’ You will, soon enough... ‘’ My eyelids started closing against my will, making me wonder if Artemis had something to do with my sudden need to sleep, but then a voice startled me, a shrilling scream that made her get up from the chair and murmur a lowly curse.

It seemed Hilda’s little sister was in need of my friend.

As I had expected, she was in Bud’s room. Ever since the God Warriors returned to life, she had been lurking around Fenris and him, worrying mostly about them, as if the rest didn’t matter to her. As if the rest didn’t exist.

Odin, if only she wasn’t so... scary; I would tell her exactly what I thought of her, of the merciless way she fought the ice, of the way she treated everyone as if she was better, of the way she’s won our people’s heart just because she could hunt.

I would tell her exactly how much I despise her.

But I couldn’t. Why? Because of the most basic of reasons. Because no matter how much I hated her, my fear was greater. I feared her, her wildness, her harshness, the way she seemed at ease with the unspoken. I feared the way she could be a Goddess without stopping being human.

As the wolf who disguised himself as a sheep, just to have the whole flock, she seemed able to disguise herself as a human, to pretend to be one of us, to make us believe she was one of us. So then she could have our hearts, and then it would be too late. Then her coldness would overpower her false love and she would freeze as all.

I feared her ability to fake, and make other believe her. I feared that, because Asgard and my sister... Hilda... had fallen for it. Artemis’ false love had trapped them, blinded them, changed them... it had taken them away from me. But I wouldn’t be another one of her preys, I wouldn’t let her hunt me. She could tell us all the times she wanted to how we should treat her like an ordinary person, how she wanted us to treat her like that, to forget she was a Goddess and treat her like one of us, but I wouldn’t listen. I wouldn’t fall for it. I wouldn’t let her change me, the same way she had changed everyone and everything around me.

‘’ Artemis, so here you are... again. I thought you had to check Hagen’s wounds today... ‘’ I finally let out, unable to contain myself anymore.

‘’ I’m not your men’s frigging nurse, Freya, that’s your and your maidens chore ‘’ The harshness in her voice, the hidden anger in her eyes. A Goddess didn’t behave like her, like a wild wolf; a Goddess was made of love and pity, just like Athena and Hilda were. Or used to be, until she came here and changed her.

‘’ My work is keeping that pretty ice of yours just the way Odin left it, until one-eye is ready to do it by herself, not playing doctor with your God Warriors... though I wouldn’t particularly mind that ‘’

I had to bit my lip when hearing her say that, all that teasing and sarcasm in her voice, in her words. At least it felt good, knowing she hated me almost as much as I hated her. It felt good not being the only one attacking. It made me feel less guilty. It made me feel less unworthy of being who I was. Hilda’s sister. The High Priestess right hand... even if Artemis had turned out being her left.

‘’ So, did you come here just because you love my company so much, or there any other reason for you to scream my name all over the palace? By the way, great acoustic‘’

The young woman smiled sarcastically when saying that, her hatred towards me surfacing in her usually expressionless eyes. I had heard Alberich calling her beautiful, but I couldn’t understand him. To me there was nothing pretty in her feral looks, in her coldness. She was just like a rock, and just as insensitive and plain.

‘’ I’m glad Valhalla is of your liking... ‘’ I finally answered, doing my best not to let my anger show itself in my voice. I wasn’t going to give her the pleasure of seeing me angered by her attitude. ‘’ ... but it’s not me the one who needs your presence, but my sister, I’m just delivering her message ‘’

‘’ And I’m certain you really like that... ‘’ She almost whispered that in my ear, so close to me she had walked. The scent of sandalwood and wild flowers filled my nostrils, reminding me of the forests that surrounded the palace. Then Artemis smirked, walking away from me and to the door. She had won this time, but I wouldn’t let her play with me like that again. She had mocked me, and Goddess or not I wasn’t going to forgive her.

‘’ She’s like that... with everyone... Don’t take it personal ‘’ said Bud, trying to sit on the bed. I shrugged, and went to his side, helping him by placing an extra pillow behind his back.

‘’ She helped us ‘’ Bud smiled knowingly, as if seeing through my words.

‘’ But that doesn’t change anything, does it? You are grateful, and yet you are angered. Artemis always brings that out in people. Both love and hate ‘’

Love and Hate. Perhaps. She had done much for us, and I knew she had done it asking nothing in return. But she had done a lot against us also. And for that she had also asked nothing. Love and Hate. No. Someone like her couldn’t be loved nor love back. All she was able to stir in people’s hearts was hate, hate and disdain.

‘’ I did not know you knew her that well ‘’ This time he smiled more honestly, that harshness that he shared with the black-haired Goddess somehow melting.

‘’ I don’t. It’s just that she reminds me of myself ‘’

‘’ Nah, you are kind and noble, just like a Viking tiger should be. She... she’s just her I guess... ‘’

‘’ Kind and noble? You praise me too much, Lady Freya! Though about Artemis, you are probably right ‘’ he allowed between chuckles, ‘’ She’s just like an arrow ‘’

‘’ Drawing a deadly path who knows where. All-father, I doubt even she knows that ‘’ I added, giggling softly while grabbing a chair and placing it near the God Warrior’s bed, ‘’ I have to check how the rest are doing in a couple of minutes, you don’t mind if I stay around till then? That way you could tell me how did Fenris and you ended up befriending such a ravenous Greek Goddess‘’ Bud chuckled once again, his features looking a bit less like serious Syd now that he smiled.

.’’ It will be an honour, Lady Freya ‘’

‘’ And then, perhaps you may want to join me to check on Syd? ‘’ I hadn’t been particularly certain about how he was going to take that, but the way his face lighten made daring worthy.

‘’ Would he like that, Lady...? ‘’

‘’ Well, we don’t lose anything by trying, do we? ‘’ Bud gave me a crooked smile, pride glowing in his eyes.

‘’ I guess not ‘’

She was a strange vision, as always. A Goddess whose body and movements told all that she was. I had told her that, the first time we met, years ago. How her body seemed to be made for her particular Cosmo. Of course, she had only laughed, finding the thought funny. After all, she was the only of this era’s gods and goddesses who was using her own body on earth. She wasn’t a reincarnation, but a Goddess turned mortal. An immortal body turned into flesh. So it was understandable that I had considered her body built for her Cosmo, and it was understandable that she had laughed. She hadn’t had the need to find herself, to gain wisdom to know who she was. She had always known, and always would. A creature of instincts instead of the mind. That was what made her the peacekeeper. The one with the right –and curse- to punish the Gods.

That was, maybe, the reason that had made me befriend her, even when I knew she wouldn’t be there for me. Because she was all I could be, but yet wasn’t. Because she was a reminder of the road I still had to go through.

Though not anymore. We were equals now. Gods turned to flesh, doomed to wander the Earth, to fight for it, and even die for it. Gods who could no longer call themselves that, not now that their humanity was almost as strong as they godliness. We were failures, but in our fails, were our victories.

I could see that now, I could understand... I had had to forget about myself to remember who I was. I had had to sacrifice Hilda, the woman, to gain Hilda, the Valkyrie, and she also had to be sacrificed, so I could finally be all I could be. Odin.

‘’ Thanks for coming, Artemis ‘’

‘’ I came here to help you, my one-eyed friend, and that I’ll do. Even if that involves dealing with that brat you have for a sister ‘’ Always the teaser, always the one following her feelings instead of her mind. My friend, even if she had betrayed me.

‘’ So you two clashed? I wonder why ‘’ The teaser, and also the only one able to make me follow her games, the only one with whom I could be myself.

She shot me an evil glare, then laughed, her cold voice echoing over the room.

‘’ Let’s stop playing around, Hilda, you called me because you know what happened with Poseidon, so let’s pretend we are not expert liars and speak the truth for a change ‘’

‘’ The truth... I thought you considered lying a virtue? ‘’

‘’ I do! ‘’ she teased, leaning against the wall, ‘’ But not to you. We are friends, or at least I want to believe we still are ‘’

‘’ We are ‘’ I conceded, sitting on the bed to see her. Losing my left eye had made seeing a little... troublesome, ‘’ So let’s be honest. Poseidon is back because of your people... ‘’

‘’ They are not mine anymore, I thought you knew this ‘’

‘’ They still are yours, and you know that ‘’ Artemis sighed, playing with one of her long plaits, ‘’ But that doesn’t matter. The thing is that he is back. And you did not punish him, because...? ‘’

‘’ I don’t have to explain a thing to you, Hilda of Polaris ‘’ she began, walking towards me and kneeling before me, her head resting on my lap. ‘’ But I will, not because you are my friend, but because the reason I did not punish him was the same reason I did not punish you. Or do you really believe you are not to blame? ‘’

‘’ I wasn’t in control ‘’

‘’ So was he, under the power of others, of lies, of chains. You know what happens when you chain a wild animal? It goes mad or dies, Hilda, and gods are the same. You cannot try to control that which was born uncontrollable. It will defend itself, by using the only weapon it has left. Unleashing its strongest power. Going mad, so it can’t be blamed ‘’

‘’ He made me see it all, Artemis, he forced me to see my warriors die. You know how much I have suffered after that? ‘’

She looked at me, her aquamarine eyes fixed on mine.

‘’ The same he has, when knowing he almost destroyed the very world he wants to possess. Eight men died for you, Hilda. Almost half the population died because of him. Don’t you think that knowing that is enough punishment? Nothing I do to him will be worse than that, than the guilt and nightmares. You should know that yourself, Hilda, because that’s the same punishment you have received ‘’

I sighed, nodding. Now I understood. Now I saw. All those battles, all those deaths, for nothing. Or perhaps, for everything.

‘’ For a chance for a better world ‘’ I found myself whispering, Artemis smiling when hearing me say that.

‘’ And I had thought I was the poet of the two ‘’

‘’ Odin, I was starting to wonder when would you stop being serious... ‘’

‘’ Forgive me for not being a proper lady like yourself, Hilda ‘’

‘’ That’s Lady Hilda of Polaris for you, girl ‘’

‘’ Oh, forgive me! ‘’ she said, standing up and bowing theatrically at me, ‘’ Lady Hilda of... of what? ‘’

‘’ Odin, grant me patience... ‘’ I whispered, rubbing my temples.

‘’ Odin can grant you whatever you want, Hilda, but you’ll still be my dearest one-eyed friend to me! You know, it kind of suits you, now you see me... ‘’ she moved to my left side, ‘’ and now you don’t! ‘’

‘’ Hey, losing one eye isn’t funny! ‘’

‘’ You were the one who took it off, Miss Brain, so don’t start complaining ‘’

‘’ But it worked, didn’t it? ‘’ I smiled, trying to mimic her mischievous stare.

‘’ Nai, it worked, now you have eight eager God Warriors waiting for their Goddess. And don’t mimic me, you fail miserably! ‘’

I chuckled, getting on my feet and walking towards my wardrobe. ‘’ Do you believe they’ll like me now that I’m not an icy beauty? ‘’

‘’ You are an one-eyed beauty now, so what’s the difference? ‘’

I smiled at her words. Yes, despite everything, we were still friends. But things weren’t the same. Between us we could laugh, tease and play around. But when it came to fulfilling our roles, to being Hilda, High Priestess of Odin, and Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, things weren’t that easy.

‘’ Artemis... I’ll call for them tonight, will they be able to come to the Hall? ‘’

‘’ Yes... and I’ll leave after that ‘’

So she could see the truth too. She would always have my friendship, but Asgard... Asgard needed to heal its wounds by itself, and to do that it needed her far away.

‘’ Thanks for everything ‘’ I said, walking towards her and hugging her.

‘’ There’s nothing to thank ‘’ I nodded. After all, she was also to blame. After all, the blood of the wars that had ravished the land for so long was also on her hands.

So this was it, my end. At least like ‘Nanna’. Asgard had welcomed me with open arms, and I knew that given the time it would do so again. They had loved me. At least for a while. At least when Freya wasn’t around.

Damn brat.

I sighed, trying to forget about her and looking at the reflection on the mirror. A tall young woman was looking back at me, a sad expression –rather strange in her-, darkening her aquamarine eyes. The rest hadn’t changed. The same body, with large breasts, rather wide hips and long legs; the incredibly pale skin, with a few scars here and there disturbing its smoothness, and the cascade of black hair that framed her figure, enhancing both its paleness... and coldness.

‘’ Hnoss ‘’ I muttered. Treasure. Alberich had given me that name when first seeing me, though I doubted it fitted me. That name was for someone like Freya, a sweet, naive and innocent –though a bit stupid- girl, not for me. Not for a woman who had betrayed everyone she cared about, not for a Goddess whose guardians had ask her to leave. Whose Guardians had decided to serve someone they thought worthier of their love. And maybe was indeed. Hnoss wasn’t a name for a peacekeeper that could not keep the peace.

Fakes don’t deserve to be loved.

‘’ Lady Nanna, the ceremony will start in ten minutes... do you need any help? ‘’ said a voice behind the door. One of Freya’s maidens, surely. She had ordered them to call me like that, despite everyone knew I was Greek. ‘To avoid confusions’ had said Freya. To bugger me, I had answered, though I did not stop them. I gave a damn about what those girls wanted to call me, as long as they stood out of my way.

‘’ Damn... I don’t need any help, go to your mistress! ‘’ I found myself saying, while picking the crimson tunic that was on the bed. No more Asgardian clothes for me, I had played the healer for too long already. Tonight I was myself.

‘’ Nanna, huh? I wonder if Nanna ever looked like this ‘’ Crimson short tunic, bear’s hide around the shoulders and leather sandals. No, I bet she didn’t.

‘’ Just one last thing ‘’ I closed my hand, white Cosmo shinning around it, then opened it. A silver crescent moon was gleaming on my palm, attached to a silver cord. I tied the cord around my head, leaving the shimmering moon shinning on my brow

‘’ Hnoss ‘’ I repeated, smiling. And the reflection on the mirror smiled back.

‘’ All I can hope for is for you to find a place in your hearts where you can forgive me for my weakness. You are the noblest warriors a Goddess can hope for, and I certainly don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve having such brave men to serve me, when I had failed you so miserably. Saying that it wasn’t my fault is the easy way out. Saying that it was my fault, because I was weak, isn’t the right way either. But saying that it was my fault because I wasn’t strong enough, that’s the truth. The honest way ‘’

‘’ But I’ve changed, or I believe I did. I’m ready to face what’s to come, to give this land its pride once again. I think I’m strong enough now. Strong enough to change things, to make them better. And to accept my punishment. I failed you, and you kept fighting for me even when you knew I had failed you. I can’t drag you into something like that again. That’s why I... I free you. You are no longer bound to me, you can have the life you dreamt of, go to the lands you dreamt of. My God Warriors... My dearest friends... I want to give you your lives back.... Deyr fé, deyja frændr, deyr sjalfr et sama; en orðstirr deyr aldrigi hveims sér góðar getr ‘’

‘’ Hilda... ‘’ I whispered, as I watched her reunion with her God Warriors from a distant corner. Her words... they were... they were what I should have told my own Guardians, instead of accepting their judgement silently and walk away. I should have told them how sorry I was, how much I loved them... instead of allowing my pride to kick in in all its blazing glory.

‘’ Damn ‘’ I rubbed my eyes, doing my best not to cry. All the ‘I should have’ where useless now, useless and out of place. Hilda... Odin... she had made the biggest sacrifice a Goddess could do for those she loved, and now that she had them back, was letting them go.

But she was a fool if she thought that. Because...

..................................................................

Siegfried looked up at the woman he had died for. At his Goddess. She had endangered herself for him, she had sacrificed all that she was for him, to bring him back. To show him that the woman he loved still lived in her. That although she had changed, the things he loved of her where still there, deep inside her.

And she wanted him to leave? She wanted him to leave her?

‘’ Lady Hilda... ‘’ He knew what he was about to do was unforgivable, that he was risking his head for doing it, but he didn’t care about dying. He never did. Because his life wasn’t his. It was hers. So he approached her throne nonetheless, knowing that that was forbidden. Knowing that he was leaving his place as her God Warrior, to address her as an equal. He was going to play equals with Odin. He smirked. He had probably gone insane.

‘’ My Dragon... ‘’ Even if she looked harsher than ever, more dangerous than ever, her feelings were there to be seen, and so was her kindness. Her kindness was like a light calling out to him in her single eye. And her voice had repeated that calling, her voice, still wise and gentle, had said his name. And had repeated their promise. That he was hers, no matter what.

‘’ Lady Hilda... ‘’ he repeated, trying to find the words to say what he wanted to, trying to tell her that...

‘’ Siegfried? ‘’

That he didn’t want to be pushed away, that he didn’t want to leave her. That he loved her, with all his might. That he would die for her, anytime, and didn’t regret having already done so. That his life has hers, even if she didn’t want it. That he would always be by her side.

He fell to his knees, crying. He wanted to be strong for her, but couldn’t. Why couldn’t he protect her? Why? For him she had risked herself. For him she was now scarred and distant. And yet so near that it hurt. It hurt more than dying.

‘’ Siegfried ‘’ repeated that voice he loved so much, as the feeling of gentle arms pulling him close flowed over him.

‘’ I won’t leave you, Hilda. I’m sworn to you, no matter what you say ‘’ he whispered, sinking his head on her silvery mane while allowing her to hold him, feeling unable to resist, to pretend he was the cold and mighty leader of the God Warriors. His pride meant nothing for him now. Not without her.

..........................................................

Hagen got up, shaking his head when seeing Freya reaching out to help him. This was something he had to on his own. Siegfried had taught him something important, and so had each of his friends. They had taught him that their reasons for fighting weren’t personal. Yes, loving Freya had made him strong, had given him a goal. But his strength didn’t lay in her. His happiness perhaps, but not his strength. If Hilda had failed them, he had failed her even more. For fighting for the wrong reasons. For fighting for Freya’s love, instead for Hilda’s safety. Instead for Asgard.

Even when Cygnus had tried to explain to him what was really going on, even when he had tried everything to make him understand that they had no grudge against Asgard, that they only wanted to help Hilda, to stop her insanity, he had kept on ignoring him. His mind and heart had been set only on destroying that man who was competing with him for Freya’s heart. He had wanted to kill him, not for Hilda, not for Asgard, but because of his own jealousy. Just because he saw Freya’s love for him threaten by the Saint.

‘’ Lady Hilda... you said you wanted to give us our lives back. That they are now ours to decide for. Then I decide to give it to you. To pledge my life to your cause. If you still want it... and can find room in your heart to forgive me ‘’ he added with a smile, mimicking her words.

...............................................................

Syd looked at his Goddess and at his friends, his brothers of arms. They had meant everything to him, not too long ago. But now he didn’t find the strength in his heart to follow them, as he had done so many times. He had someone else to think of, and wanted to share his life with him, to make up for all the wrongs that were committed against him. He wanted to give him the life he couldn’t have. He wanted to get to know him, and to feel the same Phoenix felt for Andromeda. He wanted to enjoy brotherhood.

So before doing anything, he looked over his shoulder, knowing that behind one of those pillars was his brother, looking and waiting probably as much as he was.

And then he saw him, appearing from between the shadows, a figure covered by bandages with a determined look on his face. That same face he recognised as his.

‘’ Bud... ‘’

‘’ Syd... we were never able to determine who the best one was, were we? ‘’

He smiled then shook his head. No, ‘the best’ didn’t exist, that was why they couldn’t learn that. They were the same. ‘The best’ was a category that didn’t exist between brothers. They were siblings. They needn’t anything else.

‘’ We could try, if you want to ‘’ he ventured, doubting what his brother might answer.

Bud look at him, then to the front. But not to Hilda as he might have expected, but to Artemis, the Greek Goddess that had helped their own Goddess while bringing them back. The black-haired girl smiled at Bud, then nodded, making him smile in return. With a satisfied grin, Bud returned his attention to his puzzled brother.

‘’ I would like that very much. To fight by your side ‘’

This time it was Syd’s turn to smile. Why not?

‘’ For Hilda? ‘’

‘’ For Hilda ‘’

Syd accepted his brother’s hand, as they both walked towards the small group. To Hagen – Sleipnir-, Siegfried –Fafnir-, and Hilda –Odin-.

‘’ I have always fight for you, Lady Hilda, and I want to keep on doing so ‘’ said Syd, turning to look at his brother, who looked as determine as ever.

‘’ I never fought for you, just for a sterile revenge. But I want to know how it feels. To fight for something greater than myself... than ourselves. To fight for someone I believe in, and next to someone I love ‘’

Mime sighed. Would he fight for Hilda again? He had never fought for anyone. Bud and Hagen at least had had other reasons, but what about him? He had no love towards no one, not even himself. He trusted no one. He was alone. How could someone like him fight for a greater reason?

Friendship. He had promised that if they met again, they would be friends. So he wasn’t alone. And he did love. And trusted.

‘’ Lady Hilda, I can’t offer you the same they are offering. I can’t give you my life yet. I don’t know you, just your ‘legend’, your name. I know what you are suppose to be, but not what you are. I need to learn that to know that I’m fighting for what I believe in. I want a chance. To learn from each other. And maybe someday be your God Warrior again ‘’

.......................................................................

......................................................................

They were different, all of them, and yet fought together, for the same person. The one whom the wolves feared. Was she really worth fighting for? Dying for? The wolves respected Athena, and they loved Artemis. What made Hilda the right Goddess to fight for? What made her worthy of his strength? Of his life?

She was a woman, and women died. That he remembered of them, their weakness. And their softness, their gentleness. Or was that really theirs, or just his mother’s? His mother was sweet, gentle, and soft. She smelt of the spring, and was able to make him smile by just being with him.

He didn’t know other women, except the three Goddesses. Athena, with her Golden Cosmo, calm, gentle... loving, just like his mother. Then Artemis, as much of a wolf as himself. The one that had sent the pack to protect him when the bear attacked. The one his wolves loved. She wasn’t sweet, nor gentle. But she was strong, unearthly and wild. She was just like his brothers, his pack.

And Hilda. He knew Hilda. The wolves feared her, yet would die for her. She had the gentleness of his mother and the unearthliness of his brothers. She was a Goddess, strong yet in need of his protection. She was someone worth dying for. Someone he could learn to trust.

‘’ I will stay and fight for you ‘’

........................................................................

.......................................................................

Thor smiled. So she was back. His Goddess. The one whose heart had represented all that he wanted to protect. Despite all the harshness and cold beauty her scarred body seemed to speak of, he could see her. The kind and gentle healing Goddess that had met him in the woods. The girl who wanted to help her people. The princess who ruled with love and care. She was back with them. And for them. She was giving them their lives back, but that was useless. Because she had their hearts and souls. Their lives were meaningless compared to that.

‘’ Wolf-boy spoke my thoughts. I will also stay. My hammer is yours, Lady Hilda ‘’

.......................................................................

‘’ My life? My life was never yours to give or take, Hilda! I always fought for myself, and for no one else. I tried and tried and tried to fight for you, to make you appreciate my skills. My wisdom. But did you care? In that cold heart of yours, did you ever care? ‘’ Alberich couldn’t contain himself any longer. It wasn’t hate what burnt his heart, but the fiery hand of being ignored. He was the best of them all, strong and wise, without needing to ask a tree for wisdom. He was born with those gifts, and he had wanted to use them for the sake of Asgard. To be the greatest God Warrior ever. To stop being under the shadow of Hilda’s favourites. He had only wanted to take what was his from birth. He had wanted what he deserved.

And she had denied that to him. And now was talking about giving him his life back?

‘’ I look into my heart, just as you asked us to do, and I can’t find a thing. There’s no room for forgiveness, for repentance. There’s no room for anything. Not after you destroyed it. Your coldness made my heart unable to feel. And what use does a heart like that have? ‘’

‘’ Let me tell you ‘’ he said, not caring about the angry faces staring at him, about the shimmering white cosmos ready to close themselves over him, ‘’ No use at all! It’s dead! A dead heart is useless, almost as much as you are! Odin you said? Odin’s weak, he allowed Poseidon to ravish our land, he depended on that foreigner to aid us! Where’s that pride you speak of, Hilda of Polaris? Where’s your pride?! ‘’

I heard Artemis’ Cosmo talking to mine while my God Warriors decided to break the boundaries between Gods and Mortals and spoke their minds.

So that was what I had to do? Accept their decision? Submit to it? Say nothing about it?

Yes.

I had to yield.

I had given them their lives back, to do as they pleased, even if that meant staying with me. Even if that meant giving their lives back to me.

‘’ Midgardsormr and Fenris Wolf, I am thankful, and I will gladly accept your offerings. You are welcome to Valhalla, my Einheriar ‘’

‘’ Mime... You speak as wisely as you play your harp, and it will be my honour to learn from you, as much as I hope you can learn from me that which you are seeking. You are welcome to Valhalla, my Einheriar ‘’

‘’ Twin Viking Tigers, hearing your pledge warms my heart. Because I do have one, despite all I have given, my heart stays the same. And it beats happily because you’ve decided to stay. As for the Shadow... The Shadow can be no more, as it has proven itself to me, and to its brothers in arms. A tiger and its shadow appeared to me today, but I salute Two mighty God Warriors, the Twin Viking Tigers. You are welcome to Valhalla, my Einheriar ‘’

‘’ Sleipnir... I won’t forgive you, because I have nothing to forgive. Your love makes you strong, and that’s something I appreciate. A Warrior who can feel the curse and bliss of love and strengthen from it. You are welcome to Valhalla, my Einheriar ‘’

‘’ Fafnir... my dearest Dragon... ‘’ He nodded to me, bowing. No pain was in him, at least not anymore. His heart and soul were a whole once again. He was strong, and his strength gave me the power I needed to go on. With him by my side I knew Asgard had nothing to fear ‘’ You said I had no word on your decision, so what can I do? I can’t welcome you, because you never left Valhalla...nor me... but I can tell you that Valhalla will always be your home, my dearest Einheriar ‘’

‘’ Alberich... ‘’ That brightness of his shone in his eyes when hearing me call him by his name. I had only done that to Mime, and just because he wasn’t sure whether to stay or not. But I had accepted Mime to my Hall. I hadn’t been the one to choose my Einheriar, as my right was, but I had accepted them instead. They had decided what to do, and for once, I felt glad they did. Now I understood. I understood why Artemis had forgiven Poseidon, why she had forgiven me, why she had left Ortygia. I understood why I had had to give myself to myself to gain wisdom, why the Norns had aided me, and why they had mislead me. I even understood why Loki was the one being I would never understand.

‘’ I told you your life was yours to do as you pleased. Odin chose you once, and he’s power will always be with you. But your path now moves away from his, and ours. You are a wise and bright young man, with enough power to be a great warrior, but yet... You misunderstand me... it’s neither the intelligence nor the power what I seek in you, but your heart, the one that you claim dead. You are an angel of death, without mercy, without regrets... but also without love, or piety. That’s why I always asked more of you, why I kept pushing you further. And that’s why I can’t help feeling pity for you. Because no matter which road you choose from now on, that road will lead you to despair and pain. Because you have no feelings. The All Father will always be with you on your road, Alberich, may your life outside Valhalla be fulfilling ‘’

Alberich looked into my eyes, showing no fear, no regrets, nothing but his cunning intelligence. And made me realise what a menace for the world I was freeing. I could sense my God Warriors sensing this too, and Artemis. I could sense her Cosmo reaching his, trying to entwine with it, to read it. I could sense... almost ‘see’... the one who helped her to decide, the shinning figure of a woman whose Cosmo was so mixed with Artemis that seemed almost one and the same. I could sense Nemesis trying to determine whether Alberich deserved the divine punishment.

So I did the only thing I could do for him. I unleashed my Cosmo, shimmering crystals flowing all over the room, talking to every other Cosmo on the room until he left.

My God Warriors stirred, but obeyed. They would not punish him, not without my orders. And Artemis... Artemis just smiled, shrugging, as Nemesis’ figure disappeared with her own Cosmo.

‘’ Always the serious one, my one-eyed friend ‘’ she mouthed, fixing the hide over her shoulders, ‘’ You did great, and paid for your sins. Don’t fear Nemesis’ judgement, at least not for now... ‘’

‘’ Always the teaser ‘’ I mouthed back, slightly bowing at her, ‘’ Goodbye... and thank you ‘’

‘’ Goodbye... take care of Fenris and Bud for me ‘’ she answered, blowing a kiss to me and winking at the two God Warriors.

Saying that, she turned and walked into the shadows, her figure slowly disappearing, until an enormous Cosmo exploded in the Hall, covering everything with a thick layer of ice... specially Freya.

‘’ What the... ‘’ said Siegfried, already placing himself before me and whoever had done that, while Fenris and Bud shook their head knowingly.

‘’ Just a goodbye, Siegfried, don’t worry about it.... ‘’ I said, smiling ‘’ She’s always been the teaser... and always will... I should have expected something like this from her ‘’

‘’ Freezing the Hall? ‘’ asked Syd, looking for answers in his chuckling brother.

‘’ And Freya... ‘’ added Hagen, already covering my sneezing sister on a huge coat.

‘’ That bitch, wait until I get my hands on her! ‘’ I couldn’t help laughing when hearing my little sister swearing like that, ice covering her golden hair.

‘’ She’s loved by the wolves ‘’ shrugged Fenris, as if that explained everything, ‘’ I’m hungry, Hilda ‘’

His straightforwardness touched me, and so did his lack of fear. No other Asgardian would call me plainly Hilda, though he did, and I liked it. I liked the thought of being a friend and not just a Goddess for my God Warriors. I liked the idea of rebuilding Asgard by their side.

‘’ Then we’ll have dinner. After Freya dries herself, of course... ‘’ She frowned and even Hagen couldn’t avoid smiling at the sight of my ice-covered sister.

‘’ I’ll tell the maids... ‘’ said Freya, standing up and holding her stiff skirts so she wouldn’t trip over them.

‘’ We’ll wait for you at the dinning room, dear ‘’ She looked over her shoulder, and nodded, smiling. Despite all, we were still sisters.

‘’ Lady Hilda... ‘’ said a gentle voice from behind me, making me forget about Freya.

‘’ May I escort you? ‘’ I nodded at Siegfried, smiling warmly at him and accepting his arm.

‘’ Let’s drop the ‘Lady’, Siegfried ‘’

So everything was the same, all that had happened had been erased by the repetition of what used to be. I had my God Warriors, my sister and Asgard. We were at peace, though not at ease. The ice still had to be kept at bay, and I still didn’t not trust the repentant Poseidon. Everything had returned to the beginning, everything had been... for nothing... All those battles, all those deaths... for nothing... or for everything.

‘’ For a chance for a better world ‘’

‘’ What did you say, L... Hilda? ‘’

‘’ Nothing, Siegfried, nothing, just a little bit of poetry... ‘’

SE FINNI