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December 1 -
Bury turkey carcass from Thanksgiving under the Holly tree to thank the tree for
the six bushels of branches pruned to decorate the halls with. Draw Pentagram in the dirt
with silver dust to prevent pet She-Wolf from digging up the bones.
December 2
Order 20 cases of Irish whisky to be left for the Good Folk on Yule. Re-bury turkey
carcass, re-do Pentagram in gold dust.
December 3 -
Draw Pentagram on each sheet of toilet paper using silver marker for that festive
holiday touch. Have staff re-roll the paper onto Victorian "crackers" for that surprise
element. Re-bury carcass, consecrate concrete block, spray paint with gold and use as
planter for poinsettia. Place over carcass.
December 4
Take She-Wolf to vet for eating poinsettia. Send out telepathic party invitations to
200 witches, shamans and druids for the Yule Party.
December 5
Ex- mother in law's birthday. Send Victoria's Secret nightgown rubbed with
stinging nettle. Begin receiving telepathic RSVP's for Yule Party.
December 6
Hand dip 365 gold candles for Yule party. Consecrate using Sacred Lady Martha of
the Stewart Clan Yule Oils found at a K-Mart near YOU! Have staff clean up the mess.
Pick up She-Wolf at vets.
December 7
Harvest herbs from the garden and hand crochet 200 herb pillows for guests. Stuff
with the microwaved dried herbs.
December 8
Have the staff get their arms tattooed with suns now so there will be time for the
redness to disappear in time for the party. Have staff decorate the Yule Tree.
December 9
Repaint Nativity Scene so figures represent Isis, Osiris, and Osiris. Re-bury turkey.
Take She-Wolf to the pound. Buy new wolf pup. Hire dog trainer.
December 10 - 11
Fly to Europe to grub for truffles. Pick up whisky at the Irish distillery on the way
back.
December 12
Use Dremel tool to carve chalices out of quartz crystal balls for the party. Roll the
hand dipped candles in the crystal dust to make them sparkle.
December 13
Coven meeting! Get symbolically pregnant by the HP during symbolic Great Rite
ritual. Give hand forged Athames as gifts to coven members.
December 14
Get six foot Yule Log from the local land co-op. Decorate with holly, ivy and hand
dipped candles rolled in the crystal dust.
December 15
See herbalist for private itching that has been going on since last coven meeting.
Burn all undergarments. Have factory send new ones in red and green.
December 16
Daughter home from college. Send her to herbalist, too. Invite local fauna to graze
on the front lawn for decoration and hang wreaths over their necks.
December 17
Climb great oak and cut mistletoe using golden sickle. Leave hand cast silver coins
at base in thanks. Burn sage now to cleanse house so the smell will be gone in time for
the party. Pick up golden robe at dry cleaners and pack in lavender.
December 18
Appear on Oprah to show my support of her coming out of the broom closet. Bake
chocolate moon pies with banana cream filling, symbolic of the return of the sun. Bake
"stained glass" Pentacle cookies.
December 19
Bake brownies laced with valerian and give to fundamentalist neighbor. Butcher,
gut and pluck 150 pheasants from the backyard coop and marinate in consecrated wine.
Harvest wild rice from the patty out back.
December 20
Yule party. Carve sliced carrot to resemble miniature suns. Put red die in the men's
toilet tanks, green in the women's toilet tanks. Have staff do the cooking while I dress in
my ceremonial robe. When guests and TV crew arrive, assume meditative pose.
December 21,
Dawn - give birth to symbolic sun god on the dining room table as the guests and
TV crew look on. After guests leave, collect empty whisky bottles drunk by the good folk
and recycle. Take a nap and dream of what I'll do for Imbolc.
To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson 
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
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