| Title: Good Girls Don't Author: Justagirl Rating: NC-17 Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Joss and UPN. Summary: Buffy thinks about her sexual relationships, past and present. Graphic, but not overly descriptive. Email: moondoggie229@aol.com *************************************** There's nothing wrong with me. I broke down when Tara told me. I should be ashamed. Good girls don't have sex with blood-sucking fiends. Especially fiends without a soul. They don't get hot thinking about the cool touch of undead flesh. I feel like such a slut. The things I let Spike do to me. Candle wax, the toys. Sometimes he shoots on me, sometimes I swallow and savor every drop. Most times he comes inside me. There's back door action. Sex in public. He fucks me so hard it leaves me bruised and sore for three days after. I let him bite me when he comes. And I like it. Good girls don't let vampires bite them. I've been bitten by three. I came every time. I'm getting horny just thinking about it. Maybe Tara was wrong. Maybe I came back as a nympho. Spike was right--I'm not made for normal. Truthfully, Angel ruined me for normal guys. We only made love the one time, but that was all it took. I was hooked. Sex with a vampire is indescribably pleasurable. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'cold-cocked'. And there's definitely a thrill that comes with doing the dangerous and forbidden. Plus, I've never met a guy with even half the stamina. But Angel didn't work out, to say the least. Gets a girl's motor running and goes and loses his soul. Not a pretty picture. So then there was Parker. Which was a mistake on so many levels. Not only was he a stupid asshole with the emotional maturity of a garden pea, he was hung like an infant. A regular minute-man, too. All in all, a pretty horrific encounter. Next. Riley. Riley actually loved me. And he could fuck me without becoming a psychotic killer. Bonus. He had a beautiful body. He always made me come. But he never satisfied me. I loved him, but I was never in love with him--not really. He was pretty to look at, but not in the least bit exciting. Riley never thrilled me. Sex with him was good, but it was not fantastic. Riley's skin was warm. He panted and sweated all over me. It was kinda gross. And I always had to hold back with him. He was no match for me. I need to explore. Riley's idea of kink was letting me get on top. He was pretty put off whenever I suggested anything different. He didn't even want to go down on me. After a while, I quit asking him to. But Riley's gone now. Now there's Spike. Spike doesn't have a soul. Nothing to lose. He's gorgeous. Intelligent. Dangerous. Dead sexy--literally. He touches me and I quiver. He's a wonderful lover. Everything I want him to be. I don't have to hold back anything with him. Spike matches me blow for blow. I ride him until he screams, and he begs me to make it hurt a little more. I leave bite marks and scratches on his marble flesh that don't heal for days, and it makes him come. Spike has never been offended by any suggestion I've made. Surprised, maybe, but not offended. He is eager to please me. He eats me out for hours. I suck his magnificent cock like there's no tomorrow. I tie him up. I whip him. He understands my need to be dominant. He even lets me fuck him, which I love. He likes it up the ass. What can I say? I'm a freak. But Spike has never made me feel ashamed of my sexual needs. He's always more than happy to lend a hand, no matter what the sordid desire. I'm so ashamed. Good girls don't use people that love them. Spike does love me; I can see it in his eyes. I fuck him and I leave. He gives me pleasure and I cause him pain. He compliments me and I insult him. He tries to help me and I beat him bloody. He gives me everything I need, and I can't even give him the comfort of knowing whether or not I even like him. I feel like such a selfish bitch. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on anymore. It's getting harder and harder to leave him afterwards, though. It's getting harder to lie to myself. I have to apologize for smashing his beautiful face. I have to make things right between us. Good girls don't hurt the ones they love.| HOME | WHAT'S NEW | ABOUT | FANFICTION | BLOG | LINKS | VERBIS | NOMINATIONS | |