So we won’t notice what it was that went wrong.
I saw something there much too familiar.
A butterfly with a broken wing. She’s falling under.
She’s past the end.

Our Lady Peace – Is It Safe?



Joe’s POV



Life’s road is a long one. Twisted and unpredictable. Full of narrow dips, curves and hills. Yet, the most dangerous of them all, is a gorge. The gorge that’s left after someone you love dies.

That has to be the most crushing blow life can deal you. Your world falls apart. Your very reason for breathing every morning, suddenly vanishes.

You try and hide your pain. You place a smile on your face, and you laugh. You join in with the others. You keep on going. But all you want to do is die along with the person you lost.

I know this pain first hand. I hate it. I hate life. I hate my life. Everything changes.

Everything has changed. People are nicer to you. They’re always there. Day and night. Whether you want them there or not.

That’s how it’s like here. I never have a moment’s peace. I never get to be alone, and wallow in my grief. The way I want it.

It doesn’t matter how many smiles I get. Or pats on the back. She’ll never come back to me. It’s impossible. My one light extinguished.

I sighed deeply, as I turned my attention back to the flowing ocean that I was looking at. The waters lapping around the shores, serenely. Peacefully.

The waters’ life would never die. It would go on forever. Until the earth stops turning.

I found it slightly amusing, how that something so beautiful, could be so deadly. I found myself thinking that way about everything. And she made that clear to me.

Wind kills. Earth kills. Water kills. Love kills. “Love kills...” I muttered, as a light breeze blew across the still night.

It picked up my tangled deep blue hair, and pulled it in the direction it was going. Strands flew in front of my eyes, blocking out slight parts of my vision. Oh how I wished everything would go black.

I wanted my life to end. My heart to stop beating. My soul was already gone, why bother living?

A car passed by me, sending small pieces of rock flying at my back. Hitting it lightly. Embedding shards into my skin.

But I had learnt to ignore pain, the second she sliced the ice across her neck. The harmless ice. That’s what she called it. Jagged like ice. Deadly like steel. The equivalent, glass. Glass, holding a rare type of elegance in itself.

I looked down at the water again. The current had picked up slightly. The now rustling waters were soaring up, hitting the side of the cement pillar.

I reached down into my pocket, pulling out two small bottles. I held them tightly in my palm, wondering if it was what I really wanted.

But I knew it was. Without giving it another thought, I popped open the more narrow one. Pure white pills fell out into my palm, as a few others dropped down to their inevitable fate. Smacking against the water. Floating away, never to be seen again.

I glanced down at the label, written in a bolded black font. “Anti-Depressants. For: Kido, Joe. Take one a day.” I smirked jovially.

I reached for the other, spinning open the top. A bit of the liquid splashed out on the side, as I quickly took a sip. The taste, bitter to the core. The pills quickly followed.

I was wondering how many pills, and bottles of alcohol it would take to finish me off. I was guessing not a lot, but I wasn’t up for chancing it.

Seconds later, two empty bottles had hit the water as well. I sat back, slowly watching as the result of my action took its toll on my body.

My heart, was beating faster and faster, until the point I thought it would explode right out of my chest. I was bitting down on my lip hard, just to try and void some of the pain elsewhere.

Finally, when it was at the point that I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I lashed out, clutching at my chest.

My body was throwing spasms. Convulsing madly on the floor. My vision was now going dark, and there were flashes in front of my eyes.

Flashes of the better times of my life. Flashes of Sora and I together. When we were both happy.

And the whole ordeal began to reply itself. The punishment for taking my own life I guess. You have to relive the most hated moment of your very being. The one moment that caused me to do this...

~~Flashback~~



“Wow Sora! You’re amazing! Soccer and tennis! You so have to teach me!” squealed a small child, as she bounced over to her side lovingly.

“It’s not that hard Meomi. And you can count on me teaching you! That is, if you want...” she smiled tauntingly.

“Yes! Yes I do! You’re my hero Sora! I want to be just like you when I’m older!” Meomi shouted, exclaiming her joy to the world.

“Well then,” she blushed slightly, “why don’t I take you out for some ice cream!” she offered. “My treat”

“I would love to!” she yelled, almost passing out from excitement.

“Hey there!” I said demandingly. I placed a harsh scowl on my face, and stormed over to her. The small girl was trembling with fear, as she clutched onto Sora’s white tennis skirt. “Ice cream’s on me!” I replied happily, smiling.

“Joe...” she sighed, lightly tapping my cheek with her finger. “You’re too much!”

“Or just enough.” I said smoothly, as I grabbed her waist, pulling her closer to me.

“Or not...” she joked, kissing me lightly. Her kisses were unbelievable. They warmed your heart, and made you so light headed. Almost as if you were floating on a cloud of air.

“Ooh! Sora and Joe, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First...” Meomi started to sing, but Sora quickly zoomed over to her, and covered her mouth, blushing a beat red.

“I think we should get going no?” she said rapidly, as she pushed the small girl out the exit.

I was laughing to myself happily, as I grabbed her tennis bag, and threw it carelessly over my shoulder. I followed her slender figure out the door, wondering how I was ever so lucky.

Little did I know, that ice cream would be our last together. Cause if I had known, I would have done everything in my power to change that future.

And I blame everything that happened on me. For me not being there for her. For me, not caring enough. For my total ignorance. I loved her. I should have seen what was tearing her apart.

God, everything that happened, was my fault. If only I had payed more damn attention to what, she was trying to tell me. If only I hade been more considerate, and asked her what had happened.

And she was sending out the signals, day in and day out. I was just so blinded by my supposed love for her, that I didn’t even get to know the real her.

And her words will haunt me for lives to come. No matter how many times I try to block them out. They just push them aside, they break through the barriers, and sear themselves into my brain.

“Life isn’t worth living for. You create your destiny, and you can easily take it away.”

Still, to this day I really don’t fully understand what she meant. And personally, I don’t care if I ever do.

“Come on Joe!” Meomi begged, as she ran back in, and pulled me out the door by my hand.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” I laughed, as I picked her up, and ran over to Sora. Meomi was laughing wildly, as I carted her around, running and halting dangerously.

“You know Joe, right now, I can’t tell which on of you is the child!” she grinned, as she placed her hand on her hip.

“Would you still love me if I was a kid?” I asked cutely, as I smiled sheepishly at her.

“You know it.” she giggled, as she rounded the corner, and opened the door to the ice cream parlour.

“Thank ya sweetheart!” I smiled proudly, as I kissed the tip of her nose. She rolled her eyes mischievously as she pushed me through.

“Go order what you want Meomi.” I instructed her, as the girls eyes went as big as saucers.

She sprinted over to the large counter, and climbed up onto one of the stools. She started to talk to the cashier, and pointed at a bunch of signs. The man laughed as he replied joyfully.

“Look at her. You made her so happy Joe.” Sora pouted, as she sighed contently.

“I did it to make you happy.” I said, as I wrapped my arms around her waist, and kissed the side of her head.

“And you have.” she whispered, as she detached herself from me, and slid into a booth.

“So.” I said, sitting down across from her. “How was your day?”

“Hectic and boring. Yours?”

“The same.” I muttered. “But it just got a whole lot better.”

“You’re sweet.” she beamed.

“Aren’t I?” I replied, totally self confident.

“Hey Joe, I don’t think your ego’s big enough for North America to see...” she said leaning over and looking me straight in the eyes.

“And you’re mean!” I retorted simply.

“You’ll live to regret that one...” she cackled.

“Naw... you love me too much.” I said, leaning back.

“Sadly.” she joked, as Meomi came back to the table. She was holding up what had to be the biggest ice cream sundae in the history of Japan.

“Need any help with that?” Sora asked, as she watched the child dig her spoon into it.

“Go ahead.” she responded as Sora and I both helped ourselves. By the time we were all about to burst, we had only eaten half of it.

“We better get going.” I said, looking at my watch. It was already six.

“Yeah. I agree. Your mom is probably having a fit right now!” Sora chuckled, as she looked down at the drowsy girl.

“Carry me please Joe!” she pouted. I agreed happily, as I picked her up, and let her small head rest on my shoulder.

Her jet black hair was cascading down my neck, tickling it to no extent. Luckily for me, Meomi only lived a few blocks away from the ice cream place.

When we brought her back, her mother smiled gratefully, as she thanked us for treating her daughter to the treat.

But most of all, I was thankful she was gone. Now I could spend a little time alone with Sora.

“That was fun!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah... but I can think of something else that’s fun! And it involves a walk down the park...”

“Aw Joe! How romantic!” she swooned. “I’d love to go for a walk with you.”

“Yeah. How about tomorrow?” I quipped, as her whole face changed.

“Ooh! I so hate you Joe Kido.”

“No, you don’t. And I was kidding. Oh corse tonight. Right now!”

“And what if I say no?” she challenged.

“You won’t. Now come on!” I pushed, as she burst out laughing.

“You read me like a book you know?”

“I know. Only because I care about you so much.” I declared, as I took her hand. That night, we walked for what seemed like forever. Hell, we only showed up at her door stop at eleven o’clock.

“That was fun!” she cried blissfully, as I kissed her lightly.

Suddenly, her door swung open, and her mother was there. And trust me. She didn’t look happy.

But after a second, when she saw me, her face relaxed into a pleasant smile.

“Hello Joe! What a pleasure to see you! How are you doing? Well I hope!” she greeted warmly.

“I’m doing fine Ms. How are you doing?” I replied politely.

“As well as anyone!” she sighed. “But it’s getting late. I was worried about Sora. But I guess all my worrying went to waste! She was with you!”

“Mom... that’s okay...” she said uneasily, as she squirmed slightly. “But I better get in. Night Joe.” she rushed, as she kissed my cheek, and stepped into her house.

“Bye Sora!” I answered as I walked away.





Sora’s POV





“Where were yo Sora?” she demanded as she grabbed onto my shoulders, squeezing them tightly.

“W... we were taking a walk...” I trembled, as she looked at me. Her eyes, filled with hate and loath.

“You lying little bitch...” she exclaimed as she took her hand, and slapped me hard across the cheek.

She let go of me, and watched as I hit the floor in pain. She walked over and stared me down. Her unforgiving eyes blaring.

“I’m not lying...” I quivered, as I held onto my sore cheek.

“You are lying! You little whore! Look at what you did to me! You made me be like this!”

“Like what mama...” I sobbed, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Miserable! Ever since the day I found out I was pregnant, I have been miserable! You were a mistake! You weren’t supposed to happen! We never wanted you, and that’s why the man I loved left! Because of you!”

She stepped over to me, and slapped me again. This time, it had to be at least ten times harder. Her emotions getting the best of her.

As she leaned down to grab my collar, and shake me viciously, I detected the smell of whisky on her breath.

She was drunk. She was saying all of these things because she was drunk...

“I hate you! I’ve had to live with you every day for the past 17 years! Pretending to love you! Pretending to care about what the hell happened to you! And I tell you now Sora, I don’t give a shit if you turned up dead on day! You ruined my life!”

“No...” I wept. “You can’t mean this!”

“But I do! I have never meant anything more in my entire life! Your father and I were happy. We were so bloody happy... and then... and then... then YOU can along, and wrecked everything! Everything you touch dies! Everything you touch gets spoiled!”

I mentally blocked out everything she was saying, as I covered my ears. But she wouldn’t let me do even that. She just pulled me up by the hair, and threw me against the wall.

Still, she was yelling at me. What she felt inside. Her emotions. Her true emotions.

That night, I lost my sense to live. My mother. The one person whom I thought would love me forever, hated me. She blamed her dreadful life on me. And as much as I denied it, some of it was beginning to make sense.

After ten more minutes of her unsympathetic bashing, she left me in the house, to sink it all in. And by that time, I believed everything she said.

I was the reason my dad left us. I was the reason I never felt loved. Because I never was. Everything that could have gone wrong in my mothers life, was because of me...



Joe’s POV



“Damn Sora!” I cursed, as I was already at my door. Reaching into my pocket, I found her necklace. The one she gets me to safe keep every practice.

I had forgotten to give it to her. How dumb can that be? But at least it gave me a reason to go back and see her.

I smiled as I dashed all the way to her house. Love, jammed inside of me, waiting for the second to pop. It only took me a few minutes. I felt like I was running on air.

But when I got to her apartment door, something bothered me. It was open, and there was crying inside. Before I even had time to think, I shoot in, and looked around for her.

And there she was. Sitting on her counter, curled up in a ball. Her back was heaving wildly, as the sound of glass falling, shattered the otherwise dull silence.

“Sora?” I questioned, as I looked over at the head of fiery red hair. I walked over in front of her, and gasped.

“Life isn’t worth living for. You create your destiny, and you can easily take it away.” she spat, as she wiped away the crystal tears that were streaming down her face. She was drinking heavily. The stench of alcohol lingered through the entire room.

“What are you talking about Sora?” I asked cluelessly. I walked over to her, lightly touching her arm.

She brushed me aside harshly, as she backed up in the corner she was sitting near. I could tell she had been the one drinking.

“My life... is worthless. I have no reason for living anymore. Everything I had ever wanted is gone... gone...” she cried, as her head sunk into her lap.

“Sora... That’s not true... you have me...” I said comfortingly.

“No! No you’re not!” she screamed. “You shouldn’t love me like you do... you shouldn’t... I’ve done so many things... so many things...”

“Sora!” I exclaimed, as I grabbed her shoulders, and shook her back into reality. “Nothing you do, would ever make me stop loving you! You mean too much to me!”

“Bullshit!” she screeched, as she shoved me away. I fell back, tripping over some of the broken glass, and tumbled to the ground. “You couldn’t love me ever! No one does... no one ever will...”

“Sora stop saying that! I love you! I do!” I babbled, trying to convince her of how I really felt.

margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in'> “He said that too... and then he left me... and then she blamed me... she blamed me for everything that happened!”

“Wha... who?” I asked, as I looked her straight in the eye.

“My mother you idiot!” she cried, as she fumbled around for another bottle of wine. She located one quickly, and began to tear at the cork.

I reached out and grabbed it before she could successfully open it, but she wrestled it out of my hand. The bottle ended up smashing against the wall, and the contents spilled out.

As she watched to liquor seep down the side of the counter, a playful smile etched its way on her gorgeous face.

Pieces of the broken glass were scattered along the side of the table, and they gleamed under the fading light.

“Ice... they look like pieces of ice...” she said slowly, stumbling on every word.

“What does Sora?”

“Icicles... the glass looks like icicles.” she giggled madly. “I love the winter. The sight of all that white. It just blankets everything. Makes it look so pure and perfect. And then, there are the icicles. They hang down... shining like the sun.”

“Sora I don’t understand... what’s happening? What are you talking about?” I rushed, still confused.

“This does.” she said lightly, as she picked up a rectangular shaped shard. The corners were sharp. Asymmetric and twisted evilly.

And then I understood. But at that point, it was too late. Too late for both of us.

“One stroke... that’s it...” she muttered, examining it closely, clutching onto it for dear life. Or should I say death.

“Sora no!” I shouted, reaching out for it hastily.

“Goodbye Joe. I do love you. I’m so sorry.” she sobbed, before letting it slash at her throat.

Everything went in slow motion for me. The blood stained weapon of death it the counter first. Then the puddles of maroon blood. Finally, her body sagged down, and tumbled over, hitting the floor with a thud.

My body went numb. And I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. The world snapped in two.

“No... no... Sora no!” I bellowed, as I staggered my way over to her, and grabbed at her lifeless body.

Her skin was clammy, and her body was rigid. The blood was everywhere. Covering me. Covering the floor. Covering her.



~~End Flashback~~



Everything stopped. The flashes were over. The pain was gone. All the emotional agony that I was experiencing, was over.

Just like my life. And I was glad. Now, I was free. Free for everything that was shackling me down to the grief.

I was free to be with her again. I was with her now, and that was all that mattered. Being with my love. Sora.

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