It’s been a while since I’ve seen the way.
The candles light your face.
And it’s been a while but I can still remember,
Just the way you taste

Stained -- It’s Been A While





Daisuke’s POV



I had sobbed into his shirt for what seemed like the millionth time that month. The tears just cascading off my cheeks as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me comfortingly, while hushing my tearful hysterics. There was always ease in his embrace that calmed me down and helped me get through the pain. I was actually quite surprised that he still put up with me after all this time. But I knew the answer in my heart. He was my best friend forever.

“It’s all right Daisuke,” he muttered through his clenched lips, absently stroking my spiked chocolate hair. His touch was so caring, compassionate, almost loving in a manner. “I’ll always be here for you.”

And that was his promise to me. I still remember it after all this time. He promised me that I could always turn to him in a time of need. I could always find relief within his strong arms. Those same arms which had rocked me countless times, rubbing my back while I tumbled off into a peaceful slumber. He kept his promise time and again, always being there for me when I needed him the most.

“Why do you keep doing this Daisuke?”he asked me once, a long time ago. “If he keeps causing you so much grief, why do you keep going back to him?” he almost shouted his question.

I looked up at him blankly, smiling weakly as I gazed into his piercingly kind eyes that reminded me of the water. My voice was nothing short of a mumble, as if I was saying the words to myself for the first time. “Because I love him,” was my soft response.

Those kind eyes of his died that day, never to be seen again. It was painfully clear to me that I had just hurt my best friend. The one person that had always been by my side. The one person that cared about me. He was never quite the same after that. His shielding grasp seemed mechanical and forced. Almost as if he was getting sick of me. It was that day I realized I had hurt my best friend. I had hurt my best friend.

But still his undying friendship never died as I still kept returning to him time and again, only to cry out everything I had in me. “He hurts you so much Daisuke,” he noted gravely once.

“No, he doesn’t,” I sighed, burying my face in his muscular chest. “He’s done everything but.”

“Then why are you so miserable?”

It was that very question that plagued me. I couldn’t reply to him then and still to this day I can’t. I knew, I mean, I honestly knew, I loved Ken. It was something that was a fact, simple as that, black and white. But in that one very conversation with Tk, I began to dredge up unwanted and unwelcomed feelings. I could never truly see Ken in the same light again.

I had sighed deeply, shutting my cinnamon eyes as I turned of the light in my room. It was time to sleep now. I had a busy day tomorrow and we had a soccer game to win. Tk had promised to come to the game right after his basketball practice and Ken was there no matter what. I smiled at that thought. There was always a comfort in that.

I did love Ken. I knew I did. “Then why are you so miserable?” the question ricocheted around my head until I angrily pushed it away. I wasn’t miserable. Ken didn’t make me miserable… he made me feel special and loved. Something no one had ever made me feel before.

But then I had to think to myself, why did I always run to Tk sobbing my eyes out? Why was it that I always ended up wrapped up in his arms, weeping about what Ken had done to me, or vice-versa? Why couldn’t I take comfort in my own feelings?

I did love Ken. I knew I did. I had to…



“Jun!” I screeched at my annoying sister. She has stolen my goggles when I was fixing my hair. God sisters could and are such a pain in the ass. “Give them back!”I bellowed just as she burst out of the door.

“Make me!” she giggled madly, plowing down the stair to our apartment. We were probably the noisiest kids alive. Seven new neighbors all in the span of a year proved that correct.

“Jun!” I screamed again following her in close pursuit. She had an advantage on me, but I was far more active than she was. I could catch up to her in no time. And this was the way the Motomiya’s started their school day

“Come on Daisuke! I thought you were faster than that!” she jokingly yelled back. Her taunting caused me to speed up drastically and within an instant I had latched onto her arm, tugging forcefully. That was mistake number one for me. Jun screamed painfully as she stumbled forward, pulling me down with her.

Just as I thought I was about to smash my face into the concrete, a familiar pair of arms quickly wrapped around my waist, holding me up skillfully. “Woah there!” he chuckled as he helped me up. His fingertips subconsciously trailing across my back sending dull shivers through my spine.

“Thanks Tk,” I muttered through an almost unnoticeable blush that crept up on my cheeks. I felt hotter, a lot hotter than I should have

“No problem!” the blond haired boy chirped out happily. His brilliant blue eyes sparkled merrily as he gazed at me, smiling gleefully as he did so. For the moment, we just gazed into each other’s eyes, enjoying the sight. His eyes were so soothing it made me smile.

“Hey!” a new voice broke the silence. My eyes lit up as I spun around to see Ken, who was waving at all of us. His beautiful eyes sparkling as they locked with mine

“Hey Ken!” I grinned widely. I could my brain had just taken off for parts unknown as he dashed over to me, capturing my frame in a possessive hug. I melted into his caress as he lightly brushed his lips across the side of my face. My skin instantly tingling all over. We stayed like that for several blissful moments, loving the feel of each other.

I turned in Ken’s arms, smiling back at Tk. I could see the visible torment that raged in his usually calm eyes. Some people thought I was blind. But I wasn’t. I saw the wayward glances that he threw at me. I caught all the meaningful glimpses he seemed to fixate on me…



And then, some people thought I was so dense I missed all those signs. But I wasn’t. I really, really wasn’t. My God I wasn’t. I just couldn’t deal with those emotions he was handing me. I couldn’t handle the enormous burden of sorting out two people’s emotions. I was still having problems getting through to those that I had with Ken.

“Daisuke, are you going to the concert?” Tk asked me, breaking me from my moment of thinking. I had obviously missed the conversation that had just taken place.

“I don’t know,” I thought momentarily. “I don’t think there’ll be anyone I know going so…”

“I’ll be there!” Tk interrupted hastily.

“Cool! Hey Ken, you wanna go?” I asked my boyfriend as I turned to gaze at his beautiful face. He smiled at me as nodded his head happily. A slight smile crossed his delicate features.

“As long as you’re there, I’m in,” Ken replied, hugging me closely from behind. His chin was resting peacefully on my shoulder and since Jun had stolen my goggles, my hair fell on his face. He smiled a little, kissing the back of my neck as I grinned back at him.

“Great,” Tk sighed deeply, turning around to walk across the street. The tall blonde’s entire frame sank miserably, defeated as he wordlessly walked to the other side of the street, waiting patiently for all of us to follow. My attention was once again fixated on my best friend as he smiled faintly in my direction before shaking his head and staring dejectedly at the ground.

“Very cute,” Matt muttered in an exasperated voice as he snatched away the goggles from my sister’s head and handed them back to me rather tediously. His arrogance was something that always got to me and the fact that he and Tk were related puzzled me to no end. I mean, how can someone so kind and special as Tk, be related to someone as cocky and self-centered as Matt?

“Hey,” Ken muttered under his breath in my ear. “I’ll see you after school okay? I have something I need your help with.” The faint amusement in his voice was something that sent shockwaves of emotions flooding through my body. I shivered unnoticeably at the invitation in his tone. “And Osamu has a rugby game tonight, so we’ll be all alone,” he kissed my neck, “all by ourselves,” he proceeded to kiss my cheek, “and I’ll get you all to myself.”

I laughed wholeheartedly, sighing as I kissed Ken softly. “I’ll see what I can do. You know, I have all this homework and a huge biology test to study for…”I began as he silenced me with a sly wink.

“I could probably teach you more than any biology teacher in Japan could. And I have such an interesting method of teaching… and it’s very, very enjoyable… for the both of us…”he left his half promise dangling there as he unraveled his hands from around my waist and started off in the other direction, his brother in the lead.

“What was that all about?” Jun whispered to me when we were a fair number of feet away from Matt and Tk.

“Nothing really,” I lied perfectly. “But I’ll be spending the night at Ken’s place. He’s gonna be tutoring me in biology!” I said proudly.

“A sleep over at your age. How simply juvenile,” she muttered, shaking her head free of her newly fallen locks of cinnamon hair. Before I could retort back, she had dashed up to where Matt was, taking his arm gently as she hooked her arm into his. He smiled down at her, letting his azure eyes sparkle.

“So,” Tk asked me as he dropped back to allow me to catch up. “What’s your favorite song? From Matt’s band I mean.”

“I don’t know why, but the song Magdalena rings a bell as one of the best. I guess it’s the way it’s sang!”

“I would sell my soul, my self esteem one dollar at a time, for just one taste of you, my Magdalena,” Tk began to sing softly. He had a beautiful voice, I had to hand it to him. “Yea, that’s a great song,” he sighed. “Well I threw you the obvious. Just to see, if there’s more behind me. Eyes of a fallen angel. Eyes of a tragedy. Here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded. But I see, see through it all. See through. See you…”he continued with another song, sighing in defeat.

“Hey,” I stopped him as he sped up suddenly. “What song was that? I’ve never heard Matt’s group sing it before.”

“I made it up a little while ago. It’s my song,” he replied weakly.

“Tk, that was amazing!” I exclaimed. “Could you sing me a little more?”

“Cause I threw you the obvious. To see, what I cast behind me. Eyes of a fallen angel. Eyes of a tragedy. Oh well. Oh well. Apparently nothing. Apparently nothing all. You don’t, you don’t and you don’t see me. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t see me. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t see me. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t see me. You don’t, see me! You don’t… you don’t you don’t see me at all…”his voice trailed off as I had abruptly stopped.

He slowly looked up, so that our gazes were leveled as he looked deeply into my eyes. There was this unmissable sign of deep-rooted grief in his pools of liquid blue. One that made me want to reach out and grab him, to hug him tightly and comfort him like he always did me.

“You don’t see me at all,” he repeated brokenly as he turned and darted off ahead of me. Even from the distance I was at I could tell he was crying. The small droplets of crystal drizzled across his cheeks, staining them with two large wet streaks.

The last line of the song echoed through my head as I unconsciously ran after him. Matt and Jun had long ago vanished in the direction of the high school. “Tk wait!” I screamed out, knowing already that it was no use. I cursed under my breath, dashing off after him. So far, this wasn’t the way I wanted to start off my school day.





Ken’s POV





I heard the doorbell ring and I quickly passed a hand through my shock of midnight blue hair and darted off to answer the door. I couldn’t even suppress the smile that bent on my lips as I was greeted with Daisuke’s beautiful face. “Sorry I’m late,” he apologized, smiling goofily as he stepped inside.

“I hadn’t even noticed,” I lied, wrapping my arms around him, “that you were eleven minutes, forty three seconds late.” He laughed as I said this, shaking his head carelessly, allowing the soft strands of chocolate silk to caress my face.

He looked up at me with those molten chocolate eyes of his, smiling sweetly. “You’re so odd,” he chuckled.

“No, I’m in love,” I told him firmly, kissing him sweetly. His lips melted into mine as I sighed in pure pleasure, rocking him gently to the couch.

“Mmm…”he tried to talk through my lips. “Study first…”he managed to convey as soon as I surfaced for air.

“Ruin all my fun,” I pouted playfully, kissing his forehead as I collapsed with him on the soft leather sofa.

“Plenty of time for that later,” he promised, winking slyly as he opened the book in his hand. “The skeleton,” he cheered sardonically. “How am I supposed to memorize this?”

An idea suddenly sprang into my head and a slight blush crept to my cheeks as I snuggled my head into the groove of his neck. “I have a way,” I laughed silently. “You’ll love this as much as I will,” I assured.

“What…”he started to say, but was abruptly cut off as I gathered him in my arms, swinging him over to my room. Ravenously, I threw him to my bed, slowly stripping him of his copper shirt. “Ken…”he muttered disapprovingly as I climbed over him. My inky hair tickling his facial features coyly.

“Maxilla,” I stated, kissing the upper half of his jaw. My kiss lingered on longer than it should have, but I didn’t care. “Mandible,” I muttered again, moving my lips an inch lower, capturing the groove of his chin in a savory embrace.

“Ken…”Daisuke moaned, in a slight protest that died on his lips as I brought mine up to silence him.

“Clavicle…”I continued, moving out to his slender shoulder. My lips just trespassing on his deliciously bronzed skin. He chuckled as I trailed soft kisses down his arm, naming off each of the bones along the way.

“My turn,” he smirked seductively as he flipped me over, viciously ripping my shirt from my back. I stared up at him, allowing the love to drip from my eyes and voice. It wasn’t even a question of how much I loved him. But there was something wrong tonight.

I could almost feel the hesitation in his moves through the way he acted, the way he kissed… there was something definitely wrong. I broke our kiss for a moment, cupping the side of his face in my palm. He smiled weakly at me, lowering his head onto mine again. The seed of doubt was planted in my head at that moment. And there was nothing anyone could do or say that would erase it.

“I love you Daisuke Motomiya,” I whispered, panting slightly. A faint shimmer of sweat glistened off his body as he carefully brushed away a loose strand of my wild hair.

He stared up at me, looking blankly as he forced a slight smile on his face. Wordlessly, he crushed his lips into mine, kissing me fiercely, so full of spice and devotion. A quiet whimper escaped his parted lips as I clutched at him possessively, trailing my fingers down his spine. My entire body ignited at that mere touch.

“I have to go,” he suddenly mumbled as he slid out from under me, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on. He passed his fingers through his hair, flipping it out of his eyes as he walked from my room, shutting the door on the way out.

I stood up, not one trace of shock on my face. Instead, I hard scowl pulled at my lips, as my eyes lowered into slits in my head. I watched him from my balcony as he walked away quickly, right before breaking off into a full out sprint. His mahogany hair getting tussled in the wind. I cast a hasty glance over to the nightstand, where in his hast, forgot to take his goggles

I don’t know why, but for some sinking reason, I knew where Daisuke was going. As much as I never wanted to admit it to myself, I think I had known for a long, long time. I just repressed it, shrugging it off as if it were some silly thought that had just popped into my head.

“Tk,” the word slipped through my lips effortless. A sudden swelling of indescribable jealously surged through me. My face literally turned green from envy. And green wasn’t a color I wore well…



Tk’s POV

“What’s wrong with me Tk?” he asked me flat out as my arms strengthened around his frail body. I mentally sighed, wishing that I would one day be able to do this with him cuddling back, with him loving my company like I do his.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you,” I told him calmly, as I pulled his body closer into me, loving the warmth of him in my arms. He was more or less sitting right on my lap as we talked quietly in my house. Like always, he had come straight from Ken’s. I shuddered at his very name…

It wasn’t because I hated to blue haired genius, I was far from it. I just hated the fact that I had probably loved Daisuke from the very first moment I had laid eyes on him. I hated that no matter how much we argued, we always got closer. I hated the fact he was my best friend. I hated the fact he didn’t love me… that he loved someone I didn’t hate…

“But there has to be! I mean, why is it that I find someone that I care about so much and I know cares for me as well and I can’t even…”he let his sentence trail off, knowing I knew what he meant. It seemed that with every confrontation the knife that was lodged in my heart twisted, ripping open a new wound that bleed.

“Daisuke, you know I’m your friend right?” I asked him after a comfortable silence. He nodded slowly. “And as your friend, I think that I should tell you this,” I inhaled deeply. There really was no easy way to put this without revealing my feelings for him openly. “Do you love Ken?”

“Yes.”

“Then why is it you’re always here with me? Why is it you’re always right here with me, right after you came from his place?” I kept as much of the disgust as I could hidden from my voice. “What does he do to you that makes you so scared of him?” Daisuke didn’t answer for a long time and when he did, I could barely hear him.

“He loves me,” was his inaudible response. He began shaking like a leaf in my arms as I sighed inwardly, hugging him fiercely.

“Then you have to ask yourself a question Daisuke. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you’re petrified of, or do you want to be in a relationship where you can feel safe and loved without that fear?”

“You’re right,” he sighed, shaking his tangled head of russet hair. “You’re absolutely right!” there was a touch of steal in his voice as he gracefully stood up, breaking the heated circle we were in. “I have to go apologize to Ken…thank you Tk, you really are an amazing friend.”

“Tell me how it goes,” I encouraged feebly. For the life of me, I could never understand why I would always patch up their mixed up relationship and send the one person I loved off into the arms of another. I never understood why I just didn’t tell Daisuke that Ken would hurt him and that he should be with me…

“Bye!” he smiled happily as he darted out the door. It was probably these conversations that hurt the most. No matter how I looked at it, I was always shoving him right back into Ken’s arms. As I heard the door shut, I screamed in aggravation, tumbling back onto my couch where I grumpily sat, muttering a string of curses under my breath. For someone so smart, I could be terribly stupid at times.

But like my mother always said, good things come to those who wait. I tried to remember that every time I had told Daisuke that Ken really did care about, every time I reassured him their relationship was flawless, every time I sent him back off to Ken’s bed, I remembered that one saying.

I just kept repeating it over and over again, while trying not to kick myself for being such an idiot.





Daisuke’s POV

I inhaled penetratingly, just before I raised my fist, ready to knock on Ken’s door. Now that I actually think about it, my reasons for leaving were so stupid. It seemed that Tk always made me see that. As my hand contracted sharply with the large wooden door, a cool gust of wing kicked up, chilling me on the spot.

The door swung open almost immediately as I was faced with the monotone appearance of the person I loved. “Ken,” I breathed.

“Don’t!” he hissed menacingly as he pulled me in, slamming the door behind him. He spun me around harshly, staring my straight in the eyes. The cold amethyst was boring a hole in my head.

“Listen, I’m sorr…”

“Sorry? Sorry for what Daisuke?” he asked bitterly, releasing the vise like grip he held on my arm. “You don’t need to apologize, in fact, you don’t even need to explain. I know where you were,” his voice was like a dagger of ice. “That damn Tk… all this time I thought he was my friend. Only a friend to you…”

“No Ken, you’ve got it all wrong!” I tried desperately to explain as I reached out to touch his shoulder. His hand darted out, slapping my arm away as if it were nothing

“Don’t try to deny it Daisuke! You were just with Tk! God, I can still smell his cologne on you…”he spat disgustedly, making me shiver.

“No! that’s not…”

“Not what? What Daisuke? I would have given you anything and everything in my power, all because I loved you! And this is how you repay me? By cheating on me?”

“No! for the last time Ken, Tk and…”whatever I was going to say was suddenly lost as a stinging sensation burst forward on my cheek. Ken’s eyes were blazing with envy as I protectively held my cheek, wincing as I tilted my gaze over to him. His hand still arched in the air.

“Get out.” Were the only two words he hissed to me as he pointed to the door, so obviously trying to fight back tears

For the longest time, I just stared at him, my cheek still throbbing terribly. “And to think, I thought you trusted me,” my voice cracked, right when I wanted it to be strong. “We’re finished Ken Ichijouji!” I growled through clenched lips.

“As far as I’m concerned, we never happened. Get out now!”

I didn’t even protest or fight on. I was far too mad at him. I mean, him of all people accusing me of cheating! And with Tk of all people! Of all the people in the world, he had to say my best friend’s name.



“Daisuke!” Tk’s voice held a certain amount of alacrity as I appeared at his doorstep for the second time that night. “What are you…”he mumbled, but stopped talking when I firmly planted my lips on his. The kiss itself seemed endless and it was quite obvious that neither of us wanted to break it

Without warning, the blonde wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me inside his house steadfastly. His lips ventured out onto my neck, as my head lobbed back bonelessly. “Tk,” I stifled a sob as those compassionate eyes locked on mine. “I…”

“Shh...”he hushed me, placing a gentle finger to my lips. “Not now…”he tone was soft, unyielding. “I’ve wanted to be able to do this for such a long time…”

“He… he…”I muttered airily, digging my head into his pale yellow shirt. My eyes swelling with unwanted tears.

“It’s okay Daisuke. I’m not going to let him get to you anymore. I promise you.”

With his word on that, I instantly relaxed, allowing myself to be kissed, as I enthusiastically returned every bit of passion he showed me. He deftly swept me off my feet, carrying me into his room as I hooked the door shut with my foot. And even though he knew that I was probably using him to vent out my frustration and resentment toward Ken, he was there for me, allowing me to abuse him in a way I never though I could. Tk wasn’t just consoling me, he literally pinning his heart on his sleeve, begging me to reach out and take it.

And that night I did.







Ken’s POV





I was positive I stayed awake all night, just staring at my wall. The memories of the previous night kept replaying in my head and I kept trying to figure out what on earth had possessed me to hit Daisuke… God, I would never forgive myself for doing that. It was practically a crime against humanity for anyone to hit something that beautiful.

Without even realizing it, the alarm clock in my radio buzzed, instantly turning on the radio. There was a fairly familiar song playing that I had remembered hearing many times before. One of Osamu’s favorite groups come to think of it. “Hit the ground,” I began to mutter the opening.

Weighted down again.

You walked out.

But I’m sure you’re my friend.

It must have been good.

This can’t be for good.

Everyone’s… is everyone ok…

I waited.

But I must be too dumb to proud.

Woke to sound.

I prayed you were there.

I fell back down.

But I’m sure you still care.

Must have been good. This can’t be for good.

Everything’s o…is everything okay?



I hit the snooze button almost instantly, cursing at the Gods that were toying with me the way they were. It just wasn’t fair now… I slammed my fist angrily into my pillow, cursing repeatedly as I felt bitter tears swell in my eyes. Small droplets of transparent crystal skidded from my face, falling gracefully onto my pillow in miniscule pools on the deep purple materiel.

I heard a knock on my door as it opened slightly and a figure slipped in. “Ken,” Osamu spoke gently, touching my shoulder with his sturdy hand. I recoiled sharply, still sobbing my eyes out. “Ken what happened?”

“Go away,” I very nearly hissed. “Leave me alone!”

“No!” he growled faintly, obviously becoming less and less amused as the seconds droned on. Finally, he decided to reformulate his question. “What happened with you and Daisuke?”

“Nothing!” I screamed at him, uncoiling myself from the ball I was in, looking him straight in the identical pools of amethyst. My eyes were blaring with undisguised pain and anguish as his sympathetic gaze softened even more.

“I’m sorry,” was all he muttered as his arms wrapped around me, hugging me close to his strong frame. I freely accepted him embrace, crying all the tears my body seemed to possess. “Ken, what did he do?”

“He… he… he was cheating… on me…”I gulped loudly, bringing on a fresh batch of tears. “And with Tk of all people… I though he was my friend Osamu… but all along he was really after the only person I loved…”

“Oh God Ken…” he comforted, hushing away. “Don’t worry Ken, it’s gonna get better. I promise it will.”

I looked up at him, smiling somewhat. But still, even though it was Osamu who was saying this, I couldn’t believe it. Things couldn’t get better, nothing could ever be better again. Daisuke probably hated me and absolutely nothing could be worse that that





Daisuke’s POV



I shifted comfortably, moaning in slight pleasure as I felt a pair of warm arms wrap themselves around my body. My fiery chocolate eyes were closed peacefully as I sighed out loud, resting my head on the strong chest that was acting as my pillow. I shifted slightly, then, as if for the first time realized that something was a little off.

Whoever was holding me was too muscular to be Ken… and just like a wave, the memories of the previous night came flooding back to me, slapping me in the face. My eyes literally widened to the size of saucers. No… I couldn’t have done that… not with Tk… but this sinking feel in the pit of my stomach told me to turn around and when I did, I was faced with the handsome face of Tk, totally succumbed in a peaceful slumber.

Something inside of me felt insanely sick, almost disgusted, but not with him. With myself. But the longer I stared into his relaxed visage, all my feelings slipped away. I completely turned around, gazing upon every feature his face possessed, marveling at how cute he was. Something that I had never ever noticed before.

I must have been like that for about twenty minutes before anything happened. One of his brilliant azure eyes opened, blanketing me with this warm sensation. The other followed suit, ever so slowly, as a blinding smile arched on his delicate mouth. One I wanted to kiss so badly. “Good morning,” he greeted, tightening his grip around my body slightly, comfortingly.

“Hey,” I managed to smile. “Tk…”

“Shh,” he hushed, placing a finger on my lips, silencing me automatically. “Please, don’t say that was a mistake.”

“I wasn’t,” I spoke again, kissing his finger softly. “I wanted to say thank you… I have no idea how to repay you…”he just smiled at me, pulling his head up for a gentle kiss, one that I happily returned. A bit forcefully, I pushed him back down, sliding my arms under his back.

“Daisuke, you don’t have to do anything. I have cared about you so much for the longest time. Probably since the first moment I caught your soccer ball,” I laughed reminiscing, “and I would do anything for you.”

“Tk…”I choked, not fully sure what to do with the information he had just given me.

He continued, still smiling up at me. “And as selfish as this sounds, I’m happy that you and Ken broke up. Now it’s my turn to make you happy. And I promised you a long, long time ago that I would always be there for you. And I intend to keep that promise for as long as you’ll let me.”

I was pretty sure that at that moment I started crying. And for the moment, it was just Tk and myself, as if it had always been that way. I felt protected, cared for and loved, all at once. Something that I had never felt before in my entire life. Without any hesitation, I pressed my lips on his, bruising the supple flesh that tempted me in ways that were baffling. He moaned, slightly parting my lips as his tongue slid in.

I smirked, rolling him over as we both chuckled to each other, never ceasing the smiles that were permanently etched on our lips. For the longest time, we just stayed entwined in each other’s arms, marveling in the comfortable silence that we shared. It was only around noon that we both had to get up to leave, already being late for the morning classes. So, instead of going and having to make up some excuse, we skipped, walking hand in hand towards the park.

It seemed that I was looking at everything in a new light. The trees appeared taller, the water clearer and the sky, so full of opportunities. I gazed up at that sky, awing at the different shades of blue it seemed to create. But they all paled in comparison to Tk’s eyes. Those, those eyes were breathtaking

We didn’t go as far as carving our names in a tree trunk, or dubbing a certain area ours, but we still enjoyed the company of each other and settled with calling the park our safe haven. We sat under a sakura tree, laughing at how stupid some people would have gone to calling this tree romantic and heartbreaking. It was a fricken tree. And to add to that, the blossoms were pink. Something only Mimi could love.

It must have been an hour later when we finally got up and decided to go home. Besides, Jun and Matt would be getting home from school soon, and if we weren’t there, they would start to get a little suspicious. I think Tk mentioned something about him spending the rest of the week at his dad’s place or something like that.

And for something to chuckle at, Tk walked me home, making me laugh uncontrollably the entire way. On the way to my apartment, we stopped off at the soccer field, which was hosting as a rugby field for the game.

Tomachi versus Odaiba. Tomachi had a huge advantage having Osamu go there. He was one of the best rugby players in all of Japan, the greatest scrum half to come since, well, I have no idea.

“Hey, isn’t that Jun?” Tk asked suddenly, spying the terrain. Without a doubt my sister was sitting front row cheering her head off. She was painfully obvious with her long brown hair all pulled down into Jamaican braids. I’m still not quite sure why she did that.

“Yea, wanna stop and say hi?”

“Sure,” He smiled grabbing my hand as he practically pulled me into the bleachers. I rolled my eyes, jogging up slightly so it looked more like I was with him and he wasn’t kidnapping me. “Hey Jun! Your hair looks great!” I could only see honesty drip from his voice.

“Yea, you brother doesn’t think so,” she winked, giggling to herself. “Hey Tk, what’s up?”

“Nothing really,” he looked back at me slyly, “and don’t mind Matt. He wouldn’t know good taste if it came up and bit him on the ass.”

“Oh, I know. Believe me, I know,” she winked. “Come here to watch the game? Osamu’s winning!”

“No, we just stopped in to say hey, oh and mom says to bring home ice cream,” I quickly remembered.

“Okay, see you two later!” she waved as Tk snaked his arm around my waist. I chuckled, lightly resting my head on his shoulder as we walked away. I threw a look over my shoulder as I heard a whistle blow. Quarter time. I saw Osamu jog up to Jun who was smiling her head off. He said something that made her touch her hair and blush lightly while giggling. Then, he muttered something else, casting a look over in my direction with a slight scowl on his face. Jun looked back as well, shaking her head, causing her braids to fly out all over the place.

“What is it?” Tk asked me, kissing the top of my head casually.

“Nothing,” I lied perfectly, turning my head upward to smile at the sky. But what I saw instead made my heart stop in my chest. Standing on the very top of the bleachers was Ken. His dark hair getting tussled from the blowing wind. A look of unsettling anguish was clearly visible on every line of his face as he shook his head sadly, averting his gaze from mine.

I gulped quietly, sighing in defeat. No matter how I sliced this, I was going to hurt someone, even if I didn’t want to. The last thing in this world I would ever want to do is hurt Ken. But just the mention of myself hurting Tk more than I already have brought upon this feeling of hatred. I couldn’t hurt either of them, that was the bottom line. The bare facts.

I sighed again, burying my face comfortably in Tk’s side. If someone would have told me being in love was this complicated, I would have never signed up.



“Hey, I’m back!” Jun announced to the rather empty house. I was in my room, attempting to concentrate on my homework, but with Matt’s latest song (courtesy of Tk) blaring in the background, that was rather impossible.

“Hey Jun!” I called back, happily pushing my algebra homework aside. I heard footsteps and a soft knock on my door as she opened it. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of knocking if you’re going to just come in anyways?” I asked, smirking a little.

“Funny. That’s very funny Daisuke. You want to hear a funny story I heard today? Well, it went a little something like this. You cheated on Ken, broke up with him and now you’re screwing Tk. The end. Actually, it’s not that damn funny at all! What the hell are you thinking Daisuke? And I had to find this out from Osamu!”

“Listen Jun, it’s not like that…”I started to explain, but was cut off by her slowly building temper.

“Then what was it like Daisuke? You’re playing around with two people’s emotions here! God! What the hell are you thinking!?” she snapped again. Jun loved Ken like a younger brother and Ken always considered her a great friend, just like I did Osamu, but there was no way she would understand.

“Shut up Jun! God! It’s not like that at all! I broke up with Ken for a reason and Tk was just there and he cares about me and I can’t help it if I like him! He’s my best friend for Christ sakes!”

“And that’s all you’ll ever be able to consider him as Daisuke! Your best friend! Nothing, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to see him otherwise! What happened between you and Ken that screwed up everything?” she asked softly.

I found that my voice had suddenly dropped several notches and was barely audible as I turned my head in shame. “He hit me Jun. He hit me and accused me of something I didn’t do. Jun, he scares me sometimes,” I chuckled bitterly to myself, “you can ask Tk just how many tears I shed on him. Way too many if you ask me.”

“Daisuke, I knew that you two were having your problems, but come on! It’s only a lovers spat!”

“Jun, every time I see him, I tremble. Not out of happiness, but out of fear. Fear that he’ll hurt me. Every single Goddamn time I’m with him, I feel as if he’s just using me and I hate feeling like that. But Tk’s so different from that….”

“God Daisuke,” she sighed, stepping over to wrap her arms around me. “I know this isn’t fair for you. But sad to say, you screwed up big time. And for your information, Ken is miserable. He honestly, genuinely loved you. But after your little public display of affections with Tk happened today, I think he might be having second thoughts on that.”

“But Jun, I can’t hurt Tk. I can’t. He was always so sad Jun, but today, he smiled! He smiled for the first time in two years!”

“Daisuke, you don’t have to convince me,” she spoke soothingly as she took my hands in hers. “You have to convince yourself here,” she said as she gently placed my hand over my heart. Without so much as another word she stood up and left my room, leaving me to wallow.





Ken’s POV



Another night alone. It was miserable. I had collapsed on my bed, wrapping my arms tightly around my body as I bit down on my lip to keep the tears from spilling out over my cheeks. But no matter how much I didn’t want to cry, I did. Little pieces of what I saw this afternoon at Osamu’s game seemed to relive themselves in my memory, the exact last place I ever wanted them to appear.

But his arm… his arm was around him… and he kissed his head, just like I always had the pleasure of doing… except I knew that I would probably never get to kiss him ever again. I balled my fist together tightly at that thought, grabbing my pillow and throwing it halfway across the room until I hit something. Almost at once my radio turned on as a result of aim.

But you never get to sleep when I’m awake.

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Running, running from those days.

There’s another one inside me.

I guess I’ve gone insane.

But you always run away when I come around.

I don’t mind, I dare to track you down, run you down.

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Loaded, loaded up this gun.

There’s a killer in me.

Hoping, hope that you’re the one.

But you always run away when I come around.

I don’t mind, I dare to track you down, I’m terrified!

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Pain! I can’t sleep!

Once again I found myself screaming in frustration as the radio, my last resort for comfort, seemed to be mocking me. It seemed that every song I had heard in the last two days revolved around pain and anger and regret. Everything I was feeling and then some. The song ended abruptly as another song began to play. This one was heavier and sounded very familiar. I soon recognized it as Matt’s band. They occasionally played some of there stuff on local radio stations.

“Ken,” a single knock proved to be Osamu. “Hey, I brought back some ice cream,” his smiling face suddenly contorted into one of pure hatred as he stormed over, smashing his finger into the button that seemed to kill my radio. As soon as the music stopped, his cheery face returned. “Want some?”

“I’ll pass,” I sighed. I knew my brother was also suffering as well. If he were to have walked around with a tattoo on his forehead proclaiming his undying love for Jun, it would have been less obvious. “Wait, on second though, hand me a spoon.”

“Good, I got cookie dough. Total girl food,” he winked as I laughed. He handed me a small silver spoon and as soon as the lid came off, we attacked the quart.

“Osamu,” I inhaled deeply, swallowing, “I’m sorry. I know about Jun and everything and if this thing between me and Daisuke messes up your chances or…”I was interrupted by a sour chuckle from him.

“What chances Ken? I never had any chance in hell with her. She’ll only be able to see me as this boy she has movie nights with. I’m just a friend to her. Not like Matt…” he grumbled the last word hatefully. “I wouldn’t worry about me Ken.”

“Osamu,” I shifted from my position, “listen to me. I might not be as smart as you, but I do know the look some people get in their eyes when they’re deeply happy. And Jun’s eyes light up when you’re around. It’s curse of the Motomiya’s and it’s something I could never forget…”I suddenly went a bit dreamy, thinking back to all the times I had Daisuke wrapped up securely in my arms. That’s probably the only place I ever felt he truly belonged with me… “I could never forget it because I saw that look today in Daisuke’s eyes… when he was looking at Tk…”

“Ken, don’t beat yourself up over this. If Daisuke can’t see what the rest of the world does, then that’s his fault. And take it from me, I know how you felt about him, and it’ll sting for a while. No matter how nice he tries to be, it’ll still be like rubbing salt in the wounds,” I could tell he was speaking from personal experience as he shoved his spoon in, digging out another mouthful of the cold desert

“But when will it stop hurting so much?” my voice trembled. My eyes instantly fell to my bedspread, sighing in defeat. “God Osamu, I still love him like crazy. It hurts. It really, really hurts.”

“I know Ken. And I wish I could make it all go away, but I can’t work miracles. But I think you have to ask yourself a question now. Do you still love Daisuke?”

“Yes,” my answer was quick, unhesitated. There was no doubt in my heart that I still loved the mahogany haired God that quite literally slid into my life. “God I love him so much and that’s why it hurts so much.”

“Then be an Ichijouji, Ken. Fight for him,” he gave me a confidant smile as he stood up. “And I think I should follow my own advice as well,” he suddenly chuckled a little. “What is it that the Motomiya’s possess that make us Ichijouji’s feel like this?” he left the question dangling as he got up, leaving the ice cream in my room. And he was right of course. I had to fight for him. Even if Tk wins in the end, I have to at least try to get him back.

I didn’t want to live my entire life wondering what if? So, inhaling deeply, I decided that I would try to get Daisuke back at all costs. I didn’t care anymore that he cheated on me. As long as I was sure he cared about me in the least, that was good enough for me.





Tk’s POV



It had been five days since Daisuke and I had gotten together. Five long, meaningful days that made my heart skip a beat by just thinking about them. By all laws of science, I should have been the happiest creature alive. But for some reason I wasn’t. Every time I would see Daisuke’s smiling face, my heart would lurch in my chest, causing me to swallow deeply. And it wasn’t this happy pang, it was one ridden with guilt.

I tried to push this feeling away and only concentrate on how happy I should have been. I just focused on his rich hair and deep eyes. The way his smile lit up a room and the way he looked at me. So full of devotion… commitment… sorrow… a heart stopping, mind shattering sorrow.

I looked down at the smaller boy in my arms, wrapped up securely and warmly. A slight smile danced across his beautiful face. I sighed. This wasn’t right for so many reasons. Here he was with me, tucked up in my arms, smiling. He was protected and loved. It felt so natural, but at the same time felt so wrong.

For the next few days I tried with all my heart to make those feelings go away. And still, nothing would fix it. The joy that I once had being around him faded quickly. All to quickly for me. And I knew what the problem was deep down inside. I think I had known it all along, I just never wanted to admit it to myself.

Daisuke would now and forever love Ken, no matter what I did to make him think otherwise. All those times he would smile at me and kiss me, he was killing a part of himself and because of that, was hiding his misery. And that was the last thing I ever wanted. I always thought that if Ken was out of his life he would be happy and he would be with me.

And it’s only now that I realize he was happy because of Ken. He cried about him because he loved him to the point that it hurt. He loved someone else, the exact same way I loved him. His tears weren’t tears of despair, they were tears of contentment.

One night while sitting alone in my room, I cried. I cried about my relationship, the relationship that was making everyone in it miserable. I couldn’t let Daisuke go on like this. He was hurting more than he let on, but kept up appearances for my sake. But I saw through it now and I had to make it stop.

There was a knock at my front door. I got up, glancing quickly at my alarm clock for the time. Almost eleven. As I wiped away the small streaks of wetness from my pale cheeks, I went to the door. I was half expecting to see Matt, just home from his date with Jun and half expecting to see Daisuke. Who I didn’t expect to see was Ken and what I definitely didn’t expect was the right hook he sent me which crashed into my face.

“You know what Tk?” he snarled. “I am getting so sick of this. I am getting disgustingly sick at looking at you and Daisuke together. It’s kind of funny really, because I always thought of you as a friend. I never thought that you were in love with him you know?”

At this time I jumped to my feet, touching my eye slightly, only to be sent sailing into the ground again when he gave his left arm a shot. I groaned slightly, rolling into a sitting position as I spoke. “You have it all wrong Ken.”

“Really? Care to stop me when I’m wrong here,” he snapped. “You were always in love with Daisuke, I could see it in the way you looked at him. The way you acted around him. And… and he loved you back,” he voice faltered, “and even when I was dating him, you were still seeing each other. What was I Tk? Some kind of bet?”

“You’re wrong Ken,” I sighed shakily again. “It wasn’t like that at all.”

“So you’re telling me that Daisuke never cheated on me with you? That the second we broke up, he wasn’t in your arms?”

“Ken would you shut up for a bloody minute to listen to reason!?” I bit fiercely. “Ken, Daisuke and I were just friends, nothing more,” my eyes fell to the ground sadly, “and even if I wanted to be more, it would have been impossible considering he loved you. You’re right on saying I loved him tough. I love him like you wouldn’t believe. But I can never have him, only because you’re here,” I looked up at him as my blue eyes pierced his lavender ones. “I only slept with him once and that was the night you two broke up. He came to me in tears, sobbing his heart out in grief. And… and… something just came over us…”

Ken honestly looked as if he were going to rip out my throat for that, but didn’t say a word. He stayed silent for the longest time, just staring at me blankly. He was about to say something but I silenced him with a wave of my hand. “He’s still in love with you and as much as I hate that, I can never be more than a friend to him. You’re the one his heart belongs to Ken. Just go… go find him and make him happy again. Just please make him smile.”

Ken shook his head in acknowledgement, offering me his hand. I shook it tightly, smiling a slight reassuring smile. And as he walked out, he turned around and faced me again. “I’m sorry for what I did. But thank you,” and with that, he turned on his heels and ran off to find the tall brown haired leader that had captured so many hearts.

And I smiled, no longer feeling gloomy. My heart felt free and light, just like I had accomplished a great task. I knew what that was too. By signing away all the rights I had to Daisuke, I made someone else happy off of my lose. I always thought I would be the happiest man alive if I had Daisuke and through that experience I realized I wasn’t. And it took gaining him only to lose him back to the man I won him from to realize that.

I could honestly say, losing him was the best feeling I had had my entire life





Daisuke’s POV





I was sitting under the sakura tree Tk and I had visited on our first date as a couple at eleven at night. I couldn’t quite explain it, but there seemed to be this, well, emptiness in the pit of my stomach that made me sick. I wanted to desperately find out what it was but had no avail as I just sat alone, freezing at night.

I shivered as my teeth chattered slightly. Maybe if I went over to Tk’s, he would help me figure out this problem. He always knew what to do when I was like this, even if all he did was sit beside me. But then I remembered something that stopped me from getting out of my place.

It had seemed for the last few days Tk had been depressed out of depression. I tried to be there for him, but every time I would come closer to him, he seemed to get worse and worse. Every smile I gave him sent him tumbling deeper and deeper down into a pit of blackness.

I sighed. I knew this was all because of me. I always pushed people away, even if I didn’t want to. Like Ken. God, I never wanted to break up with him. That night basically took my heart and sent it through the blender. Another cool breeze swept over the land and I shivered again. I now fully regretted wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt.

So before I caught pneumonia, I stood up, brushing off the rose colored petals from my clothing and began to walk home. I kept my gaze perfectly leveled on the ground, physically and emotionally to weak to support the weight of my head.

But another feeling swept over me as I approached my apartment building. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw a tall, slender sapphire haired figure turning the corner. I prayed that he wouldn’t notice me as my pace quickened to one of almost a dash. But sadly he did notice a blur of brown hair zoom into the picture as he too quickened his pace. I never cursed and thanked the fact Ken was faster than me so much in my entire life. With only a few quick steps he had caught up to me, latching a firm hand around my shoulder, stopping me dead in my tracks.

“Daisuke!” he panted. “Daisuke please stop!” he almost begged as I spun around to face him. A burning revulsion clear in my cinnamon eyes.

“What?” I snapped, trying my best to put on a false mask of hatred. But before I could do anything else, he yanked me close to him, wrapping his arms around me in a much-needed embrace. One that I missed so much.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry Daisuke,” he apologized quickly, squeezing me tighter. He softly passed his fingers through my tangled mess of chocolate hair, sobbing his apologies out rapidly. “I… I never wanted this to happen. God I miss you so much.”

“Ken,”I stifled a choke, “I can’t do this… I… I’m with Tk now…”he seemed to laugh right along with his tears.

“Yea, I kinda just got back from his place…”he trailed off, letting his arm dangle to his side. I looked down slightly to see a pinkish burn mark across his knuckles. My head instantly shot up to meet his gaze as he smiled softly. “We sort of had a run in, but we talked… a lot. Mostly about you and I came to a realization.”

“What kind of realization?” I muttered numbly.

“That no matter what happens, I will always love you Daisuke Motomiya. I love you so much…”he breathed deeply, lowering his gaze to meet mine. And with a practiced grace, he gently placed a soft kiss on my lips. His grip on me tightened as he parted hesitantly, allowing our foreheads to touch. “And I don’t care what happens, or who you’re with, I will get you back somehow.”

“Ken…”I wept freely, throwing my arms around him. “I love you too… I hate fighting with you…”

“Please give me another chance… give us another chance…”he begged, hugging me protectively. Without even responding to him, I cried out happily, throwing my arms around his neck while kissing him firmly. We stayed like that for as long as our bodies would permit without passing out from lack of oxygen.

“I love you Ken,” I whispered as I kissed his soft lips.

“I love you to Daisuke,” he sighed contently, pulling me into his strong body. We stayed like that, remembering the pure perfectness that seemed to radiate between us. And I knew that at that moment we would be together until the end of time itself.

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