You never really realize just how much potential you had as a child, until you're old and gray, looking back on the better times you had in life. As for me, I never realized just how much one event could utterly change the course of a person's life. Now, at seventy years of age, I look back at the memories of my childhood, I recall all the possibilities that had lay before me. I looked back at the job I chose to pursue and the jobs I could have pursued. Yet no matter how much I reflect, one infallible fact always stands out. The fact, that if I had stayed in school, everything I have now, would cease to exist.

Yet I digress. I'll begin at the beginning. Everything will make much more sense.

In my opinion, my life only began when I was twelve. Everything before that was trivial and unpleasant. It was the second I stepped through the sparkling gates of Villa Maria, did I feel truly alive for the first time ever. The friends that had seemed to allude me my entire life, suddenly became numerous and plentiful. I was happy. I was truly, unequivocally happy.

It was there, at Villa, did my lifelong adventure begin. The one that would consume my every thought for the next three years and only twenty years later, become reality.

My idea was created on a softball field in my senior year. It started off as a joke to myself as I tossed the softball back to home plate. Yet, the more I let the idea fester, the more lifelike it began to appear. In fact, it got so lifelike, that I could no longer focus on my studies. I sadly failed my mathematics exam and the principal of the school ___ asked me to leave. I was deeply saddened by this.

For the next two years, I wandered around aimlessly with my boyfriend Matthew, and together, we made movies. It was in 2006, with the aide of up and coming movie star, Hayley Smirnow, did our film "Blown In The Wind" see success. Matthew and I became extremely wealthy and were celebrated as being two of the youngest directors in history to ever make a multi-million dollar movie.

Yet movies were not my passion in life. So, in 2007, I said goodbye to Matthew, packed up all my belongings and moved to Brazil. It was there, under the blistering Brazilian sun, that I started my life in the drug empire…

Years flew by all too quickly. In less than two years, I was one of the most notorious drug lords in all of South America. The reason: no one every suspects the white girl. I was infamous for my elaborate parties that I threw almost nightly. Some parties, just never stopped.

Tragically, one night I had a little too much to drink and was arrested outside of my Brazilian mansion for indecent exposure. Apparently, shirts WERE required wearing…

Jail was not so horrible though. It was there, I met Stefania Guiani, the young lady that would later become my partner in crime. Literally. It turns out she was arrested for trying to create a nuclear weapon. Or something along those lines…

What I learnt in prison with her though, was shocking. We both had the same ideas as children! We both wanted world domination, and we would both have world domination. She told me "With our looks, my brain and your connections, we can rule the world." little did we know it would only be a few years later and that dream would become reality.

For the next year we plotted in the cramped Brazilian jail. We became very good friends with the police guards, seducing them into freeing us for money and drugs. Something, I had both of. The one thing we both learnt though, was that in Brazil, the cops are even more corrupt than the criminals.

When we were both released from prison, for good behavior, we both married our drug lord boyfriends in a double wedding. July 25th, 2011 was the day I married my love, Armande Margerito Bandero Lopes, the head of the infamous drug cartel "The Citizens". As well it was a day never to be forgotten.

For you see, at the wedding Stefania and I met up with a long time friend, Sara Mansoor Ali and for a mere twenty million dollars and all of Asia, she agreed to build up a nuclear bomb with the plans Stefania had brilliantly thought up before she was incarcerated.

After six long months and a lot of conning on our parts, Stefania and I managed to convince our husbands to merge the drug cartels into one single cartel that would rule the entire drug world. They then renamed the cartel, "Beautiful People" after us, their brilliant and lovely wives.

It was only sometime later, that Stefania came up with the brilliant idea to traffic our drugs to the rest of the world through makeup. The Drug Enforcement Agency had been down our backs a lot as of late and I had to call upon several of my assassins to take care of the pesky spies. Honestly, you would think they would learn to leave us alone, but no!

We created a new makeup line called "Beautiful People". All the celebrities in Hollywood begin to wear our product. With Hayley's help, " Beautiful People " became even more popular than Cover Girl and L'Oreal. When our drug liaisons found out that we were successfully managing to traffic our drugs through the makeup, our industry boomed when drug users everywhere began buying our product. Now, drug addicts and non-drug addicts bought our product! It was brilliant!

Sadly, after spending so much time in South America became a little boring. We now successfully had the entire South American government in our pockets, thus controlling everything that happened. We knew all and saw all that happened in our country, and Stefania and I made sure that employment went up and poverty went down. By the time we left in 2014, South America was on a steady recovery, matching the United States pound for pound in drug exports.

With South America wrapped around our fingers, we left the running of the cartel to our husbands and left for Canada to continue with our plans of world domination. We decided Canada would be an easy spot to hit first, considering it was our native country.

The very second we got to Canada; we threw an elaborate party, inserting ourselves in the political underworld immediately. We invited every single political leader from all over the world to our party that was held right in the heart of Montreal!

We met the prime minister, Paul Martin, and automatically set to work on our plan. We seduced him into getting us into the public eye, and we suddenly became very good friends with him. We got involved with the Canadian economy and began learning all the weak points that we would later exploit. When the next election came, two years later, I decided to run. My campaign was "A Woman For Women". Considering more than half the population of Canada (that were legal voting age) were women, I won by a landslide. And I did it all legally too!

Now, the very first thing I did as prime minister of Canada was I made the economy of Canada 100% narco-democratic. I opened strip clubs with federal money to get women prostitutes off the streets and also legalized the drug trade.

My strip clubs, "Canary's Cage" became even more popular than opium dens and women were making thousands a night. Tourists flew in from all over the world to witness and take part in the new nightlife I had created. Montreal became the bigger and better Amsterdam ad our economy rose 45% in just three years.

In 2016, Stefania left for the United States to continue on with our plan. In less than three months, with the help of our fellow friend Don Lucio, Stefania became the first lady of the United States. Canada and the United States merged instantly as the North America merged with South America. Our plan was flowing smoothly.

The next stop on our list: Japan. Without Japan, Asia would crumble. And it did. In 2016, we stopped trading with Japan, and without the exports and imports from North America, the economy began to crumble.

In less than a year, Japan's economy had become worthless. Japan was begging us to help them and exactly a year later, we bought Japan, resuming our trade with them, as well as promising them fish and coal for a cheaper price. All they had to do was give us their loyalty, which they did without hesitation.

Stefania and I were then faced with a huge problem. That huge problem being Russia. Through use of force, we divided Russia in half, moving a large section of the Chinese population to the new country. The Russian president, unable to cope with the stress, killed himself, making the transition that much easier for the two of us.

We were then faced with the problem of all the angry Russians. We simply promised the Russians a lot of money and Western Asia if they followed us. They were a little skeptical, yet as soon as I told them I would personally give them all the vodka they could drink, they agreed with enthusiasm.

When we stopped trading with the Middle East, their already unstable economies crashed and were an easy target for us. That very year, in 2018, Stefania and I controlled all of Asia, North America, South America and Australia. Our final destination: Africa.

In 2018, I traveled to Africa, pleading with the government to help us out with our plot. You see, Europe was the only obstacle the stood between us and complete world domination. Promising medication, money and jobs to the people of Africa, I successfully convinced the government to join in with our crusade.

In hindsight, we really didn’t like Europe for some reason…

The final stage of our plan was at hand. Stefania had traveled back to the United States to see how her army was doing and I managed to convince my husband to send over his personal army to help train the African people. I had just cut off all trade with Europe and they were promising a war. Well, if a war was what they wanted, then a war was what we would give them!

To Europeans, they called it "World War Three". To everyone else in the world, we called it "the mini battle that lasted three months, with no casualties that lead to the downfall of Europe". A much more fitting title if you ask me.

France, Britain and Germany gave us the most problems, but when Stefania remembered she had the nuclear bomb Sara had made in her attic, they quietly pulled back in defeat.

Finally, after eighteen years the world was ours! We successfully fulfilled every single promise we made and the world resumed as if nothing had happened. In reality, nothing much had happened, safe for the fact two women now controlled every single aspect of the Earth. No big deal really…

Stefania moved back to the United States and I moved back to Canada. I clear-cut the Prairie Provinces to make way for a new drug breeding ground and sent over all the animals to Europe, which later became known as the land of the endless trees. Everything was looking up! Everyone was content and poverty, unemployment and starvation were rapidly being cut down.

But tragedy struck June 10th, 2019, when my beloved husband was shot and killed in a drug war. I was devastated. Thankfully, my boyfriend helped me through that time of misery. But there's no use crying over spilt milk. That was ages ago! I was thirty-three years of age, still in my prime!

The rest after that is history. The world right now is in almost perpetual harmony. Even now as I look out my castle window from atop Mount. Khuit, I see the smiling faces of my happy people. Stephan Spielberg, the grandson of Steven Spielberg asked to make a movie on the lives of the two most famous females in all of history. Jennifer Lopez Jr and Kate Bekinsale are set to portray us. I told him sure. Why not?

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