Title: Another Man
Author: Kendra
Rating: PG
Summary: Maximus realizes the darkness that now resides within himself may not be all bad.
Disclaimer: Not for profit, not for anything but release. This is along the lines of Yearning, it takes place once Maximus is thrust into the role of Gladiator.

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For every drop of blood that seeps into the sand beneath my feet a part of who I am is torn from my being, the man I once knew, is fast becoming a distant memory. When I dare to glance into my soul I no longer see Maximus, little of that man now exists, all I find staring back at me are the eyes of a stranger, the Spaniard.

Nights are the worst, for I am never sure who I truly am, how could this Spaniard long for his dead wife and child, for they are not his loves they are mine. How can this killer know what it feels like to have your heart ripped from your chest upon finding your family slaughtered, their lives mere tokens in a mad man's game? He can not or else it could be perceived as his greatest weakness, leading only to his destruction.

How could it have been so easy to slip into the role thrust upon me, the role of brutal killer, what slept deep within my being and quickly awoke when my heart bled? The truth is, if I open that door within my soul, the one I refused to acknowledge I would find that this Spaniard has always resided. He was the one that kept me sane during the ravages of war, he was the one who took control when duty called to extinguish another man's life; this abomination I now hate may actually have been my savior at one time.

Now that I have relinquished Maximus from existence, the one goal, which this Spaniard lusts for, is the death of the other man's betrayer. This abomination is both patient and skilled, he will bide his time until the moment appears and finally he too can rest, after his so-called brother's demise. But now that I've accepted the fact that who I once pertained to be no longer exists, forces are beckoning to bring that man back from the dead, forces that seem to feel he still lives though I deny this with every breath. General Maximus no longer resides in this body, I have given it freely to the gladiator, and I had to, that was the only way to carry out my revenge, the only way to make amends for my sorrow. Damn these people for believing that the great General Maximus still lives, damn these ghosts which threaten to bring that man back into the present and damn myself for trying to believe he were already a memory.

The man I thought dead does exist, Maximus lives, and his duty to Rome still must be culminated if there is to be true enlightenment, true freedom, and true peace. One more battle lies ahead for me, it is a battle I must face alone, I can no longer give myself to this darker part of my being. Yet part of me still longs for the comfort the Spaniard allowed, the comfort of keeping my sanity, the comfort of knowing I was not capable of blood lust, and the comfort of being numb to the pain. But I now know that I alone am the one to set things right, I have the power to make a difference and I have the power to set myself free from these chains which not only bind my wrists but my soul as well. I will go home.