DSP -- Parody: How Long has this Been Going On

How Long has this Been Going On

by D.A. Landhill
(with apologies to George & Ira Gershwin)

As a tot, when I trotted in little velvet panties
I was spanked by my sisters, my cousins and my aunties.
Sad to tell, it was hell -- An inferno worse than Dante's
And so, my Dear, I swore: "Never, never, more!"
When I could, I said thanks that spanking would be crossed out.
Now I find, I was blind, and Oh Baby, how I've Lost out.

I Could cry salty tears,
what was I thinking all these years?
Whisper dear, in my ear
How long has this been going on?

There were chills up my spine,
and some thrills I can't define
Listen sweet, I repeat,
How long has this been going on?

Oh I feel that I could melt
into heaven I'm hurled
when you "caress" me with your belt
taking me to another world!

Smack me once, than once more
what a dunce I was before
What a Break! For Heaven's sake!
How long has this been going on?

'neath the Stars, at bazaars often i've had to caress men
Five or ten dollars then I'd collect from all those yesmen.
Don't be sad, I must add that they meant no more than chessmen
Darling, can't you see 'twas for charity?
Though these cheeks have been weak, it was never really serious
Who'd a'thought I'd be brought to a state that's so delirious

Now I cry salty tears,
where have you been all these years?
Spanker true, tell me do
How long has this been going on?

How I kick, how I buzz
Boy, you smack as no one does
Listen sweet, I repeat,
How long has this been going on?

Dear when o'er your lap I creep
that divine rendezvous
Don't be upset if I should weep
All my dreams have come true!

Smack me twice, than once more
That makes thrice, here comes four!
What a Break! For Heaven's sake!
How long has this been going on?