DSP -- Jessie's Essay on Punishment

I've been asked to explore the meaning of punishment and, while, I'm happy to comply, despite also being kind of embarrassed, it's not a subject I can be objective about, especially as writing this is a punishment for me :-(

I found two somewhat different meanings for the word, which I'll focus on here. The first is: "suffering or pain that serves as retribution or a fault, offense, or violation."

I've never actually experienced this before now.

The second meaning, more familiar to me, is "severe, rough, or disastrous treatment."

This describes the punishment I knew as a child. Nowhere does it claim to serve the sufferer in any way. In fact, it is "disastrous."

Growing up, my misbehavior was not corrected. The only sort of "scolding" I recall involved a few drunken rants regarding my total lack of worth. For the most part, though, when my parents took notice of somethng they didn't like in my behavior, they responded with the silent treatment. As a girl, I could spend days, occasionally even weeks, in my parents house with neither of them speaking to me.

It takes my breath away to remember this. It was so maddening and confusing. Usually, I wasn't exactly sure what I'd done wrong, so I didn't know what to do about it. Ususally, I'd end up getting sick. Disastrous.

Punishment, by the first definition, a penalty exacted for an offense, is an act of love, and those of us who never experienced this are left craving it. The fantasies we nurture and the games we play are all about punishment.

And maybe that accounts for some of the things we find ourselves doing. We stay up till three in the morning on work nights and we forget to pay our bills and we eat junk food and we neglect to finish the projects that will make us happiest and we do ourselves all manner of harm, still seeking the punishment we didn't receive at five or ten or fifteen.

I crave loving correction...and that's not easy to admit. But, scolding *is* the opposite of ignoring. It spells out the offense, so one isn't left guessing and it draws attention to the misbehavior and the harm it causes. And it pays attention to what's really going on.

The very idea of doing corner time makes my face burn red...but there's catharsis in it too. To be brought to tears this way, and to stand there, not because one is bound, but because one has chosen to obey the order of someone who cares...there's such relief in that!

I've never had a punishment spanking. In truth, I've never really been punished. The thought of being bared for real punishment, of feeling a brush or a belt slapping my naked bottom, scares me. Yet, I crave it.

So, in summary, punishment, proper punishment, is a good thing. Abuse can be inflicted without ever laying a hand on someone. It takes more kindness and caring to properly punish, to mete out "suffering or pain" as a penalty for poor behavior. And punishment should be memorable, its message of caring so well-delivered that the offender will never again consider committing the same harmful offense.

On the other hand, there's something to be said for mercy too...:-)

-Jessie