Dr. A Interview I’ve never liked interviews that much, and fortunately they’re not as much as a mainstay as they used to be. For some reason I did one though. This is one of those ones done the typical way reporters did interviews – they emailed you a set of questions and you answer them. Then after you send your reply back, the reporter embellishes what you wrote and gives himself interesting lines and makes up lines for you to say to try to transition the questions and answers so they look more like a conversation than a list of emailed questions (which they are). Of course the reporter never sells your character right and in this case created some sort of gay “fight” between them or something. He also adds gay lines, something along the lines of like “you must be from Frisco.” Ugh. Anyway, the only reason I am posting this here is because I stumpled upon its existence recently at the Internet Archive. I decided that if the internet Archive was going to go to the effort to save an interview I did in 2001, I might as well throw it up here. It’s total crap, but it’s partially about me and I have a huge ego, so that’s good enough for me.

It's time for another interview as we see two different doctors in front of the SHOW logo... one of course is Wezel...

Wezel~"Welcome my fellow Doctor."

Dr Abortion~"You aren't a doctor!"

Wezel~"Shut up and let's get into this. How long have you been in Wrassle [dot] net? How much of that time has been with the SHOW?”

Dr Abortion~"I showed up here in 1733, with my good friend John Oglethorpe. We founded a debtor’s colony in Georgia. No. Wait. Maybe it was October. Yeah. On second thought I’ve just been here since October. SHOW the whole time. CSlam before that, til’ I faked my death. But it’s a long story."

Wezel~"Why would you fake a death is beyond my knowledge but you have been a big part of the SHOW, how many times have you been to the TSOB?”

Dr Abortion~"A million. Stop asking me such stupid questions. And don’t even try to get all impertinent with me. I am clearly much bigger than you.”

Wezel~"I am a thug and I do what I want!”

Dr Abortion~"I didn’t get this big by being sucky at my job like some rodent!”

Wezel~"I won’t engage in a battle of wits with you, I’d never attack an unarmed man! Now let’s continue! Out of anybody in all of Wrassle [dot] net, who do you want to fight?”

Dr Abortion~"Clearly no one is even on my caliber. No one has the ability, the skill that I do. Old man Chevalier was sure he was better than me, that he could beat me when it came down to it. But I viciously thrashed him twice for the RP Title. That means I’m better than him. And if Chevalier is the best Wrassle has to offer that means I don’t want to… don’t have to… fight anyone. I’d much prefer sipping Ice Blue Kool-Aid in my locker room, sitting back and watching other morons cry and try to get shots at my titles.”

Wezel~"I’m not familiar with Chevalier but if he contributes to that huge head and ego of yours then I don’t wanna meet him! What made you decide to come up with your current gimmick? I mean the whole killing of babies, not the jackass like Lynx.”

Dr Abortion~"Gimmick?! What the hell is that supposed to mean? Listen son, I went to Johns Hopkins University and got myself a medical degree. Unlike an unintelligent person like you. I am a licensed physician. I ran my own free clinic in Washington, DC, where I helped send unwanted children on their way to oblivion. I’m here now simply because I’m so buff and this pays slightly better than butchering fetuses. And what do you mean Jackass?”

Wezel~"I call them as I see them! Who has been your most influential ally since you started “’wrasslin?’”

Dr Abortion~"Dr. Abortion has never had a friend. He doesn’t need any. Dr. A has never been in a stable and doesn’t need other people to carry him. I am a one man wrecking crew, a physician on a mission with no need for other pathetic people to drag me down. I’ve never had allies, I have had tools though. Whitelight, Baby Bubba… I’ve used people like these to interfere in matches for me, to help me achieve more. What do they get in return for it? Swerved… beaten… destroyed. They should have known better.”

Wezel~"God! Could you be any more annoying?”

Dr Abortion~"I’m the reason your getting ratings!”

Wezel~"Yeah right! Has there been any commish, besides Bez of course, that you have taken a liking to?”

Dr Abortion~"Kronus. Kronus was and is a dreamy basket of kittens. Stupid bastard.”

Wezel~"If that doesn’t say your from Frisco then I don’t know what does! We all know about the Dedication Title tournament, who do you think will be facing you for the gold at this month’s FPV?”

Dr Abortion~"Whitelight, Nature Boy… both immediately dropped out when they realized that they would have to eventually face me if they went on in the tourney. Both know they can’t beat me. They claim they’re too busy or have other things. They don’t want to lose to me again though. In the end it doesn’t matter who wins the Tournament, because I will kill them just like I will kill Stephanie McMahon’s unborn child when I find her.”

Wezel~"Well you can’t miss the funbags on that hosehound! Although, do you really think she’s pregnant?”

Dr Abortion~"If she is then she won’t be for long cuz I will just be doing my job!”

Wezel~"Is there any certain title you would like to have under your waist?”

Dr Abortion~"Well… one time back in Hopkins, when I was rooming with my little midget college buddies Roe and Wade”

Wezel~"They prefer to be called little people.”

Dr Abortion~"No, they are okay with midget, there was this pie-eating contest in Baltimore. But I guess that was more of a trophy thing than a belt thing. The point is that I have won every belt that I have fought for… eventually. I also kill babies. In case you hadn’t figured that out yet, Sherlock.”

Wezel~"Now I see why you don’t have any friends! What titles have you held in the SHOW and how many times?”

Dr Abortion~"Who the hell keeps track of stupid stuff like that? Bean counters. Desperate people who want to prove their worth. I am goddamn better than everyone else which means that I don’t need titles to convince myself how good I am. There is not a single man in Wrassle that is better than the Doc from DC. Sure, they may be a bit more apt at ‘clicking buttons…’ but I am the Champ where it matters.”

Wezel~"I haven’t seen a head like that since I stepped out of the shower!”

Dr Abortion~"That’s what causes the need for my services!”

Wezel~"What? My head, you know this thing that holds my brain, swells when it gets wet.”

Dr Abortion~"But if you want an answer to your stupid question, I’ve held them all except for the Primetime Title. But then again, I’ve thankfully never been booked in a match for that mid-carder title so beneath me. I was the friggin’ triple crown SHOW Champ. Dedication, Skullcrusher, Tag… three titles, one fed, at one time - that’s one title for every shoulder.”

Wezel~"Stupid? It’s time for Rassler Rundown. What do you think of Lynx?”

Dr Abortion~"He is, in every definition of the word, a jackass. He’s so bad I almost wish I were still in the CRF.”

Wezel~"Baby Bubba?”

Dr Abortion~"A total lackey. Willing to do whatever I tell him to. However, he seems to get moody whenever I try to do things like kill his unborn children… jeez… that’s why he is no longer my manservant. He wants to be again, but I can’t stand “funny” people.”

Wezel~"Vincent Black?”

Dr Abortion~"Who the hell is Vincent Black? Like a midcarder or something, right? You’ve got to excuse me… I don’t really watch the crap they put on the SHOW TV show. Especially lower-card nobodies like that. His matches must be the ones where I get up to go take a wiz.”

Wezel~"Hard to believe you can go in your mouth, because that is what it smells like! Myself?”

Dr Abortion~"A total douche bag. I read your article from a while ago. A real big man when I’m not around, huh? You know, I don’t know where this whole “I take steroids” thing got started. I may be a licensed doctor that can prescribe anything to myself that I want, totally legally; but I have standards and never abuse drugs. *cough*want a hookup?*cough*”

Wezel~"Douche bag? You must have seen that on one of your mom’s appliances! I will act big with you hear or not. I got ties! And hell no I don’t want a hook up! Bez?”

Dr Abortion~"He’s a maggot. Plus he looks like Emilio Estevez from that “Men at Work” movie.”

Wezel~"We’ll see your SHOW career become a living hell now. Did you hear his comment Bez? And finally, Whitelight?”

Dr Abortion~"What are you trying to do? Get me fired? Even if I did there isn’t one commish who doesn’t want to pick me up! Whitelight is and will always be a has been. At one time it appears as if he may have had talent. Yet he puts no effort into his work. He’s a joke of a man, and got the most predictable, boring, un-dramatic swerve in the world. Oh yeah, he was also banging my girlfriend. He better just remember that that Transcontinental Title he holds was never lost by me, he simply had it handed to him by Bez because I had too many titles.”

Wezel~"You got your woman stolen by Whitelight! Did she need one of your operations?”

Dr Abortion~"The story of my life. I’m just too talented for my own good. I also kill babies, which reminds me. I’ve got to go.”

Dr. A gets up and takes off…

Wezel~"That was worth than having teeth pulled!”

Dr Abortion~"What was that punk?”

Wezel~"Holy Schnikes! Looks like there is always no business like SHOW business! See you guys later!”

Wezel gets up and runs as we see Dr. A walk by then the camera shuts off…