Diggzy Brown: Ed! I dropped off the armband in the bushes outside the reptile house. Give me that taipan next.
They pull open the top glass cover and it comes slithering out slowly.
Acid Ed: Okay, you’re supposed to grab it from behind the head. Do it quick and then it can’t turn its head and bite.
Diggzy slowly moves in and…
*bite*
Diggzy Brown: YAAAGHHH!!!
Acid Ed: That’s okay… it’s okay man. It’s just like being stabbed by two pins. You’ll get over it. Like I said… totally de-venomed. Or de-venomated. De-venified? Whatever the hell the word is!
Diggzy tries again slowly, and this time grabs it so that it can't bite. Blood runs from the back of his hand, which has the two marks on it to indicate his last mistake. But that’s all, no pain or venom.
Diggzy Brown: I gotta hold onto this thing tight! All right, heading back to the reptile house now.
And he heads off in that direction. Just as he gets there, he hears a screaming charge.
Sam Elliot: AGHHH!!!!!!
Sam continues franticly running. He turns to look behind him. Yep, the leopard is still chasing him. Unfortunately… when he finally turns to look forward again… it’s too late.
*THUD*
He smacks right into the wall of the reptile house and goes down hard.
Leopard: RAWWWR-*THUD*
And so does the Leopard.
Diggzy Brown: Damn that looks like it had to hurt. Whatever. Suckers.
He steps over Sam, reaches into the bushes, and continues on his way.
About 10 seconds later, Sam starts to come to, shaking the cobwebs from his head.
Sam Elliot: What the?... Oh man… I’ve got a huge bump on my- AGHHH! LEOPARD!
He sees it right there next to him, with it’s mouth open wide and teeth showing. However, in a second he realizes that the Leopard is knocked out just as he was.
Sam Elliot: I gotta get away from this crazy cat before it recovers and goes after me again!
Sam Looks up and sees where he is at.
Sam Elliot: Oh… perfect! I can get one of the animals that I need right here!
He swings through the door and heads inside, knowing he’s now safe from the leopard since leopards don’t have opposable thumbs and can't get in the door after him. However, velociraptors can open doors, so he may need to watch out for those babies.
Sam Elliot: Okay, okay, okay. Let’s find out where that deadly snake is at.
He walks through the halls, looking at all the case labels to see what snakes are inside. As he does this, two Zookeepers come walking by.
Female Zookeeper: … yeah, that’s right. He broke into the Leopard habitat. So then Sue, the mother leopard, starting going after him because she’s territorial. He ran the heck out of there, but she jumped out after him. It was like he- HEY… HEY WAIT… THERE HE IS, RIGHT THERE!
Sam Elliot: Huh? Oh crap!
Male Zookeeper: You there, STOP!
Female Zookeeper: Make sure he doesn’t get away. I’m calling park security.
Sam Elliot: Security? Whoa, whoa! Hold it. This is a misunderstanding. Look, Wrassle is holding this event with the animals and-
Female Zookeeper: Hello? Officer. Yes, I found that guy who broke into the Leopard habitat. Yes, he’s right here and…
Sam Elliot: STOP! Look, there are two other guys running around and doing the same thing as me. There is even a booth set up sponsoring it. You can go and check with Icehawg, Burnt and Davros and see!
Male Zookeeper: Haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. Just wait for security and we’ll get this figured out.
Sam Elliot: NO! Screw this! I’m not getting held up by security! I’ve got to win this for the Mental Military! I can’t let those other stables get the upper hand!
As the Male Zookeeper grabs onto is harm, Sam twists it and easily breaks away. After all, he is a 7-foot-tall pro wrestler. He does out power the zookeeper by just a bit.
Male Zookeeper: He’s getting away!
Female Zookeeper: Stop him!
He starts to give chase, so Sam does the only thing he can do. He punches the glass of the nearest exhibit, and it shatters.
Sam Elliot: AGH! That stings like a… WHOA!
He backs off and keeps running as a King Cobra comes slithering out.
It did its trick though. The Zookeeper stops his pursuit when he sees the Cobra in-between himself and the direction that Sam ran off.
Male Zookeeper: I’m not going that way! We got a loose one!
As Sam runs, he quickly glances at all of the cases.
Python? No. Water Moccasin? Useless. Coral Snake? Big deal. Western Diamondback? Meh. Taipan? … BINGO!
Sam Elliot: Damn, now that I’ve got here, what am I going to do?
He looks around. He’s right by a door that says “Employees Only.”
Sam Elliot: This looks promising. He twists the handle but it’s locked, so he instead kicks the door and it flies right open. He enters into what is an employee equipment area. And there he sees it… A Snake Bagger©! The patented tool used for handling snakes at a good safe distance. A fabric bag on the end of a generously long 60-inch pole.
Sam Elliot: We’re in business now.
Sam Elliot: Now to get out of here. Hrm… can’t go back that way. Ah, okay. Here we go.
He looks at a big red door which says “EMERGENCY EXIT – ALARM WILL SOUND”
Sam Elliot: Ah, what the hell? I’m already in enough trouble as it is.
He goes through it and the fire alarm sounds. But sure enough, he’s gotten out of that reptile house and is on his way back to Davros.