**Warning: I have Dusty's permission to use Dusty, Spanky, and Stan in my rps.**
(The scene opens up at Doozer's House, as usual because of the 'Tape Your Life' program. Doozer is just waking up with both of the Tag Team Championships over his shoulder. The Dude gets in the shower and dressed, then Doozer follows him. They are both just sitting there doing nothing, Mike Robinson left after he quit the Dream Wrestling Federation and Yojin and Doozer are having some problems, and Slim Shady is just not there. Doozer finds a letter next to his seat where Slim used to sit. He picks it up and start to read it.) Doozer Reading It Out Loud: Sorry, Doozer, but I have to leave you now. I don't want you to get arrested to be "In the Precense" if you know what I mean. So, this is Slim signing off, I might see you in five years or so. (Doozer puts the letter down. He just sits there staring at a shut off Television....oops, Boob Tube is what Doozer wants it to be called. The Dude was bored so he decided to go to the bathroom. For almost the first time in his life, Doozer is alone.) Doozer: Holy sh(censored), I am alone. Hey, I'm not totally alone, I still got my two good buddies, the tag team championships. Oh, who am I kidding, this sucks ass. Wait, who am I kidding, if I was alone I wouldn't be kidding anybody, so there must be someone around me to be kidding. Man, I am totally alone, this sucks ass. Okay, now I am talking to myself. I guess being around Dusty all the time for the DARE Weight Loss Program is starting to rub off on me. Doozer #2: Yes, it is. You are a frigen dumb ass man. I can't believe I'm talking to you and you are talking back. Either you are high on crack right now, or you need to visit Happy Acres. Doozer: Alright, why don't you just shut the hell up. You are the dumb one anyway. I can't believe that you just insisted on me going to a mental institution. There is nothin wrong with me. Doozer #2: Then why are you still talking to me? Man, my balls really itch right now. Doozer: Hey, like Dusty said a while ago, if you itch your balls, then you will be itching my balls and well...that's when people start to talk. Then, they look at you in a wierd way. Before you know it, you are known as the man who itched his balls..... WAIT A MINUTE. They are my balls, you are me, so they are your balls, too. Itch away amigo. (Doozer #2 starts itching his balls. He is also itching Doozer's balls at the same time since they both have the same balls. I know it's really a hard thing to understand, but when you have balls that itch while you are talking to yourself, you'll understand just perfectly.) Doozer: That was some good ball itching. You must itch your balls all the time. Okay, I guess we should stop talking about itching balls. It's getting kind of wierd. Oh, you wanna hear a kick ass joke? Doozer #2: Let me guess, this is the joke, right. First, a guy is lost in the woods, all of a sudden, he finds a house right there. He walks in and the father invites him to stay for the night. While at supper, the father tells him that he can not screw his daughter. The guy is thinking that his daughter is ugly anyway, so he agrees. Then, the daughter comes down to supper and she is really, really hot. I mean, talk about T&A. So, the guys says, screw her old man, i'm doing her tonight. So, they do it that night and he wakes up in the morning with a good sized rock on his chest. The guys thinks to himself, well I'll just throw the big rock out the window. So, right before he throws it out, he reads a message that says, left nut attatched to big rock. It is too late to stop the rock, so he figures that he'll just jump out with it. Then, he reads a message right below the other, it says, right nut attached to bed. Doozer: You just totally ruined the whole joke, it would have sounded a lot better coming out of my mouth. I was the one who was supposed to tell it, damn you. I'm never going to talk to you again, ever. You are a packer in the fudge factory. Doozer #2: Well, I never liked you either. I don't ever want to talk to you again, either. Wait a minute, if I'm a packer in the fudge factory, that means you are a Fudge Packer too. Hahah, you just tooled on yourself. What a moron. (The Dude finally comes out of the bathroom. He thought he heard Doozer talking to someone, but Doozer is just sitting there on the couch wearing his tag team titles just like Kurt Angle wore his Intercontinental and European Titles.) The Dude: I could've sworn that I heard you talking to somebody. Man, maybe I'm still just some retard to has a big imagination. God, I am retarded. Momy, why'd you drop me on the head so much? Why? I hate you mommy, you never treated me right. Doozer: You moron, your mom left you right after you were born. I think the docter was bouncing you on his leg and the ceiling was too low. Either that or you know how they slap the baby's butt? I think they thought your face was your butt cause you are soo but ugly. The Dude: That really, really hurt. I mean, it really hurt. But, not as much as this is gonna. I think you are a gay ass teacher!!! You are a teacher, haha. Doozer: Ya know what? This one is for my man, Slim Shady!!! The Dude: That was pretty good. I guess you aren't a gay ass teacher. 'Cause teachers can't bust rhymes like that. Hey, I guess we are back to the old days, huh. Just me and you, those were cool times. Want to watch some movies from the past? Doozer: Sure man, but maybe tomorrow. I can't today, I got to go to the arena pretty soon. Let's add a new adventure to our book before that though. I feel like going to a restaurant. A chinese one!!! Yeah, let's go get some chinese food. The Dude: For a second, I thought you were gonna say restroom, but i bet that place has one or maybe too. They might even be chinese bathrooms TOO!!! Yay, for China. Alright, let's go!!! (Doozer and The Dude hop into the limo, Doozer has both of his tag team championship belts along with him. The Dude has his plunger title that some president made for him because he wasn't leaving him alone. Doozer tells the limo driver where they are headed to and they are off.) Doozer: Hey, I have a match on friday. Yeah, I haven't been fighting much because I've been doing a lot of stuff lately, but I do have a match of friday and I'm gonna kick some ass. I am ready to face three hall of famers. Hey, with Dazz, The Dream Champ, Extremist, the US Champ, and Me, both of the Tag Team Champs, well you can't beat a team like that. We will crush Nas and Sweeney and whoever else we are fighting, I'm not sure really. All I know is this. First, I'm gonna Dooze them. Then I'm gonna abuse them!!! The Dude: That's a pretty sweet new catchphrase, got any others? Doozer: Well, these are my current catchphrases. Number One, Doozer is in the house and he's ready to RAISE some HELL and DO some DAMAGE!!! That's right, you're looking at the Innovation of Devastation, the Master of Disaster, the man, the myth, the legend, the one, the only, The Dooze!!! That's my opening catchphrase. My ending catchphrase is... So, to all you cool cat red sox fans out there.... KEEP COOL and Keep Kicking Ass. 'Cause winning might not be everything, BUT LOSING SUCKS ASS!!! My other catchphrase is, You are all just bricks in the wall that seperates me from what I want to be. Another one is, You are just some Packer in The Fudge Factory or you Beat The Meat in The Meat Factory. The one I just said, I'm gonna Dooze you. Then I'm gonna abuse you. This is another one I was thinking of... First, THE GREEN MONSTER is gonna stop you from winning. Then, you cap you off, THE PESKY POLL is gonna fall on you!!! The Dude: Those are pretty good. Now, could you explain that last catchphrase for like the people listening and....stuff!!! Doozer: No prob, Bob. He's the special ref, haha. Okay, Now THE GREEN MONSTER of Fenway Park stops homeruns. Well, my GREEN MONSTER, the Double Leg Underhook Faceplant is going to stop them from winning because I can slap in on quickly. Then, after that, if you hit the pesky poll, which comes out into the field, it's an automatic homerun. So, I'm gonna hit MY PESKY POLL, The somersault Legdrop from the Top Rope, to get the win. Get it? The Dude: Well, I don't get a lot of things, but I get this i guess. I really don't know how it feels to get something. Everything is either going over my head, or falling three feet short. Haha, I made a funny. (The limo finally arrives at a Chinese Restaurent. Doozer and The Dude hop out of the limo and enter the restaurent. They go up to the cashier, who is luckily talking english. They get a seat for two in non-smoking. Then, Dusty comes in after them and gets a seat with them. He sits besied The Dude because he is scared of Doozer and they talk about what they are going to order. They have everything figured out, well at least Doozer does. The woman waitress comes up to them to take their order.) Doozer: I'd like the Creemovsumyunguy.**note: sound out that word if you don't get it** No, actually I want the number seventeen. Some chicken wings, chicken fingers, pork, and fried rice. I'd also like an orange soda please. The Dude: I'd like....ummmm, how do you say that? It's some wierd chinese word i guess. Doozer: That word is 'the' you retard. The Dude: I knew that, I meant this word... Doozer: That word is 'egg' you frigen moron. The Dude: I knew...no I didn't. I'd like The Egg, something something.**He just points at The Egg Roll and Fried Rice.** I'd also like a Seven Up Yours, haha. No, it's just called Seven Up. Dusty: I don't know really, but I think that Creemovsumyunguy sounds good. Yeah, I think I want some of that.**doozer slaps him and The Dude tells him what it really is** Ewww, nevermind miss. I'd like a Hot Dog and some Water please, thanks. Doozer: Okay, this is just great. The Dude didn't know how to say The Egg Roll and Fried Rice and Dusty is at a chinese restaurent buying american food. At least my chicken wings have that chinese sauce on them and those chicken fingers are a lot different. This is gonna be a long meal. (The food finally comes after a while and they start to chow down. Dusty eats up his hot dog quickly and drinks his water really quickly, then he leaves as quick as a flash. Actually, he's not that fast and plus he tripped over some guy's leg on the way. Doozer ate away at his chicken wings as The Dude is refusing to eat the egg roll.) Doozer: Why aren't you eating your damn egg roll? The Dude: I didn't know it would actually have egg in it. Yuck, I hate eggs. I can't believe you made me order this, I'm going. (The Dude runs off into a bathroom and stays there. That second, everybody else vacates the bathroom quickly. Doozer sits there eating his food, he is along once again.) Doozer: I don't think I can take this lonelyness anymore. It sucks to be alone. I mean, I used to have The Dude, Thaila, Yojin Musahiri, Slim Shady, and Mike Robinson around me all the time. Now, I got nobody. Maybe I am just that. Wait, why the hell am I facing hall of famers if I'm a nobody. I gotta be somebody to be fightin those big names. Well, I guess I'm going to go pay the check, leave a tip, and get on my way to the arena. (As Doozer gets up, he puts his official boston red sox hat on and starts walking. All of a sudden, cops are standing in front of him to stop him from going forward. Doozer looks confused, but he starts the cops right in the eye and turns his hat backwards. That second, the cops know who he is, Doozer must have beaten them up before or something, but the cops left quicker than Doozer had ever seen their fat asses move. Doozer shrugs and puts his hat back into it's original place and pays the check, leaves a tip. The tip isn't money though, it says, "Get a breat implant and you won't be a miss anymore." Doozer gets into the limo and as he starts to leave, The Dude runs out and hops in the limo. They head off to the arena.) Doozer: What were you doing in there the whole time? I mean, I have never met anybody who has spent as long as you have in the bathroom man. The Dude: Sorry, but I can't say. It's my secret. Hey, I saw the tip you left and left one of my own. It said... Hey, Urinate, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten. Jean Claud Van Dam I've funny. Doozer: No, you are just really happy today. I don't know why, but you seem happier than a HOMO IN A BOYSCOUT CAMP!!! I don't want to be in the same limo. You might molest me or something. That's just not cool. (The limo finally arrives at the arena and Doozer and The Dude get out and enter the arena. The Dude heads for the bathroom and Doozer heads towards the ring. Then, the lights go out. The color of red starts to flicker about the stands as Certified Bomb by Cypress Hill plays and Doozer makes his way to the ring wearing an official boston red sox hat and a Nomar Garciaparra Jersey. Under that jersey is a T-Shirt labeled "Born Buff." As Doozer gets into the ring, the words 'Red Sox Rule' appear on the mat and as he turn shis hat backwards, red fireworks blast out of every turnbuckle. Doozer grabs a mic.) Doozer: Doozer is in the houuuuuse and he's ready to RAISE some HELL and DO some DAMAGE!!!! That's right, you're looking at the Innvation of Devastation, the Master of Disaster, the man, the myth, the legend, The Dooze!!! Don Harvone: Wow, this is the first time we've seen Doozer out here for a little more than a week. Now, he's both the tag team champions and he is not taking any tag team partners. JW's replacement, we'll call him Frank: Who does he think he is impressing? He's just going to get his ass beaten when he tries to defend them in a handicap match. That's gonna be a sight to see right there. His record is eight and zero though, that's half respectable. Jerry: Doozer is just doing what he thinks he should do. Since he joined the Dream Wrestling Federation, he wanted to be in the Hall of Fame. He thinks being both of the tag team champions by himself will do it. I think it might, but I'm not sure. I think he'll have to win the Dream Title before that happens. But, you never know, there have been some people who have gotten into the hall of fame before winning the Dream Title. Don Harvone: The first thing that he'll have to do retire first. I hope that that will not be very soon. I enjoyed Doozer coming down to the ring and beating the hell out of JW, actually that only happened once or twice. I would feel bad for good ol' JW, but he deserved it both of those times. That was when Doozer was all serious too, now he is much more fun. He's just in it for the fun. Frank: Well, for being in it for the fun, he is goin to get his ass handed to him, especially in handicap tag title matches. I mean, he'll be facing the best tag team around in a handicap match, that's just plain old stupid. Doozer is stupid though. Doozer: Now, I'm not going to hide it. I am the unknown man in the six man tag team match on Friday. I am going to be tagging with the best, in my mind. Dazz and Extremist, you couldn't have two better tag team partners them. But, as I would know or am going to learn, anybody is better than nobody. Then, why am I doing this? Well, listen to the commontaters, they are right. I'm doing it to help me get into the hall of fame. I am the first wrestler to hold the tag team belts by himself in the 'new' Dream Wrestling Federation. A wrestler named Spawn did it in the 'old' Dream Wrestling Federation. Well, usually I come out here and make fun of my opponents, but not this time. They are hall of famers and deserve respect. Even from cocky ass bastards like me. So, I will give them the respect that they earned, but when I'm in the ring with them, I am not going to let up. I'm gonna fight as hard as I can. Because, I think beating hall of famers will be a great thing for my career. Well, I think I've said enough.... So, to all those cool cat red sox fans out there....KEEP COOL and Keep Kicking Ass. 'Cause winning might not be everything, but LOSING SUCKS ASS!!! Don Harvone: Wow, Doozer came down to the ring and didn't insult his opponents, I am very surprised. Maybe Doozer does have some integrity in him. Well, enough to have respect for his elders. That's just what they are too. Well, Keep Wrestl'n, Keep F'n, and Keep DWF'n. And as Doozer would say, Keep Cool!!! (Certified Bomb by Cypress Hill plays as Doozer makes his way backstage, he is met by The Dude who had already knocked out the cameraman so they wouldn't have to be taped anymore.)
I'M A PREACHER
I AIN'T NO GOD DAMN TEACHER
WHEN I SEE A DONUT
I SAY, I AIN'T GONNA EAT YA
I'M GONNA THROW YOU DOWN
ON THE GROUND
AND STOMP THE SHIT OUT OF YA
CAUSE ALL DONUTS SUCK ASS
WHENEVER SOMEONE IS STOMPING AT ONE
I YELL, KICK HIS ASS C-BASS
YEAH, SOME PEEPS THINK I'M CRAZY
HEY, AT LEAST I AIN'T LAZY
LIKE A COP
SITTIN ON MY ASS ALL DAY, HEY
ME, YOU CAN'T STOP
I'M STRONGER THAN TYSON
AND STRONGER THAN SPOCK!!!
