**Warning**: I have Yojin Musahiri's permission to use him in this role-play. I have Dusty's permission to use him in this role-play. (The scene opens up at Doozer's house. Doozer is just waking up. He gets up, gets in the shower and gets dressed. After him, The Dude hops in and does his thing. Then, Dusty follows. Neither Mike Robinson or Dazz are there today. Doozer paces around the room, while The Dude and Dusty are having a staring contest. Doozer just stops and looks at them with a stupid look on his face.) Doozer: Oh, I remember playing the staring game, almost twenty years ago!!! The Dude: Wow, really? I remember playing it back then, too!!! Dusty: Whoa, you remember doing this... Doozer: Now you are gonna say, me too. Dusty: No, actually, I ate way too many paint chips back then. I just said it to fit in. Doozer: No matter what you do, you will never fit in. How many times do I have to tell you this? The Dude: The real question is... How many times do you have to put the poor kid down? Dusty: Yah, thanks Dude. The Dude: No problem, just a retard sticking up for an even more pathetic retard. Dusty: Awwwwww Doozer: I don't think I stand living with two retards. When, The Dude was here and not Dusty, it was just one retard. When The Dude left and it was just Dusty, it was just one retard. But now there are not one, but two of them!!! Dusty: Yup, and now you are stuck with us Mr. Smarty Pants!!! Hahahahaaha, in your face, essay!!! You want some more of that, homeboy? Got plenty more where that came from, dawg. You ain't all that and a bag of Shur-Fine potato chips, boy. The Dude: Shur-Fine potato chips, what are those? Dusty: They are a really cheap brand of potato chip that are not good and stuff. Doozer: Yeah, well you know what? Dusty: What? Doozer: Your mom is good in bed. So isn't your sister and your da... Wait a minute, niether of you heard that last phrase. The Dude: How do you know that we didn't hear it, I know that I did. You said that Dusty's dad was good in bed. Dusty:... *speechless, he's just slapping himself trying to get the sick images of Doozer and his family in one bed having a big orgy* Doozer: I wasn't gonna say dad. I was going to say... damn slutty ass dog!!! Dusty: Awww... *pictures of Doozer doing his dog doggy style invade his head* That's even worse. I think that should be cruelty to animals. The Dude: Yeah, and I am happy that I am too busy not thinking to think of something like Doozer doing a doggy up its bum bum, or for that matter, him doing your dad up the bum bum. Doozer: Alright, now is when you shut your pie-holes before I can my fist down them. Dusty: Aren't pie-holes for pie? Doozer: Well, mine is for your sisters pune-tang pie. If you know what I mean, but you probably don't and I am not going to tell you because I might have some five year old fans watching this right now and they don't need to know what that is yet. Dusty: Well, if they have been watching the whole thing, they heard you call my dog a slut. Doozer: No they didn't. The Dude: There you go again, assuming that everybody is just plain of deaf. Doozer: You better stop being so retarded before I slap you silly and call you Sally. Dusty: But, Doozer, telling Dude not to be retarded is like telling the guy on the show Interior Motives not to be gay. Doozer: For once, Dusty makes sense. So, Dude, I will let you be retarded, just try to keep it to yourself if you feel a really stupid comment coming on. Dusty: Alright, I am getting very bored just sitting here and talking, what are we going to do today? Doozer: Ya know what? You just asked a question that I do not have the answer to. Dusty: Wow, that means I am smart, right? Doozer: No, no it doesn't. It only means that you asked a question that I couldnt' answer, that is all that it means. (All of a sudden, a letter is slipped under Doozer's front door. Doozer orders Dusty to go get it, so he does. Dusty brings it back to Doozer, where he opens it and reads it out loud.) Doozer: Dear Doozer, we are glad to see how many people watch your little shows. There are so many people that watch it, we decided to make it a real show. Yes, this does mean cutting back on the bad language and not everything is going to be real. What do I mean by that? I mean that some of this stuff is going to be rehersed, but the good thing is that the fans will see the whole thing, with bloopers and all, no cut-offs. We think that this will bring in tremendous ratings and a lot more fans for you. Thank you for your time, Chairman of MTV. The Dude: Doozer, your own TV show? Can I be on it? Doozer: You already are on it you frigen retard. And yes Dusty, you are too moron. Dusty: I wasn't even going to ask, but yah. I'm gonna be a TV star, a TV star, a TV star. I'm gonna be a TV star, all year long!!! Doozer: Alright, stop it with the damn nursery rhymes there, Dusty. Now, I say that we have our first show tomorrow and we go do something to celebrate right now. The Dude: I couldn't agree with you more, Doozer. I say we head on over to the arena and do some stuff there. Doozer: Yeah, then I can cut a promo and stuff like that. I can talk about how The Greatness Garrett Kent just wasn't great enough for me, and Lone Rebel just couldn't rebelutionize The Dooze. Dusty: Yeah, what about Cro, though? Doozer: Hey, that was a close and very hard fought battle. Cro won and he has my respect. Yeah, he should cherish that more than winning the Quest for The Best tournament or The Dream Title. My respect is worth a lot more. The Dude: Alright, let's go. (Doozer, The Dude, Dusty, and The Cameraman all hop into Doozer's limousine. Doozer tells the limousine driver to head towards the arena and they get on their way.) The Dude: Well, what should we do when we get to the arena? Doozer: I know, we will have try-outs for a spot in my show... No, we will do that when the show gets bigger. We can always pick a fight will a bunch of little security gaurds. That will be fun. Dusty: Watch out security gaurd people guy thingys, the Dudcacious Trio is out to get you. Doozer: Yeah... and stuff!!! (The limousine pulls up to the arena and Doozer, The Dude, Dusty, and The Cameraman all get out of the limousine. Doozer, The Dude, Dusty, and The Cameraman all walk past three security guards. Doozer coughs while say faggot. The Dude coughs while saying biatch. Dusty coughs while saying poo eater.) Security Guy #1: What was that, you little fairy boy? *looks at Doozer* Doozer: Wasn't me, I think you were just hearing the sound of your mom screaming my name last night in bed. (Doozer looks as if he is going to walk away, but quickly turns around and punches a security gaurd in the gut, hard. He then smashes his knee into the security gaurds face. A second security gaurd tries to break then up, but The Dude puts him into a sleeper that is impossible to break out of. The second security finally passes out. Then, the third security gaurd comes over, but Dusty kicks him in the balls from behing. Doozer clotheslines the first security gaurd into the wall. The Dude helps Dusty double powerbomb the second security gaurd through a table. Doozer then kicks the first security gaurd in the gut, the guy bends over. Doozer jumps into the air, underhooks the guys arms with his legs and falls back down, implanting the first security gaurds head straight into the hard cement floor below.) Doozer: Oh, you mom was two nights ago, it must have been your grandmother. Yeah, old grampy can't get it up anymore, so I have to do her. She old, but expierenced. Dusty: You are a sick poop licker, you know that? The Dude: You are a moron, did you know that. Dusty: Yeah, of course, Doozer reminds me everyday. How can I ever forget. Doozer: Well, that was fun while it lasted. Now, I guess I am going to go and cut a promo. I'll be back in a few... Dusty: A few what? (Suddenly, the lights in the arena all turn off. Then, the color of red starts to flicker about the stands and "It's a G Thang" by Dr. Dre plays as Doozer makes his way down to the ring wearing an official Boston Red Sox hat and a Nomar Garciaparra Jersey. Under that jersey is a T-shirt labeled "Born Buff". As Doozer gets into the ring, the words "Red Sox Rule" appear on the mat. As Doozer turns his hat backwards, red fireworks explode from every turnbuckle.) Doozer: Doozer is in the houuuuuuuse and he's ready to do some damage and raise some hell!!! That's right, you're looking at The Innovation of Devastation, The Master of Disaster, The Ruler of The Ring, The Sultan of Slam, The King of Kablam, The Dictator of DDTs, The Potentate of Piledrivers, the man, the myth, the legend, the one, the only... THE DOOZE!!! Johnny D: Well, Doozer is back from a hard fought Quest for The Best. I got to admit that Cro vs. Extremist was the best match that night, but the second had to be the heart-breaking loss of Doozer to Cro in the semi-final. Pat Riot: That wasn't a heart-breaking loss, it was more like a knock-out loss. Get it, knock out? Doozer lost via knock-out. Johnny D: Wow, you are truely a riot. Get it, your name is Pat Riot. See, I can be retarded too. Doozer: Now, I am out here to brag... Brag about what? Hell, I was in the top four in the Dream Wrestling Federation at The Quest for The Best and almost beat Cro. And, including the fact that some people still call me a rookie, because i've only been here for about five or six months, I have done pretty well for myself. I have won the Novice Title, twice, The People's Title, once, The Tag Titles, by myself and with Mike Robinson, and now I am getting a Hardcore Title shot. Well, there is nobody here in the Dream Wrestling Federation that is more hardcore than myself. No, not even you Big Shot. Speaking of The Big Sh(censored)t himself, I have beaten his ass in tag team competition, twice. Once, me and Mike Robinson winning the tag titles from him and Ice Porsche, and a second time me and Mike Robinson defending the titles succesfully against him and Ice Porsche. Now, I have shown you that I can kick your ass in tag team competition, now after I win this match for the number one contendership, I will probably face you somewhere down the road for that Hardcore Championship and I will show you that I can beat your ass in singles competition, too. Pat Riot: Wow, some strong words are being used by The Innovation of Devastation. The Master of Disaster is really giving Big Shot a lot to fight about. I think that if The Ruler of The Ring keeps going like this, Big Shot will want to face him even if it is not for the Hardcore Title. Johnny D: Yeah, it looks like The Sultan of Swat really wants this title. But, The King of Kablam himself will have to work hard to get it. I mean, so what if he made it to the semi-finals of Quest for The Best, this is HARDCORE!!! Doozer: Now, I am going to talk a little about The Quest for The Best. First off, I had a match against Garrett Kent in the first round. Now, I thought it was a little wierd that I got this match against him so early in the tournament because it seemed like out of all the wrestlers, I was the only one who didn't really like him too awfully much. I mean, Jack 'The Poser' Harding, who interfered in the match and gave me a DDT, was telling me how good Garrett was. He, being one of my better wrestling friends, told me truthfully that Garrett Kent could beat me. Extremist though Garrett was good too, but I didn't. So, I proved Jack Harding wrong when I beat him. And, while doing it, I had a smile on my face the whole way through. Yeah, I was loving the ass-kicking that I was handing out to that rookie. Johnny D: Whoa, Doozer is showing some signs of no remorse, that is not the Doozer we all know. The Doozer that we all know is the laid back one who is never serious, but Doozer seems to be pretty serious about this. Pat Riot: Yes, it is true that Doozer seems to be more of a joker, but I guess everybody has to get serious once in a while. Doozer: Now, onto my second round match. I was facing Lone Rebel, who was fresh because he got a by from the first round. Was I intimidated? Hell no. I had just beaten the sh(censored)t out of Garrett Kent, I was excited. I think that me having a match before this was more of an advantage over Lone Rebel than a disadvantage. I went into that match thinking I could and I left that match leaving my big boot behind, because it was stuck up Lone Rebel's ass. Yeah, that was some harsh word usage and yeah, Lone Rebel is one of my wrestling friend, but it was Quest for The Best, yo. I had to do what had to be done!!! So, I had Doozed and Abused Lone Rebel and he had not successfully Rebelutionized me, so I went on to the semi-finals to face Cro, our current Dream Champion. *doozer lowers his head* Yes, I lost to him. Did I kick his ass? Yes, I did. I said I would. Did he beat me? Yes, I said he probably would. I mean, I didn't actually expect myself to get that far, but I guess I truely am great. Did I give Cro one of the biggest fights in his career? Well, most likely. He beat me, but I had him beat. There was only one thing that kept me down and kept me from plowing down another brick in that wall and it was... damn, Cro was simply just the man with more endurance. He had fought two matches, just like I had and he was still going strong where I was actually worn down a little. So, he came out on top. But, I got off both of my finisher on him and he kicked out of each. He is the first man ever to kick out from either one of my finishers and that is why I now hold a new respect for him. Yeah, I have alwasy held respect for Cro, he has always been good in my book, but what he did to me after two finishers at Quest for The Best was just unbelievable, now he is not good in my book, he is god damn great in my book. Pat Riot: Wow, Doozer does actually hold respect for people. I just thought that was an insane rumor. I can't beleive it, that is almost unheard of. Johnny D: Yeah, Doozer and respect don't usually go in the same sentence unless somebody else has respect for Doozer. But, he is getting older and starting to realize that there are better wrestlers out there than just him. No, let me rephrase that. He is getting older and startin to realize that there are wrestlers out there who will give him a good fight. Pat Riot: Yeah, if there are better wrestlers than him, he will never realize that fact. He will not let any thought of that sort enter his brain. Doozer: Alright, I'm done with my Quest for The Best wrap-up. Now, I would like to talk more about my #1 contendership for the Hardcore Title match on Sunday. Haiz, I talk to you quite a bit backstage and we are good friends, I just hope you don't come up from behind me and win with a cheap shot. This is going to be a great match up. Oh, I'm not done yet. Now, this other opponent I am facing makes this a really special match. He is The Mexican Man, The Mexican Myth, and The Mexican Legend. Well, I am THE man, THE myth, and THE legend, and I have been since I started wrestling here in the Dream Wrestling Federation almost a year ago, but that is when I quit after a couple of weeks. I am going to show you, Jose Santiago, that I am the International Man, The International Myth, and The International Legend. Yeah, a three way match for the number one contendership to the Hardcore Title. It is quite a bit lower than the Dream Championship, but hey it is a good belt. And, nobody can tell me that I am not Hardcore. Well, I think I've said enough. So, Haiz your cool, Jose you are cool, but you are still the main Packer at The Fudge Factory and you will loose because I'm gonna Dooze you, then I'm gonna abuse you. So, Red Sox fans, just remember to keep cool and keep kicking ass... 'Cause winning might not be everything, but losing SUCKS ASS!!! Johnny D: Well, it seems as though Doozer is ready for his upcoming match up this Sunday. We will most likely see him out here again before soon. Pat Riot: Yeah, this is Pat Riot and Johnny D signing off. Seeya DWFers. Doozer: Oh yeah, before I leave. I just wanna throw a rap out there. It is Haiz
It is Jose
It is Doozer
The other two are gonna be loosers
Cause you two don't stand a chance
In this three way dance
Beat me, you know you can't
Cause I am gonna be number one, contender
You should run, or surrender
I pick you up and put you in a blender
Compared to me your skills are slender
I'm just telling you that you're gonna loose
To none other than The Dooze
You are who he is gonna abuse
And I won't stop
I am stronger than Tyson
And smarter than Spock!!!