**Warning(Cast for DTV**): (I have these people's permission to use them in DTV) The Star/Host: Doozer. Co-Stars: Dusty, Yojin Musahiri, and The Dude, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Other Cast Members: Dazz, Genecide, and Wreck. Guest Star: None. ***DARE Program Coming Soon: We already have FIVE applications!!! Dare to keep people of Donuts... Donut Abuse Resistance Education... You can sign up for it... Fill out Doozer's App... If you join his DARE Program, you are automatically a Member of the Cast on DTV*** (As the credits for "Celebrity Death-Match" play the voice of Bert, the MTV Desk Guy Person is heard.) Bert: Hello everybody, I hope you all loved that Celebrity Death-Match. I found it quit upsetting when Eminem ripped out the entrails of Justin, singer in ‘Nsync, and shoved them down his throat. Anyway, the sixth episode of Doozer Television is heading your way. Yesterday on Doozer Television, Doozer and The Gang plus a couple of Guest Stars all had a celebration on each of The Gangs accomplishments at Doom Fights. They ended up playing games and having a lot of fun. Well, today on DTV, you are going to see the three shows like usual and it is rumored that Doozer’s DARE Program is going to start up today. Yes, the Donut Abuse Resistance Education program. Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch will be running it while the others are actually in the DARE Program. Well, let’s switch over to Doozer Television!!! (The remix of "Rollin’" named "Urban Assault Vehicle" by Limp Bizkit, DMX, Method Man, and Redman plays as clips of Doozer winning the Hardcore Title, Dusty retaining the People’s Title, Extremist winning the Lightweight Title, and Kinch getting a victory over Lone Rebel in a Hell in a Cell match are all shown and the screen switches over to…) Doozer: What’s up everybody? This is The Dooze himself here, your Hardcore Champion. Yeah, I am booked up against Big Shot again this Sunday Night Slaughter because a former champ always gets his rematch. So, I guess Big Shot is getting this match even though he should know that he has no chance in hell of winning. I have kicked his ass three times before and I will do it again. Now, today on Doozer Television… The DARE Program is being brought to you!!! That is up next, but on "Boyz ‘N The Hood" The Gang and myself are going to go out on the streets and interview a bunch of people. Then, on "Talkin’ Shit" you’ll see the same ol’ same ol’. Yeah, me making fun of my next opponent and damn, Big Sh(censored)t sure makes it easy. Director: Alright, it’s about time for "The Home of The Homies." Let’s get going guys. One thing, great show yesterday, I just hope you can do one equally as good today. ("Ain’t Nuthing but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre plays as past clips from "The Home of The Homies" are shown and the screen quickly changes to…) Yojin Musahiri: Hello folks, this is Yojin Musahiri greeting you to another "Home of The Homies." That’s right, it’s our sixth episode already. Now, for all you who don’t know, we are starting up the DARE Program today. The participants are as follows: Dusty, The Dude, Myself, Genecide, Dazz, and Wreck. The people who run the DARE Program are Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Now to you, Doozer. Doozer: Thanks, Yojin. Now, we pretty much have everything set up and ready for the DARE Program. It seems like all of the participants are ready. So, let’s get this show on the road. Dusty: Where is this road anyway? You are always saying, "Let’s get this show on the road." Well, I don’t know what is wrong with you Mister, but I certainly don’t see any roads. Doozer: Go look out that window. (Dusty goes over and stares out the window, while he is doing so Doozer walks up in back of him and slaps his head making his head slam right into the window.) Dusty: Why’d you do that? Doozer: You were being a moron. Dusty: But you didn’t have to slap me and make my head slam into the window. Doozer: Don’t you dare question the authority of me. You signed the contract, you’re in my world now Grandma. Yojin Musahiri: Grandma? What’s up with that? Doozer: Oh, it’s just this thing on the movie "Happy Gilmore." I just had to use it. Extremist: Alright, if any of you want to quit before we start, I suggest you do so now or live with the pain. Dusty: Pain isn’t good, I want to quit. Doozer: Too bad, you’re opinion doesn’t even count, you can’t read. Dusty: Aw… Hardcore Kinch: Now, we are going to start you all off with some standard Donut Tosses. The person who tosses the donut the furthest doesn’t have to get smacked with a paddle. Dazz: No one is smacking me with a paddle. Doozer: No, the paddle thing was just a joke. But, whoever does through the donut the furthest gets a special treat… Dusty: What’s the treat? What’s the treat? Extremist: We can’t tell you that, it just wouldn’t be as special. Doozer: Yeah, so everybody should have a donut once Hardcore Kinch passes them all out. (Hardcore Kinch passes out a donut to everybody.) Doozer: Alright, Extremist, check to see if everybody has a donut in their right hand. You all hear me? You have to have your donut in your right hand. First, we’ll go outside and then Extremist will check you all out. (Everybody walks outside, then Extremist walks up to Genecide first. He has his donut is in right hand.) Extremist: *trying to find something to say to him*… Uh, stand up straighter damn you. (Extremist then walks up to Dazz who is standing up perfectly straight and has a donut in his right hand.) Extremist: Um, stop being so perfect. (Extremist walks over to Dusty who has a donut in his left hand and one in his right hand too.) Extremist: Why do you have two donuts? Wreck: Well, me not having any should be a pretty good hint, duh. Extremist: Dusty, did you take his donut? Dusty: Oh, you caught me you silly duck… Hey, look what I can do… (Dusty puts both donuts over his ears.) Dusty: I’m Princess Layme. Doozer: Wreck, don’t even think of pretending that you are Luke Skywalker and don’t even think of doing the kissing scene with him. Wreck: For the last time, I’m not gay!!! Doozer: Oh, real nice cover-up, moron. Wreck: If you keep on calling me gay, I’m probably going to turn gay really soon. Dusty: Ah, get the gay pictures out of my head!!! (Extremist takes one of Dusty’s donuts and tells him that if he doesn’t hold the other one in his right hand that Wreck will touch his ass and them kiss him so Dusty immediately holds the donut in his right hand. Extremist gives the donut he took from Dusty and gives it to Wreck who holds it in his right hand also.) Extremist: Looks like it’s all good, Doozer. Doozer: Alright, now you will all throw your donuts. Go in alphabetic order, A being the first and Z being the last person to throw. (Dazz goes first. He throws it pretty far and it is measured to be one hundred and eighty-five feet long.) Doozer: That was an alright throw. Alright, next up. (Dusty and The Dude are debating who goes next. They know that they both have a D followed by a U but they do not know if D comes before S or not.) Doozer: Let me help you retards out… A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. There ya go. Dusty: So, who goes next? Me or him? Hardcore Kinch: That means The Dude goes next, moron. The Dude: Yeah, I knew that the whole time. I was just checking to see if Doozer knew his ABCs. (The Dude throws his donut and gets it at a measured one hundred and fifty-two feet. After everybody has gone, Dusty ends up throwing it the furthest. How you ask? Dusty threw it as high as he could, it landed on a bird’s back and when the bird finally dropped it the distance was too long to measure.) Dusty: Yay, where is my special prize? Doozer: Just a second, I got it right in my pocket. (Doozer reaches in his pocket, he acts like he found the prize and brings his hand out slowly with his hand clenched. Dusty opens it and Doozer slapped him right across the face. Everybody starts laughing.) Dusty: I hate you all, I’m never coming back to the stupid DARE Program again. (Dusty runs off to the bathroom to cry like the girl he is.) Dusty: I hate you too, orange guy. Doozer: Alright, I guess the DARE Program is over for today. *yells so Dusty can hear him* The DARE Program is over retard. You gonna come out now? Dusty: I’m coming poop head. Director: Finish it up Doozer, you are running out of time. Doozer: Well, keep cool people… see you all on "Boyz ‘N The Hood." Don’t miss it, bye… (The credits for "The Home of the Homies" play.) Director: Good job, now let’s hurry up and get ready for "Boyz ‘N The Hood." (Everybody rushes over to the limousine and hops in. Doozer tells the limousine driver just to head into the city and they are off.) Doozer: Well, I think the first DARE Program session went well. Dusty: I didn’t. Doozer: Like I said, your opinion doesn’t matter, you can’t even read. Yojin Musahiri: Hey, I guess we are here. Doozer: No, we're there man. We are there!!! Dazz: No, I got to say that we are here. Doozer: Yeah... well your opinion doesn't count because... of... um... you were Dream Champ so take that. Dazz: Oh, that hurt not here *points to his leg* , not here *points to his arm* , but right here man *points to his heart.* Doozer: Aw, I'm sorry dawg. Dazz: Dude, I was just joking. Doozer: Yeah, me too. Director: Alright, it's almost time for ShowTime baby. You guys just get out right up here and we'll start up "Boyz 'N The Hood." (The limousine stops near the sidewalk. Doozer, Dusty, The Dude, Extremist, Hardcore Kinch, Yojin Musahiri, Dazz, Wreck, and Genecide all get out of the limousine and "Boyz 'N The Hood" by Dynamite Hack plays as clips from past "Boyz 'N The Hood" shows are shown and the screen quickly switches over to...) Doozer: Hello everybody, this is Doozer back with ya on "Boyz 'N The Hood." The Gang and myself are out here and we are going to ask some people some questions. Hey, there's somebody. Dusty: I want to ask first. (Dusty walks up to this old guy.) Dusty: What's your name Skippy? Old Man: You can just call me Old Man. Dusty: Okay. So, I have noticed that my buddy Wreck over there has been quite lonely. You see him? Old Man: Yeah, I see him sonny. Dusty: Dad? Old Man: No you damn moron, I'm not your dad. God, you always were stupid. Dusty: Aw, Daddy, I wondered where you went after Mommy cut you up into little pieces. Well, it looks like you were glued all together. Anyway, my buddy Wreck is pretty lonely. When you look at him do you feel any kind of attractiveness to him? Old Man: What are you talking about? Dusty: I was wondering if you could just give him a kiss or something. Nothing big, just a little kiss that means nothing. You know, like to cheer him up or something. Old Man: Ugh, perverted kids these days. I'm telling you. (The old man walks away muttering this and that.) Doozer: Dusty, you just wasted time for us to ask questions to other people. You moron. Now we have to get going on to the arena so I can cut my promo and Doozer Television to get done with its sixth episode. Yojin Musahiri: Nah, let’s talk to just one more person. (Suddenly, a really hot woman walks towards them. Doozer jumps up and talks to her.) Doozer: Hello baby, what’s your name? Hot Babe: My name is Kim. Wreck: Mom? Kim: Hi honey. Wreck: Hey mom. Kim: Oh, hi Wreck. Wreck: If you didn’t just say hi honey to me before, who did you say that to? Kim: Doozer of course. Look at that body. Doozer: Alright Kim, you should stop. I can’t pop a boner on television. Back to the question… Would you do me? Kim: You bet I would… Doozer: Okay, so I’ll see you after the show? Kim: Yeah, but I’ll be wearing something more comfortable… like nothing at all. Doozer: That’s alright with me. Keep cool. Director: Come on already, we are out of time. (As the credits for "Boyz ‘N The Hood" play, Doozer and The Gang all hop into the limousine. Doozer tells the limousine driver to head to the arena and they are off.) Doozer: Wreck, your mom is bonerific. Yojin Musahiri: Yeah, she definitely won boner of the month. Doozer: Wreck, if your mom was president she’d be Baberham Lincoln man. Dazz: I totally wanted to strip down and just bottom her out right then and there. Wreck: Dusty, how do you make the bad stuff get out of your head? Dusty: Slap yourself and bang your head up against something. (Wreck starts slapping himself and starts hitting his head on the window. Finally, the limousine arrives at the arena. Dusty, Genecide, Wreck, Dazz, and Yojin all walk over to where the food is and talk to other wrestlers. The Dude walks over to the bathroom and Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch head towards the Gorilla Position. Suddenly, the remix of "Rollin’" called "Urban Assault Vehicle" by Limp Bizkit, DMX, Method Man, and Red Man hits the p.a. system as Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch make their way down to the ring. Doozer is wearing a T-shirt labeled "Extreme Cruelty" and an official Boston Red Sox hat. As the three men get into the ring, the words "Extreme Cruelty" appear on the mat. As Doozer turns his hat backwards fireworks blast out of each turnbuckle and Doozer, Hardcore Kinch, and Extremist all grab a mic.) Doozer: The Hardcore Champ is in the houuuuuuse!!! Yeah dawg, you damn right… You are looking at the Innovation of Devastation, The Master of Disaster, The Ruler of The Ring, The King of Kablam, The Sultan of Slam, The Guru of Grappling, The Prince of Piledrivers, The Dictator of DDTs, The Rajah of Rapping, The Titan of Tag Teams, The Tyrant of Talking Trash, The Truly Electric Hardcore Champion, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Perfectly Great… The DOOZE!!!
