(As the credits for "Celebrity Death-Match" play the voice of Bert, The MTV Desk Man Guy Person Thing is heard over the television.)

Bert: Hello couch potatoes, what a great Celebrity Death-Match that was if I do say so myself!!! I mean, bringing back William Shakespeare from the dead just to be killed again by Busta Rhymes… it was great. Anyway, we bring to you yet another Doozer Television Episode… This is the eighth episode of DTV!!! Today we see the Second DARE Program Meeting with a new member of the DARE Program. We also will see The Gang go out on the town as a part of their weekly "Ladies Night" during "Girlz ‘N The Hood." Then, on "Talkin’ Shit" we will watch and listen as Doozer tells us what is going on in the mean streets of Dream Wrestling. So, let’s head on over to… D-T-V!!!

("Rollin’" by Limp Bizkit plays as slides of Doozer retaining his Hardcore Title against Big Shot in his first defense, Extremist getting a win over Dusty to become a Triple Crown Champion, and Hardcore Kinch’s close loss to Cro for the Dream Title. Then, the scene fades off to…)

Director: Alright guys, you know how it all works… Well, except for you, you are new to DTV.

New DARE Program Member: But I used to hang out with Doozer all the time…

Director: That’s right. So, I don’t really have to tell you much because that’s all this Television show is. It is all about just hanging around and doing your thing. Well, actually we have changed around a little. All I do is just see that everything goes fine and have a basic outline of what you guys do in each of the three shows. That’s pretty much it so you just go out and do your thing…

Doozer: *holding his Hardcore Title* Sweetness, this is going to be awesome. We got myself, Extremist, Hardcore Kinch, Dusty, The Dude, Yojin, Genecide, Wreck, and now you. I say we start the damn show right now.

("Ain’t Nuthing but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre plays as clips of past "Home of the Homies" hit the screen and then…)

Doozer: Hey all you at home watching Doozer Television. This is Doozer, your DWF Hardcore Champion and I am here with Dusty the former People’s Champion, Extremist the People’s, Light-Weight, and Heavyweight Champion, Hardcore Kinch, The Dude, Yojin Musahiri, Wreck, Genecide, and the newest member… Mike Robinson!!! Yeah, Mikey Rob is back baby. No, Myself and Extremist are still tagging as "Extreme Satisfaction." Mikey Rob is just here because he is still my friend and he is cool and all cool people have to be on D-T-V!!!

Dusty: Oh my god… I’M COOL!!! I really am cool.

Doozer: No, you’re not. Now, I know all you at home are asking yourselves… Why is Dusty hanging out in DTV with "Extreme Cruelty" the team that helped him loose the People’s Title? Well, that’s because on Doozer Television, nothing inside the ring affects what goes on in here. The only time anything inside the ring does affect DTV is during "Talkin’ Shit." That’s when I make fun of my opponents or just plain old people I don’t like much.

Dusty: Put me down left and right why don’t ya?

Doozer: Shut your fat mouth. We got to start up the 2nd DARE Program!!!

Mike Robinson: I ran it with ya for a while back in the day, but now I guess I’m gonna feel how it is to be on the other side of all the yelling.

Extremist: Alright, let’s get into positions…

Dusty: What are the positions?

Hardcore Kinch: A circle, retard.

Doozer: Now, as you all know this DARE Program is now run by the great and awesome stable of "Extreme Cruelty." If you don’t know who that is you were raised in a frigen barn because it is only the three best superstars in the Dream Wrestling Federation!!! Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Now, I am guessing that this is what you call a circle?

(The circle looks pretty good up until you get to where Dusty and The Dude, who are standing there twiddling their thumbs, and make it look like the letter "O" to the letter "Q". Dusty starts singing...)

Dusty: All I want for Christmas

Doozer: Is two brain cells, two brain cells, two brain cells.

Dusty: I was going to ask for a big, fat donkey.

Doozer: I think you need two brain cells a little bit more.

Yojin Musahiri: Actually Doozer, he probably has a lot more than two brain cells. The question is, how many are working in his favor?

The Dude: I think not!!!

Extremist: How can you answer a question like that with "I think not!!!"

Dusty: I am guessing that you can answer a question like that just like he just did, but I’m retarded so why do you people care?

Doozer: Exactly, now let’s get on with our DARE Program, we have almost wasted the entire show!!!

Hardcore Kinch: Alright, today we have a special DARE Program for you. Yeah, we are going to hook you guys up to a lie detector!!!

Yojin Musahiri: And how does this have anything to do with Donut Resistance?

Doozer: Nothing really, we just want to see how sick you guys really are…

Mike Robinson: Riiiiigggghhhhhtttttt…

Doozer: Now, the first to enter the Daring Detector of Lies is…. Mr. Fat Ass himself…. DUSTY!!!

Dusty: Yay, I go first.

The Dude: Yeah, well first is worst so take that you pig doer up the butter.

Dusty: Doozer, I don’t want to go first…

Extremist: Just get in their you five-hundred pound piece of retarded donkey dung.

Doozer: That was harsh, but creative.

(Dusty resists to go in. He Extremist grabs him and he starts kicking. Hardcore Kinch grabs him as well as Extremist and he kicks more furiously and starts to scream too. But then, Doozer threatens to but his size thirteen foot between his ass-cheeks so Dusty finally somberly walks in.)

Doozer: *as Extremist and Hardcore Kinch strap Dusty into the Daring Detector of Lies* Now Extremist, Hardcore Kinch, and myself are going to proceed to find out the deepest, darkest, and sickest secrets of Dusty.

Hardcore Kinch: He’s all strapped in, Doozer.

Doozer: Good, so Dusty… Have you ever had a dream of having a gay experience with Wreck?

Dusty:… I don’t want to say…

Hardcore Kinch: Speak up, bitch.

Dusty:… I don’t want to say…

Extremist: You get a free Twinkie if you just answer the question.

Dusty:… Um… no?

Doozer: Let’s see what the Daring Detector of Lies says about that answer…

Extremist: *checking the lie detector* It says that Dusty is fat. The reason he is fat is because he is Full of Shit!!!

Doozer: Wow, I didn’t think retards had the capability to lie. I am impressed… now take it and leave.

(Dusty slowly leaves the room with a bright red face because he is embarassed. He turns around with a sad puppy face on. But, the only condolence he gets is a Twinkie thrown at his face by Doozer. This, however, cheers him right up. Then, the Director’s voice is heard.)

Director: Doozer, you are running out of time…

Doozer: Alright, next time on "The Home of The Homies" you will all see The Dude in the Daring Detector of Lies!!!

(That weird "dun dun dun" music is heard and the credits for "Home of the Homies" hits the television.)

Director: Damn, you guys wasted a lot of time just chatting about nothing. Next show try to get a little bit more than just one question done.

Doozer: Sure thing, dawg. Now, I say we go dress up like girls and hop in that limousine so we get "Girlz ‘N The Hood" over and done with.

Mike Robinson: Okay, I am just coming back and you guys are starting to dress up as girls?

Yojin Musahiri: No, we are just doing it for Dazz who could not be here today because he always used to dress up as a girl.

Dusty: Yeah, and the fact that it makes us feel like sexy bitches.

Mike Robinson: Bitches, yeah. But over eight wrestlers dressing up as girls is not what I would call sexy.

(Mike Robinson looks very optomistic of this, but after about ten minutes of thinking about anything that could happen, the only thing he could think of is free beer so he runs into the bedroom... While dressing in their, you can hear Doozer making "gay" jokes about Wreck and saying how Wreck is "undressing him with his eyes." Finally, they all come out with their finest girl clothes. By saying "finest" that implies to you that they have more than just a couple of pairs per person…)

Dusty: Hey, we can’t just go out and wear the same dress over and over. God, what were you thinking?

(Sorry, my bad… Anyway, they hop into the limousine. Then, "Boyz ‘N the Hood" by Dynamite Hack plays as clips from past "Boyz ‘N The Hood" shows are shown and the scene fades to…)

Limousine Driver: Where to today… ladies?

Doozer: Hey man, why don’t you shut your mouth before I take your head and stick it so far up your ass that you’ll have to poke holes in your nipples just to see!!!

Limousine Driver: Oh, a fighter are we?

Doozer: I am not even going to go any further with this conversation, to the club.

(The limousine driver heads for the club. It doesn’t take long until they finally make it their. Doozer, The Dude, Dusty, Extremist, Hardcore Kinch, Yojin Musahiri, Mike Robinson, Wreck, and Genecide all get out of the limousine and into the bar. Doozer sits down in front of the bar.)

A Stranger Guy: Hey pretty lady, you want to go upstairs, claim a room, and do the hippidy dippidy?

Doozer: Dude, no woman is actually going to do that if you ask them that way. You gotta be like… Hey bitch nice shoes, wanna f(censored)ck?

A Stranger Guy: *starting to notice the kind of "too deep to be a lady" voice of Doozer’s.* So… I just remembered that I have a business meeting right about now…

Same Guy only talking to Dusty: Hey there, my motto is "Beauty is a flick of a switch away." So, you want to go upstairs, claim a room, and do the hippidy dippidy?

Dusty: Oh my god, I love that game!!!

(Dusty and the Stranger go upstairs and get in a room… Two minutes later Dusty runs down the stairs while screaming and starts banging his head against the wall.)

Yojin Musahiri: What’s wrong with you?

Dusty: I just went up their to play "The Hippidy Dippidy" and that gay poop head took of his pants and showed me his bits and pieces.

Doozer: His what?

Dusty: His twig and berries…

Mike Robinson: What are you talking about?

Dusty:… His POOPY ding-dong.

(The whole group bursts out with laughter as Dusty’s face turns beat red.)

Doozer: Alright, we are out of time right about now so this is Doozer and his Gang of Girlfriends saying goodbye to you and see you next time on "Boyz ‘N The Hood."

(Doozer and The Gang all get into the limousine and take turns changing while the others look away… well, you never know if Wreck wasn’t peeking… But anyway, after they all get changed Doozer tells the limousine driver to head for the arena and they get on their way…)

Doozer: I have a lot to talk about today.

Extremist: Yeah, this is awesome…

Hardcore Kinch: But I lost…

Doozer: But, dude, I have a match against Cro now and I will kick his ass for you.

Yojin Musahiri: And you know Doozer always gets what he wants.

Doozer: Yeah, I won’t let myself loose because my record is just too damn good.

Mike Robinson: You go, Doozer.

Director: Alright, we are there men.

(Everybody hops out of the limousine. Doozer, Extremist, Hardcore Kinch, and Yojin Musahiri all head for Gorilla Position while the others go and hang out around the food stands and soda machine and Mike Robinson and Genecide decide to go catch up on what happened while they were gone. Then, "Another Brick in the Wall pt. 2" by Pink Floyd is heard over the p. a. system as "Extreme Cruelty" and Yojin Musahiri make their way down to the ring. As they get in the ring, the words "Extreme Cruelty" appear on the mat and as Doozer turns his green fitted hat backwards red fireworks blast out of each turnbuckle. Doozer is also wearing his new Baseball Jersey that looks something like…)

Doozer: The Hardcore Champ is in the houuuuuuse and he’s ready to DO some DAMAGE and RAISE some HELL!!! That’s right, you’re looking at the Innovation of Devastation, the Master of Disaster, The Ruler of The Ring, The King of Kablam, The Sultan of Slam, The Potentate of Piledrivers, The Dictator of DDTs, The Rajah of Ripping Rhymes, The Tyrant of Tag Teams, The Guru of Grappling, The Man of a Million Names, The Titan of Talking Trash, The Truly Electric, The Perfectly Great… THE DOOZE!!!

Pat Riot: Wow, Doozer out here with his Millions of Names and looks like he has a new look to him.

Johnny D: Yeah, a green fitted hat as well as a black and red Jersey with the word "Xtreme" on the top, "Cruelty" on the bottom and the number "69"

Pat Riot: Yeah, he looks like he has been training for his Dream Title shot, too.

Johnny D: Sure, if you call dressing up as a girl and getting hit on by a guy training, then he sure has.

Doozer: Now, I am out here as your Hardcore Champion. I am out here as one of the best damn wrestlers in the Dream Wrestling Federation. But, most importantly, I am out here as the next Dream Champion!!! When I first came into this federation, I looked up at a guy named "Dazz." I knew he was great and he did win the Dream Championship. Now, I know I am great and I will proceed to do the same. Not only am I going to rip that title out of Cro’s wimpy hands, but I will stop his winning streak. Yeah, he has won seven-teen or eight-teen in a row. He is undefeated… Well, as I say… The Boston Red Sox have a Green Monster that stops home-runs… But I have a Green Monster that will stop your winning streak!!!

Extremist: Yeah, and when Doozer wins the Dream Title, Extreme Cruelty will be on the top of the Dream Wrestling Federation!!!

Hardcore Kinch: Yeah, there is no doubt about that. I know for a fact that Doozer will be able to do just what I had a little bit of bad luck doing. Cro might of beaten me, but did I pin him like I could have? Did I hook his leg? No, because I felt sorry for that poor bastard who just got put through a couple of table. But, I know even if he does get burned on this upcoming Sunday Night Slaughter that Doozer will not give a flying rat’s ass.

Doozer: You damn right I won’t. See, winning the Dream Championship isn’t my dream, it never was. But, winning that Dream Championship helps me achieve my dream. Because, everybody that knows me know that my dream is to get into the Dream Wrestling Federation Hall of Fame!!! I know by winning that title, I will get there. And, it looks like Cro is Just Another Brick in The Wall. Uh oh, I feel a rhyme coming…
See, Cro is just a brick
In the wall
He is just a prick
Who I haven’t made fall
On Sunday his ass
I will kick
He might think he does, but
Cro just doesn’t know anything at all
So, he isn’t gonna have a chance
When we get in the ring and do our dance
Cause I’m gonna stop his streak
And take his belt
At the end of this week
The bell is gonna ring
And it will be announced
To everyone and all
Big and small
That Doozer is Dream Champ
and he make Cro fall

Pat Riot: Doozer is even cocky in his rhymes.

Johnny D: Well, he certainly feels like he can win that Dream Championship.

Pat Riot: Yeah, but it was Cro who did beat Doozer at Quest for the Best.

Doozer: Alright, this is Doozer and I got to sign off… Keep Cool everybody!!! ‘Cause winning might not be everything, but losing sucks ass!!!

("Another Brick in The Wall pt. 2" by Pink Floyd plays as Doozer, Extremist, Hardcore Kinch, and Yojin Musahiri make their way backstage leaving a sold out crowd on their feet. As they get backstage they meet up with the rest of the gang.)

Director: Good promo, Doozer. Looks like it took up all the time we have for today.

Mike Robinson: I say we do something different for next time on "Talkin’ Shit."

Doozer: Yeah, we’ll do like news type thing. That’ll work…

(The scene slowly fades as the gang all talk about this and that…)

ON