**Warning(Cast for DTV**): (I have these people's permission to use them in DTV) The Star/Host: Doozer. Co-Stars: Mike Robinson, Dusty, Yojin Musahiri, and The Dude, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Other Cast Members: Dazz, Genecide, and Wreck. Guest Star: None. ***DARE Program's Second Meeting: We already have NINE applications!!! Dare to keep people of Donuts... Donut Abuse Resistance Education... You can sign up for it... Fill out Doozer's App... If you join his DARE Program, you are automatically a Member of the Cast on DTV*** (The credits for yet another "Celebrity Death-Match" hit the Television screen, the voice of Bert, the MTV Desk Man Guy Person Thing is heard…) Bert: Hello everyone, I am Bert and you are watching MTV!!! Now, that was a great "Celebrity Death-Match" if I’ve ever seen one and I have seen many. Who would have known that Xena, Warrior Princess, would actually fight Dazz, The Warrior of Evil… AND BEAT HIM!!! Just incase you didn’t watch, she beat him by ripping off his balls and making him choke on them. That always goes to show you… well, I guess it goes to show you that you shouldn’t trust a crazy bitch like Xena with your balls. Anyway, coming up next is biggest and best show on MTV!!! Yeah, you guessed it… DOOZER TELEVISION!!! This will be the Ninth Episode of DTV and what a great one it will be at that!!! The 3rd DARE Program is being aired today on "The Home of The Homies." Then, as a part of "Boyz ‘N The Hood", Doozer and a few members of the Gang such as Dusty, Extremist, Wreck, Mike Robinson, and Yojin Musahiri have decided to a game!!! Yeah, a special "Best Prank" game. Following that show, we will see Doozer with his co-host, Hardcore Kinch, doing a special news bulletin for "Talkin’ Shit." This is definitely not the DTV show to miss, hell you shouldn’t miss any of these damn shows. ("Rollin’" by Limp Bizkit hits the sound system of your TV as clips of Doozer retaining his Hardcore Title, Extremist beating Dusty and giving him back his People’s Title, and Hardcore Kinch and his devastating loss to Cro for the Dream Title. Then, the scene quickly fades out to…) Director: Alright guys, you know what to do. I gave you all an outline of what we will be doing today so just be yourselves and have fun… Especially you Wreck, you have to be yourself. Wreck: Why is that so important? Director: Because, every show needs a gay guy. Wreck: Oh great, even the director thinks I am gay now, thanks guys. Director: Actually, I was visited by God last night in my dream and told me that you were actually gay and he told me to let you be yourself because it’d be better for ratings. (… Oh my god, I am just that damn good.) Dusty: Hey, Mr. Talking in Orange Words, didn’t I tell you that it wasn’t nice to talk to people while they were dreaming and tell them that you were God so they’d listen to you? (I don’t remember you saying anything like that…) Dusty: Poop head, I told you that after you visited Mae Young and told her that she was still "all that." Yeah, that produced a lot of nightmares for me when she started to show her puppies. (… Okay, I admit it, but that was a good one!!!) Doozer: Dusty, you freak me out when you talk to that damn voice. Now, we got to start up "The Home of The Homies" and get going with our Third DARE Program. Director: Yeah, just like always you guys have to go and waste time… Now we only have Thirty Minutes left to do your precious DARE Program. ("Ain’t Nuthing but a G Thang" plays as past clips from "The Home of The Homies" plays on the television like the time when Doozer and The Gang flushed all the toilets and ran the dishwasher and dryer so that Dusty went through a freezing cold, then steaming hot shower and other classics of that sort. Then, the scene quickly fades off to…) Doozer: This is Doozer and you are watching "The Home of The Homies." We are all set and ready to continue where we left off in our DARE Program from yesterday. Yes… The Daring Detector of Lies!!! (The creepy "dun, dun, dun" music plays as Dusty looks around to try and find out where it is coming from… Doozer watching Dusty search under pillows for the sound and everywhere for a couple of minutes, then he motions for Dusty to come to him.) Doozer: Come on over here Dusty, I got to whisper something in your ear cause I think I know where the noise comes from… (Dusty leans in and Doozer slaps him right over the head. Dusty stumbles for a second or two, then he just grows a weird and retarded looking smile.) Doozer: Now, next up to face The Daring Detector of Lies will be… you Wreck!!! For once and for all we will find out if you really are gay or not… Wreck: Go for it, I am positive that I am not gay. Although, there was that one time… I mean… I am positive that I am gay… damn, not gay… (Doozer puts on rubber gloves because of his suspicion that being gay is a virus that can spread by the touch. After Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch strap Wreck into the seat and put the little thingy over his head, they proceed with the question…) Extremist: So, Wreck… Are you gay or are you not? Wreck: I am not. Hardcore Kinch: Well, well, well, I can see that it didn’t take long for you to answer that… Whenever I answer a question right off the top of my head, I always get it wrong. Doozer: That is because you are just a moron. (Doozer goes up to the Daring Detector of Lies and reads what it has to say…) Doozer: I think this damn thing is broken. Extremist: Why? What does it say? Doozer: It says, "You must be a stoner because you haven’t noticed that over girls, Wreck gets a boner." Hey, it raps, that’s cool. Hardcore Kinch: Yeah, but it has to be broken or something. Doozer: Well, I just have one more question for you Wreck. This is a very, very serious question… Does your mom want to make mad monkey love to me? Wreck: Oh god no!!! (Doozer walks up to the Daring Detector of Lies and reads what it has to say.) Doozer: It says, "Don’t listen to what Wreck has to say, because she wants to do more than just fore-play." Wreck: Get me out of this seat because Doozer could be my dad soon and I’m gonna hurl. Doozer: Dude, if you unload your lunch, I’m gonna blow chunks and if I blow chunks then Extremist is going to barf and if he barfs that will make Hardcore Kinch spew then this will be a room full of spilled cookies and that would not be cool (Doozer and The Gang take all the straps off Wreck as he goes running by, Yojin being the cruel type of guy he is, trips Wreck as he runs by and Wreck goes flying off and lands right on Dusty. Wreck looks up and sees Dusty’s face, then pukes all over it… Wreck slowly rolls off Dusty. Dusty gets some of the puke off his face with his finger, looks at it and tastes it…) Dusty: Wreck had a donut this morning!!! Doozer: Okay, now that’s it. Above being absolutely gay and opposing the fact that your mom wants to make mad monkey sex to me all night long, you are now eating donuts. (Doozer picks up Wreck and tosses him out of the house.) Doozer: Now you sit out there, puke some more, and think of what you have done. Director: Dusty, go wash that damn puke off your face… Doozer, you are just about out of time. Extremist: Man, this was a funny DARE Program if I do say so myself. Yojin, sweet ass trip. Yojin Musahiri: Well, you know I do my best. Mike Robinson: Wow, a lot of things sure have changed since back in the day where it was just Me, Yojin, Doozer, The Dude, and Slim Shady. Doozer: Well, we are out of time folks. Next time on "The Home of The Homies" you can look forward to us continuing to find out the sickest secrets of all the DARE Program Members!!! (The credits for "The Home of The Homies" play as Dusty runs up to the bathroom and washed off all the puke and stuff like that.) Director: Alright, that must have been one of the sickest show of "The Home of The Homies" that we have done yet. But, I bet a lot of those sick girls and boys got a good laugh at it so we did our job. Now, are you guys ready for "Prank Day" as a part of "Boyz ‘N The Hood?" Doozer: You damn right we are, now we just have to pair up… Yojin Musahiri: I say we have three pairs of two people each. So, that would be six people. Dusty: I want to do it… Mike Robinson: You know good old Mike Robinson is in on this. Doozer: Alright we got Yojin, Dusty, Mike Robinson, and myself. So, who else should join. (Wreck bursts through the door raising his hand just as excitedly as a Homo in a boyscout camp…) Doozer: Yes Wreck, I guess you can join in on the fun… and the third person will be… Extremist!!! Now, let’s break off into pairs of two… Director: Well, since I am paid I guess I should do something, so I’m going to pair you six guys up. Doozer, you and Extremist will make a good prank pulling duo… Yojin Musahiri, I know you and Mike Robinson didn’t get along much so that is why… You two are partners!!! Then, Dusty you are stuck with the gay guy. Dusty: Gay means happy. Doozer: Too bad for you it means something else in Wreck’s case. Wreck: Hey, the damn Daring Detector of Lies said I wasn’t gay. Doozer: That stupid thing was broken. Extremist: Yeah, but it also said that Wreck’s mom wanted more than just fore-play with you. Doozer:… I fixed it? Yojin Musahiri: Alright, it doesn’t really matter. I mean, who cares as long as Dusty is stuck with him. I say we get into the limousine and start up "Boyz ‘N The Hood." Director: Yeah, and since you guys have wasted quite a bit of time just standing around here doing nothing, I’m going to have three cameras going around. One for each group. But, they won’t show the whole prank, you guys will come back almost before the show is done and talk about what you did then announce the winners for best Prank!!! Doozer: Well let’s hop off into that limousine and get our Prank on. Dusty:… I thought it was freak on, but I’m a retard. And you are always right. Doozer: Yeah, you are finally right saying that I am right all the time. Dusty: Hey, you didn’t have to reply to me with those mean comments… I just complimented you!!! Doozer: YOU SHOULD MORE OFTEN!!! (After some bickering by Dusty which ends with a quick slap over the head compliments of Doozer, the six contestants all hop into the limousine. Doozer tells the limousine driver to head for the down town area of the city so that they can do whatever they want from there. After a couple five to ten minutes, the limousine pulls up on the side of the road and Doozer, Dusty, Yojin Musahiri, Mike Robinson, Wreck, and Extremist all hop out of the limousine and "Boyz ‘N The Hood" by Dynamite Hack plays as past clips of "Boyz ‘N The Hood" shows are shown, then the scene flips back to…) Doozer: Hey everyone, this is Doozer along with Dusty, Extremist, Yojin Musahiri, Mike Robinson, and Wreck. We are grouped into three groups of two people each. Extremist and myself are in one group. Dusty and Wreck are the other. And lastly, Yojin Musahiri and Mike Robinson are the third and final group. Now, there will be three different cameras that show what each one of us are doing, but you won’t be able to see the actual prank they pull until we all come back and tell each other. Mike Robinson: Well, let’s get on our way… (Camera #1: We are following around Doozer and Extremist… Doozer and Extremist are just walking into a department store. Extremist bought a voice changer thingy mabobber and Doozer buys a mask…) (Camera #2: We are following Mike Robinson and Yojin Musahiri… Yojin and Mike walk into a store near by looking for all kinds of different stuff, let’s hear what they have to say to each other…) Yojin Musahiri: I say we buy a knife and some tweezers… Mike Robinson: No you damn physco, we are going to get a nine iron and some ice. Yojin Musahiri: Hey, I was Doozer’s favorite tag team partner back in the day, so you listen to what I have to say. Mike Robinson: Who won the tag team championships with him? Yojin Musahiri: Well, who is managing him right now? Yeah, he is on the verge of winning the Dream Championship and who has been managing him? (Camera #2: Looks like Yojin and Mike are back to old ways, arguing about who the better tag team partner was.) (Camera #3: We are following Dusty and Wreck… They go into a store… Let’s hear what they have to say…) Wreck: All we have to get is just one hot dog. Dusty: Why? Wreck: It will be an awesome prank that includes lots of free beer!!! Dusty: Only Zima for me, though. Wreck: Yeah, whatever… (After about fifteen to twenty minutes, all three groups come back to the limousine… Doozer and Extremist are laughing and slapping hands… Dusty and Wreck are wobbling… and Yojin and Mike are still arguing.) Doozer: So, Yojin… Mike… what did you two guys do? Mike Robinson: Oh man, our prank was the bomb. I mean, you guys aren’t going to be able to top this… Yojin Musahiri: What he means is that we didn’t do one. We couldn’t agree on anything to buy… Doozer: Okay, so Dusty… Wreck… what did you two guys do? Dusty: Well, we bought a hot dog right… So, after drinking some beers and Zima, the guy who ask us to pay him money. That is when I took out the hot dog and put it up through my pant zipper and Wreck started sucking on the hot dog!!! We got six different bars that way and… Wreck: Yeah, it was awesome… so much beer for free!!! Dusty: I was going to say, and… I kind of… um… lost the hot dog after the fourth bar. Doozer: Oh my god, that’s the sickest thing I’ve ever heard!!! Haha, Wreck you are gay to the maximum!!! Extremist: Wreck, I guess it is true… You suck d(censored)ck!!! Wreck: Dusty, I would kill you if you weren’t such a retard. Yojin Musahiri: Anyway, getting off that subject, what did you two Princes of Pranks do? Doozer: Well, Extremist grabbed a voice changer to make his voice seem like the one that guy with the white mask on in the movie Scream!!! Then, he lured some guy to a bush in front of a fence and then I jumped out with a Scream mask on and scared the old bastard into a heart attack!!! Oh, it was a hoot. Extremist: Yeah, but I have to give my vote to Wreck and Dusty!!! Mike Robinson: Yeah, those two definitely deserved it… I mean, Wreck actually sucked d(censored)ck for free beer!!! Director: Wrap it up, Doozer… Doozer: Alright, I am Doozer and this is the end of "Boyz ‘N The Hood." See you next time and stay tuned to watch a special news bulletin of "Talkin’ Shit." Yojin Musahiri: Alright, Channel 2 news told me that we could use their News Set. So, let’s book it over there. Director: Alright, come on everybody… The two Desk Men are going to be Doozer and Hardcore Kinch since Hardcore Kinch has done a similar type of show. (The credits for "Boyz ‘N The Hood" play and the limousine driver is told by Doozer to go and pick up Kinch then head for Channel 2 news place and after only a half hour of ninety mile an hour driver, they are all set and ready for the News Bulletin.) Director: Alright, while the crew sets it all up I will figure out the other positions… Dusty is the weather man… and Yojin Musahiri will be the sports reporter. Doozer: Hey, looks like they are all set up, so let’s get in our places. Director: Alright, the show is starting in five… four… three… two… one… Doozer: Hello, this is Doozer bringing you a special "Talkin’ Shit" news Bulletin. I am here with my fellow Extreme Cruelty member, Hardcore Kinch. Hardcore Kinch: I’m Hardcore Kinch. Doozer: Yes you are, now put the camera back on me please… Thank you… Today we will bring you late breaking news whenever it wants to come… Hardcore Kinch: Wait a minute, Doozer, I got something… Doozer: Don’t worry, I’ll take it from here… psst, camera… this way… Alright, now this is just in folks… Cro is gay!!! Yes, he was found in Wreck’s bedroom looking for "Playgirls." Hardcore Kinch: That wasn’t it… Doozer: Oh yes, sorry about that… Damn it camera, stay on the me… Now, the real late-breaking news was… Martin Luther King Junior’s son made a speech last night… Although, everybody started having their own dreams about half way through… Hardcore Kinch: Now, let’s check out the weather… Doozer: Why you got to be like that? Why you got to be stealing my spotlight? Dusty: Um… looks like we got some weather on our hands WEATHER we like it or not… *laughs at his own corny joke* … Anyway, I guess we have some twirling clouds or something coming in around this state that looks something like an upside down shoe or something… Other than that the rest of the United States looks like… It looks like a fat dog with a really small head actually… Doozer: Right… how are the sports coming along Yojin?
