(As the credits for a great "Celebrity Death-Match" play really, really fast as the names of all the "guys behind the screen" hit the television screen, the deep, somber voice of that MTV Desk Man Person Guy Thing that you all love to hear is heard.)

Bert: Now, the main even to that "Celebrity Death-Match" was quite a match up and quite surprising. Who would have thought that one of the Playboy Bunnies would’ve turned on Hue Heffner? She actually booby slapped him to death. Anyway, yesterday on Doozer Television, they only played "The Home of The Homies." And what a great show that was. We also saw an "Old Spice Deodorant" commercial on the TV by Doozer. Well, today they are going to make up for not having "Boyz ‘N The Hood" or "Talkin’ Shit" yesterday, by having lengthened versions of them today. Yes, no "Home of The Homies." Just "Boyz ‘N The Hood" and "Talkin’ Shit." So, today on "Boyz ‘N The Hood" you will see "How many phone Numbers can You Get" day. Wreck will be competing to it does not matter if it is a phone number from a girl or boy. Dusty will also be taking part of this and so won’t Mike Robinson. Then, on "Talkin’ Shit" you will see another one of Doozer’s great promos for his Hardcore Title defense coming up against Mike Extreme. But now… we bring to you… D-T-V!!!

("Rollin’" by Limp Bizkit hits the sound system with authority as clips of the heart-breaking loss of Doozer’s by compliment of Cro are flashed on the television screen. Those are quickly followed by Hardcore Kinch’s victory over Jason Brawler for the number one contendership to the Dream Title. And quickly followed by that is Dusty’s devastating loss to Mike Extreme. Then, the scene slowly fades away to…)

Director: What’s up guys?

Doozer: Not much man, what we got for today?

Director: Well, we aren’t going to air "The Home of The Homies" today. We are just going to have more time to do "Boyz ‘N The Hood" and "Talkin’ Shit." See, as I see it, we take up way too much time doing each of our shows and then trying to fit all three into just a three hour show isn’t good. We have gone over our three hours almost every show, so the owner of MTV was getting a little mad at me because as much as the watchers love Doozer Television, we are taking time away from "Jackass" when we go over our limit. So, we are just going to do two shows every DTV Episode or work something out like that.

Yojin Musahiri: Yeah, that sounds good to me. I don’t see the need for us to always be hurrying around between shows just so we can fit all three in.

Doozer: Yeah, to bad this is my show and not yours… Hey, I like the idea of that. I mean, it’s not cool to rush between shows just to try not to go over our limit by squeezing all three shows in.

Dusty: Isn’t that what Yojin just said?

The Dude: You are a moron, Doozer totally used different words like squeezing and cool and rush.

Dusty: Yeah, and… wait a minute, now I’m just helping you prove me wrong.

Mike Robinson: Doozer, you really want to know why I left? I couldn’t stand these two retards any longer.

Doozer: Yeah, I’ve learned to ignore them.

Yojin Musahiri: I think the only reason that they are so retarded is because they are stupid in the first place but they also are influenced by us and we don’t teach them anything.

Dusty: Yeah, it’s all your fault.

Doozer: You can’t say that I haven’t taught you anything, Dusty.

Dusty: I can to watch… That I haven’t taught you anything.

Doozer: Well remember the time when I taught you what the girls "danger area" is and what you do with it…

Dusty: Ah, that gave me nightmares for a long time.

Doozer: Yeah, but I taught you something.

The Dude: You didn’t teach me anything.

Doozer: I taught you how to hit a bong so you could smoke yourself into permanent retardation.

The Dude: Oh yeah, never mind then.

Director: Alright guys, I say we get going and do "Boyz ‘N The Hood."

Doozer: I’m with you, let’s go…

("Boyz ‘N The Hood" by Dynamite Hack hits the DTV Sound System as past scenes from "Boyz ‘N The Hood" shows flip on and off the screen. Doozer, Dusty, Wreck, and Mike Robinson, and The Director all are in the limousine. Doozer taps on the window separating him from the freckle faced, red haired, big nosed limousine driver. The limousine driver turns around and Doozer politely tells him to head towards the local down town area. Then, the scene slowly fades to…)

Doozer: What’s up everybody? This is Doozer and you are watching "Boyz ‘N The Hood." We have a cool show lined up for you. It is going to be Mike Robinson, Dusty, Wreck, and myself going out on the town and seeing who can the most phone numbers. Since I do believe that Wreck prefers the guys over the ladies, it doesn’t matter what gender the phone number belongs to. So, I say let’s get going.

Mike Robinson: Yeah, we are going to have four cameras. Each camera is going to be following each one of us.

Wreck: But, they cameras aren’t going to show everything that we do, they will just show little clips of what is going on.

Dusty: Yeah, and everybody else has said something about this so I am saying something to…

Doozer: Right, so I hope all you watching at home have a fun time watching our special version of "Boyz ‘N The Hood" named, "Who Can Get the Most Phone Numbers."

(Camera #1: *assigned to Doozer* Doozer slowly turns his fitted baseball hat to a backwards position. He casually walks down the sidewalk that is in desperate need of some new paving and work because it has pot holes that reach down to China. Doozer spots a blonde haired, blue eyed girl with nice legs and big breasts. Doozer takes out a breath freshener and sprays it into his mouth. Then, he smoothly walks up to the woman and… *scene cuts*)

(Camera #2: *assigned to Mike Robinson* Mike Robinson is walking in the "I’m a G" kind of way. He walks into a Club named, "The Roxbury." It is a really nice club with a pool, covered with glass and jam packed with people. He takes a look around and spots a fine looking woman who is sitting at the bar having a drink. He gracefully walks up and sits on a stool with red padding beside the woman.)

Mike Robinson: Hey, that drink’s on me.

Woman: Save it honey, I don’t want your money.

Mike Robinson: Well, I want you…

Woman: Oh… I… am… so turned… on. You… just… swept me… of my… feet…

Mike Robinson: Really?

Woman: No, not really.

(Camera #2: Mike turns around and spots a brunette. She is wearing something that shouldn’t even be called a dress, it is a little two piece and the two pieces that she does have on are see-threw. Mike walks up to her and taps on her shoulder.)

(Camera #3: *assigned to Dusty* Dusty struts down the garbage littered sidewalk and right into the same club that Mike went into. Dusty sees the woman at the bar, he struts up to her and begins to talk.)

Dusty: Hi

Woman: Hello there.

Dusty: My name is Dusty… what’s yours?

Woman: It is Melody Erickson.

Dusty: Cool…

(Camera #4: *assigned to Wreck* Wreck also strolls into the same club as both Mike Robinson and Dusty did. He walks up to a girl about 6’3" and right around 180 lbs. She has a kind of man-like face, but long hair and big, fake boobs. She is also wearing lots of dark blue and bright red make up. He starts to talk, but the scene cuts off...)

(After a long thirty minutes, Doozer is spotted casually walking back to the limousine with a wide grin on his face. Then, Dusty is also shown doing his little strut back to the limousine trying to count his fat fingers. After Dusty gets the limousine, Wreck is seen just making his way back with a "i'm a loser" type of look on his face. Then, Mike Robinson makes his way back to the limousine with not a look of disappointment, but not one of happiness either.)

Doozer: Dudes, you guys are so totally not ready for the amount of numbers I got in.

Dusty: *in his wigger voice* Yeah, well you ain't even prepared for the digits I got in that joint.

Doozer: Shut up, Dusty.

Wreck: I only got one number, and I'm not even sure if it was a he or a she.

Dusty: *still in his wigger voice* Man, you don't know if it was a brother or a sister?

Doozer: Shut up, Dusty...

Dusty: *and still in that wigger voice* Hey man, don't be a playa hater like that. I'm just keeping' it real, yo. Just keeping' it real.

Doozer: Yeah, well if you don't shut up, I got something for you that's gonna hurt REAL bad.

Mike Robinson: I think I got my fair share of digits, but by the way Doozer came in here, I think he's got it won already.

Doozer: Yeah, I probably do... Anyway, Dusty what'd you come up with?

Dusty: Well, I started off by going into this club right. Yeah, I saw Mike get put down by this girl. So, I went up to her and talked as smooth as a that sidewalk out there.

Doozer: That sidewalk has pot holes everywhere…

Dusty: Exactly, but I kept at her. And, even after she slapped me for the fourth time, I asked for her number and she gave it to me.

Doozer: Here, take my cell-phone and call that number, I think she gave you a different number just to get you off her back.

(Doozer gently hands Dusty his Cellular Phone, which is lime green and just large enough so that one end can reach your ear and the other your mouth. Dusty dials up the phone number that he received from the girl at the bar, which is 1-207-695-3225 *Note: If you have a calling card and want to try this phone number out, I suggest you do!!!* It rings, then somebody picks up.)

The Voice of A Man Over The Phone: Hey big boy, are you ready for some hot and heavy gay phone sex with me?

Dusty:…. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! Yucky to the maximum!!!

(Dusty throws the very expensive Cellular Phone down on the ground and starts stomping on it. At first, Doozer gets really mad, but then he just tells himself that he can buy a new one with just pocket money.)

Doozer: So, *laughs* what did your honey have to say?

Dusty: She was a he, and he wanted to have a gay phone sex. *Note: That number isn’t a Gay Phone Sex Hotline… CALL IT IF YOU CAN!!!*

Doozer: Yeah, just what I thought. So, I am guessing you didn’t get any other numbers?

Dusty: Actually, as I was walking out of the bar, I hit my hard on the door, then fell back and knocked over some trays of food. So, a woman walked up to me and offered me to buy some insurance, so she gave me the company’s number and her own personal number.

Doozer: Alright, I guess that can count. I won’t make you check that one because her she probably had a card that she gave you for her personal number. So, Mike Robinson, how’d you do?

Mike Robinson: Well, I was turned down by that stupid slut. But, then I walked over to this hooch and danced with her for a while. Then we got a room upstairs, hopped off the good foot and did the bad thing, and shortly after that she gave me her number. But, that’s the only number I got.

Doozer: Well, one number for Mike Robinson and one number for Dusty. How’d you do Wreck?

Wreck: Horrible…

Doozer: *laughs* What, you didn’t get any numbers?

Wreck: No, I got nine numbers. But, eight of them were numbers from guys and the other one… Well, you can say that I’m not sure if it was a guy or not. It looked like a cross-dresser, but I’m not sure. And, after it gave me it’s number, I just sat down at the bar realizing I can’t win this anyway. While I was sitting there, guys kept on sitting beside me, giving me their number, and telling me to call them later… it was scary.

Doozer: Oh, I knew the Daring Detector of Lies was just broken when it said you weren’t gay. I knew it!!!

Wreck: This is very depressing for me, can we just get done with this stupid show so you can get your stupid promo done?

Director: Doozer, it is about time to wrap up "Boyz ‘N The Hood." Actually, we’ve gone over about five minutes, but we can just take that away from "Talkin’ Shit."

Doozer: Well, Wreck you won… Alright, watch tomorrow because you will see your Hardcore Champion and his friends show up in "The Home of The Homies" and "Talkin’ Shit." Yeah, no "Boyz ‘N The Hood" for you tomorrow. Keep Cool and Keep Watching for today’s episode of "Talkin’ Shit."

(The credits for "Boyz ‘N The Hood" scroll down the screen as the short and skinny limousine driver runs out of the limousine and around to the Doozer’s door to let Doozer, Dusty, Wreck, and Mike Robinson hop into the limousine. Doozer taps on the window separating him from the limousine driver. Yes, the freckle faced, red haired, big nosed limousine driver. Doozer tells him to head for the Dream Wrestling Federation arena, quickly. So, the limousine driver puts his foot down hard on the gas pedal and they go speeding off…)

Doozer: Sweet ride we got here…

Mike Robinson: Damn right it is…

Doozer: Hey Mike, since Yojin isn’t here… you are coming down to the ring with me today.

Mike Robinson: You know I will, Dooze.

Wreck: And I will, too!!!

Doozer: No, you’re gay.

Dusty: Doozer, all signs point to "no" about Wreck being gay. I think you may be the "confused" one.

Doozer: Hey, I haven’t had a confused day in my life…

Wreck: Then why do you talk about sticking things up other wrestler’s asses. You also talk about how you think people are as excited as a Homo in a boyscout camp. How do you know what it feels like to be a Homo in a boyscout camp?

Doozer: If you even contemplate the fact that I am gay again, I will stick your head so far up your ass that you’re going to need to cut holes in your nipples just to see.

(The limousine stops with a squeak of the wheels and the geek of a limousine driver runs around and opens up the door so that Doozer, Mike Robinson, Dusty, Wreck, and The Director can get out of the long, black, and shiny limousine. Dusty hurries over to the food stand with drool hanging out of his mouth as well as his tongue. Wreck just slowly walks up to a light brown park bench and sits down. Doozer and Mike Robinson casually walk towards the Gorilla Position… Suddenly, "Ain’t Nuthing but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre blasts over the p. a. system as Doozer and Mike Robinson walk in a very nonchalant manner down to the ring. Doozer is wearing his new outfit… a red and black "Xtreme Cruelty" T-shirt numbered "69" and his fitted green hat:

As Doozer and Mike Robinson step through the second rope and into the ring, the red words of "Red Sox Rule" appear on the mat. As Doozer turns his green, fitted hat backwards, red fireworks blast out of each turnbuckle. Doozer and Mike both grab microphones.)

Doozer: The Hardcore Champ is in the houuuuuuse and he’s ready to DO some DAMAGE and RAISE some HELL!!! That’s right, you are looking at The Innovation of Devastation, The Master of Disaster, The Ruler of The Ring, The King of Kablam, The Sultan of Slam, The Guru of Grappling, The Prince of Piledrivers, The Dictator of DDTs, The Titan of Tag Teams, The Tyrant of Talking Trash, The Rajah of Rapping, The Truly Electric Hardcore Champion, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The One, The Only, The Perfectly Great… THE DOOOOOOOOZE!!!

Mike Robinson: That’s right, and I am Mike Robinson… but you can call me Mike.

Doozer: Right… Anyway, this Sunday I have another Hardcore Title defense. You will again see myself, The Dooze, get into that ring and start kicking some major ass. Mike Extreme might have beaten Rebel in his opening match… big whoop, Rebel sucks ass. He might have then beaten Dusty in his second match… wow, good for him… He is two and zero… And well, his perfect record stops there. Because, he will face Doozer and I’m gonna Dooze him, then Abuse Him!!!

Mike Robinson: Yeah, Doozer is easily the best in Dream Wrestling Federation. Yes, he lost to Cro, but why did he loose to Cro?

Doozer: Dude, I lost to Cro… That’s why you don’t see me running down to the ring and making fun of him. Cro defeated Doozer, for the second time. Doozer has only three losses in his record. But, I have gotten two of them from your Dream Champion. Although, I know that I put up the biggest fight that Cro has had to deal with yet in defending his Hardcore Title and I am not over with him. Hell, I’ll pull a Big Shot and keep on having match after match against him for his title. But, unlike I do with Big Shot, Cro isn’t going to beat me every time.

Mike Robinson: Hey, you match versus Mike Extreme…

Doozer: Oh yeah, anyway… Extreme, you are going down. It’s just as plain and simple as that… I even made up a little rhyme for you called "The Anti-Resurrection of Extreme."

His name is Mike Extreme
And he has resurrected
Well, Mike you better hold on tight
Or else you’ll be rejected
Because The Dooze knows your name
And he’s seen your game
So, don’t sit back and act too lame
Cause weather or not
Like smoking pot
I’m gonna get you high
Then drop you
Hip Hop you
Then, nail you with a garbage can
Pin, and win, I will
Because I am The Anti-Resurrection of Extreme
My monster it, is real green
And it’s gonna stop your winning streak
Cause it’s just the opposite of me, who you can’t stop…
Cause I’m stronger than Tyson
And smarter than Spock!!!

Mike Robinson: Now I would try to rhyme
But we don’t got the time
So up that ramp we gonna climb
Not committing a crime
So we’ll catch you on the flip side
Cause we are as sweet and sour
As lemon and lime…

Doozer: In other words… KEEP COOL and Keep Kicking Ass… Cause winning might not be everything, but LOSING SUCKS ASS!!!

("Ain’t Nuthing but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre plays as Doozer and Mike Robinson walk casually back to the backstage area leaving a large, sold out crowd on its feet. They meet up with everybody backstage and the scene cuts off as they all chat about what’s been going on…)

ON