(As the credits for a great "Celebrity Death-Match" play really, really fast as the names of all the "guys behind the screen" hit the television screen, the deep, somber voice of that MTV Desk Man Person Guy Thing that you all love to hear is heard.)

Bert: Well… that was a rather… shall I say, interesting main event of "Celebrity Death-Match." Actually… I think I’m going to hurl… *leans over his nice black seat, behind his unusually large and shiny marble desk and pukes into a yellowish bucket that was thrown over by a short, curly haired sound guy* Okay… I’m alright… Anyway, I am not even going to try to describe what that Death-Match was like because I don’t want to spill my cookies in front of the camera like that again. I know, you can only hear my voice while the credits play, but you can still here me. So… oh yeah… Up next is another Episode of Doozer Television, the Twelfth to be exact. Yesterday on DTV, we saw Doozer, Dusty, Mike Robinson, and Wreck see who could collect more phone numbers. Well, Wreck won that by a landslide, getting phone numbers from eight guys and one from an it. Then, you all saw Doozer and Mike Robinson cut a great promo. Yeah, that was yesterday, but now it is today and you will see "The Home of The Homies." You will also see a new Member of The DARE Program and Cast of DTV. There will also be a special guest today and it is he who will be questioned and detected, as a liar or an honest human being, by the Daring Detector of Lies. Yes, there will only be "The Home of The Homies" but it will be an extra long show of it!!! And now, here is… D-T-V!!!

("Rollin’" by Limp Bizkit his the sound system as clips of Doozer posing for a camera with his Hardcore Title are flashed on and off the screen. Also, clips of Dusty sticking his People’s Title, where you don’t want to know, are also flashed on and off the screen but quite a bit faster. Other clips such as Hardcore Kinch getting a big win over Jason Brawler to become the number one contender to the Dream Title are also shown. Then, the scene quickly flips over to…)

Director: Alright, yesterday was a great show, but you guys still went over your time limit by five long minutes. The creators of "Jackass" are not really happy with us right now, but since we bring in higher ratings then they do, their opinion doesn’t matter. So, today "The Home of The Homies" will be aired as well as "Talkin’ Shit." We also have four requests for the Special Guest place in our show today…

Doozer: Well, aren’t you going to read them?

Director: That is what I was just going to do before your stupid ass interrupted me.

Dusty: Come on, now you know it wasn’t his rear-end that interrupted you. Don’t go and get mad at his bum for nothing…

Director: I think you ate way too many paint chips as a kid… Anyway, here is the first request… It is from N’sync again. They say, "Hey, your show is hip and made up of guys just like us… Even though one of you is gay, we don’t mind… *Doozer quickly interrupts again*

Doozer: Yeah, because they are fudge-packers just him.

Wreck: Hey, on "DTVs Mysteries that are Unsolved" all you guys came to the fact that I wasn’t gay. Then, the Daring Detector of Lies said that I wasn’t gay, but you still insist that I’m gay. What’s up with that?

Doozer: Actually, I was talking about Dusty, but it seems as though somebody wants to come out of the closet…

Wreck: Imbecile…

Director: Alright, a simple "no" would have just done fine… Now, for the second request. It is from somebody named, Mike Myers!!! He says, "Oh behave… You have to let me on your groovy show cause that’s my bag, baby."

Doozer: No, we’ll have him on when we do a "Boyz ‘N The Hood" show.

Mike Robinson: Good choice, Dooze.

Extremist: He knows, trust me, he knows.

Director: Alright, I guess I can go with that. So, for the third request… Cypress Hill wants in, "They say that they want to bust a rhyme with The Dooze."

Extremist: That sounds like another one for "Boyz ‘N The Hood."

Doozer: I almost forgot, Extremist… Why is it called Doozer Television? Oh yeah, it’s my show… But, I think that Cypress Hill is cool, it’s just that it’d be better if he had them on during a show when "Boyz ‘N The Hood" is involved.

Hardcore Kinch: Wow, I saw you arguing with him, but it sounded like you two guys said the same exact thing.

Dusty: No, Doozer said different words. He said words like cool, and better, and just…

Mike Robinson: Shut your fat, retarded mouth Dusty.

Director: Alright, the last but not least request…

(The Director carefully picks up a letter that is gold-plated. He reads it while handling it with care.)

Director: It is from The President of The United States!!! Bill Clinton says that he wants to be a Special Guest on Doozer Television because he thinks all the kids out there think he is just a liar and one hell of a horny bastard, so he wants to get on the good side of those little brats by being on DTV. Oops, I wasn’t supposed to say, "little brats."

Doozer: Hey, I’m getting a kick ass vision… Bill Clinton being questioned while under the Daring Detector of Lies!!!

Mike Robinson: Man, that guy lies in his sleep.

Doozer: Awesome… then… Talkin’ Shit with The President!!! Now this is going to be one ass kicking show!!! I say we start this biatch up now.

Genecide: Well, shouldn’t the former President come over before we get started?

Doozer: I don’t see why we have to wait for his slow ass…

(Suddenly, a huge, black and green helicopter with tinted windows and long, shiny propellers lands gently on the baseball nice, grass and dirt baseball diamond in Doozer’s backyard. As the helicopter lands, dust rises in big masses because of the strong winds coming from the propellers. Then, some big, muscular security guard hops out of the helicopter and sets up a small, black stepping ladder for the former president, Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton then steps down the small stepping ladder. With his gray hair, big chin, and thousand dollar suite and shoes, he makes his way casually over to Doozer’s door and rings the bell. Doozer walks slowly up to the door and turns the golden knob to slowly open the door and let Bill into his humble abode. Bill then motions to one of his big, muscular, and bald security guys and he quickly runs over to Bill and takes off his coat.)

Doozer: What’s up Mr. Former President Sir?

Bill Clinton: You can call me Bill there son.

Dusty: Oh my god Doozer, Bill Clinton is your dad?

Bill Clinton: And who might this mentally challenged young man be?

The Dude: Oh, don’t pay any attention to that nutcase. In fact, we don’t even know him…

Doozer: Right, anyway Mr. Cli… Bill, we are just about to get started with "The Home of The Homies."

Bill Clinton: What are we going to be doing?

Doozer: Oh, we are just going to ask you questions while a Lie Detector tells us if you are telling the truth.

Bill Clinton: You aren’t going to ask me any questions that will hurt me will you?

Extremist: That’s absurd, Bill.

Bill Clinton: Oh, you can call me Mr. Clinton thank you very much.

Extremist: Sorry, Mr. Clinton.

Dusty: What can I call you?

Bill Clinton: You can’t call me anything, I have done my fair share to help your kind.

Doozer: Alright, Bill, we are going to start the show now…

("Ain’t Nuthing but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre his the sound system as…)

Bill Clinton: What kind of garbage is that?

Doozer: That’s Dr. Dre fool.

Hardcore Kinch: Yeah, Billy-boy.

Bill Clinton: Well, we are starting off this show with that kind of music. Director, play the music I requested.

("Oops, I Did It Again" by Britney Spears hits the sounds system as clips from past episodes of "The Home of The Homies" scroll on and off the screen rather quickly. Then, the scene switches over to…)

Bill Clinton:… I’m not that innocent… Oops, I did it again… I stuck the cigar up your…

Doozer: Um, stop now… Thanks, alright… This is Doozer and You didn’t hear that. Today, on "The Home of The Homies" we have… BILL CLINTON!!! Yes, and he is going to finally have to tell the truth… Isn’t it great folks? Yeah, so I say we get this show going and get Bill in the room where The Daring Detector of Lies is just waiting to make a liar out of him.

Mike Robinson: Yeah, this is going to be the sh(censored)t.

Bill Clinton: I’m ready for all those questions that will just break me down… *winks at Doozer*

Doozer: Alright, let’s go…

(Doozer, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch take Bill Clinton into the small, square, rather dark and dreary room with white, padded walls. The only thing in this room is The Daring Detector of Lies and a seat. The three of them sit the former President down in the seat and strap him into it. They hook up the Daring Detector of Lies, which is full of buttons and such, then get ready to ask Bill questions.)

Doozer: So… Bill… did you really put a cigar up you know who’s cha cha?

Bill Clinton: What are you doing?

Extremist: Hey, we are the ones that ask the questions in this room, not you Mr. Clinton.

Doozer: Yeah dawg, answer up…

Bill Clinton: Well, I obviously didn’t.

Hardcore Kinch: I’ll go and check out The Daring Detector of Lies…

Doozer: No dude, I hooked up a sound system to this biatch. Just wait approximately thirty seconds and we will hear the results.

(A rather quick thirty seconds go by, it’s more like twenty… Anyway, a somewhat mechanical sound is heard all through the room… Must be surround sound system…)

Daring Detector of Lies: Ho, ho, ho and ha, ha, ha because he sure as hell did put that up her cha, cha, cha.

Doozer: Now that is some sick sh(censored)t right there. Did she tell you to?

Bill Clinton: Of course she did, I would never do anything that she wouldn’t want me to..

Daring Detector of Lies: Yeah right, at first she resisted, but you insisted.

Hardcore Kinch: Man, this Lie Detector could rap with the best of them.

Doozer: Hey, he couldn’t keep up with the Dooze.

Extremist: That’s because you are better than the best of them.

Doozer: That’s true.. But now back to Bill… I have to ask you this one last question. See, it seems to me that you lie every time you speak. So, I am going to see if I am right or not… True or False?

Bill Clinton: True or False what?

Doozer: Answer me damn you, True or False? Whichever one pops into your sick little, I mean big head.

Bill Clinton: False!!!

Daring Detector of Lies: A bit time liar are you, because that answer was True!!!

Bill Clinton: (trying desperately to keep calm and collected) Now, there is obviously something wrong with this… god… damn… mother f(censored)cking machine!!! You even said yourself that it might be broken.

Doozer: Yeah, but I worked out some kinks in it. Now it is working perfectly… Wait a minute, we have to watch some television now!!!

Extremist: Why, what’s up Doozer?

Doozer: Oh, I did another commercial just the other day!!! It is awesome…

Hardcore Kinch: What is it for?

Doozer: Well, I’ll give you a hint. One of the candidates, which I wanted to win by the way, that was running against Bill four years ago did a commercial for the very disjunction that I am advertising the pill for.

Bill Clinton: Bob Dole did a commercial for Erectile Disjunction.

Hardcore Kinch: That means you must be doing a commercial for…

Doozer: Viagara baby!!!

Extremist: Now you really lost your balls, Dooze.

Doozer: No dude, I got my balls in my pants and I’m doing a commercial for a product that will help other men get their balls in action.

Hardcore Kinch: That was just sick, man.

Doozer: Sorry about that, I was just… sorry… Let’s go, it’s probably going to be on in two point five seconds.

(The three men rush out of the small, square room leaving Bill Clinton strapped into the seat with the Daring Detector of Lies still hooked up to him. As the three wrestlers run out of the room, they slam the door shut and turn off the room’s light leaving Bill Clinton scared in the dark.)

Bill Clinton: Wait… come on guys… This isn’t funny anymore. *he starts to mutter stuff to himself* It’s alright, Bill. They will come back after they realize that they left you in here.

Daring Detector of Lies: Sorry Jack, but they aren’t coming back.

Bill Clinton: You better shut up you stupid little machine or I will make you shut up.

Daring Detector of Lies: Too bad you are strapped into that chair, now who’s the stupid one with gray hair?

(Bill Clinton starts thrashing around in his cold, metal chair with no padding in the little pitch black room. The cameras switch over to where Doozer and Dusty, The Dude, Genecide, Mike Robinson, Hardcore Kinch, Wreck, and Extremist all are sitting on a huge, green couch in front of the large, seventy inch television waiting rather impatiently for Doozer’s commercial to play…)

The Dude: Hey, I just saw Viagara flash across the screen!!!

(On the television screen, the word Doozer scrolls down the screen followed by DWF’s Hardcore Champion. Then, the scene switches over to Doozer and a rather beautiful long blonde haired woman in bed together. Doozer then frowns after the beautiful blonde jumps out of the bed and stomps out of the door looking very disappointed.)

Doozer: *in the commercial* Now, you all sure as hell don’t want this to happen to you… Getting hot and heavy with a beautiful woman then not being able to get it up. Well, woman don’t really enjoy the fact that their man can’t get it up. In this case, she didn’t like it at all, she didn’t even give time to take some Viagara. See, when my willy stays still, I just pop a pill. And now, Viagara is available in liquid for so if you don’t like pills, but can’t get it up then all you have to do is take a cup. You heard this from you Dream Wrestling Federation Hardcore Champion and I’m out…

(The scene goes to black, where the words "Just Pop a Pill" or "Take A Cup" are shown in white and the scene fades to the next commercial, which Doozer immediately turns off.)

Director: Alright, Doozer, you are just about out of time for the day. I suggest you wrap it up…

Doozer: Well, that was an awesome commercial and I am The Dooze so just Keep Cool and Keep Kicking ass. Cause winning might not be everything… BUT LOSING SUCKS ASS!!! Tomorrow on Doozer Television you will see "Boyz ‘N The Hood" and "Talkin’ Shit." So, see ya later… Mike Extreme sucks d(censored)ck for hamburger…

(The scene cuts off as you can hear Bill Clinton in the little room thrashing up against the floor and against the Daring Detector of Lies.)

ON