**Warning(Cast for DTV**): (I have these people's permission to use them in DTV) The Star/Host: Doozer. Co-Stars: Canada's Hero, Mike Robinson, Dusty, Yojin Musahiri, The Dude, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Other Cast Members: Buh-Buh Ray Rogers, Filthy Jay, Robbie Youngblood, Johnzta Ze Monzta, Freddy Fill, 'The Idol' Jacob Jackson, Caged Explosion, Dazz, Genecide, and Wreck. Guest Star: None ***DARE Program's Second Meeting: We already have SEVENTEEN applications!!! Dare to keep people of Donuts... Donut Abuse Resistance Education... You can sign up for it... Fill out Doozer's App... If you join his DARE Program, you are automatically a Member of the Cast on DTV***
(As the credits for a great "Celebrity Death-Match" play really, really fast as the names of all the "guys behind the screen" hit the television screen, the deep, somber voice of that MTV Desk Man Person Guy Thing that you all love to hear is heard.) Bert: Yes folks, this is the day that you have all been waiting for… this is the day that Doozer Television comes back to the Dream Wrestling Federation!!! Doozer left the DWF and ventured off to Five Star Wrestling for just a couple matches. He then left Five Star Wrestling with a perfect record and is now coming back to DWF. Yes, and with his comeback, DTV will comeback. Not just any DTV, there is going to be a whole new look to Doozer Television from now on… What do I mean you ask? Well, stay tuned to find out for yourself because here it is… D-T-V!!! ("The Next Episode" by Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, and Ice Cube blasts over DTV’s sound system as clips of Doozer totally dominating a match versus Five Star Wreslting’s Extreme Champion, USA Kid are shown flashing on and off the television set… Then, the screen slowly cuts off to Doozer’s big Mansion. Doozer is sitting down on his big, green couch with all kinds of different little signs and markings embroidered in it and Dusty is sitting on the cold, hard wood floor. There are also three other new guys each sitting in different chairs, all of which are almost identical to the ones you see on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Suddenly, Doozer starts to speak and The Thirteenth Episode of Doozer Television is started off…)
Doozer: Damn is it good to be back or what? Dusty: Oh, is that a trick question? Doozer: Yeah, the first day back and Dusty is still retarded. God, some things with never change… Dusty: I know, I watch that movie called, "Dude, where’s my car" all the time and they keep on making the same exact mistakes and keep on forgetting what happened the night before. It really bugs me how some people can be so stupid. Doozer: *shudders for a second* Well, this is the big return of Doozer Television… Hell, why do I need to even say that? I mean, if you didn’t know that this was the big return of DTV, then you were raised in a frigen barn and… Dusty: And you need to keep up with the 4-1-1, homey. Doozer: Dusty, seriously, you better shut the hell up before I take my fist and put it down your throat. Director: Hey, can you guys keep the bickering down a couple notches today? This should be a happy episode of Doozer Television… *starts to hell at the top of his lungs* Not An Angry One!!! Doozer: Man, you’re gonna make Dusty cry… Dusty: *sniffle* Too late… Director: Come on, stop crying Dusty… Dusty: You didn’t have to be such a mean… crap licker about it… Director: I was just trying to get through to you guys. Dusty: That gives you no excuse to be a poop head, though. Director: No, no it doesn’t. I should be more sensitive towards your feelings. Doozer: Dude, that sounds like me talking to my woman. Dusty: Oh no you did not… Doozer: Didn’t what? Dusty: You did not just call me a woman. Doozer: What if I did? What would you do? Dusty:… I’d probably just run into the bathroom and start crying like the little sissy-girl I am *frowns* . Doozer: Whatever… I got to get this show on the road. First off, I want to introduce the new members of The Dare Program as well as new cast members of Doozer Television… Since we have way to many Cast Members and Co-Hosts, we will only have 5-6 per show… So, here they are… (A rather tall, built guy standing farthest to the left slowly stands up with a black and white striped paper bag over his head.) Doozer: So far he is undefeated in The Dream Wrestling Federation… Huh, just like I was until my eighth match… Anyway, he won both the Lightweight and Novice Title in a very short period of times and also beat respected DWF Stars while doing it... He is a Canadian... He is a Hero... He is... Canada's Hero!!! (The second he hears his name being said by Doozer, he slowly pulls the paper bag off his head to reveal his face and Doozer suddenly looks like he had just inhaled the stench of fresh puke...) Doozer: Damn, put the bag back on, put it back on!!! (Canada's Hero looks really embarassed as his face turns beat red, he starts to put the paper bag back over his head but then he sees Doozer fall on the floor laughing his ass off. Then, if finally struck Canada's Hero that Doozer was just kidding around with him and he starts chuckling himself.) Dusty: Doozer, that was a mean thing to say... Canada's Hero: Shut up Dusty, I don't need no biatch standing up for me. I can take a joke... Doozer: Yeah, he isn't a milk chugging, Twinkie eating, fairy boy like you... Dusty: Milk is good for your bones... Doozer: No, the only thing that is good for your bones is the fact that I am not breaking them right now... (The Director, from behind the cameras, give Doozer and Dusty a "cut it out or else i will kill you both" look and at that moment, Doozer decides to change the conversation over to Canada's Hero...) Doozer: So, are you excited to be here on the biggest show airing on Television? Canada's Hero: Wait, I thought I was on Doozer Television, not Barney... Dusty: Yay for Barney!!! Canada's Hero: Just kidding Doozer, you know that I know that Doozer Television is the best show on TV. And yeah, I feel pretty good... but nervous... Doozer: Don't feel nervous dude, this is nothing. It is a little more nerve-racking than wrestling, but not bad. Canada's Hero: Shouldn't we introduce the other wrestlers so we can get on with the show? Doozer: This is my damn show and I will do whatever I want to!!! Dusty: And stuff like that!!! Doozer: And Dusty, did I say you could talk? Dusty: No... Doozer: Did I say you could answer my question just then??? Dusty: Sorry... Doozer: You are really pushing it there Mr. I'm Just Too Cool to Be Good... Canada's Hero: Well... I'm just... Damn it Doozer, introduce the next one!!! Doozer: Alright, so the next guy blah, blah, blah, to join Doozer Television blah, blah, blah, is... a wrestler who just suffered a really close loss, but is still respected by most others... A wrestler with with a weird name... Caged Explosion!!! (At the moment of hearing his name, Caged Explosion starts to remove the paper bag off his head. But Doozer stops him for just one moment to get a pale yellow bucket just incase he has to spew... Caged Explosion eventually removes the paper bag, but Doozer does not spew... Actually, Dusty decides to unload his lunch right into the pale.) Caged Explosion: Come on Dusty, I am not that bad looking, am I? Doozer: *Caged Explosion glares at Doozer because he knows that Doozer was going to throw out something insulting* Well, what did you want me to say... *talks with a gay lisp* Oh, you just look so awesomely stunning today, you sexy stud, you. Back that sweet ass over here and park it on my lap... (With this the whole group of wretlers, Doozer, Dusty, Canada's Hero, Caged Explosion, and the wrestlers still yet to be revealed all start laughing hysterically. Once the laughing dies down, Doozer decides to open his big trap again...) Doozer: Alright, off the subject of being gay... because we will be back on that later... Dusty: Yuck, that is just... yuck... Caged Explosion: Umm, Doozer, do I have to stick around for that? Doozer: Hell Yeah, it is one part of your long lasting, and painful initiation into Doozer Television. Dusty: Yay, long-lasting and painful stuff that isn't subjected towards me!!! (Suddenly, something rather large comes smashing through the front windown of Doozer's large house. It looks like a person from where Doozer is sitting. Then, Dusty walks over to the man lying on the red and white tiled floor and starts to poke it with a fishing pole that was mounted on a wall... The man starts to wiggle and then the voice of an old woman is heard screaming at the house...) Old Woman: And don't think of ever coming back to this drug abusers rehabilitation club ever again. We don't want any damn pot smokers here, that's not an addiction!!!! (The man suddenly gets up and exposes his face, which was tucked under his arm while laying down and everybody recognized him right of as...) The Dude: Those crazy old crack addicts really piss me off... and stuff. Doozer: Oh, so you went to a drug rehab. center. I was wondering where you were. Dusty: I wasn't... The Dude: Why not, you don't love me any more do you Dusty? Dusty: Oh, Dude, I'm so sorry... but I've found another... Doozer: Yeah, your right hand... (This causes all but Dusty to break out laughing. Then, Dusty with a confused look on his face starts to say...) Dusty: I don't get it... Doozer: Damn, I swear that my little cousin knows more than this kid about everything. Canada's Hero: Yeah, that's only because he has you for a cousin. Caged Explosion: Yeah, I bet if Dusty hung out with you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week he'd know everything about everything... Doozer: Uh, this cool guy does hang out with me all the time. The Dude: Yeah, and he is still doesn't know which hole to put it in. Doozer: Yeah, and if he did find the right hole, he'd need instructions on how to use it... Dusty: I dug a hole in the yard the other day... Canada's Hero: That's great Dusty, it really is. Doozer: Yeah, almost as good as your mom is in bed. The Dude: Yeah... and your dad too... (This causes everybody in the room, including Dusty to move a couple of inches away from The Dude. Then, Doozer gets the signal from the Director to introduce the next DTV Cast Member and DARE Program Inductee.) Doozer: Well, the third man who will be introduced into Doozer Television today is one who just joined Dream Wrestling Federation just a little while ago... He won his debut match and is showing the skills of what make a Dream Wrestling Federation Superstar... If you haven't guessed it, his name will rhyme with the phrase, "he lays by the bay, makes thing out of clay, and eats hay... what do ya say" he is... Filthy Jay!!! (Filthy Jay removes the paper bag from his head as his name is voiced out by Doozer.) Doozer: So, Filthy Jay... why did you want to join Doozer Television? Filthy Jay: Well, I wanted to be in the best show on television and I also wanted to get recognized by the DWF Fans... Doozer: Yeah, you came to the right place for recognition... Not only DWF Fans and Superstars watch DTV, but when I was looking around at different Federations, I got a glimpse of how popular Doozer Television is... and now you are here and you will be famous. Dusty: Am I famous? Canada's Hero: Yeah, you are known world-wide as the fattest fag on Television!!! Doozer: Hey, only I can insult Dusty like that... Caged Explosion: Well, I can't blame Canada's Hero, I mean the guy is just a little too easy to make fun of... Doozer: True that, I guess you guys can too. But, only after you have gone through your initiation. Filthy Jay: What does that consist of? Doozer: First, I got to introduce the last two wrestlers into the DARE Program and Doozer Television... So, the first of these two was in DWF and lost his first match... But, The DARE Program is here to help so he joined and he is... My Idol... Your Idol... No, actually my idol is myself and your idol is me too... so he is just 'The Idol' Jacob Jackson!!! And the last man that we are introducing today has done lots of stuff, but we don't know what because we have no information of or about him... he is... Robbie Youngblood!!! (At the sound of their names, both Jacob Jackson and Robbie Youngblood rip off their paper bags sit down near Canada's Hero on a large, blue sofa.) Doozer: Now that everybody has been introduced. I will announce the first task of your initiation. Canada's Hero: It doesn't have something to do with being gay does it? Because earlier when you said that we'd get back to that gay thing... Just... NO!!! Doozer: No man, don't worry... but good idea anyway. Your first task will be surviving the game of... "Torture The Innocent." It could be the very last game you ever play as it is hosted by Yojin Musahiri, who kills anybody for no reason... Dusty: I'm scared... The Dude: You aren't in it you douchebag. Doozer, I don't think we'll have... Doozer: No Dude, you don't think. But guys, I am going to make sleep on the fact that tomorrow you could be playing your last game. So, we will all meet at Yojin's Gym tomorrow at 8:00 P.M. Canada's Hero: Well, that is just wrong. So, how does this game work anyway? Doozer: Easy, you are guilty until proven innocent. If you are proven innocent, you will turn a wheel and whatever different kind of torturous behavior you land on, you will have to go through. Have a nice nights sleep everybody. I have to get in a couple words about my match before we get off the air.
Doozer: Alright, so as I see it, I have a match this Sunday Night Slaughter against some rookie named Chainz. Wow, what a name... *starts to make an imitation of Chainz* I put a 'Z' in my name, I'm bad now... wait a minute... I just made fun of myself. Damn it, why does Doozer have to be spelt with a 'Z'? Now I can't use that against Chainz... Alright... *starts to imitate Chainz again* Oh, I put an 'A' in my name, I'm bad now... That works. Anyway, it is just a singles match and there is really nothing to it. Hell, I can whip out my fortune telling skills and tell everybody exactly what is to happen in my match against this chump... Chainz is in the ring quivering as "The Next Episode" by Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, and Ice Cube blasts over the P.A. System as I walk down to the ring to receive a huge pop from the fans. Doozer gets into the ring, ducks a clothesline from Chainz, turns around, kicks Chainz in the midsection, jumps up and delivers "The DTV Special" to Chainz for the 1-2-3!!! Yeah, that's my prediction and if I have anything to do about it, it will be correct. Just incase any of you fans out there were raised in barns and didn't know that "The DTV Special" is just a different name for my other finisher, "The Green Monster" than I just told you. Now, off the subject of that match, since I have really wasted way too many words out of my mouth on it. I want to talk about some stuff going down in the Dream Wrestling Federation. I'll start off with "Bashed in The USA." As I see it, there is a TBA spot versus Aleister Crowley for his Dream Title. Now I know that there are millions of you who want that TBA to be substituted with D-O-O-Z-E-R!!! And well, I am going to do everything within my power to get it that way. But, there is also a four way stables match. And, as most of you fans should know, Doozer is the kind of wrestler who likes friends. Doozer likes tag partners and he is also a stable kind of guy. So, you can all expect me to be in that match... But with who, that is a secret of mine. Now, I see Mr. E is back in town and well I think that is just... Great, I am glad to see that old goof back in Dream Wrestling Federation. Mr. E, that was just a joke. Nah, I had lots of respect for Mr. E when I first joined this federation and still hold a little. But, after facing two jobbers in a handicap match, that didn't boost up my respect for him at all. I don't know what he was thinking... Oh I am going to get a handicap match against two jobbers so people will think I am good. Well, beating those two guys is just as honorable of a feight as beating two referees in a match. But, I think I've said enough for today so Keep Cool everybody... This is The Dooze signing off... ("... And cut..." is heard from someone behind the cameras as the credits for Doozer Television quickly scroll down the black screen of the TV...)