**Warning(Cast for DTV**): (I have these people's permission to use them in DTV) The Star/Host: Doozer. Co-Stars: Canada's Hero, Mike Robinson, Dusty, Yojin Musahiri, The Dude, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Other Cast Members: Buh-Buh Ray Rogers, Filthy Jay, Robbie Youngblood, Johnzta Ze Monzta, Freddy Fill, 'The Idol' Jacob Jackson, Caged Explosion, Dazz, Genecide, and Wreck. Guest Star: None ***DARE Program's Second Meeting: We already have SEVENTEEN applications!!! Dare to keep people of Donuts... Donut Abuse Resistance Education... You can sign up for it... Fill out Doozer's App... If you join his DARE Program, you are automatically a Member of the Cast on DTV*** Cast For Today's Show:
Doozer
Dusty
Yojin Musahiri
The Dude
Canada's Hero
Caged Explosion
'The Idol' Jacob Jackson
Filthy Jay
Robbie Youngblood
(As the credits for a great "Celebrity Death-Match" play really, really fast as the names of all the "guys behind the screen" hit the television screen, the deep, somber voice of that MTV Desk Man Person Guy Thing that you all love to hear is heard.) Bert: What a Main Event, huh? I mean, Demi Moore and Bruce Willis versus Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. It was a great "Celebrity Death-Match" Main Eventer. Who won that match? Stone Cold Steve Austin won that match after he literally smashed the heads of Tom Cruise and Bruce Willis right into eachother with authority! Then, both Nicole Kidman and Demi Moore decided that they would walk off with Stone Cold himself. But anyway, next up is the show you all love to watch... DOOZER TELEVISION!!! In this Episode of DTV, the new guys in Doozer Television are going through the first step of initiation. Yojin Musahiri will be hosting the game show, 'Torture The Innocent' in which all five of the new guys will be participating. So, I'm not going to keep you all waiting, here is... D-T-V!!! ("The Next Episode" by Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, and Ice Cube blasts over the Doozer Television sound system as clips of Doozer and Chainz going at it in their match last Sunday are flashed all over the screen as well as clips of Dusty defeating Ice Porsche in a First Blood Match. Then, the scene quickly fades over to Yojin’s Gym. It is a rather large gym with bared windows and brick walls. As the camera brings us {the audience} into the Gym, we see just a large empty room. The only objects in this room are: a black and white mat on the floor, a big spinning wheel hanging from a nail on the wall farthest to the right and seven doors on the wall that is opposite the camera. As the camera brings us to the spinning wheel, we see different labeled categories on it consisting of: "The Little Room with That Little Guy…", "The Room full of Rodents", "The Door to your Highway To Hell", "The Room that Bob wouldn’t Touch with a Ten Foot Poll", and lastly "Your Big Break… Or something." Then, the camera zooms in on Doozer who is standing up on the black and white mat wearing a "Born Buff" T-shirt and jeans and his usual backwards fitting baseball hat, but this time the hat is bright orange…)
Doozer: Well, this is The Doozer and you are watching Doozer Television!!! This is the Fourteenth Show of DTV and will probably be one of the greatest. So, if you are somehow busy while this show is airing and haven’t found a way to budget your time so that you could watch it, you are shit out of luck. Because, if you do not like this show enough so that your life revolves around it, then we don’t want you watching. Anyway, you could also miss this, but you could’ve been smart and taped it while you were away. In that case, I’m sorry for the comments above… Yojin Musahiri: I’ll take it from here, Doozer. (The camera switches over to Yojin Musahiri who is standing a couple feet away from Doozer wearing a Karate Outfit, a big white robe type thing with a black belt tied around the waist.) Yojin Musahiri: Now, on this Doozer Television "Special" we will bring to you the best damn game-show you have ever seen. The most hardcore game-show you have ever seen. Hell, we are bringing you the most dangerous game show that you have ever and will ever see in your lifetime. (The camera switches back to Doozer…) Doozer: I could have told them that, Yojin… Anyway, the five participants in this show are the five ‘new guys’ of DTV. They are: Canada’s Hero, Caged Explosion, Filthy Jay, ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson, and Robbie Youngblood. Dusty: Now my turn to speak… (The camera zooms over to Dusty who is wearing an XXL T-shirt, even though it looks fairly tight on Dusty, that is labeled "The Bigger, The Better." Dusty is also wearing one of those weird hats that has a little plastic propeller on the top which is now spinning as result of recently being flicked by Dusty himself. And on his lower body… Dusty is wearing… only boxers!!!) Doozer: Dusty, you better put on some pants there, dude. (Dusty looks down slowly to where his pants should be and his face suddenly turns red. He looks back up to the camera which is pointed toward himself and smiles an uneasy smile. Dusty then starts to back up taking one stumbled step after another and runs for a door on the opposite wall. Dusty doesn’t know this, but he just ran into "The Little Door with The Little Man" room. Dusty closes the door behind him rather harshly and turns around. Dusty leans back-first against the door and slowly starts to slide down the door into a sitting position with his eyes closed. The second Dusty is in a full sitting position, he opens his eyes and is startled by a short man with a little black, shiny tuxedo and Chinese-like face. The little man’s stump of a nose is touching Dusty's short, fat nose. The little man’s black, beady eyes are staring straight into Dusty’s hazel eyes. Dusty suddenly stands upright looking petrified. Dusty knows who this midget is… It is the same person who almost beat Dusty himself in a one on one match. It is the master of The Ankle Biter… THE ANGRY DWARF!!! The camera zooms in on the startled Dusty…) Dusty: You better watch out you Angry Dwarf Man Thingy… I have beaten you before and I am not afraid to do so again… The Angry Dwarf: Grrrrrr (Dusty then makes two little circles out his fore-finger and thumb with both hands and puts them over his eyes in a sort of way that makes them resemble glasses, then starts to speak again…) Dusty: You wouldn’t give The Ankle Biter to a man with glasses now would you? (The Angry Dwarf lets out an ear-ringing scream and charges after Dusty, but just as The Angry Dwarf sets up for The Ankle Biter, an arm reaches out from the now opened door and pulls Dusty out just in time. Then, shuts the door on The Angry Dwarf and causes the little guy to run full-force into it. The camera quickly turns around to see that it was Canada’s Hero who pulled Dusty out of the room and Dusty also notices this and gives him a big hug…) Dusty: I love you man. Canada’s Hero: That’s great, Dusty, it really is. Doozer: Alright lovebirds, we have to get this game show on the road. So, I guess the first participant with be… Canada’s Hero!!! (The camera turns to Yojin Musahiri.) Yojin Musahiri: I’ll take it away, Dooze. Now, Canada’s Hero… Come on down. (Canada’s Hero starts to quiver as he slowly walks up to The Big Spinning Wheel beside Yojin Musahiri. Canada’s Hero and Yojin finally make their way to the wheel and Yojin gets ready to announce the rules of the game.) Yojin Musahiri: Alright, the only rules to this game are: You are guilty until proven to be innocent, whichever room the wheel picks for you, if proven innocent, you must go in that room and stay there until we say you can come out, and lastly that you can't question any of our decisions. So, Canada’s Hero, what is your plead? Canada’s Hero: Well, it goes a little something like this… Can I please get the hell out of this place? Pretty, pretty please? Yojin Musahiri: Try again smart ass… Canada’s Hero: I plead… wait a minute, what am I pleading for? Yojin Musahiri: Oh yeah, I kind of forgot to mention that… Um… you are pleading upon the fact that you just saved Dusty from getting the Ankle Biter… Did you or did you not? Canada’s Hero: Well, I guess I am guilty. Yojin Musahiri: What does our jury say? (The camera turns around to get a good view of both Doozer and Dusty who are standing side by side.) Doozer: I say that I just saw him do that so I say he is guilty. Dusty: Yeah, and since I was the person he saved and um… guilty as charged your honor. Yojin Musahiri: Well, I see that there is no way to prove you innocent on this case, so you are free to go you guilty bastard you. Bring on the next one… (Doozer walks up to Caged Explosion and gives him a rather hard shove telling him that it is his turn. With that, Caged Explosion walks up to Yojin, stumbling on every other step.) Yojin Musahiri: You have been charged with the account of… Manslaughter… what is your plead? Caged Explosion: Well, if I plead guilty, then I could get in some big trouble. If I plead innocent, then I will have to go into one of those damn room… But I have to be truthful, I plead innocent. (There is some quiet buzzing from the jury, a.k.a Doozer and Dusty. Yojin, with a screwed up face, begins to speak.) Yojin Musahiri: Well then since you have pleaded innocent you will now spin the wheel of your doom. (Caged Explosion takes a step up to the rather large, round wheel and gives it a big spin with all his might. The wheel turns and turns and turns… then finally it stop with the little pointer pointing straight at… "The Room Full of Rodents.") Yojin Musahiri: Take a step into that room over there and we will see you at the end of the show… (Caged Explosion walks rather casually over to the door. But, as we zoom in on him, we notice he has a bottle of rat poison in his right hand, which he must have brought with him just incase something like this happened. Caged Explosion opens the large, wooden door and walks inside. Inside the small, square room is a floor that is covered with rats and mice. Without any hesitation, Caged Explosion removes the lid from the rat poison and splashes it everywhere. One after one, the rats and mice start to drop dead from trying to lick the rat poison off themselves and Caged Explosion just clears a small spot in the corner of the room so he can sit down and does so. Then, the camera switches back to Yojin Musahiri and the newest participant, Filthy Jay…) Yojin Musahiri: Now, I’m here with Filthy Jay at the Spinning Wheel and we are ready… Filthy Jay, you have been accused of flicking Dusty’s ears just one too many times… What is your plead? (Dusty interrupts the conversation abruptly…) Dusty: Sentence him to a lifetime in hell. (The camera focuses back to Yojin and Filthy Jay…) Filthy Jay: I’m sorry… or am I happy about this… Either way… I am guilty. (Yojin looks to the jury, Dusty and Doozer, to see what they think about Filthy Jay’s plead to being guilty and Dusty, with a frown and a red ear, slowly nods his head.) Yojin Musahiri: Well, it seems like you are guilty… So, you make walk free my man. Doozer: Um, Yojin… what about Caged Explosion… I hope the rats haven’t eaten him alive by now? Yojin Musahiri: If they have, to bad because we still have ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson and Robbie Youngblood left… Wait a minute… Where is Robbie Youngblood? (Both Doozer and Dusty shrug and start to look around the gym. Then, Doozer spots a broken glass window and runs up to it without any hesitation. Doozer examines the window, then looks outside where a red brick lays on the ground surrounded by shattered glass…) Doozer: Well, it looks like somebody didn’t want to join the DARE Program that badly… His loss anyway, let’s get on with the show. (Doozer walks back and stands beside Dusty, who stands there picking his nose and examining his burgers.) Doozer: You are sick, you know that don’t you? (Dusty puts the back of his hand up against his forehead for a minute or so.) Dusty: Nah, I feel pretty good actually. Doozer: *mutters* Moron… (The camera turns to Yojin who is standing beside ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson, who is wearing a black, long sleeved shirt with an orange vest along with tan cargo pants.) Yojin Musahiri: Alright folks, this is the last participant in "Torture The Innocent." Now… we have to get one more person to be proven innocent so… Jacob, you have been accused of raping your neighbors dog… What is your plead? ’The Idol" Jacob Jackson: *under his breathe* Damn, how’d you guys find out about that? *notices Yojin giving him a "you are one sick bastard" look and quickly recovers with* I mean… I plead innocent!!! Yojin Musahiri: Well, even though if what I heard was true, than your plead won’t be all together truthful, but who cares? The people at home want to see one more person get trapped inside a room, so what the hell? Spin the wheel… (Jacob slowly walks up to the wheel with hesitation in every step wishing that he wouldn’t have tried to cover up for that little incident. But, he finally reaches the wheel and spins it with all his might. The wheel turns and turns and turns again and slowly comes to a stop at… "The Room Bob Wouldn’t Touch With a Ten Foot Poll." Shear horror drapes over the face of Jacob Jackson as he thinks to himself that it has to be one bad ass room if Bob wouldn’t go near it…) Yojin Musahiri: Go on already, it’s the second door to the left… (‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson walks slowly to the second door to the left, looking back at almost every other step, wondering if someone will yell out something like, "just kidding" or "got ya." But, nothing of the such happens. Jacob opens up the door and walks into a rather long and wide hallway with a bed at the end. The camera follows after him to reveal that the hall is rather clean. It has nice white walls with a white ceiling and white tiles on the floor. Everything in the room is spotless, and the bed at the end of the hall is pink and looks rather comfortable. Then, a beautiful blonde haired, naked woman just stands there right in front of ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson. Jacob grows an "this is a nice surprise" look on his face and mutters to himself…) ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson: Bob must be gay or something… The Naked Woman: Hey there… You only have to do one simply thing to get me in that bed with you… You have to catch me, that’s all… ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson: Hell yeah, start running!!! (The naked woman starts to run down the hall and towards the bed. In no time flat, Jacob catches up and grabs her arm. Then, since Jacob past the little obstacle, the woman leads him to the bed and they… um… you know. In a couple of minutes, that’s all, the woman gets up…) The Naked Woman: Well, I have to go now. In a little bit, you will be met by two naked women. Bye-bye (We see the woman walk out of the room and into the gym. Before she closes the door behind her, we see all the wrestlers except for Dusty grinning. Dusty is actually covering his eyes in shock. Then, the camera turns back around to ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson who decides that he will pace up and down the hall for a little while and does so. But, before a lot of time goes by, Jacob suddenly stops right in front of two naked women.) The Naked Women in Unison: Well, you know the rules… (Jacob nods his head, still thinking about Bob being gay… But, that thought quickly escapes his mind as he chases up to both the women, and grabs them with ease. He then gets off the good foot and does the bad thing with both women at the same time!!! After only one or two short minutes, two women were obviously way too much for him to handle, the women get up.) The Two Naked Women in Unison: Well, you are doing good and should be ready for your next task. You will be met with a mystery person in just a couple of minutes… Now we must go… (The two naked women walk out of the hall. As they close the door, we see the first women with Doozer and Dusty still covering his eyes. Then, the camera zooms back in the direction of ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson who is pacing up and down the hall. Then, in no time at all, ‘The Idol’ finally realizes just why Bob wouldn’t touch this room with a ten foot poll. See, Jacob is standing right in front of a big, fat and outrageously hairy man who is totally naked.) ‘The Idol’ Jacob Jackson: Let me guess, if I catch you… I can gay-bash you? Hairy Naked Man: Oh no big boy, if I catch you… I can anally rape your ass… (Jacob Jackson lets out the scream of a two year old boy who just got his teddy bear stolen and runs like the wind. But this fat man is rather fast… But, just before we see the fat man snatch Jacob by the arm, the camera dashes out of the room and into the main gym. We watch Doozer who is just pushing a girl out of the way to say something into the camera.) Doozer: Well, I hate to say this, but this episode of Doozer Television. Now, if you can honestly tell me that this has not been the best episode of DTV you have seen yet, then… you can stick it up your ass!!! Dusty: Um, Doozer, what about Caged Explosion? Doozer: Oh yeah, I guess we should let him out… Hell, he’s probably dead or something. (Doozer walks up to "The Room Full of Rodents" door and opens it slowly. To his amazement and everybody else’s in the room, Caged Explosion casually walks out of the room without looking hurt at all. He sits down in a nearby chair, yawns, stretches, and starts to doze off…) Doozer: Well, I don’t know how to explain that but… Hell, I’m not even going to try. I just have to get in some last words about the DWF and my match at "Bashed in the USA." Yeah, I said my match. What, you don’t see my name booked in any matches? Well, I am in that stables match. But, with which stable? Is it with The Canadian Punishers? Or my old group in which myself and Extremist created, Extreme Cruelty? Or could I be in one of the two Mystery Stables? Well, you will just have to wait and see now won’t ya? I am not going to give out any hints… So, until this Sunday… Keep Cool everybody… This is Doozer signing off… Watch DTV’s next episode!!! (The scene suddenly fades to black as we see everybody huddling around Caged Explosion asking him how he walked out of "The Room Full of Rodents" without any scratches at all. We also hear banging on the door of "The Room Bob Wouldn’t Touch with a Ten Foot Poll…")