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Journal Entry #3 in "Doozer's Journal!!!" |
**Warning**: I have Dusty's Permission to use Dusty in this Journal Entry!!! Cast For Journal Entry(Their Name Will Be Their Color for this Entry): Dear Journal, {***}Today, Journal, I will start off talking about what happened from the afternoon and on. Why? Well, the only thing that took place in the morning happened as listed: I got up from bed, took a shower, ate breakfast, watched some television, sat on my ass, and that’s pretty much it. On the contrary, my day from noon and on was much more exciting. Yeah, even though I didn’t want it to be. See, I wanted to have the day to myself. I wanted nothing more but to just sit on my ass for the whole day watching ESPN. Yet, Dusty decided to drop by and we ended up taking a drive to nowhere. What do I mean by nowhere? Well, Dusty has a thing for my Ford Mustang, but can you blame the poor kid? His ride includes two wheels. Well, four if you include training wheels and some pedals. So, to make him shut up, I decided that I’d take him for a drive, but we never decided where to go. So, we ended up making a rather interesting, or so you could say, stop at a Highway Restroom. Then, we crashed at The Marriott Hotel. There’s the summary of the day. Now I’ll get a little more descriptive. {***} {***}Like I said, I was sitting down in my Lazy Boy recliner watching some Television. My empty cereal bowl, which contained milk and Lucky Charms, sat on TV Tray to my left. Two plates sat in front of that cereal bowl. One had a little chicken leftover from lunch and the other some mashed potato also leftover from lunch. I just sat clumsily in my recliner wearing a pair of blue, baggy pants and a white T-shirt. My bleached blonde hair, which usually hides under my hat, was short. I didn’t comb it this morning, which I usually don’t, but it just fell right into the correct position. If you didn’t know, Mr. Journal, the correct position is straight down. Getting off the topic of my hair, the movie ‘Half Baked’ just started up as I picked up the remote control and pressed the ‘play’ button. Yeah, I rent the movie quite frequently. {***} {***}Anyway, I just sat back and started to watch one of the funniest movies to this very day. Then, I heard a knock at my door. I just figured that the person would eventually go away, so I turned up the volume of my movie to block him or her out. Yet, this person was persistent and he or she knocked again. Still, I wanted my lazy day and I refused to let anyone spoil it. Yet, this determined son of a bitch just would not stop knocking. I cranked up the volume of my movie even further. Then, an idea struck me. I fast-forwarded the tape to a certain part in the movie that I know real well and that might just scare the person off. Well, it probably wouldn’t, but I decided to give it a try anyway. {***} {***}I fast-forwarded the tape to a scene in the movie where the character ‘Stoner Brian’ is about to quit his job at the music store, but he gets fired instead. Journal, if you haven’t seen the movie yet, the music store is very neat and well sorted. There are rows and rows of CD’s and tapes all lined up on the walls as well as tables containing many CDs and tapes. The floor’s carpet is colored blue and the walls gray. There are a few other workers there as well, but the only important two workers are Brian and Jan. Brian is a big pot-head with shaggy dark brown to black hair, wearing a tie-die T-shirt, and a pair of jeans. Jan has curly brown hair that flows down to her shoulders. She is wearing a tie-die T-shirt as well, I think, along with a pair of tight jeans. Now, this happened quite a bit earlier today, so I can’t remember exact words or anything. {***} :-=Stoner Brian=-: Brain wore an expression on his face that he always wore. The expression just yelled out stoner over and over again. Anyway, he walked up to the owner to talk to him. "Hey man, I got to talk to you about something." :-=Owner=-: His long, gray beard and big glasses made him resemble a stoner, too. "Oh, Brian, sorry man, but you are fired." :-=Stoner Brian=-: Brain planned to quit anyway because his weed selling going along so great and all. Yet, being a pot-head, Brain still acted surprised. "All right, all right…" Everyone in the store starts to stare at him hoping for an outburst. Brain notices this and with his stoner voice says. "Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do what you think I’m going to do!" Brain starts to flail his arms. "I’m not going to wig out or anything!" Brian stopped flailing his arms and holds them out. Then, he does the little bring it thing with his hands. "I just want to know who’s coming with me?" Nobody reacts. "Come on, who’s coming with me?" :-=Jan=-: Jan just shrugs and replies to Brian's question. "I guess I’ll come with you." Jan walks over to Brian. :-=Stoner Brian=-: Brain and Jan start to walk out of the store. Then, Brain stops Jan and faces her. "Jan, does this mean we’re going out?" Brain does that ‘yeah’ thing that some big time seventies pot-heads do. :-=Jan=-: Jan puts a half frown on her face. "Well, I would, but I’m gay." Brian looks stunned by the reaction and Jan starts to continue walking out of the store, then says in a real plain voice. "Yeah, I’m a big dike." {***}With those last few words said, I stopped the movie. Directly after stopping the movie there was a huge bang in my front yard. I heard some stumbling around that led to another big crash. So, with all the crashing, booming, and banging occurring on my front porch, I decided to check things out. I stood up and out of my recliner and slowly walked over to my front door. To say the least, I became pissed off. Yet, I stood there in front of my freshly painted, white door. I tried deciding weather to open the door and scare the shit out of the person or open the door and slam it back in their face. I ended up deciding that I would just slam it back in their face. Now that I made my decision, I slowly turned the doorknob and pulled the door open. Then, a split-second after I opened the door, Dusty charged into my house. He jumped while running at his full speed and landed hard on my floor. Just after landing with a crash, he started to roll around. Dusty, while lying on his stomach, perked his head up straight. He looked to the right, then to the left. Dusty finally noticed that nothing abnormal occurred while he waited outside. He stood up and dusted himself off, then he tried to act all cool and everything. {***} :-=Dusty=-: Dusty stood there still brushing himself off. "Um…" Dusty suddenly stopped the whole cool act and just burst out right there on the spot. "Dude, I heard a guy who almost erupted, even though he said he wouldn’t, and then there was a gay woman. Then, when you didn’t answer the door, I thought you were in danger." :-=Doozer=-: I just stood there looking totally stupefied at this moronic retard. "Damn, you have to be the dumbest human being in the whole world. Will you just leave? I was sitting down enjoying my favorite all-time movie, then you barged in and ruined everything." :-=The Dark and Demented Dusty=-: The eye patch now sat directly over Dusty’s left eye. "Damn it, I will not go into the night. I will not go without a fight." :-=Doozer=-: I shot him a long, hard look. "Day after day, you amaze me." Dusty started to form a smile. "Just when I think that you could not get any dumber, you totally prove me wrong." I started to laugh, but then I spotted Dusty looking rather proud of himself. "Why are you so happy?" :-=Dusty=-: The eye-patch no longer sat over his head. "It’s just that you said I proved you wrong. I’ve never proven anyone or anything wrong!" :-=Doozer=-: I just shook my head in disbelief. "Hey retard, if I take you for a drive in my car, will you shut up?" :-=Dusty=-: Dusty’s eyes popped out and his ears perked. "I can’t promise, but I will try my hardest." :-=Doozer=-: "All right then, let’s hit the road." {***}With that said, Dusty and I walked to the front door. I opened it for Dusty and as he walked out I mumbled, ‘Lady’s first.’ He pretended not to hear my remark, but as he walked off with his head drooped down, I knew he did. I laughed and followed him out the door. Just as I took my first step on my front porch, I turned and locked my front door. Then, I turned back and walked down the white steps of my front porch. From there, I walked down the tarred path from the porch steps to my driveway. I have this tarred path so morons do not walk on my freshly cut, green grass. When I reached my car, Dusty already sat down in the passenger seat of my Ford Mustang. I shook my head with a smile on my face looking down at what seemed to be a 5 year old monster just awing over the greatness that is my car. {***} {***}Dusty started to rub the leather seat and then the dashboard. I watched him wondering how somebody like Dusty, who doesn’t know what an engine is, be so interested in a car. I decided to stop thinking about all that stupid shit and opened up my door. The Ford Mustang was equipped with everything. This thing contained a sweet CD player. It also contained a kick ass sound system and anything else you can possibly want in a car. I’d go on and talk about the dual exhaust and all that stuff, but I won’t confuse you people out there like Dusty. Anyway, I sat down in the driver's seat, grabbed the keys from under my seat, put them in the ignition and started it up. The car purred like a kitten as Dusty and I drove off and out of my driveway. From my house, we connected on a back-street road that had more pot-holes than ‘Chins’ in Chinese Phonebook. {***} {***}I drove along the bumpy road for about thirty minutes before we entered onto the Highway. I love driving the Highway, especially if I’m one of only a few drivers on it. The back-street road wasn’t that bad with its nice views and all, but compared to the highway it just sucked ass. Anyway, I’ll go back to how the rest of my day went. Today definitely had to have been one of my lucky days because there wasn’t anybody else on the Highway. So, without thinking, I just started to feed a little more speed to my ride. I drove down the Highway with my right hand on the wheel and the other resting on the place where the window comes up from. If you are stupid, I guess I should tell you that the window was down. I glanced down at the speedometer and saw it move from seventy to eighty and then to ninety. {***} {***}I didn’t even think of where I would end. Well, I just kept on driving because Dusty finally shut up and I was having a good time. So, I put my foot down with even more pressure on the gas pedal and sped away. Dusty and I probably traveled around fifty miles. It might not sound like much, but I’d like to see you get that much distance in a half an hour. Well, I think that I smoked some kind of drug or something because I didn’t even think that something bad would happen. Look at the situation: you are having a great time driving along with Dusty. Now something has to go wrong or else my name isn’t Scott Lavigne. Well, my name is Scott Lavigne so something did happen. Yeah, it was something that I will never forget. {***} {***}Like I said, I drove down the Highway faster than ever before and enjoying every second. Then, to interrupt this moment, Dusty moaned. He sat there crossing his legs every now and then looking rather disturbed. His face took on the look of a person being forced to drink his own pee. Dusty removed his right leg from the top of his left and placed his left leg on top of his right. I knew right off what ailed him. See, having to go to the bathroom really badly is almost as bad as being constipated. Actually, I haven’t had the luxury of being constipated so I wouldn’t really know. Yet, I knew having to pee really badly felt horrible. So, I took in a deep breath of regret knowing that to save Dusty from this torture I must ruin my moment. Well, being the good friend that encompasses myself, I found a Highway Restroom and pulled over into the parking lot. There, I parked my car and shut it off. {***} {***}Dusty got out of the car and quickly ran to the outhouse holding his danger area and running like a bat out of hell. I know what you are thinking, Mr. Journal. Bats do not run, well screw you because this is my journal entry and they do now! Anyway, I know all about these Highway Restrooms so I decided not to go with him. Instead, I got out of the car and tip-toed over to a tree so that I could see Dusty’s face when he runs out of their screaming. Just as I made my way to the tree, Dusty came hurdling out of the outhouse screaming at the top of his lungs. He headed for the car so I decided to also. Yet, the first step I took back towards the car scared the shit out of me. {***} {***}I quickly stepped back and suddenly a man without any clothes on started bitching me out. I tried to run, but he grabbed my leg and tripped me. I felt like I was about to be raped by a homosexual man. I turned onto my back and kicked the gay man right in the balls. From there, I stood up and ran down to the car. Dusty already made it to the car and there he sat in the passenger seat. He locked the doors and was moving his upper body back and forth at a rapid pace with a very frightened look on his face. I turned my head to look over my shoulder and I saw a naked man skipping towards me with a wide smile on his face. I tried desperately to open my door, but I couldn’t. I looked back and the man was getting closer and closer. {***} {***}My eyes almost popped out of their sockets as the gay man skipped to a distance of merely fifty feet away. I started banging on the window. Dusty still sat in that stunned position rocking back and forth. Then, I caved in and said what I thought I would never say, ‘I’ll give you a donut!’ Dusty’s ears perked up and his head turned abruptly. He sat there looking at me and without any hesitation he opened the door. I leaped into my car, started it up, and drove out of that Restroom area faster than you can say, ‘Homosexuals scare me.’ While driving away from the Highway Restroom, I started to gulp down air. I almost got raped by a man and scared out of my wits. As I drove further and further, I spotted a big sign that read, ‘Marriott Hotel’ in big, bold, red letters. :-=Doozer=-: I gulped down some more air and started to speak to Dusty. "Dude, you were going to let me get raped my a man. You know that that is just not cool." I took in another deep breath and let it out. "I won’t even get into that, though. So, what happened to you?" :-=Dusty=-: Dusty looked at me with bugged out eyes. "Doozer, you don’t want to know. It will give me nightmares for the rest of my life." Dusty shook his head and continued. "There I was, peeing and feeling damn good about it, then I read aloud a note written on the wall. It said that if I wanted to have a great time of gay sex then I would just have to stay here until nine o’clock. Well, I checked my watch and it read eight-fifty nine." :-=Doozer=-: As sick as this was, I became interested in hearing what happened to Dusty. "So, did some huge, black, homosexual named Nasty Nate barge in and demand your cocktail, fruit?" :-=Dusty=-: Dusty shook his head. "Thank God, no! I ran out of there as fast as possible screaming like a little girl at the top of my lungs." :-=Dark and Demented Dusty=-: The eye-patch now sat over Dusty’s left eye. "Dusty, why do you have to go and do that all time? You make yourself look like a sissy when you call yourself a girl. Then, by making yourself seem like a sissy, it inadvertently makes me look like a sissy. Yeah, what kind of Satan would I be if everybody thought I was a sissy?" :-=Doozer=-: My eyes bulged. "Oh no, you two are not going to start arguing with me around. It just totally freaks me out." I pointed out the sign to Dusty. "Look, that is where we will crash for the night." :-=Dusty=-: Dusty shrugged. "Looks all right to me. I will be waiting for my donut tomorrow morning." Dusty smiled an evil smile. "So, Dooze, do you think you can beat Caged and Big Shot?" :-=Doozer=-: I looked bewildered at him. "What makes you ask such a stupid ass question? Of course I can beat them. Hell, I am The Doozer. I am The Innovation of Devastation, The Master of Disaster, The Ruler of The Ring, and The King of Kablam. On top of that, I am The Sultan of Slam, The Rajah of Rapping, The Guru of Grappling, The Tyrant of Tag Teams, and The Titan of Talking Trash. Lastly, I am The Dictator of DDTs, The Potentate of Piledrivers, The Prince of Powerbombs, The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Perfectly Great, The Dooze!" I paused for a moment to allow Dusty to clap, which he did. "Yes, of course I can beat those two. Caged Explosion is a fine wrestler indeed, but I will still defeat him. Big Shit is nothing but a sneak and will be taken down with ease like I have done to him many times." {***}I shook my head with disbelief and smiled at the same time. I guess I smiled because I thought he would forget about the donut, but he proved me wrong again. Yet, I did not tell him he proved me wrong. I just drove up to the hotel. Dusty and I got out of the car and entered the hotel. From there, we got a room and crashed for the night. That brings you to the present and here I am at my laptop computer typing away about how my day went. Now that we are here and I have revealed to you all that has happened, I’m signing off. Journal, Keep Cool and Keep Kicking Ass! {***} Sincerely,  |
