This is an official Role-play From Your United States and Lightweight Champion!
5/18/01
Journal Entry #14 in "Doozer's Journal!!!"

(-{2}-) Also, to tell you the truth, I am quite happy that Doozer Television was back because I was starting to have really boring days without it. I mean; just two days ago I visited Extremist in the hospital while the man was in a coma. That was just barrels of fun considering that I couldn’t even talk to him and if I did, he couldn’t reply. It’s really pathetic when things resort to the measures of visiting your best friend in the hospital. I know most of you won’t admit it, but when you go to visit a friend in a hospital is it because visiting him is important to you or because you have nothing else to do at that time? Yeah; that’s what I thought. Anyway, today started off being just a regular day. I woke up in the same bed that I always wake up in. (-{2}-)

(-{3}-) I went into the bathroom and took a shower in the same shower that I always take a shower in. I walked into my kitchen and poured myself a bowl of Lucky Charms, the same kind of cereal that I eat every morning. I took it and sat in the same blue, Lazy Boy recliner that I always sit it when I eat my Lucky Charms. Lastly, I got a little phone call only a minute or two after finishing my breakfast like I always do. Before I answered the phone, I already knew it was. See, Mr. Salami is the only person who calls at this time and he never calls at any other time of the day. It’s more of a convenience than a nuisance if you really think about it. Even though I do have an answering machine, I still won’t have to worry about missing any important business news from the Big Salami. (-{3}-)

(-{4}-) Well, I hopped out of my recliner after putting my empty bowl of Luck Charms on a small, round table next to me, and I ran over to phone where I answered it. My phone was cordless so I took it and sat on my recliner again as I said, "What’s up Salami?" Mr. Salami still thinks it is a big deal how I always know that it is him who is calling before I even ask. I guess he doesn’t even mean to call at the same time everybody, or maybe he just likes to play dumb. Playing dumb comes really easy to some people, especially me. Playing dumb also comes naturally to some people, especially Dusty. Well, Mr. Salami started to speak in a sorrowful voice as if something bad had occurred and I, who was expecting good news, started to frown a little. (-{4}-)

(-{5}-) He started off saying, in that voice, "Doozer, I’m really sorry about this." Then, when he sensed that I wasn’t looking forward to hearing what he was about to say, he burst out in a cheerful, bellowing voice that said, "But Doozer Television is coming back on the air tonight on MTV!" I jumped up and out of my recliner full of joy. I started to do the ‘Charleston.’ The Charleston is a cool dance that Dude Love used to do back in the day. It was the one when he was bent over and he’d have his hands over his knees and he’d shake his knees back in forth. Well, you have to really see it to know what it is, but if it’s done correctly, then it looks pretty cool. Fortunately, I practice this dance all the time because it’s just that damn cool, so I am pretty good at it. (-{5}-)

(-{6}-) Anyway, the conversation went on with Mr. Salami and I talking about a bunch of little things. He had been wondering about what I had been up to while Doozer Television was booted off the air again and I told him about the whole Hospital visiting and such. I also told him about the story when I went over to the hospital to visit my Grandmother, which got a good laugh out of him. Yet, our conversation was ended shortly when Mr. Salami told me that I should get ready and head over to the studio as soon as I could. So, without anymore delaying of my precious time, I ended my conversation with Mr. Salami by saying my two trademark words, "Keep Cool." Then, I hung up and just before I did, I could hear the click from the other side of the phone telling me that he did the same. (-{6}-)

(-{7}-) I rushed over to my closet door, full of excitement, and opened it wide. At the time I was wearing my black ‘Born Buff’ T-shirt and a pair of baggy, white khaki pants along with my orange Nike shoes. From my closet, I took a blue, pullover Nike jacket and my official Boston Red Sox baseball hat that I put on my head backwards. From there, I turned around and ran outside my door. I locked my door after exiting the house and then raced over to my garage. On the way to my garage, I opened the electric doors with my remote control garage door opener and closer thing. Just as I thought, Dusty was standing directly behind the garage door waiting for me to get into the car and go. Like before, Dusty appeared in the garage like he knew we were going before I even told him. (-{7}-)

(-{8}-) There are only three possible reasons for this and they are: he sleeps in my garage, he has my phone tapped so he can hear my conversations with Mr. Salami, or he is a psychic. The reason that I am hoping for is that he sleeps in my garage because if he has my phone tapped then things will get messy. Also, if he is a psychic then, I don’t know what will happen, but it won’t be pretty. Yet, I have grown used to Dusty being in my garage directly before I go somewhere before I even tell him that I’m going, so I shrugged it off and hopped into the drivers seat of my Ford Escape. Dusty hopped into the passengers seat as I put the keys in the ignition and started up my car. Before you can say ‘I like to eat shit for breakfast,’ Dusty and I were out of my driveway and on our way over to The Dude’s house. (-{8}-)

(-{9}-) I figured that Dusty hadn’t heard yet, unless he really did have my wires tapped, so I decided to tell him where we were going. So, I opened up my mouth and got ready to speak, but Dusty interrupted me and said, "I know that we are going to the studio because Doozer Television is back on the air on MTV." Now, the possibility that Dusty had my phone tap still existed, but how did he know that I was going to say that? For all he knew, I could have said that I liked pancakes. This really freaked me out, so I just nodded to him signaling that he was correct and kept on driving. It wasn’t long before we were in The Dude’s parking lot and I was honking my horn at him. After about the tenth honk of my horn, the door swung wide open and The Dude’s hot supervisor lady emerged from the house looking exhausted. (-{9}-)

(-{10}-) She waved at Dusty and I telling us both to come over to the deck where she stood because she was obviously too tired to make the trip over to where we were parked. So, I turned off my Ford Escape and Dusty and I hopped out of it. From there, we walked over to the deck and stood in front of the hot supervisor lady. She was wearing a tight, pink tank-top and a pair of tight jeans. I wanted to take her by the arm, go into the bedroom, hop off the good foot, and do the bad thing, but I knew she wouldn’t go for it. She was married and she wouldn’t even have a little affair with a hot stud like myself. Anyway, she was exhausted and trying to catch her breath, so I decided that I wouldn’t ask any questions and I would just walk into the house. (-{10}-)

(-{11}-) Dusty followed me and the hot supervisor lady followed Dusty and closed the door behind the three of us. I looked around the living room, but I didn’t see The Dude. I looked over into the kitchen, but he wasn’t there either. So, I ventured down the hall and towards his room, but he wasn’t there either. Well, I knew where he was now. So, without hesitation, I made my way over to the bathroom door and knocked away. I could hear The Dude say something about him being in there. So, I asked if he was ‘decent.’ That means that you aren’t naked. I could hear him grunt out a sound of approval telling me that he was, so I opened the door and walked in. The Dude doubled over on his knees with his head over the toilet seat. His ass was duck-taped shut, which was a smart thing to do if you ask me. (-{11}-)

(-{12}-) I mean; when you are in a bathroom and you are bending over, then you do not want your asshole to be open for Nasty Nate to penetrate. It was the first smart thing that I have ever seen The Dude do. Yet, if you had as many scary encounters with Nasty Nate like The Dude, Dusty, and I, you would be taking extra precautions, too. Nasty Nate is one bad ass black man. On top of that, he is a homosexual to the maximum. He is just about as straight as the line that a man using his ass-cheeks to write is. Now; I can’t imagine that that would be straight at all. Yet, there could be some talent ass writer. Anyway, The Dude was vomiting his insides into the toilet and his face was so pale it was almost white. This told me that The Dude was sick and very sick at that. (-{12}-)

(-{13}-) Even though Dusty felt bad for The Dude, he couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that The Dude duck-taped his ass. So, Dusty kept on making fun of him for at least a half hour and I finally got sick of it. So, I walked up, faced Dusty and said, "Well, would you rather have an asshole taped or an asshole with Nasty Nate’s naughty jungle of love in it?" I could tell by the look on Dusty’s face that he didn’t think that Nasty Nate would just suddenly appear out of thin air if someone was bent over without their asshole taped. So, I figured that I would prove it to Dusty. To distract Dusty, I swung my right hand towards his face, which he blocked. Yet, as he blocked it, I kicked him hard in the gut causing him to double over. (-{13}-)

(-{14}-) Then, I ran around Dusty and gave him a ho-down. A ho-down is when you pull down someone’s pants, but if you want to get them really embarrassed, you pull down their boxers too. I pulled down his boxers along with his pants. Dusty just stayed there, doubled over in pain with his pants and boxers down and his ass in the air. Quickly, I grabbed The Dude and brought him out of that bathroom and into his other one so he could continue to puke into a toilet. Then, I stood directly outside the bathroom door that Dusty was in and I peeked through the opening I made to see something disgusting. I was correct again, Nasty Nate had appeared at the scene of an ass and he was going for the kill. Yet, Dusty could hear Nate’s footsteps and as a desperation move to save his virgin ass, he donkey kicked Nate square in the balls. (-{14}-)

(-{15}-) Dusty then turned around, stood up, pulled up his pants and boxers, and slugged Nate across the face. Even though Dusty was big, Nasty Nate was bigger. So, Nate took Dusty by the throat with both hands and lifted him up high in the air. Nate stared straight into Dusty’s eyes which were now filled with fear and Nate said, "I want your cocktail…" What Nate usually says is ‘I want your cocktail… FRUIT.’ Yet, before Nate could finish his famous phrase, Dusty’s eye-patch lowered over his left eye and Satan had taken over Dusty’s body. Satan had recently watched the movie Big Momma’s House and he had developed a favorite phrase from it himself. Then, after Satan kicked Nasty Nate in the gut so he was doubled over, then DDTed him into the floor, he got up and said, "I will not be treated like street booty." Then, the eye-patch no longer covered Dusty’s left eye as Dusty walked victorious towards the door. (-{15}-)

(-{16}-) I stood up straight and congratulated Dusty on his defense of his ass as he met me at the door. Dusty and I then said our good-byes to The Dude and the hot supervisor lady as we exited the house to make our way to the studio. Dusty and I then walked out of the house and over to my Ford Escape. Dusty hopped into the passenger seat as I hopped into the drivers seat. The two of us backed out of The Dude’s driveway and back onto the road. I didn’t know what to do, The Dude couldn’t make it so Dusty would have to play a big part on the show. Well, on the last show, if you don’t remember, Dusty was all nervous and didn’t say anything correctly. Then, to top of that show, he fell face-first in his own puddle of piss that he made when The Dude and I told him that he wouldn’t be cool until he peed his pants. (-{16}-)

(-{17}-) I turned on the radio and switched it over to 105.1 T.O.S. With the good tunes blasting over my system, it didn’t seem long before we were at the studio. I parked my car in my reserved parking spot and turned it off. Dusty and I both got out at the same time and I locked it up. I looked over towards Dusty and gave him the look that said, ‘you better be ready.’ I could already see the nervousness building up inside him. I could see his face started to turn red and he was already started to sweat. I knew that with only Dusty, I would have to make this show as good as possible. I could probably even turn Dusty’s nervousness into a joke or two. So, I opened up the door and as Dusty walked through it I said, "Lady’s are always first." (-{17}-)

(-{18}-) Dusty decided that it would be better to be laughed with than laughed at, so he started to walk like a lady through the door. Yet, he didn’t know that by doing this, I laughed at him even harder than I would have. It wasn’t more than two seconds and Mr. Salami ran up to the two of us and asked about The Dude. I told him that The Dude was sick and all that bad stuff, but he didn’t seem to mind. He told me that we couldn’t get any air-time today, but we will surely get some on Saturday. He just told Dusty and I to pray to god that The Dude will be alright tomorrow. I agreed that I would and tried to look relieved like everything would work out, but I knew that The Dude wouldn’t be ready for tomorrow. (-{18}-)

(-{19}-) The Dude was so sick that I would be surprised if he was ready in two weeks at least. Yet, I didn’t want to tell Mr. Salami how badly sick The Dude was, so I rushed out of the studio as fast as possible before it slipped out. Dusty followed him out the door and we both hopped into the Escape. I drove us back to the tunes of 105.1 T.O.S. It wasn’t long and we were parked and ready to unload from my car. Dusty hopped out of his seat and said good-bye as he walked over to his house. I told him to keep cool and I, too, turned towards my house and started walking. I unlocked my front door and entered the welcoming presence of my home. That is what brings me to here and now. Here is in my bedroom sitting at my desk in front of my computer. (-{19}-)

(-{20}-) Now is just before I am going to go to sleep after a bad day. So, I got ‘Made of Steel’ Keith O’neil in a match in two days and I can promise you right now that he is going to go down in our match. You know why? Iron is stronger than steel… Well, even if it isn’t… The Dooze is better than O’neil. That’s good enough for me. I bet you can tell that I am a little tired. So, here’s a rhyme to remember until next time… Alright check it/ DA DOOZER, He'll be the prover that your the loser and hes the victor/ DA DOOZER, he’s got a best friend, Dusty, and his unusual fun/ Straight outta Boston, not Compton, and poppin anybody in his way toppin records everyday/ In DWF, many times left, but comes back to get hit in the chest/ Unbelievable, unpredictable, and bottle of party/ Not Marty Jennety but the Heartbreak Kid, pretty much like Jeff Hardy/ His journal and DTV/ Shut up and always be pretty or talk and face the pity… (-{20}-)

(-{21}-) Time for the remix, silly rabbit Trix aren't for kids/ Another child out of Boston, wishing to be some rapper out of Compton/ Name was Scott and was taught that if he fought and got caught, he will live in a cell and rot/ But no one could hold him back because he was a warrior/ To quote Destiny's Child, a freaking survivor/ Began in HWA back in the early days/ World Champion, at the age of two times ten/ Broke into the Dream to follow his dream, everyone loves cookies and cream/ And it seemed he will be gone like the Supremes/ But he proved people wrong/ Kept on smoking the bong/ Now the best, and will never lose, and proved everything he had to prove, and never assume that people can't follow their dreams, just look at the Dooze/ So long time is precious too… (-{21}-)