This is an official Role-play From Your United States and Lightweight Champion!
5/23/01
Journal Entry #15 in "Doozer's Journal!!!"

(-{2}-) Yet, Legend Inc. has proved to be a great friend backstage and we get along fine. Then, I have Dusty. Well, I think I’ve said enough already. See, Dusty is great and all, but he just doesn’t have the camera skills. He isn’t exactly a people’s person. He is more of the person that is getting laughed at rather than laughed with. I also feel that Legend Inc. and I go back real far, although, we just met a month or two ago. Then, I have The Angry Dwarf. The Angry Dwarf is a person that will just rake in the ratings for Doozer Television. I mean; who wouldn’t want to watch an already funny show with the addition of a dwarf? You have to be a god damn retard not to watch a show like that. I could just picture it right now. (-{2}-)

(-{3}-) The little dwarf is running around in his suite and slicked back, black hair trying to nail an ankle biter on Dusty while Inc. and I are playing it cool in front of the camera. After reading the results of my poll and ending up quite pleased with how they went, I walked into my bathroom, took a shower, and got dressed. I was shortly followed by Legend Inc., who got up while I was making myself breakfast: a bowl-full of Lucky Charms and some toast. Legend Inc, although I didn’t watch what he didn’t in the bathroom, probably did the same as I: take a shower, get out, and get dressed. Well, he probably fixed his hair so it was slicked back and all that lame stuff, but I don’t need to do any of that with my Red Sox hat covering my hair. (-{3}-)

(-{4}-) Afterwards, I told Inc. that he could help himself to anything that he thought would taste good, so he did. He grabbed himself a bowl of Lucky Charms. Usually I would be a little mad and tell the person that those are my Lucky Charms and meant only for my mouth, but since they were what Inc. chose, it meant that we are similar and that is good. Although, I will have to kick his ass once it comes down to DWF Nightmare this Sunday, but it’s not Nightmare yet, so we’re are doing what business men do and that is to put things aside so that we will be able to put on a great Doozer Television. I sat in my Lazy Boy recliner chair as Inc. took a seat in the middle of my three person couch. I saw what he needed, so I helped him out. (-{4}-)

(-{5}-) See, he didn’t have a spot to place his bowl of Lucky Charms while he was eating them, so I handed him a Television Tray, which stand directly beside me, and he set it up. If you are wondering, Mr. Journal, I eat my Lucky Charms by holding them up against my legs, which I keep doubled up so my knees stick up. I hope I gave you a good picture in your head of what I meant, because it’s kind of hard to describe. Anyway, I took the remote control with my free hand and turned on the television. I switched it over to a special Dream Wrestling Federation channel. Yes, DWF has their own channel now and if you doubt me, then you can kiss my ass. Well, the host of this channel was just some guy in a suite with his hair gelled by like Inc.’s. (-{5}-)

(-{6}-) I wouldn’t have known his name, because I did not know him, but when he spoke, his name appeared on the screen in front of him. It was Dan Patrick! Dream Wrestling must have gone out of their way to get an actual sports newscaster like Dan Patrick of ESPN. I heard him talking about matches coming up in Nightmare. Well, he said he would talk about that directly after he began with Sunday Night Slaughter. He talked about the great match between Dusty and Caged Explosion facing Chainz and The Educator. Then, he went over to my match saying how I didn’t bring my ‘A’ game and that if I would have, Keith would’ve been down in half the time. After hearing this, Inc. and I both laughed and he held his hand up to me and I slapped it in return. Then, after a few more matches, Dan proceeded and talked about Nightmare’s card. (-{6}-)

(-{7}-) He talked about Legend Inc. and Mike Extreme and how they should defeat Total Terror with ease. Then, he moved on to some more matches and after ten minutes, he ended up at the JW Hell Match. He talked about how this is the most feared match in the Dream Wrestling Federation as the Hell in a Cell is in the World Wrestling Federation. He also pointed out the similarities in the two matches. How the JW Hell Match is a Hell in a Cell match only the ring is one and a half times bigger, there are eight men in the Hell Match, and there is also a sixty minute time limit to get the most pins that you can possibly get. In my mind, this match is, if I haven’t already been elected to go in, going to get me into the Hall of Fame. (-{7}-)

(-{8}-) He talked about how much the odds are against me in retaining my Dream Wrestling Federation United States Championship. He explained that I do not have to get pinned one single solitary time to lose my title. It is only the person with the most wins via pin-fall, submission, or whatever who gets the title. He also pointed out how there are two Future World Leader members in the match who are: PitBull and Legend Inc. The Future World Leaders are the people who injured me before I came back to win the Dream Title. I had been trying to keep my feelings about Inc. ganging up on me with that other Future World Leader inside me, but this really lit the flame. The fact that Inc. and I were good friends, despite everything else, and that Inc. would just turn on me because of a stable thing angered me greatly. (-{8}-)

(-{9}-) Yet, I didn’t let it show to greatly. After Patrick stated it, I gave Inc. a deadly glare while he was still watching contentedly and that was all I did with that matter. Well, after Patrick said the thirty minutes was up and told the audience to stay tuned for more, which is just a repeat of the show we both saw, I decided that it was time to go. So, I motioned to Legend Inc., telling him that we should go now and we got ready. Legend Inc., like usual, was wearing his black tuxedo and shiny dress shoes. I, on the other hand, wore my blue Superman shirt with the Superman logo on the chest, a pair of baggy black jeans, my orange Nike shoes, and my Red Sox hat on backwards. Then, without anymore hesitation, the two of us were out of the house, which I locked up after exiting, and were both on our way over to my garage. (-{9}-)

(-{10}-) I opened the electric doors of my garage with my remote control, like I always do and Inc. and I stood outside them waiting for them to go up. I had gotten used to Dusty’s big figure taking shape as the doors slowly opened, but Inc. had never experienced it. So, as the doors did slowly move up and Inc. could see a rather large body start to appear, I saw fright in his eyes. He didn’t know what to expect. Then, the doors were fully up and Inc. saw that it was Dusty. He was shocked. He didn’t know what to say but he was going to ask a question or two and he did. Right that very moment, he stuttered out, "Wha… Wha… How… What is that idiot doing there… And… How did he know we wanted him to come along with us to the studio?" (-{10}-)

(-{11}-) I let out a short laugh as I saw probably exactly what I looked like the first time Dusty appeared like that in front of my face. Only, I saw it in Inc.’s face. It just shook my head, shrugged, and walked up to my car. There, I hopped into the beautiful looking Sports Utility Vehicle, which is my Ford Escape. I told Dusty to park his fat ass in the back and he did so, letting Legend Inc. sit in the passenger seat. Then, I took my keys, put them in the ignition, and started up my car. Within the blink of an eye, the three of us were on the road and on our way over to Bob’s apartment. Why were we going to Bob’s apartment? Well, to pick up the Angry Dwarf of course. It wasn’t long to get to Bob’s apartment. It is just a shack made of cardboard about one hundred feet into the woods directly behind McDonalds. (-{11}-)

(-{12}-) So, I got to McDonalds and parked my car there, telling Inc. and Dusty that they could stay in the car. From there, I walked deep into the woods until I saw a sign that read, ‘Stop.’ So, I stopped right there. I couldn’t make out the shape of the object, but something small quickly ran over and switched the signs within the blink of an eye and now there was a sign that read, ‘Go… Midas.’ I knew this was Bob’s doing. He makes stupid jokes of everything. So without anymore hesitation, I walked forward and into a shack. Bob was sitting there with his back to me and all he did was point to a dog cage. I looked at the dog cage and saw The Angry Dwarf inside. Yet, this was not the Angry Dwarf. This was The Angry Dwarf’s stunt double, who usually does appearances for him when he is sick. (-{12}-)

(-{13}-) This actually happened to be the Not Quite So Angry But Still Pissed of Dwarf. The Not So Angry But Still Pissed Off Dwarf happens to be The Angry Dwarfs brother. Well, nevertheless, I took the cage by one hand and carried the dwarf back out of the forest and to my car. Since his name is so damn long, we will call him The Pissed Off Dwarf. Anyway, I took The Pissed Off Dwarf and placed him in the back next to Dusty. If you do remember, The Angry Dwarf and Dusty go back far. The Angry Dwarf, whenever he encounters Dusty, gets really angry and always tries to attack Dusty. I think that The Angry Dwarf is jealous of Dusty being so large. Well, Dusty saw that The Pissed Off Dwarf was in a cage, so he decided to get some revenge. (-{13}-)

(-{14}-) Dusty started to shake around the cage and while acting all tough, he would punch and shove the cage too. He even went as far as to pick up the cage and let it drop all the way down back to the seat. Then, with his tough guy voice he said to the dwarf, "Yeah, I’m twice the man you’ll ever be!" I heard this and I was struck by a stroke of evilness. I don’t know exactly if evilness is a word, but like Dusty always says, it is in my magical Dictionary. Anyway, like I said, I heard Dusty say that and I had to make a comeback on the part of the little dwarf’s behalf. Well, you can think of it like that, but it was more like me making fun of Dusty. So, I immediately said, "What are you talking about, Dusty? Look at you. You are ten times the person that dwarf will ever be!" (-{14}-)

(-{15}-) Well, to say the least, that shut Dusty up and took him off his high. He was feeling so big that he could just manhandle a little dwarf, but like always, I was there to put him down. That is exactly what best friends like The Dooze are for. Do you know why Dusty puts up with it? Well, he has no other friends so he has to. Anyway, I kept on driving after my little joke that Inc., myself, and even the dwarf got a good chuckle or two at and before you knew it, we were at the studio. Well, it was kind of before you knew it because it was earlier today and I’m just telling you now. Wow, I must be the smartest man alive. Anyway, I parked in my special parking spot, turned off my car, and hopped out onto the tar. I walked to the door behind mine and opened it. (-{15}-)

(-{16}-) There, I took out the cage and carried the dwarf into the studio. Dusty and Legend Inc. also got out of the car and walked over to the studio behind the dwarf and me. I opened the door with my only free hand, since my other was being used to carry the dwarf in the dog cage. After opening the door, Dusty and Legend Inc. went in as I held it open. Yet, Legend Inc. let Dusty in first and as if we were two people of the same mind, we both said, "Ladies first." After saying those two words at exactly the same time, Inc. and I both gazed at each other with wide eyes. It took a minute longer and then we both burst out laughing at each other. Yet again, the dwarf laughed along with us and as Dusty began to feel picked on, his face turned red and he ran away crying. (-{16}-)

(-{17}-) I’m not sure where exactly he wanted to run, but he ran directly into a wall. It was a glass wall that leads to a recording room. I’m telling you right now that I bet he couldn’t have felt anymore like an idiot and anymore embarrassed at another other time than at that time. That is why I decided not to pick on him any longer, but I didn’t stop The Pissed Off Dwarf from getting his much needed revenge on Dusty for their encounter in the car. So, I sat the dog cage on the floor and opened it. Without any hesitation at all, and I mean exactly none, the dwarf ran out of his cage as fast as his foot long legs could waddle him along. He waddled in a very fast pace with a scrunched up and angry dwarf face as he charged at Dusty. (-{17}-)

(-{18}-) Inc. and I both fell down to the floor because we were laughing so hard at the dwarf and how he ran and everything about him. Then, what made us laugh until we started crying and our faces began to hurt was the fact that Dusty couldn’t get up because he had hurt himself. Dusty was lying on the floor trying to scurry away as fast as his fat flab of skin could squirm him. Yet, he was not fast enough for The Pissed Off Dwarf. That little guy ran up to him with and let out a big, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Then, he grabbed on Dusty’s leg and went for his brother’s signature move, The Ankle Biter! Yet, Dusty had enough capability to move his other leg and Dusty kicked the little guy square in the head. The Pissed Off Dwarf flew through the air and landed ten feet away from Dusty with a thud. (-{18}-)

(-{19}-) He was just lying there motionless and Dusty saw this and began to cry. Dusty then squirmed over to him and checked to see if he was alright. Legend Inc. and I weren’t laughing at the moment because of the poor dwarf. Dusty then took the dwarf, put his head on his ankle and begged for him to come back to life and give him the ankle biter. It was as if God was right there in that very room, because within a second, The Pissed Off Dwarf came back and started biting Dusty’s ankle! Dusty screeched out with pain and Inc. and I fell down again with laughter. Then, as everything started to calm down and as Dusty’s ankle stopped bleeding, I looked around for a while wondering why Mr. Salami hadn’t told us to stop with our shenanigans and start with the show. (-{19}-)

(-{20}-) I looked around through the whole building, but Mr. Salami wasn’t there. Then, I noticed that nobody was there. The only people that were in the whole building were Dusty, The Pissed Off Dwarf, Legend Inc., and myself. Then, I saw a note posted on the front door, which the four of us had all gone by without reading. The note read, ‘Sorry, but Doozer Television will not air today.’ At the bottom it was signed, ‘The King Sized Salami.’ Well, I told this to Inc. and Dusty and they agreed with me that we should just sleep over at the studio. I thought it was a cool idea so that tomorrow morning we could get up, call Mr. Salami and get the show going. So, that leads me to here and now, where I am at my small laptop computer that I carry in my car. Here I am in the studio typing away my day to you, the reader and the journal. All that I have left to say is that I will win the JW Hell Match and that I will show no mercy, even for my friend, Legend Inc. So, Mr. Journal… Until Next Time…(-{20}-)