Mike Robinson: DAMNIT, this fricken water is cold. What the hell is up with that?

The Dude: Huh, now why would it be soo cold?**the dude flushes the toilet again and Mike screams, it is steaming hot** Is that good?

Doozer: I don’t have a clue why the water is that way. **doozer is standing beside a washing machine, with it turned all the way up and it’s on the very hot water type**

Slim Shady: Don’t ask me **slim shady is shown by the oil burner down in the basement, it shows the oil supply turned off** Ahhh, damn I’m good.

(Mike Robinson eventually gets out of the shower and gets dressed.)

Doozer: How was the shower Mikey? Now, I have some trouble with it. See, sometimes it will bobble from cold to hot, ya know. Not that much of a difference, but just enough. Might that of happened to you?

The Dude: Of course it was, Doozer. Geez, I kept on flushing the toilet and you had the washer on and Slim turned off the oil, duh.

Yojin Musahiri: You weren’t supposed to say anything, retard.

Mike Robinson: Hey, Dude, I’m gonna give you five seconds to get your ass out of here.

The Dude: Ya know what? I am sick of you and your stupid semantics.

Doozer: Wow, Dude, you impressed me for a second there, but then I realized that you don’t know what the word means, so I still think you are just a retard who can say big words.

The Dude: No, Semantics means Foolish Games.

Yojin Musahiri: Actually, it means the meaning of something. So, you are still just a retard with big words. Sorry to put you down, Dude.

The Dude: Ya know what really pisses me off? You guys making fun of my intelligence. Yeah, you guys making fun of MY intelligence. I mean, how dumb do you guys think I am? I bet if we all went on some game show or something, I could beat all your asses.

Doozer: Sorry, Dude, we ain’t doing anything like that today. Actually, I don’t feel like doing anything today. Damn, I don’t have a clue. I wish we could just stay home until we have to go to the arena. Ugh…Hey, maybe we could just stay here and do stuff.

Mike Robinson: I’m up for that. Hey, I know what we could do. Since we had a few people sign that list, let’s start up the DARE Weight-Loss Program.

Doozer: I’m for that, but first off, I gotta thank Aliester Crowley for his uhhhhh, help. You damn right Aliester. Also, I’d like to say to Kyle Kalligan that yes, he beat The Innovation of Devastation, but if he brags about it the least bit. This is what is gonna happen. I am gonna fight that kid night after night and beat his ass every night until he realizes that I am better than he is. Also, my record is now 8 and 1, that’s right Kyle, you gave me my first loss. I am actually more angry about the first loss than losing my People’s Title. You all know that I was goin to give up that title soon anyway. Also, I’d like to point out how I’ve gone a whole 11 days without a title, total. Yeah, in about two months of being in this great federation, 11 of those days I have not had a title. See, first off I joined, three days after I won the Novice Title, then I gave it up, and a week after that, seven days, I won the People’s Title. Then, I lost it to Kyle, then a day after losing that belt to him, I won The Tag Team Titles with none other than, The Big M-I-K- to the E. Now, I’m gonna go and switch that closed sign to an open one and start up the DARE Weight Loss Program.

(Doozer switches the sign and exactly one second after doing so, Dusty barges through the door. Then, Spanky, Dusty’s brother, comes in. As well as a guy named Stan, he is Dusty’s long lost cousin, but Dusty does not know this yet.)

Doozer: Well, we got Dusty, Spanky, and Stan. What a group. We got a fat ass, a guy with a name that says it all, and…. Stan. We got a retard, his brother, and…..Stan. We got a… Okay, I’ll shut up now. Alright, our first workout will be, the donut rebuke. Yes, Dude, I see that confused look on your face. Rebuke means to reject something. Alright, as Slim Shady passes out the nice warm gooey glazed donuts, I will explain the rules of this game. One, there is no talking about about DARE Weight-Loss Program. Two, there is no talking about DARE Weight-Loss Program. Three, there is no trying to steal other people’s donuts and eating them, then using the excuse of that it wasn’t your donut. Four, there is no eating of your own donut. Five, there is no touching of either Me or Mike’s Tag Team Titles. Six, there is no gaping at the donuts. Seven, I could go on like this all day long. Eight, You will listen and obey my every word. Nine, you better not break the eighth rule. Ten, there is no breaking of the ninth rule. Eleven, there is no talking about DARE Weight-Loss Program. Twelve, I told you I could go on like this all day long. Thirteen, Alright I'm gonna stop now. Let's get on with the program. You should all have one donut in your right hand. I will send out Yojin to check you all out to see if you are all holding one donut in just your right hand.

(Yojin Musahiri walks up to Stan. Stan has a donut around his left foot and he is wearing his shoes on his hands. Yojin shakes his head and begins to speak.)

Yojin Musahiri: Stan, is it? Yeah, you have your shoes on your hands retard. Now, these things**yojin shakes his hands** are your hands and these things**yojin moves around his feet** are your feet. Now, I want to see that donut in your right**shakes his hand** hand and those shoes on your**shakes his feet** feet.

(Stan puts his shoes on his feet and puts the donut on top of his head. He starts to laugh a little.)

Slim Shady: I can handle this mofo.**Slim Shady walks up to Stan and gets in his face** So, you think you are a tough guy? A smart ass tough guy? Yeah, you think you're a tough guy. Well, I'm gonna spit out some rhymes for ya. Here I go... TOUGH GUY, YOUR SHIT IS WEAK. TOUGH GUY, I'M PACKING HEAT. TOUGH GUY, YOU BETTER RUN. RETARD, THIS IS A GUN.

(Stan quickly takes the donut off his head and holds it with his right hand, looking very scared. Everyone in the room claps and cheers for Slim Shady, except for Dusty. Dusty walks very slowly up to Slim with a puzzled look on his face, then he pokes Shady in the arm and ribs a couple of times. Then he takes a step back with a look on his face like he is trying to figure something out. Spanky walks up to him.)

Spanky: You look puzzled, what are you trying to figure out?

Dusty: I'm trying to figure out why the poopy my foot hurts so badly!!!**Spanky shakes his head and slaps him** Oh, I was also figuring out why Slim said he was packing heat, but he isn't hot at all.**starts to talk like he is intelligent** Yes, it seems like Slim was lying when he made that statement.

(Dusty starts to laugh a little, he can't keep a straight face for shit. Everyone else isn't laughing a bit. Spanky just stares at dusty for about ten minutes, then slaps him right across the face. Yojin thanks Slim Shady and and walks up to Spanky. Spanky is standing perfectly straight, but he has no donut. Yojin orders Mike to give him one. After a little argueing about being the better tag partner, Mike finally agrees and gets the donut for Spanky. Spanky thanks Mike, takes the donut, and holds it in his right hand. Yojin nods and goes on to dusty. Yojin sees Dusty and gasps. Dusty is slouching with two donuts. One over each ear. He is holding something up to his mouth that he is talking to.)

Dusty: Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan, are you there? This is Princess Layme calling in.

Stan: Oh, Princess Layme, this is Luke Iwannalaya and uhhhh, I wanna lay ya, so let's get to the make out scene you sexy thang.

(Dusty lets out a screech and Slim Shady and Mike Robinson tackle Stan. They are beating the living hell out of him.)

Slim Shady: The Fourteenth rule of DARE Weight-Loss Program, there is no acting, looking, smelling, or being gay during the DARE Weight-Loss Program.

(Yojin approaches Dusty. Yojin stands there shaking his head. Dusty shakes his head back. Yojin begins to speak.)

Yojin Musahiri: Dusty, I won't be harsh with you because I know you are not all there.**dusty feels himself, looking confused** Ugh, not that way. Now, you have five seconds to get those donuts off of your ears and hold on of them with your right hand. I know, you'll have one other donut. Just get rid of it or something like that.

(Dusty grins. He takes one of the donuts off his ear with his right hand and holds it there. He takes the other one off and looks like he is getting ready to throw it, but he hurls it up very quickly and stuffs it in his mouth. He turns and runs as fast as he can, which isn't fast. He trips on a chair and lands face first. He starts choking on the donut.)

Doozer: That is the price you pay for breaking a rule, buddy ol' pal.

Spanky: Aren't you going to help him?

Slim Shady: Hell no, it's his punishment for eating them damn things. Don't worry, eventually he'll pass out and breathe through his nose, which he can't do when he is conscious.

Mike Robinson: I don't think he every is fully conscious, but whatever. Stan, Spanky, if either of you try to help him. You will be punished even worse. The Fifteenth rule of DARE Weight-Loss Program is that you do not help anyone that is being punished. Man, I think we have got enough fricken rules.

Doozer: No, we obviously don't. The Sixteenth Rule of DARE Weight-Loss Program is that you can not say that DARE Weight-Loss Program has too many rules. The Seventeenth Rule of DARE Weight-Loss Program is that if you break the Sixteenth there will be capital punishment awaiting you. The Eighteenth rule of DARE Weight-Loss Program is that I am just using this one to get to Twenty. The Nineteenth rule of DARE Weight-Loss Program is that if you use any of my catchphrases you are dead. The Twentieth Rule of DARE Weight-Loss is that you can't touch either Mike's or my Tag Team Titles. Alright, I got twenty out there. Now, the next step to this Donut Rebuke course is the Donut hurl. No, Dusty don't get your hopes up, you don't eat as much donuts as you can than throw-up. The Donut Hurl is a simple exorcise. You simply take the donut from your right hand and throw it. The person who throws it the farthest will get a prize. The person who throws it the shortest will be punished. Now, since Dusty is finally back on his feet we can start this next step towards the breaking of your addictions. Alright, you all have a donut in your right hand. Now, throw that damn thing as hard and as far as you can.

(Stan throws his like a pansy. Slim Shady went up and measured it at a short throw of 18 feet. Spanky threw his very straight and semi far at a fair 170 feet.)

Doozer: Now, that would almost make it from second base to home plate on a major league baseball field. You could say that it was a fairly good throw. Now, Dusty the Donut Eater, it is your turn. I will warn you in advance not to eat your donut. If you do, you will be placed in a little circular room with five horny and hairy homosexuals.

(Dusty quivers and some tears drop from his eyes. He throws his fairly good, it is high and straight with some speed, he was a catcher as a kid. Slim Shady ended up measuring Dusty’s throw at 239 feet. Dusty jumps up and down and up and down with joy. He hugs Spanky, then Stan, then he runs towards Slim with his arms open wide and Slim just decks him in his face, knocking Dusty down hard to the floor. The rest get a good laugh at it, but Doozer quiets them.)

Doozer: Now, we are almost done with Day One of the DARE Weight-Loss Program. First, I’ll hand out the prize to dusty. It is a munchkin from Dunkin Donuts. I can’t go in there, so I had Mike Robinson buy one. There you go Dusty.

(Doozer hands over the munchkin to Dusty, who gobbles it down quicker than you can say retarded homosexual with a crooked dink. Well, it does take a little bit of time to say that, but that is pretty fast for Dusty. Doozer lets Stan off the hook from getting punished and walks up to the camera. Doozer places a seat down and begins to speak into the camera.)

Doozer: This is for all you watching at the arena and all you watching at home. It just wouldn’t be right if he wasn’t in the house. Who’s in the house? Oh wait, I know this one… DOOZER IS IN THE HOUUUUUUUUSE and he’s ready to RAISE some HELL and DO some DAMAGE!!!!! That’s right, you’re lookin at The Innovation of Devastation, The Master of Disaster, the man, the myth, the legend, the one, the only, THE DOOZE!!! Yeah, it just wouldn’t be right if I wasn’t spitting out catchphrases left and right and getting seen making fun of my opposition. So, here I am doing it. Now, it seems like Big Sh(censored) and Ice Porsche are getting a rematch at the PPV known as Battle Clash. Well, Big Shi(censored), Ice Porridge, you both can kiss my big white ass!!! You two little Packers from the Fudge Factory are no match for The Emindee Connection. Even if you two were weight lifters in the GAY OLYMPICS, you still would not be a match for me and the M-I-K-to the E. So, Big Shi(censored) you are gonna be FLUSHED and Ice Porsche, I’m gonna melt the Ice and well, I don’t need to do anything to the Porsche cause they suck by themselves. You two just stay away from the little boys, they don’t like you as much as you would like to think….BUT, to all you cool cat RED SOX FANS…KEEP COOL and Kick Ass… ‘Cause winnin’ might not be everything, but LOSING SUCKS ASS!!! I’m outtie. The scene fades to this: