Anybody who watches professional wrestling or boxing knows that the guy with the title belt is the guy to beat. Wearing the belt, the "champion" looks cool, tough, dangerous and on top of his game. In other words, he's one BAD MoFo!

But why title belts? Why not a trophy, a statuette or a plaque? Or a medal?

The answer is simple: title belts can be worn and are highly visible. The main problem with other awards, like trophies or plaques, are they're intended to be displayed on shelves or hung on walls, not carried around by the recipient. When was the last time you saw Marlon Brando on TV showing off his Oscars? (For that matter, when was the last time you saw Marlon Brando anywhere?) And if you're fool enough to carry your trophy around with you, guess what? You're carrying something in your hands!!! What are you gonna do if you need your hands???!!! Drop the trophy???!!!

Medals can be worn without impeding the use of your hands, but the problem with them is they have little medallions made of some cheesy metal (like gold) that can hardly be seen. Ordinary people have to get real close to you to see that you're even wearing a medal. When you're the Champ, you shouldn't have to suffer the indignity of "ordinary" people getting too close to you and spreading their "ordinary" germs on you. Let 'em go check out Brando!!!

That's why title belts are the best. When the Champ wears his belt around his waist, his hands are free if he needs them; he can make obscene gestures at his opponent or push away the "ordinary" people if they get to close. And the plates on the belt are so large and gaudy that they immediately attract the attention of the millions upon millions of "ordinary" people, even the guy sitting way back in the cheap seats. Heck, I'd bet Brando would love to trade in his Oscars for a title belt, but I dunno if they make belts big enough to go around his tummy.

So why title belts? It's a MAN thing!