clueless

dougzone

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

Anglesey, Wales – Eric Abbott, an amateur sailor referred to as “clueless”, was rescued for the second time this week, his 11th time in all, by British coastguards off the north shore of Wales. The cost of Abbott’s rescues have exceeded $82 500.00, he “navigates” with a roadmap and communicates at sea with his cell phone.

“I think it is time to consider navigation lessons,” Abbott announced. “The coastguard people are getting rather tired of plucking me from the Irish Sea. One of them asked if I would be the poster boy for the lessons-program.”

Speaking from atop his pedestal in Trafalgar Square, Lord Nelson was particularly miffed.

“Blimey, the pigeons are really nasty this summer,” he opened, “ and that Abbott fellow is making a real cock-up of British naval heritage! If I could get down from here, I would keelhaul the bastard myself. He’s lucky, I tell you, damn lucky!”

Yes, the British navy, once the mightiest seagoing fleet in the world, now represented by the feeble attempts of a retired painter from Northwich.

In Anglesey, an island with one of the two pronounceable names in Wales, residents are speaking out, too.

“Why that English fella ought not be putting his homemade punt into the water,” mumbled Harry Pigandwhistle-Smith. “Why, it’s barely bathtubworthy!”

“I disagree,” screeched Mrs. Pigandwhislte-Smith, “I think any sailor is worth having around, in or out of uniform.”

Meanwhile in Cardiff, the other pronounceable place name in Wales, a spokesman for the British Automobile Association released the following statement.

“AA has often wanted to include navigational information on our roadmaps but the problem has been to make them waterproof and, yet, affordable. The new maps will be available for a fee slightly less than the cost of a tank of petrol. Very reasonable, we believe.”

British Navy for the 21st century?

Naval hero or pigeon- poop depository?

Typical British roadmap
NB: No navigational clues