horse

dougzone

Disgruntled horse speaks out

Sydney, Australia – Canadian Equestrian competitor, Eric Lamaze, was forbidden to compete in the 2000 Olympics because of a positive drug test and his ride, Whinny, who wishes to remain anonymous, is really pissed off.

The following is a an interview that was held with Whinny through an interpreter, Mr. Ed, at the Games’ site in Sydney.

dougzone: (albeit poorly worded) Whinny, why the long face?

Whinny: Welllllllllllll, you try cramming your show-jumping ass into a trailer for the 2-day-long flight to Sydney only to find out that your rider failed a drug test and you don’t get to compete.

dougzone: That must be very disappointing.

Whinny: Tell me about it, Willllburrrr! All I can do now is hang around here with all the geldings from Dressage and wait for them to pack me up again for the trip back to Canada. I’m the laughing stock!!

dougzone: Do you have any words for Eric?

Whinny: Of course not, I’m a horse! Who do you think I am? Mr.-fucking-Ed? Sorry, Ed.

dougzone: So, if you could talk, what would you say to Eric?

Whinny: I would say, “Hey Dumbass, you aren’t doing the jumping! Put some of the nose candy in my feed-bag, for Christ sake!!!”

dougzone: Any final words for your fans, Whinny?

Whinny: Yes, I want the mares back at the farm to keep the home fires burning, if you know what I mean and one more thing.

dougzone: Yes, Whinny?

Whinny: I keep seeing the name LePages on my call display. Can you tell them to stop calling because I don’t have opposable thumbs?

dougzone: Thanks for this.

Whinny: Don’t mention. Please, I mean that. Don’t mention it.

Eric's horse

Eric's horse on drugs