nojesus

dougzone

Christ changes mind; Nixes New Year’s show?

Earth – The New Year came and went and no sign anywhere of some people’s Saviour, Jesus. Despite all the alerts to the contrary, Mr. Christ decided to stay home.

Speaking from a place behind a burning bush, Beal Zabub, a self-proclaimed personal friend of Christ, claimed that He simply changed His mind.

“Yah, He looked around the place and made a conscious decision to stay put and redecorate,” he said. “After all, He is quite the little homemaker nowadays.”

Christ, speaking for Himself declared, “Tell that Zabub fellow that it is none of his goddamn business what I do in my spare time.”

Meanwhile, Earthbound zealots have denounced their earlier claims by saying, “Hey, maybe things are just too ugly down here. This of course means that there is more work to be done.”

A loose translation of the gibberish reads, “Hey, there is more money to be gouged from these poor bastards that believe all the crap we say! Just look at all the bottled water, generators and canned food that they bought when we predicted doom and gloom for January 1, 2000.”

Christ has admitted that He was thinking of a big comeback party but has had to rework the event in light of last night.

“I have had to go back to the planning stages at this point. Last night’s festivities kind of took the wind out of My earlier ideas. In the meantime, I’m going to get Me a bargain on a generator and some canned food.”

Lastly, Christ complained, “For My sake!! The new millennium begins next year! Maybe I should have come back to teach you guys how to count, at least.”

Would you let this guy decorate your house?

Reason zealots believe so faithfully

Beal Zabub as portrayed by David Hasselhoff!!