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Mike Harris dyes his hair and other worldly piss-offs

Toronto – Only Mike Harris’ hairdresser knows for sure but he appears, according to journalists that have nothing better to do, to be colouring his hair. Of course, no one at his office knows anything about it because “the change was so gradual” as they say in the Grecian Formula commercials.

This is yet another upsetting piece of news for Ontario’s taxpayers as they are alerted to the fact that their Premier can afford to dye his hair.

“I can barely afford to keep mine cut,” admitted an anonymous hippy-like taxpayer. “I work three jobs just to keep myself indoors and he can manage to keep his eternal youth?”

“I wish I could afford the crayons to have my students colour a picture of Premier Harris,” said Michelle Kowalski a teacher in one of Ontario’s many poorly funded schools.

In other related yet not-newsworthy news, other world leaders are undergoing transformations and examinations that will shock the rest of the world.

· Jean Chretien is considering have his face unscrewed surgically.

· Hillary Clinton will have her husband fitted with a chastity belt once he finishes being the leader of the world’s biggest country that thinks it is the best and before he has nothing better to do.

· Mr. Pinochet, formerly of England and recently of Chile, again, is planning to have himself made in to the first $6 billion man. He figures to be up and torturing people within the year.

· Margaret Thatcher is being gynecologically examined to see if she didn’t actually have balls.

· John Kennedy is being sought by a medium, more likely a large, to see if he is ghost-humping Marilyn Monroe.

· Joerg Haider is prepared to open a Buster Brown Shirt store in a town near Poland.

· Preston Manning is expected to have his squeaky voice oiled as an indication that he supports oil prices..

· Pope John Paul II will visit Toronto in 2002 not to save followers or preach celibacy but to give godly help to the Blue Jays and salvage the CFL if it and he still exist.

Not just another pretty face

The Golden Haired Boy of Ontario

Ballsy Brit