rebate

dougzone

What to do with your $200.00 tax rebate (Ontario taxpayers only)

Brampton – The Progressive Conservative (well-known oxymoron in Ontario) government has announced that its taxpaying residents will each receive a cheque for $200.00 in the fall due to a huge surplus of ill-gotten money that the Treasurer seems to have found.

dougzone, after extensive research (brainstorming over a few Exports), has discovered a few ways for Ontarians to spend their manna from Queen’s Park.

If you are a teenager who has probably just learned the facts of taxation while trying to earn enough money to go to one of the new $11.00 movies out there, don’t be fooled by this apparent windfall. Taxes don’t typically come back to you so quickly. Your next lesson is likely to be the one that teaches you about politicians and their uncanny way finding “extra” money when an election is forthcoming. It is recommended that you frame the cheque and mount it in your dorm room at University for when the University tries to screw you over for getting drunk and climbing on top of the Engineering building to take the world’s longest piss or you get caught borrowing barbeque equipment from the faculty lounge because you really missed real food!!!

For parents of young children, may we suggest investing the $200.00 for young Jason or Sara because, with the new legislation, you are likely going to need that money to pay for damages that he/she is likely to cause due to the well-known fact that kids named that are complete jerks.

Parents of school-aged children will want to take the money and buy one child a complete set of textbooks for the grade that he\she attends next fall. Due to cutbacks by this same government, your child doesn’t know what it is like to have a textbook to take home and use to compensate for the lack of class time due to ever-increasing curriculum demands. Unfortunately, this would only work for the coming school year as we are likely to never see such a giveaway ever again.

The under worked and seemingly overpaid teachers of Ontario, who in all likelihood won’t be given this refund that was caused by not giving educators a raise for the last decade, could, out of the goodness of their collective hearts, donate the booty to their school so that it can upgrade equipment with which said teachers are expected to meet the demands of a fascist majority government.

If you really have nothing better to do, you are recommended to take a roundtrip joy ride on the Electronic Toll Route 407 that was sold obviously by the government to fund this fancy rebate.

Childless individuals without a care in the world could buy themselves a meal at the shelter, purchase a new squeegee in hopes of being arrested so that they have a roof over their head or, the more well-heeled person could get in his Mercedes, try to get arrested for doing 130 Km on the 401 and willingly pay the fine, assuming that the police officer doesn’t knock it down because you are the Premier of Ontario.

"I've got you thinking that your money is a gift from me!"

"What will I do with $200 of my own money?"