shopping

dougzone

Compulsive shoppers can take pill for quick relief

Palo Alto, CA – Dr. L. Koran of the Stanford School of Medicine is conducting clinical trials of a drug to control the compulsive urge to shop. For Dr. Koran, rampant consumerism is an emerging sickness that requires immediate attention.

“It encourages us to define ourselves by our possessions rather than our relationships. Besides, my wife has made purchases that are putting me in the poorhouse,” Dr. Koran moaned. “Something has to be done about this and if I can do it with a government grant, then it is even better.”

A "patch" version of the shopping drug will resemble credit cards so that no one will be aware of the shopper's affliction.

In other medicinal news, a doctor has developed a pill that will cure just about anything!

“Zis pill is so powerful zat it can cure anyzing that ails you,” Dr. Vinny Boombatz proclaimed recently. “Zair are little buttons zat you push to select zee illness zat you vish to eliminate.”

It is professed that the new pill will even cure drug addiction but as with any medication, there are side effects, in fact, one major side effect.

“Yes, ze prototype is quite large. It is currently ze size of a 5-pin-bowling ball and ze daily dosage would likely kill a small horse.”

Those opposed to further testing of Dr. Boombatz’ new drug have nicknamed it the Suicide pill.

Your friends will never know with these credit card look-a-likes

Dr. Boombatz seen with daily doage