So I'm moving again. At the end of this week the California life ends and I move back to Washington. I have no idea where I'm going. I know I'm going to have to stay with my mom in Puyallup which doesnt exactly thrill me to be moving back in with mom at 19. On the plus side I have my friends back home. It'll feel good to see them again. I can't wait for that.. but I feel this sinking feeling in my stomach as the weekend comes closer. Maybe I'm just worried about working up there. I don't know if I'll be able to make good money like I do here. Maybe I'm concerned with where I'm going to be moving out to from my mom's. I want to get a place with my best friend Darren, but I don't know if that's really going to happen or not. I don't know where we'll be and if it'll last, and if it'll be close enough to a good job where I make money. I'm so fucking sick of 5$ an hour jobs where you get bitched out and after making $15 for 4 months now I dont think I could go back to that shit. I don't see why anyone would. Either way I'm gunna have to figure something out. I wanna end up in seattle. I wanna go to college up there. I *NEED* to go to school so I can have some credentials that'll get me a real job. I'm gunna miss the bay area though. I really grew to like it here. and I'm gunna miss Erin, but I'm confident that she'll come visit me like she promised and eventually move out there with me. Selfish huh? God that sounds so ridiculous when I read it in my head. "Yes she'll come out there for me, she said she wanted to. She said she'd do anything." etc. etc. sounds so ridiculous. I dunno, I told her after all the bad things that went down in our relationship its up to her now, if she decides to come up then that's fine and I would love to have her there and continue the relationship, but if not its no big deal because I just have to move on, and it proves that those were just stupid words said so she'd feel like we left on good terms. We'll see I guess. I probably shouldn't put too much importance on this issue.. but I know im gunna cry like a little baby when it comes time to leave. I know it's gunna hurt, and I know it just MIGHT possibly be the last time I ever see her, but I feel like I love her. Even though she's been one of the biggest struggles in my life, even though she's constantly pissed me off, even tho we argue, fight, yell at each other, whatever.. she's always there. I think maybe why it hurts so bad is cause I realize that underneath all of that she's done so much for me. She's been my life for 7 months and whether I always like that or not, she was. I used to bitch about how I wanted to be free from that, from her being the only person I have here.. but now that the time comes I know I'm gunna miss her but maybe it really is for the best. Maybe she'll come up. If not I know I'll get over it eventually, and maybe thats the best thing for me.. but im gunna miss those stupid little games we play. I'm gunna miss calling her babybutt and hearing her go "Dont call me that!" I'm gunna miss those cute little kissy faces she makes at me, and I'm gunna miss rolling over in the middle of the night and feeling her there and just how comfortable that really makes me feel.