December 18, 1998

THE TRINK PAGE

The nitery scene in 1999

Ignore the rumours; get your educated speculation here

Bernard Trink

Bangkok bar girls is out now. "Bonjour Ma Grande Grande Cherie!" is available in bookstores throughout the Kingdom. Send a copy to a relative or acquaintance in France for Xmas.

- THE bad news when the Asian Games close day after tomorrow is that the traffic jams will resume. The good news is that the go-go dancer will be showing (read: stripping) again. "TIT" (This Is Thailand).

- "DREAMT" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."

- TABLES and chairs are set out nightly in the former carpark of NEP. The nights are nippy and the surrounding night spots confining, but observing the comings and goings of the maidens and punters is interest-holding.

- THERE are only four words in the English language which end in "dous" -- tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous.

- ONLY in America do people order double cheeseburgers, a large fries and a diet Coke.

- TIP-TOP Restaurant (Patpong Road) is running a special on Thai food and sweet desserts through January 15.

- PETER is returning to States for a year to continue his education. His brother Randy will look after the Club Habanos cigar bar (Patpong Road) until his return.

- COWBOY'S Guide to Life. Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

- MY nomination of the most no-account husband in these parts is the local sentenced for dealing in drugs. While he was behind bars, his wife was made redundant as a caravansary bookkeeper. To earn a living, she joined the nitery entertainment profession. Upon his release, he ordered her to stay at home though he had no visible source of income. When she pointed out that she should continue working until he found a job, he scarred her face with burning cigarettes. "MANURE" (huMAN natURE).

- IF you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

- THIS item got snarled in my previous column, so I'll give it another go. Along Sutthisan Road, between Inthamara and Rachadapisek, there are a baker's dozen new trendy bistros. Check 'em out.

- A new brand of canned vegetables (e.g. corn), River Kwai, is appearing on some supermarket shelves...

- ONE of the things bothering me about the skytrain is that some of its engineers may be former bus drivers. In which case they'll halt only at red lights, ignoring the train stops. Let's wait and see.

- THE Russians are the predominant tourists in Pattaya. Restaurants are opening, the names in Cyrillic lettering. Other nationality eating places have added Russian specialities to their menus. While they don't throw their money around they aren't as tight-fisted as they were a couple, three years ago.

One local service they like is being massaged while lying on the beach (Jomtien, Pattaya Park). Male and female Thai masseuses charge them 300 baht an hour which, considering the girths they have to knead, seems fair.

- HOW do you know if there is an elephant under the bed? Your nose is touching the ceiling.

- THE Captain's Corner Restaurant (Pattaya), run by Ib Ottesen, is offering a traditional Scandinavian smorgaasbord tomorrow from 7 p.m. -- 250 baht.

- ON Xmas Eve from 7 p.m. an all-you-can-eat barbecue plus traditional Scandinavian Xmas buffet -- 395 baht for adults, 195 baht for small children. Book by phoning 038-364-318.

- WEAR a hat when feeding seagulls. (Rocky, age 9)

- BOBBY'S ARMS (Patpong 2 carpark), run by Glyn Leslie, has a set Xmas menu (595 baht nett) and set New Year's Eve menu (480 baht nett). Ask about the take home cooked Xmas turkey and the take home Xmas puddings.

- CAN rattlesnakes climb trees? According to L.M. Boyd they can, but rarely do.

- PEOPLE blithely say they are as old as they feel, overlooking the more significant criterion of age

-- how youngsters (circa 18) regard us in the context of their world. The following was sent to me by a reader. About American teenagers, it applies, with variations, to any country:

-- The people who started college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and do not know he had ever been shot.

-- They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. Black Monday, 1987, is as insignificant to them as the Great Depression.

-- There has only been one Pope. They can only remember one President. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.

-- CCCP is just a bunch of letters to them. They have only known one Germany. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up, and Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.

-- Their lifetime has always included Aids. They never had a polio shot. Bottle caps have not always been screw off. "Star Wars" looks very fake.

-- Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The expression "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. They have never owned a record player.

-- They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably have never actually seen or heard one. The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old.

-- Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. They have always had cable. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta is.

-- They cannot fathom not having a remote control. They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno.

-- Roller-skating has always meant Rollerblades for them. They have never heard of King Cola, Burger Chef, the New York Herald Tribune, PanAm or Ozark Airlines.

-- They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave. Paul McCartney got his start with a band called Wings.

-- They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WW I, WW II or even the Civil War. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

-- They never heard the terms "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane! De plane!". McDonald's never came in styrofoam containers.

-- They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. The Cosby Show, the Love Boat, Miami Vice, and Taxi are shows they have likely never seen. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was!.

BUT, I DON'T GIVE A HOOT!