AGE OF CHAOS CHRISTMAS SONG PARODIES 2001

 

 

I SAW DETREAX KISSING DIRTY SNOGS by Caanan

Original: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

 

I saw Detreax kissing dirty Snogs.

Underneath the Labyrinth last night.

He thinks that he's so sleek,

First gate took him a week.

He doesn't have tread, hide, sanc, or sneak.

Then why was Detreax kissing dirty Snogs,

underneath the Labyrinth last night?

O what a laugh to see him take that bath.

If Xazid had only seen,

Detreax kissing dirty snogs last night.

 

 

HENRY THE GLEEMAN by Infernum

Original: Frosty the Snowman

 

Henry the Glee-man

Was a very naïve soul

With a sword in hand and a song in heart

And great pride he loved to show

 

Henry the Glee-man

Is an idiot they say

He had great strength

But the people knew

That he got killed on one day

 

He must have been too dumb

To see that he was wand'ring round

But when the thought came to his head

It was already on the ground

 

Henry the Glee-man

Was as dumb as he could be

And the advent'rers say

That it wasn't his day

For thinking he's lucky

 

Henry the Glee-man

Was very filled with glee

So he said, "who cares

I'll kill go some bears

In the Forest of Insanity!"

 

He went to the bear cave

With his sword there in his hand

Slashing here and there

Missing the fat bear

And the bear slashed him right back

 

He ran all through the forest

To a tree that had a knot

He didn't look a moment

Till his big fat head went "PLOP!"

 

Henry the Glee-man

Was too late to save his butt

Then the bear came by

Henry didn't wanna die

But the bear had him for lunch!!!!

 

 

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Joas

Original: Twas the Night Before Christmas

 

'Twas the night before Christmas

Not a creature was stirring

Every mudder online

Was tired and worried.

 

"Is pwipe a-coming?"

"Are the throne wars aloof?"

It seemed like their fingers

Were frozen and doofed.

 

The snowflakes were falling

For some of the mudders

Hot sun melted ice caps

For some of the others.

 

Thus all of them crouched

Before their computers

Killing virtual creatures,

or deathtrapped by bloopers.

 

The Esbets were snogging,

And Remors were chilling

And all peaceful people

Just killing… and killing.

 

When all of a sudden

The creatures revolted,

The small ones and zeroes

Feeling angry and toasted.

 

A lonely adventurer

Exploring the Shire

Quickly found himself

Fighting Bane amidst fire.

 

Gripping his keyboard

The guy's eyes started growing,

Helplessly watching,

Being kicked in the groin.

 

Alarmed, panic-stricken,

the mudders were watching

as their top characters

were spanked, weapon clutching.

 

The sounds of horror

Assaulted Olympus

As Talen himself

Came down on a Nimbus

 

Wrapping his presents

Talen was pissed

That the mud was requesting

His presence like this.

 

Observing the chaos,

His eyebrows sky high,

Talen witnessed mud goblins

Making tough players go cry.

 

Pulling up his console,

Talen searched for an answer

To get back to his presents

And forget this disaster.

 

Unwrapping the depth

Of the Circle-based hay,

He went to a feature

He had coded today.

 

Scrutinized he the functions

That made the mud run,

"Gold" operation,

"Roller" of fun.

"Invis"

"Nature's Fury"

"Characters"

"Health"

Were all those affected

By Talen's new help.

 

And then he sat up

His fingers just froze.

For, Ladies and Gentlemen,

The G-R-I-N-C-H was the cause.

 

How did this demon

Sneak into the code?

Who's cruel joke

 

Ruined Talen's abode?

 

And so, quickly flexing

His programming skills,

Talen defeated

The cause of the ills.

 

As he went back to the real world,

The players were cool,

And Meldron was smiling,

Making everyone fool.

 

So: Merry Christmas,

And a Happy New Year

Lets have fun with our presents

And leave evils the reindeer.

 

 

KYGERCHARNGO THE SHINY-NAMED MUDDER by Loh

Original: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

 

You know Loh, and Remor,

and Esbet, and Jarvis,

and Joas, and Zaor,

and Klein, and Parmisis.

But do you recall,

The most famous mudder of all!

KYGERCHARNGO, the shiny-named mudder!

had a very stupid name,

and if you ever saw it,

you would even say it blows.

And all the other mudders,

used to laugh and call him names.

They never let poor KYGERCHARNGO,

play in any ctf games.

Then one foggy evening,

Azakhet came to say:

"KYGERCHARNGO with your name so bright,

won't you guide my slay button tonight?"

Then all the mudders loved him,

as the called him names with glee.

KYGERCHARNGO the dumb-named mudder,

he'll go down in history!

 

 

THE TWELVE RUNS OF MAX EXP by Malhavok

Original: The Twelve Days of Christmas

 

On the first run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me,

The bards and an Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the second run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me,

Two drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the third run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the fourth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the fifth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the sixth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the seventh run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Seven Mummies groaning

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the eighth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Eight Goblin Spiders

Seven Mummies groaning

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the ninth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Nine Ancient Golems

Eight Goblin Spiders

Seven Mummies groaning

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the Tenth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Ten Elite Guards

Nine Ancient Golems

Eight Goblin Spiders

Seven Mummies groaning

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the Eleventh run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Eleven Trolloc Chieftains

Ten Elite Guards

Nine Ancient Golems

Eight Goblin Spiders

Seven Mummies groaning

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

On the Twelfth run of MaxXP Malhavok gave to me

Twelve coffer corpses

Eleven Trolloc Chieftains

Ten Elite Guards

Nine Ancient Golems

Eight Goblin Spiders

Seven Mummies groaning

Six Anaconda's

The Shire Keeper of the Ring!!!!

Four Ogier Elders

Three sanced up guild guards

Two TV drill sergeants and

the bards and the Eecherbones Bogey.

 

 

FROSTY THE WOLFMAN by Malus

Original: Frosty the Snowman

 

Jarv- i mean

Frosty the wolf man! alas was not to be

he did the labby over n thru

n a snake he got to be!

Frosty the wolfman a wolf he wants to be

He is a snake but he wishes so

to be a wolf some day

Frosty the wolfman, a testicle he'd give!

He whines and begs, but they say no,

for wolfhood be not his!

Snake he be forever see but a wolf he'll never be

Pummelly pump pump

Pumelly thump thump

Look at Frosty go

Pummely bump bump

Pumelly hump hump

Why is he on that goat?

 

 

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHAOS by Malus

Original: The Twelve Days of Christmas

 

On the first day of Christmas, my true love poped for me!

An ultracool uberduber twak!

 

On the second day of Christmas, my true love poped for me!

2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the third day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the forth day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

6 eye of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

7 wands of healing 6 eyes of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the eigth day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

8 dirks for stabbing 7 wands of healing 6 eyes of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

9 halfsanc helmets 8 dirks for stabbing 7 wands of healing 6 eyes of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

10 godly godloads 9 halfsanc helmets 8 dirks for stabbing 7 wands of healing 6 eyes of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love poped for me

11 rings of slaying 10 godly godloads 9 halfsanc helmets 8 dirks for stabbing 7 wands of healing 6 eyes of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me,

12 thorwahlian billings! 11 rings of slaying 10 godly godloads 9 halfsanc helmets 8 dirks for stabbing 7 wands for healing 6 eyes of astirin 5 golden dwarf rings 4 onyx bracelets 3 panther claws, 2 balrog cloaks

and An ultracool ubersuper tweak!!!

 

 

MELDRON THE DARKENED CHAOS LORD by Naporehn

Original: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

 

Meldron the Darkened Chaos Lord, had a very dark army

and if you ever saw it, you would have to run and hide.

All of the other Chaos Lords, use to laugh and call him names

they never let poor Meldron join in all the Lordly games.

Then one bright and sunny day, the Dark One came to say

"Meldron with your army so dark, won't you plunder this land for me?"

Then all the Chaos Lords loved him, and they shouted with despair.

Meldron the Darkened Chaos Lord, you'll go down in history!

 

 

CHAOS BELLS by Naporehn

Original: Jingle Bells

 

Racing through the mud, on a dark black riding horse,

over the plains we go, gossiping all the way blah blah blah. . .

Steel on flesh does tear, making a bloody mess,

what fun it is to hack and slash across this MUD tonight.

Ooooooooh,

Chaos bells, Nappy smells, Lyatia laid an egg.

The whell of time, lost its wheel,

and Ormietck got away, hey!

 

 

DECK THE HALLS OF PAIN by Oeneas

Original: Deck the Halls

 

Deck the Halls with blood and gore

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Drop the corpses near the shore

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Watch the Whitecloaks burn to ashes

Fa la la, la la la, la la la

Rape the their women and loot their stashes

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Smack down Orthis and kill of Bane

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Toddlers and Trollocs, they're all the same

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Whack a Seanchan while you're at it

Fa la la, la la la, la la la

Now you're screwed, you've become and addict.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

 

 

SILENT PORT by Oeneas

Original: Silent Night

Silenting port

Stilling port

All is gone

All is quiet

Round the zone

Looking for an exit

But you're screwed

And it's not very pleasant

Try to sleep and wait

Oh you fool you are now rog bait.

Failed the flight

And you died

Swear and curse

As you might

But, it won't change a thing

You still lost your heartstoned ring

No corpse for an OC to res

No one wil try because they don't have tread

Damn those newbie freaks

Da-amn those newbie freaks.

 

 

TREADING IN THE PLAINS OF THE LABYRINTH by Oeneas

Original: Walking in a Winter Wonderland

 

The filcher is back, are you sleeping,

In the tree, chief is creeping,

Its a horriful fright,

Dying tonight,

Treading in the plains of the labyrinth,

Gone away is a seven-headed hydra,

Here to stay is...  another seven-headed hydra,

He desses really fast,

Then attacks en masse,

Treading in the plains of the labyinth,

In the spiral we can build a golem,

And we'll make him out of six body parts,

He'll say: Am I ready?

We'll say: Ya mon,

And then he'll leave the room

And kill Mezadaehegraadia the Plague Dam,

Later on, in the tower,

Don't have time to take a shower

Fight like Johnny Cage,

And kill the Maunish the mage,

Treading in the plains of the labyrinth.

In the plains we can behead a snog,

And we'll feed it to the dragon till he sleeps

And we'll kill him and he can't do anything about it,

Until you des him and he wakes up.

Arnax blows, and we mean this,

He reflects like a phoenix

Takes an hour to kill, ain't it a thrill

But now you're an ancient race.

Treading in the plains of the labyrinth,

Treading in the plains of the labyrinth.

 

 

JINGLE BELLS PARODY by Ras

Original: Jingle Bells

 

Dashing in the snow, with Xazid compelling me to stay

o'er the Plains we go, cursing all the way.

Fighting for weeks on end, so much regen I have time to write

'oh Lord, please don't make me quest for AKs when i can have one tonight. '

 

Tripping with the snogs in a blah blah open slay

Noone knows the 2nd verse and I'm too drunk to remember anyway

Arnax is stilling me and I have 8 hours to wait

oh what a bummer it's gonna be if I get that eggnog later today. :)

 

Wrinkle Hell

Wrinkle Hell

Wrinkle all the way

oh what fun it is to slay as you grow old and play, hey!

 

Wrinkle Hell

Wrinkle Hell

Wrinkle all the way

oh what fun it is to play with squid, corals, and...(damnit we need some penguins!), hey!

 

 

JOY TO THE WORLD,THE LAB BURNED DOWN (An arsonists creating havoc in AOC) by Usha

Original: Joy to the World

 

Joy to the world, the lab burned down

And all the snoggies died

And the dreamwalker is hanging from the flagpole

With a rope around his neck

With a rope around his neck

A rope, a rope, around his neck

Joy to the world, the lab burned down

And all the Dragons' fried

And the lichs' burst into flames

'Cause we poured gas on them

'Cause we poured gas on them

We poured, we poured some gas on them

 

 

JARVIS THE FRIENDLY SNAKE by Waylander

Original: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

 

Jarvis the friendly snake

has a very shiny Lightrender

and if you ever saw it

you would even say it crackles

all of the other ancient races

used to laugh and call him names

coz he didnt get wolf subrace

like he really wanted to

then one frosty afternoon

we all came and said

Jarvis with your char so buff

wont you lead some xp tonight

how we all so loved him

as he led us trought the zones

many a level was gained

for us weak little people

Jarvis the Friendly Snake - you'll go down in MUD legend !

 

 

UNTITLED by Waylander

Original: The Twelve Days of Christmas

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas

my clannies poped for me:

Twelve thousand coins,

Eleven strip bait items,

Ten pieces of CA fodder,

Nine water tarots,

Eight featherfall potions,

Seven scrolls of recall,

Six Platinum Swords,

Five Onyx Rings,

Four Cloaks of Depravity,

Three demonbone bracelets,

Two tweaked stabbers

And a Fiery Red Heartstone

 

 

CANDREL THE CRAFTSMAN IS COMING TO TOWN by Waylander

Original: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

 

I just came back from leading a group around the Mines of Naphtal,

I stopped off in the New Manthernan to relax a bit;

I called on dear old Candrel to see what I could see.

He took me to his workshop and told his plans to me.

So you better not moan, you better not bitch, Better not complain, I'm telling you why:

coz Candrel just won't make your pelts for you.

His making a list and checking it twice,

Gonna find out who deserves those wonderful pelt items.

Candrel the Craftman is coming to town.

He sees you when you're grouping, He knows when you're pelt hunting;

He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good, if you want those pelts!

Oh, you better not moan, you better not bitch, Better not complain, I'm telling you why:

Candrel the Craftsman is comin' to town.

Now, Candrel is a busy man, He has no time to play.

He's got millions of pelts to work on,

You'd better get yours too him now,

Go get it right it away,

Because, he's getting ready his hammer and his tools

With little horned toe boots and bracers of force'

Golded horned ringa and Spears of Xir, Candrel the Craftsman is comin' to town.

And golden dragon scale leg greaves, that give fleetfeet

Armor, boats, and weapons, too,

Candrel the Craftsman is comin' to town.

The kids in Age of Chaos land, Will have a jubilee;

They're going to build up uber kits, from the items the Candrel brings !

So you better not moan, you better not bitch, Better not complain, I'm telling you why:

Candrel the Craftsman is comin' to town.