Hi guys,

it's been ages ago since I came across this challenge but never got round to actually reply. I loved the idea of Riley finding a letter by Angel unaware that he's written it to Spike.

I tried to stay as close to the challenge as possible but I just couldn't figure out a nice way to include Buffy and Co - so this is not exactly what the challenge's been asking for... Hope you like what i made of it.

Love, Feli

TITLE: Dearly Beloved
AUTHOR: Ophelia
EMAIL: ophelia_rd@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: Joss, not I.
DISTRIBUTION: Let me know where it's going

CATEGORY: R/A/S/B
RATING: M
PART: 1/1
FEEDBACK: Yes please!!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alrighty, I had a bit of a play, in my version Riley decides to get plastered instead of looking for advice - although advice will be given in form of a reluctant Scooby he bumps into at the pub...

VISIT ME: http://au.oocities.com/dra_gon_fly_er

Dearly Beloved...

He glared murderously at the handful of oh-so innocently looking shreds of paper - initially crumbled and later, on second though, obviously smoothened out only to in another fit of anger be ripped into pieces all over again.

...your anger and despise - it feels as though I can't take it one more second...

Oh, he knew perfectly well he had no right to be angry.

In fact he didn't even have a right to be here - in the old mansion Buffy had pointed out to him once, mentioning it formerly belonged to his much hated competition, the pansy ass twit of a gel-obsessed vampire!

When he had learned about the girl's mother he had come back as fast as he could. Of course, he didn't make it in time to comfort her at the funeral, also he wasn't sure if his sympathy would have been appreciated to begin with.

...it makes me feel so worthless and low, how can you possibly still love me, Little One?

So he had kept his distance and watched her from the shadows, making sure she was alright - hoping for his chance to inform her of his presence, however...

...I don't know why he did what he did when in control, I could have sworn his need for you was even stronger then the love my soul now so viciously tries to deny...

Hours had turned into days and days had turned into weeks.

When after 5 days of sleeping in Sunnydale's only ridiculously dear hotel Riley was left with no money and even worse once again no place to go, that was when he had remembered the abandoned mansion, the place the blood sucking wuss had resided before he'd left her for good and moved to LA.

...I may have left you but no matter how far I ran, no matter how well I managed to blend in and hide - you were always there. Your memory has been taunting me, every waking moment, it even followed me into my dreams and penetrated and messed with my sanity...

The perfect place!

Who would expect him to move in at Angel's?

...there are so many things on my mind, so many things I want you to know...

Much to his surprise, before long the place felt rather homely to him, who'd never had a place to call home. There was running water, electricity and several comfortable beds to choose from - plus, little weird though but who was he to question his good luck, a fully packed fridge; blood bags, yogurt, peanut butter and toast.

Gotta be the leftovers of Angel & Co.

He had gone through half a packed of toast, starving as he had been and after one moment's reflection about the yucky-yuck probably gone off by now liquid meals, he had grabbed the whole lot and unceremoniously dumped in the garbage can.

Buffy...

... you never know how many times I've been wondering how you'd react if I walked up on you and begged your forgiveness - would your love be generous enough to allow me back into your heart?

He had watched her all night from outside the living-room window.

He had watched her talk to the kid with her brave-brave Buffy mask on.

And he had watched her crumble and cry into the pillow after she'd checked and made sure that her baby sis wasn't to come back.

... I love you, Little One, I know I didn't tell you so for the longest of times, but you are what's keeping me going, keeping me sane. My love for you and the memory of the love we once shared...

How much he had wanted to hold her, but he didn't.

Instead he'd left silently and without making his presence known to her, after all, he'd been the one who asked her to choose and since she'd let him go without as much as a single good-bye...

...I just wish I could tell - I wish you would know...

Tears formed in his eyes, threatened to fall and making an even bigger fool of himself than he'd managed already. It was plain simple, she didn't want him, period, so why did he have to keep up the pretence? Why couldn't he just pack up and go?

Especially after his latest discovery.

Sure, the letter wasn't addressed to anyone in particular, but since it was signed with a sharp, angular A, Riley just knew it had been meant for Buffy to find. How much he hated the big soulful vampire, why couldn't he just stay away for good?

...I only hope that one day I'll be strong enough to actually send you just one of my amazing collection of unsent letters...

He had to get out of this place - Angel's place.

The walls were suffocating him and he just needed...

What?

A decent spot of violence?

No, he decided, can't risk bumping into Buffy.

...I'm sorry for never being man enough to let you know how much I care...

Options?

Only one, really.

Make a run for the high percentage and get pissed out of my mind!

***

"Oi, lookie-da, if that's not Captain America!"

Riley growled, before he lifted and turned his dull, blank-minded head. He would have recognized the voice everywhere, even if he had gone through another two bottles of bourbon, of this he was sure.

"Shhhhpike!"

Bottle in one hand Riley staggered to his feet.

"Jushhht the vampire I washhh looking for..."

He swayed and let himself drop back on his ass only to learn that he had misjudged the position of the barstool and landed unceremoniously and with an audible thud on the tiled floor of the shabby old pub.

"Nice fall, mate," the peroxide nuisance sniggered, watching the boy's fruitless attempt to clumsily heave himself up and into a sitting position. His sly grin turned into a full-grown laughter, when watched the ex-commando fall back on his back, his head smashing into the traitorous barstool.

"Bloody bashhtard!"

Spike allowed himself to be amused by the kid for another few minutes before he bent down to reached around his waist and pull him back up and onto his feet.

"As much as I enjoy watching you roll around on your back," he gave Riley one of his patented Spike smirks and gestured for the bartender to get him some coffee. "It might be even more fun to find out who ore what got you there in the first place."

Too drunk and too upset to care who he was talking to Riley gestured towards the unfinished puzzle he'd started to lay out on the counter.

"I hate him!" He then proclaimed noisily, poking Spike in the chest to empathize his statement. "He left her and I'shh supposhhhed to pick up hishhh meshhheshhh."

Confusion all over him, Spike tried to catch a glimpse of the obviously shredded piece of paper Riley had been trying to put back together on the counter. He stretched and even went as far as to stand on the tips of his toes in order to look past the boy's bulky shoulders.

"It'shhh all hishhh fault. He left her and now he'shhh back and thinkshhh he can jushhht walk in and take what ishhh mine..."

He had no idea what the soldier's mad rumbling was all about Spike doubled his effort to get a good look at the torn pieces of paper.

"Ohmi..."

Spike's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, when he eventually managed to look past the drunken blob and realized what exactly Riley had been shoving around on the top of the counter.

The writing...

He'd recognize the hand writing everywhere.

"Oi, give that to me!"

Spike swatted the marines big unstable hand and quickly reached for the rest of the snippets rapidly filling in the blanks.

Dearly Beloved?

Little One?

If his heart hadn't stopped beating a long, long time ago it sure as hell would have skipped right now. There was only one person the magnificent Poof had ever called "Little One" - and it sure as hell wasn't dear ol' Slutty!

Dearly Beloved,

I lost count on how many letters I wrote you but never found the courage to post. But since there'll never be another way for me to you...

How can I tell you that every time we run into each other I want to cry out in pain. My soul keeps begging me to confront you, to make up for the sins of the past and this time allow you to have a say.

Your anger and despise - it feels as though I can't take it one more second - I know I only wanted what was best for you, but I can't help the fact that my best intentions have hurt you more than my demon or worst enemy could.

Looking at you and the love we once shared, it makes me feel so worthless and low, how can you possibly still love me, Little One? After all that I've done to you?

I don't know why he did what he did when in control, I could have sworn his need for you was even stronger then the love my soul now so viciously tries to deny. I wanted to protect you I wanted to come out and fight for you - fight for us - when you were all weak and broken, I wanted you to know that this special connection we used to share was still there and that he was feeling it too, and that it was this that was driving him insane.

I may have left you but no matter how far I ran, no matter how well I managed to blend in and hide - you were always there. Your memory has been taunting me, every waking moment, it even followed me into my dreams and penetrated and messed with my sanity...

I don't know where to start - there are so many things on my mind, so many things I want you to know. I only hope that one day I'll be strong enough to actually send you just one of my amazing collection of unsent letters.

Sure, I made sure I never showed you anything but animosity when around. It's my way to make sure you never know how many times I've been wondering how you'd react if I walked up on you and begged your forgiveness - would your love be generous enough to allow me back into your heart?

I love you, Little One, I know I didn't tell you so for the longest of times, but you are what's keeping me going, keeping me sane. My love for you and the memory of the love we once shared.

I'm sorry for being such a coward, I'm sorry for never being man enough to let you know how much I care. I'm weak, I've always been weak, that's why some part of you will always be sunshine and laughter, where against my path will be shadowy at best - over-casted and dark.

I just wish I could tell - I wish you would know.

I love you, with all my soul, with all my heart - you are mine.

A.

***

"Bloody pillock!" Spike muttered under his non-existent breath, he was all but doing the whelp's undignified Snoopy Dance right here, in the middle of the bloody packed pub.

His arrogant mask crumbled and he couldn't help the fat smile that cracked up the corners of his lips.

Angel loved him!

His sire still cared about him!

A happy, sappy, totally un-spikey smile plastered on his face the peroxide blonde vampire leaned in and grabbed the somewhat confused ex-marine by the front of his shirt.

"You know what, mate-y, forget about Hairboy and just have another go at the slaying brat!" The vampire announced all jovial and cheery. "She's gonna take you back, bint has a thing for the soulful and fangless."

Although he kept his eyes firmly locked with the babbling idiot, Riley never saw it coming.

"Spike!" He squeaked in disgust and surprise when he all of a sudden found himself in the strong arms of a happily smiling, over-excited blonde vampire. "Knock it off, willya!"

His brows joined in one big irritated line.

What the fuck was wrong with the bite-less dickhead?

"You may wanna pass this on to the princess and let her know I'm out of her hair for good!"

If possible the hyper blonde vampire wrapped himself even tighter around his frame only to without as much as a warning place a long, firm, slobbery and totally unexpected open-mouthed kiss on his lips.

"Tell her it was fun for a while."

With that he let go and all but bounced into the night.

Shaking his head the big ex-marine watched the door fall shut after the blonde.

He had kissed him?

Spike had kissed him?

Something oughta be terribly wrong in the State of Spikemark!

He gestured the bartender to substitute his coffee for another double shot.

Spike - a small smile curled up the corners of his lips.

The guy was such a nutcase.

Still smiling his slender forefinger traced the outlining of the random piece of paper the peroxide blonde must have missed. Not that the tiny shred would have made any difference, there was only one more space to fill in the letter-mosaic. He carefully smoothened out the slip and ever so slowly filled in the missing corner piece on the left.

William Campbell

PO Box 26

Sunnydale

He stared.

And stared.

Fangface and Soulboy? - Sometimes life was just one big surprise!

END




Original Challenge:

Riley Finn finds a (sorta-kinda) love letter written by Angel. He goes to the Scooby Gang for advice, thinking it was for Buffy. It wasn't.

Time Period:
BtVS - Seaon 4 and Season 5's "Out of My Mind" (end doesn't happen) AtS - anytime

Must Have:
Slash - the letter was written to Spike (never sent)
A detailed letter (love, angst, spite, regret) with references to specific events

Optional:
Riley may or may not know who Angel is (may even think that Angel is Buffy's ex-girlfriend, not that "Angel" is a girly name!)