TITLE: Love's Blind
AUTHOR: Ophelia
EMAIL: ophelia_rd@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: Joss, not I.
DISTRIBUTION: Let me know where it's going
CATEGORY: A/S
RATING: ??? maybe PG ???
PART: 1/1
FEEDBACK: Yes, please!!!
VISIT ME: http://www.oocities.org/dra_gon_fly_er/
Love's Blind
Thud!
A fairly loud noise startles me out of my daydream.
My favorite. The one I dream about me and me sire.
How it would be, if we were together.
How he would love me, if only he were little more me.
I hate myself for the plain thought of Angelus making me weak.
How can I possibly love him, still, after all that he's done to me?
I can't say.
I honestly can't.
He has tortured and raped me so many times I truly lost count
Even worse, he has given me to the minions to play with whenever my facade had cracked, involuntarily displaying my much-despised love for him.
There, another thud!
I lazily gaze at my watch.
8.50 p.m. not quite an adequate time for a vampire to get up.
Well, I figure, since I am already awake I can just as well check on the door.
I rise to my feet and grab a pair of trousers on my way out.
"What's this racket..." I growl but the words get stuck in my throat. "Angelus???"
I gasp, staring wide-eyed at the shaking, far too thin figure in front of my door.
I quickly crouch down beside him and take a closer look at his pale, hollow-cheeked face.
At first sight he seems alright, apart from the physical deficiencies and the close to insane gleam in his eyes.
Another thing that really, really bugs me is he hasn't yet acknowledged my presence.
No matter how much he despises me, so far he has failed to identify his childe.
"You're invited in, Angelus," I whisper in his ear.
Then, without, as I hope attracting too much attention, I grab hold of his bony frame and drag him inside.
"Sire?" I try to stay calm and composed. "Can you hear me, Sire?"
For the fracture of a second his eyes seem to focus but then he is gone again, and I am left to decide how to proceed.
The bathroom it is, I make up my mind fairly quickly, when several waves of sewage and rot wash over me.
"Angelus?" I coax against better judgement, hoping against hope he may was to wake up and participate.
But, of course, nothing such happens.
+This is gonna be fun.+ I chide at myself.
Oh well, since my sire is obviously not ready, willing or able to give me a hand, I once again kneel on the floor carefully lifting him up. In a matter of seconds I have him sit on the toilet seat, efficiently cutting off his reeking old clothes.
+My God, he is thin!+ I gasp, while I maneuver one arm around his waist. +What the heck happened to you,. Sire?+ I wonder, directing him towards the tub.
Although this is possibly the worst possible moment, my body starts to respond.
+Gosh, how much I'd like to take him...+
I try to will the bulge in my pants to go down. Unfortunately my stupid cock seems to have a will of its own.
"Focus, William, focus!" I scowl at myself, adjusting the shower while I reach for the rag.
I've never seen Angelus this helpless and weak, and although I know he thinks of me as a failure but I can't stop myself to feel for him. I star with his arm, carefully brushing the cloth from his wrist up to his neck.
Bloody hell, I had no idea a few bubbles of soap could be such a turn on.
I peer at his midsection, while I am soaping his fingers and just for once it's me and not him having impure ideas.
This man is pure sex, his chunky body made to be fucked.
Oh, how much I'd like to just do that.
I'm out of the bathroom the very next second, throwing myself onto my bed, wanking off.
"Angelus," I pant hoarsely, my body arching into every silky stroke.
This is sooo good.
"Yes, Sire. Move with me, Sire...," my world explodes in a firework of lights and twirling bright hue.
Then all of a sudden I remember Angelus, and immediately all of my excitement wears off.
Naked as I am, I make a quick dash for the bathroom.
He hasn't moved yet.
I don't know if my sigh is one of fret or relief about that.
I reach for the pitcher and wetten his hair.
This whole bathing thing is killing me. I can feel my insatiable body responding again.
I fight back the urge to return to the bedroom, and force myself to instead concentrate on the job at hand - Angelus.
I quietly wash his hair, clean the dirt of his face and let the soapy cloth intimately follow well-proportioned muscles. I even gather my wits and allow my fingers to fiddle and play with his coarse hair.
But his lack of response for some stupid reason makes me feel guilty.
So I rather concentrate on heaving my hunk of a sire out of the tub.
Wrapped in a nice fluffy towel we finally collapse to the bed.
What next...?
***
Food!
I look him over for one long second.
Yeah, food definitely it is.
I can clearly see his ribs through his grayish unhealthy looking skin and it really troubles me.
As much as I hate it when he uses his physical superiority to lord his domination over me, the much it frightens me too see him that helpless.
I know, I need to get up in order to grab something to eat.
But honestly, I can't, I won't leave him like this - not even for one minute.
But since food doesn't yet appear readily available on my nightstand, I need to think about a different way to get some blood into my sire. Unfortunately the only alternative I come up with, is to feed him my own blood.
And I really, really disapprove of this option!
The exchange of blood usually presumes a certain amount of intimacy between the parties involved.
It's not just an exchange of a nourishing liquid but the exposure of the 'donor's' very essence.
My stomach turns by the sheer thought of what Angelus could do to me, given such information.
But, nonetheless, I spoon myself to his back and use one of my canines to cut my wrist.
He drinks greedily, when offered the blood and I can hardly restrain myself to not purr in contentment.
This is so sensual. So sexual.
I definitely need a cold shower.
Soon.
Now.
Preferably before I slam into an unconscious man, who'll have my liver for breakfast in reverse.
My marble hard shaft rubs along his backside and I can not but grind myself against him.
He still is suckling my wrist in the most sensual of ways and I feel a little dizzy from blood loss as well as the unfamiliar closeness to him.
When was the last time, we have been that close?
Have we ever?
I shudder.
And it takes me a minute to realize what actually caused the frantic reaction.
Angelus seems to have had enough of my blood. But instead of simply releasing my wrist he is licking the twin punctured wound.
That's it.
There is no way I can stay in control like this.
I stifle a cry in the curve of his neck and shoot my cold load in the sheets, since I fortunately had the presence of mind to roll on my stomach. Gosh, this is so embarrassing.
I'm just about to bury my face in the pillow, when Angelus turns round.
There are tears in his eyes. Real tears. Blood tears, still, but tears nonetheless.
I've never seen him cry.
Thinking about it, I've never seen any vampire cry.
What the heck is happening here?
And what the heck has happened to my sire?
We lie like this for quite some time.
He on his stomach and I on my back, quietly facing one another.
Something is different about him.
His eyes all haunted and pained.
At some point I just can't stand it any longer.
I roll round to my side and open my arms for him.
Within the fracture of a second he has wrapped himself around me, literally crawling under my skin.
I don't ask questions, just hold him to me, tightly. Pulling him with me I let myself slide back to my back.
I cuddle him close, both arms securely locked around his body.
My former arousal given way to anxiety.
This is Angelus, my sire.
He is not supposed to behave all emotional and scared.
Nonetheless I soothingly let my hand brush up and down his back, trying to comfort him, trying to make him feel save.
The feel of him, so intimately pressed atop of me, is sheer bliss, but the circumstances that have forced him here, I reckon, must be pretty much the opposite.
"Sire?" I ask quietly. "Is there anything I can do?"
He never answers my question and the only indication he actually heard my words is the way his grip tightens on me.
So we just lie there in silence, waiting for our bodies to be claimed by the sleep.
When he hasn't roused, or sniffed, or sobbed for some time, I carefully reach out to get a hold on his wrist.
Oh, I know, this one is so wrong.
But I am in need for some answers.
It's just a nick, a gash so small he won't even realize it's there.
I barely taste his blood, when I already release his wrist again.
For the longest of times I lie perfectly still, my sleeping sire curled around my chest.
+He's got a soul,+ I gasp, having not quite digested what I've just learned. +A friggin' soul…+
I brush a quick kiss on his brow.
+A soul…+
The words echo in my head until I do fall asleep.
***
I watch him sleeping.
His head pillowed on his hands, resting in the crook of my neck.
I love the feel of his weight on top of me. But at the same time I'm infinitely grateful I don't have to breathe or take potty breaks. However, I'll have to go and get up sooner or later, since we both need to feed.
+One more minute.+ I promise myself.
I don't know, what funny co-incident had Angelus collapse right in front of my door, but I'll be damned if I won't savage every single minute I can spend with him. His tummy growls as so to remind me first things first.
Food!
I carefully wiggle out from beneath him and my cock almost immediately jumps to life when it brushes against his public hair. I groan and involuntarily open my legs so his thigh slips between them. I ankle my knee and let my foot travel up along his calf.
I gasp in surprise, when I feel his body react against me.
My hand gently follows the curve of his back and comes to a rest on his perfectly shaped ass-cheeks.
I carefully move against him, only a little, just to give us some friction.
I immediately start panting and bury my face in the pillow.
Angelus???
My head snaps back up to have a closer look at Angelus' dark eyes.
+Oh, oh..+
My sire is awake, staring a t me, and all of a sudden I feel like a perfect fool.
My arms drop lifelessly to either side of our bodies and I try my very best to avoid to look at my sire.
"William…?"
Like in trance his hand comes up to gently force round my head.
Our eyes lock and as much as I want to I just can't lower my gaze.
"I know you know…" His voice is little but a whisper, but enough to make me nervous.
"H-h-how?" My lips mouth, for I can't manage a peep.
I don't need him to answer the question to know he's never been asleep.
So why didn't he stop me? Why did he allow me to drink from him?
Before I can say something stupid Angelus' his sags to my chest in exhaustion.
"C'mon, let me get up, luv," I immediately urge "We'll both need to grab a few bits to eat."
***
When I return with the body he turns away in disgust.
And the pained humiliated look on his face hits me like an iron fist.
However, I catch a glimpse of his dark troubled eyes before he lowers his face.
I drag the body out of sight then return to catch next to him on the floor.
"Angelus…," I let my hand run along the curve of his back.
He doesn't flinch but neither acknowledges my presence.
"Sire…," I try again, gently massaging his neck. "You've gotta eat something."
I wait for him to reply but nothing such happens.
+This is way scaring!+
With a sigh I crawl over his hulking form and lie down on the other side of the bed. His face is buried in a pile of blankets with only his eyes gazing at me. I quickly decide to rather not ask any more questions. As long as he keeps feeding from me he should be alright. I inch up a little and pull him partly on top of me.
+Gosh, this feels so good…+
He immediately curls into the same shaking ball as the night before.
How the hell am I supposed to get some blood into him?
I'm pretty sure we are done with the wrist trick.
Once again I won't catch him by surprise.
It hurts me to see him like this.
But wait a minute, hasn't he responded to my nearness last night…
In what I hope not to o obvious a manner I let my hand draw more sensual patterns on his back.
Let it outline every single strong muscle, let it travel all along his spine down to the crack of his cheeks.
In no time and much to my surprise, we are both panting and wiggling in anticipation.
+I want this. I want him. I want him so very, very much…+
With a groan I capture his mouth into a searing kiss.
He struggles at first but finally gives in.
And I feel kinda guilty for using a man's emotional turmoil to quench my own sexual needs.
Our tongues tangle lazily and all the borrowed blood in my body rushes straight to my groin.
God, how much I wish for this to go on forever. This kiss, this embrace… it's so tender, so very sensual and sweet.
I've never been kissed like this before.
It's not just a kiss, it's a promise, an oath, an eternal pledge of love, at least as far as my part is concerned.
I love him - soul or not - there is nothing I can do about it. It's in my blood.
I know he knows this is more than compassion or obligation between childe and sire.
I hold him close, with all my might and hope that he somehow feels protected and save.
I involuntarily purr into the kiss and only realize what I am doing when he gazes down on me somewhat taken aback.
I'm so painfully hard that it's almost impossible for me to remember that this isn't about sex.
+But wouldn't it be…+
+Don't even think about it!+
Gathering all of my willpower I maneuver my hand up to my neck.
For one second, in an attempt to camouflage my intention, I let my human mask slip.
Just about long enough to cut my tongue.
Just about long enough to tempt him with my blood.
Just about long enough to dig my claws into my necks producing a none to deep but steadily bleeding cut.
***
Before he realizes what I am doing I pull away from his lips.
Then I just as quickly turn my head around, so his face comes to a rest in the crook of my neck.
I can feel his nostrils flare against my skin and know he has found the fresh blood.
A satisfied little smile curling up the corner of my lips I ready myself for his bite.
+What the fuck…???+
I nearly jump off the bed when his talented cold tongue leaps out to lick the blood from the cut.
My body quivers all over and I involuntarily start to rub my hips against his.
He efficiently stills me by simply rolling on top of me.
When I am just about to protest he sinks his fangs into me.
A strangled squeak escapes from my lips, when I feel the white hot heat building up inside me.
He somehow manages to grab hold of my wrists and pins them down to either side of my head.
The way he is steadily feeding from me, turns me on to no end.
My whole body is hypersensitive and throbbing with need.
+I love you! I love you! I love you! …+
I chant, every 'you' empathized with a mental thrust.
"Stop it, Will," he mutters, nuzzling my neck.
And it makes me want to jump in joy when I feel he is just as hard as me.
Wave after wave of pure bliss washes over me with every little sip he takes.
Right now he could drain me dry and I would still die from ecstasy.
With a content sigh I lean into his embrace.
***
We just lie there, quietly, and I can't remember the last time I felt so much at ease.
I am with my sire.
And he no longer hates me.
I unconsciously reach out and entwine my fingers with his.
Although we haven't been intimate, my initial urge to jump him and bugger him blind has disappeared.
Not that I don't want him any more, fat chance! But it somehow gave way to something now, something far bigger and deeper than anything there has been before. Right, I always have and always will love my sire - there has never been a doubt about this - but having him lying here, with his arms locked around me, it almost seems a decade long one-sided love has turned into a mutual affection.
Like a big cat, he is licking and cleaning the twin-punctured wound he left at either side at the cut. It's an unconscious, an innocent gesture, but it nonetheless sets my emotions on edge.
A small tremor runs through my body. I can feel its electric tingling from my fingertips down to my toes.
"William," he whispers and I can't help the jolts of pleasure that wash over me because of his husky, dark timbre.
"I'm right here," I reply with the same husky inflection and brush a quick kiss on top of his head. "Right here."
His head comes up and for a very long time he just quietly looks me over.
After what seems like forever he rests his brow against mine.
"He loved you, too."
His gaze never wavers and I'm a bit startled because of the graveness of his voice.
+Who loved me, too?+
My ignorance must have shown on my face.
"The demon… My demon…"
+Something must be wrong with my sense of hearing. Angelus sure didn't just say what I think he just said, did he???+
I open my mouth to say something, anything - but nothing comes out.
"B-b-but…," I finally manage to voice my concern.
And all of a sudden I feel like I am a stupid little fledgling again.
It can't be true.
It's too good to be true.
He must be pulling my leg.
Yeah, he must be playing one of his mind-games again.
I am such an idiot.
I quickly close my eyes so he won't see the pain, I know will be there.
I can feel his hands cupping my cheeks and try my best not to squirm or pull away.
"He couldn't admit it," he brings his lips close to mine. "Not even to himself."
I carefully peer at him from under my lashes.
He actually seems sincere - however, better save than sorry.
I remain quiet and ready myself for the mask to drop.
But, as so to encourage himself, he presses a quick hard kiss to my chin.
" He loved you…, in his own cruel and obsessive way he truly did when he picks up the thread his voice sounds strained and he seems to look right through to my head. " And he hated it… He hated the way it made him fell… The way you made him feel… All needy and weak… That's when he settled for punishing you…"
By now his whole body is trembling and all of a sudden I'm convinced he is telling the truth.
Not trusting my voice, I quietly lock my hands behind his back and start to rain kisses all over his face.
***
Eventually my mouth comes to a rest on his.
I nibble his lips before I deepen the kiss.
Then we kiss.
And kiss.
And kiss.
We finally end up gasping for unneeded air.
+If he turns me down now…,+ I think.
But all thoughts vanish from my mind when he fiercely starts to unbutton my shirt.
Now it is up to me to quiver and writhe, when his cold tongue lazily follows the paths of his hands. His mouth closes around my left nipple and he nibbles and sucks it, his razor-sharp fangs playfully nicking my skin.
My hips buck against his in a desperate attempt to create the much-needed friction.
I am so hard, I don't know if I can take another minute of his teasing.
His hands come to a rest on my hips, and at first I think he is doing the stilling thing again.
But then he lifts me up in just the right ankle…
+Ohmigod, I'm gonna come in my pants…+
I lower my eyes, embarrassment flushing my face.
But his hand sneaks up and forces my head up again.
+What the fuck…???+
Our eyes lock and all of a sudden I know.
We stare at each other in silent wonder - me panting and he with a glint of yellow in his eyes.
Neither one of us makes a move for the longest of times.
+It's mutual…,+ I blink at him, hoping to clear my mind.
+He's letting me know it's a mutual thing…,+ my confusion turns into delight.
+He's letting me know he's just as hard and ready to burst as I am…," I can't hold it together any longer and crush my mouth to his. He immediately responds to my challenge and rips the reminders of my shirt off of my chest. I get hold of his hands when he is just about to undo my pants.
"Not yet…," I rasp and scramble to my knees to draw a line of wet open-mouthed kisses from his collarbone to his belly-button down to where his brief have long gone. I purposefully inhale his strong heady scent and lazily let my tongue encircle his pulsating length. His hands dig into my scalp bringing me to an abrupt halt.
He sits up and gazes down at my denim clad figure partly covering his thigh.
"Let me love you…,"
His fingers make their way down to my belt.
I nod, automatically, glad there is no way for me to see the dumbfounded expression I'm sure there is on my face.
I am out of my pants in less than a second and I do my very best to just as quickly roll to my stomach.
For a few long minutes he works his magic on my shoulders and spine.
+This is so good…+
A low rumble starts in the back of my throat.
+So very, very good…+
However, I need more.
I need him.
Inside of me.
Loving me.
Making love to me.
Purring by the thought of what is to come next I wiggle my ass in the air. I quietly cheer, when he bends forward so his head come to a rest on my shoulders while his thick throbbing member pokes at my glands.
"I want to see you…,"
I hardly manage to stifle a squeak.
+He wants to see me…?+
+Angelus wants to see me…?+
I force myself to remain still, although I'm dying to get a look at his face.
I'm pretty sure he has no idea how much this means to me. Especially since for more than five decades he's hardly been able to stand to look at me. I crane my head to steal a quick kiss from his lips. The moment I plunge my tongue into his mouth he grabs hold of my leg and brings it up and around his waist. I am done, I immediately know when he brushes his crotch along my marble hard dick.
+Damn it all to hell!+
+I want him now!+
He somehow senses that the teasing is over and reaches for the nightstand in search for some lube.
+Forget about the lube!!!+ I can't wait another second.
I a fluent movement I take his thumping hard length in my fist.
"Are you sure?"
I nod empathetically, although I pretty darn well know this is gonna hurt.
I crush my mouth to Angelus" and wipe away his objections with a searing hot kiss.
I feel his thick mushroom-head pressing against my hidden rosette and try to relax.
The moment he pushes inside of me, my tight unprepared muscle spasms around him and the air fills with the smell of fresh blood. Our eyes meet and I can see he tries to give me some time to adjust. On my nod he slowly pushes in little further until we are finally joint to the hilt. With a groan I withdraw my hips, all the while holding his gaze.
Myriads of sensations wash over me and I don't know whether my next groan is one of pleasure or pain.
We are both done - I can see it in his eyes. Next thing he slams into me with rapid hard thrusts and I already feel the all too familiar white heat building up in my loins.
+Please don't make me come yet…,+ I pray, holding his unwavering gaze.
Too late.
Gushes and gushes of milky white semen spurt to his chest.
I am just about to apologize when he too, with a snarl, shoots his cold vicious lot into my rippling channel.
***
"Will?"
He pulls me into a tight embrace and I want to purr in contentment for it feels so good. I bury my face in the crook of his neck and start to rain butterfly kisses along his collarbone. For one second his hand comes to a rest on my head, then he ever so slowly forces me to look at his face.
"Will," he whispers again, in this voice that sends little white tingles up and down my spine.
"Will," cupping my face with his hands he quietly meets my curious gaze.
"You know that I love you…?" He asks tentatively.
I instinctively feel something has happened - something I don't want to know about.
There is something desperate in his embrace. Desperate in much the same way I've been holding him.
+What's the matter?+
+What are you doing?+
+What can be so bad, you feel you've got to protect me?+
His lips brush along my brow, my temple, my jawline…
Then his mouth is on mine and I nearly jump off my pants - he's kissing me!!!
Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! …
This is the first time ever he initiated a kiss!
I deeply groan in the back of my throat all thoughts of why and what for immediately going poof.
This is the best kiss we shared so far.
The sweetest.
The deepest.
The most promising.
My hand automatically sneaks under his shirt.
And for a few seconds I simply enjoy the feel of his smooth, powerful muscles under my caressing hands.
Then, overwhelmed by emotions, my arms lock around his waist.
+He loves me!+
+He said that he loves me!+
+He definitely and for sure said the L-word!+
+Love! Love! Love! Love! Angelus loves William! Forever!+
I feel so happy and light-headed, I don't know whether I should laugh or dance or simply hold on to him.
I can't believe this gypsy cures, the ultimate punishment, actually gave me the one thing meaning more to me than blood - Angelus.
Or Angel, as I secretly call him.
The most beautiful, most perfectly shaped creature there is.
My Angel. My Sire.
Mine, at last!
+W-w-what???+
+Blood? In my mouth? His blood???+
It takes me one moment to realize he deliberately cut his tongue.
Oh, sweet Jesus, I am rock hard in an instant.
Sire's blood… the supreme kick!
Without questioning his intentions or much further ado I plunder his mouth - savaging every single precious drop.
+Angel! Angel! Angel! Angel!…+
My whole body throbs in need for my sire.
He kisses me back, hesitantly, somewhat in a more comforting but sexual manner.
And all of a sudden I know.
All of a sudden it's all clear.
"No!!!" I violently pull back. "Angel! Sire! Don't do this to me! Not now! Not again!"
My heart is arching and I feel as so I'd just been kicked in the guts.
This is wrong!
Can't he see that?
Can't he see that fate has given us a second chance?
Can't he see that the bond we share is too rare, too special to just be pushed away?
Can't he see that my love for him has only increased since he regained his soul?
I would never leave him.
Always be his.
But he can't.
Won't.
And all of a sudden neither can I.
Why did he had to make me swallow his blood?
There are certain things I just don't need, just don't want to understand.
I wouldn't have given a damn about his past or what he has done to me, as long as he was right here, in my arms.
Why did he had to make me understand?
I don't want to know about guilt.
I just want to hold him and kiss it all better.
Why couldn't he simply walk out on me?
It's so ironic - now, where his demon is no longer preventing him from loving me back it's his guilt-ridden soul.
I'm like a mirror to him, an afterimage, a constant reminder of his ferocious past.
I don't want to understand why he has to leave me again.
Why he has to agonize and grieve without me by his side.
I would have been there - standing before him, fighting his demons away.
No, I really don't want to understand why he does what he believes to be best for me.
Dumping me. Dumping our love. What for?
I jump to my feet with a raw helpless sob.
"I love you, Angel," I whisper and bend down to capture his mouth.
Our lips touch and we both know this is good-bye.
I step away from him, silently.
Our faces somewhat stoic and blank.
+I can't take this any longer!+ Is the last thing I think then my demon takes over spluttering with rage.
***
"Angelus!" I call and wait for him to turn around.
"Will?" He looks at me with his fathomless eyes.
+I love you!+
+I need you!+
+Don't do this to me, Sire!+
It's all in my head, but none of it comes out.
Our eyes lock and there is a solemn blood tear staining his cheek.
I harden myself against the effect it has on me.
"Don't come back!" I growl.
I give him my most baleful look.
"Ever!" I repeat as so to convince myself.
He nods. And something inside of me breaks.
-the end-