TITLE: My Sire's Child
AUTHOR: Ophelia
EMAIL: ophelia_rd@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: Joss, not I.
DISTRIBUTION: Let me know where it's going
CATEGORY: A/S
RATING: ??? maybe PG ???
PART: 1/?
FEEDBACK: Yes, please!!!
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My Sire's Childe
Lookie-look.
Here comes the sire sire.
And zap, here comes the look.
I hate this look. Hate the whole bloody wanker, but especially his look.
Makes me wonder why he actually made me if he ever felt anything towards me but disgust.
Annoying little William, with his annoying little feelings, always ready to make a fool of him.
I wonder why. I honestly do.
I've never been crude or respectless as a fledgling.
Always struggled to please him and think of him first.
Tried hard to not too much embarrass him with my unwanted devotion.
And even tried harder to totally suppress my even more unwanted love.
When he regained his soul, I thought; yey, that's it, things are gonna change now.
Guess what, I was right, things changed really quickly.
Only for the worse.
He wouldn't even look at me anymore.
And when he did, it always was with pity and disgust.
It hurt. It hurt so bloody much. It still does sometimes. Sometimes?
But still, when he finally left, my whole world, nonetheless, still crumbled and burst.
I had merely but Dru to hold on to, and I made bloody sure, I bloody well did.
'cuz if he ever was to come back, it would be for her.
I had to make her stay by my side. Somehow.
Only just in case.
Stupid me.
Stupid, stupid me.
I should have known better.
A slayer of all!!!
Given, Buffy's quite likeable a person even after two years of kicking me butt.
Maybe it's because we are so much alike.
Hearts bleeding for love but all we get 's a don't touch.
Or as in my case not even this.
I just get the look.
Fine, some of Spike's more resent procedures may have deserved it.
But what about William? 'cuz he sure as hell never did.
Why? - I honestly have no idea.
I guess, I'm gonna ask him.
Maybe tonight. Someday.
At least thing about it.
Maybe.
***
Great.
There he is.
Personified reproach.
He must be doing this on purpose.
Taunting me with this incredibly blue eyes of his.
And he's definitely getting worse since he knows his place around Buffy.
He's omnipresent, whether I come up here to protect, help, warn or assist.
Buffy, however, pretends not to notice his intimidating glares.
Not that he's actually frightening me - far away.
It's more like he gives me the creeps.
Isn't it enough I've got to live with my soulless self's deeds?
The people he killed.
The pains he inflicted.
His childer - William and Dru.
The memories by themselves shame me to no end.
And the little pest won't grow tired of rubbing them into my face.
I hate this hurt puppy dog look he's got on, whenever he thinks he's unmonitored.
Angelus already hated it.
The boy's all too obvious love and devotion had, just as it did to me, always given him the creeps.
Spike! Sometimes I think, all he needs is a good hiding, but then again, some other time, I just feel like pulling him close. But how on earth could I do so, after all my demon has done to the youth.
William! He had been so vulnerable. So very, very vulnerable and innocent.
And Angelus? - He step by step and quite systematically had toyed and broken his innocent heart.
Maybe it would help, if I explained it to him.
Or if Spike insisted on me acting as his sire.
But just as it is - hopeless.
Oh well, so the creep-show it is.
***
"Will you stop it already!"
The slayer's small fist violently hits the desk.
"I'm so sick of this glaring - you two are giving me the creeps!"
Her eyes furiously drill into Angelus and me.
Me?
Why me?
I didn't do anything wrong!
It's my sire who's acting all arrogant and erratic.
However…
+Creeps,+ I slyly peer at Angelus from under my lashes. +Yip, that pretty much covers it.+
I wink at the slayer in genuine affection.
Sweetie little Buffy, she could be so considerate at times.
Sure she must have sensed how I feel - the way his indifference gets to me.
She'll leave us to talk - me and my sire.
Tonight is the night.
The night the look disappears.
The night he'll have to acknowledge my ever existence.
+Got ya, ol' soulful, there is no way you're gonna weasel yourself outa here.+
I glance at him meekly unsure what to do.
I instantly flinch, 'cuz even now he can't help himself but give me the look.
+Do something, slayer!+ I silently plead. +Can't you see what he's doing to me?+
I might be grr and Big Bad but when it comes to Angelus Spike just seems to vanish, leaving William instead.
My heart hammers in anticipation, even though I know it long since never beat.
But that's just the way it is, the way he's making me feel.
Stupid little William, all worthless and weak.
***
Who does he thinks he is!
I can't recall the last time I've been that angry.
I just can't believe it, the miserable little brat even managed to involve Buffy.
Buffy of all!
My lover, my soul!
That's probably what pisses me off most.
His tendency to hide behind others. Why confront Angel if it is so much easier to manipulate Buffy.
But not today , not any longer.
This freakshow is over.
I'll personally see for it.
***
"What???"
The door hasn't closed yet, when he jumps to his feet.
"Is this what you want, you little asshole?"
He fervorusly starts to unbutton his fly.
+No!+ I want to cry. +You've got it all wrong!+
But I am far too shocked, too much taken aback to actually utter a thing.
He grabs me by the collar and smashes me, face first, into the nearest wall.
+Angel… Sire… Please…+
He forces my jeans down and yanks apart my legs.
+I love you, Angel., can't you see. Please don't do this to me.+
Then he is in me, unlubed, unprepared.
His thick marble cock throbbing like crazy, sawing into my tender tissue.
I'm bleeding. I can feel the steady stream of cold blood oozing coloring my legs.
I bite my bottom lip to not cry out loud.
And refuse to show him how much I am hurting.
Although my cheeks are covered with rubin red streaks.
+Relax!+ I keep telling myself. +It's not the first time you've ever been raped.+
However, for some stupid reason, my body refuses to let go. In fact I'm so tense my arms start trembling all by themselves.
Angelus doesn't care, if anything, the force he slams into my even increases. His massive pawns on my hips won't tolerate the slightest slightest shift - not that there is much a shift I could make, pressed flush to the wall.
This is punishment, as I know from experience.
He could go on for hours since his heart isn't in.
I can't stop crying and I am infinitely grateful he can't see my face.
Although, the strains I have left on my hands and the wall are pretty self-explaining.
His thick blood-coated length still sliding in and out of me.
Just like me he yet hasn't uttered one word.
He isn't anywhere near orgasm, that I can tell.
Gosh, it hurts.
It so much hurts.
His indifference even more than the actual act.
Why can't he love me? Why can't he make love to me?
Just for one time.
With kissing and teasing and holding one another close.
My legs give way. Bloodloss and lack of feeding along with my sire pounding into me prove to be little much, even for me.
"Angel…" I whisper.
And faint.
***
"Oh you brat childe o' mine," I curse under my breath. "What the heck is it now!"
Two seconds later I just about manage to the annoying pest, before his sorry ass hits the floor.
"Spike?" I none too gently slap his face, convinced he is pulling my leg.
But when after another few slaps he still doesn't move my wariness turns into worry.
Maybe I was little harsh - alright, abusive and cruel.
But he's a vampire for Christ's sake!
I drag him to the kitchen and let him slide to the floor.
+Huh du!+ I think. +Buffy's gonna kill you for this.+
I wait a couple more minutes, impatiently pacing the kitchen.
Should I go and confess?
+Nah, better wait a little longer.+
When ten minutes later Spike still hasn't moved my conscience finally wins. However, I'm still not willing to confide Buffy!
I quietly reach for a soapy cloth and start to wipe away the blood all the while supplemented by pangs of remorse.
As Angelus I've done the most horrible things to the kid, but tonight…
There is no excuse for the way I behaved less than half an hour ago.
Alright, he's provoked me, but still - so far I've been convinced my soul to be incapable of such cruelty.
The cloth in my hand I sit down on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Spike." I tuck a stray strand of blonde hair behind his ear.
Without his coy look and this snide attitude of his, he almost look like any ordinary teen.
A new wave of guilt washes over me, when for the very first time I realize what my demon has done to him.
***
+Sire..?+
First thing I realize is, I've been transferred to the kitchen.
Second, I am lying on the cold tiled floor - spread angled and naked.
Third, within the fracture of a second my memory kicks in.
However, I can't be bothered to open my eyes.
"Angel…?" I croak, my throat dry and sore.
+How comes I'm still longing for that fiend to be around.
"Right here."
I nearly jump out of my skin, when his big, cold hand brushes along my cheek.
"I'm sorry, Spike…"
My eyes fly open the very second my name hesitantly tumbles from his lips.
He is crouching by my side, guilt and concern all over his face.
I let my eyes fall shut again, as I don't want him to look at my like this.
He's my sire, for Christ's sake, how can he possibly think I won't love him anymore?
Is it too much to just accept me in return?
To like me for what I am, or maybe even for the tiniest of seconds at least try to love me back?
I feel new tears building up behind my tightly closed eyelids and quickly scramble into a fetal position so Angel won't catch a glimpse of my face.
"Easy, Spike."
I can't help the shudder that runs down my spine when he ever so gently sneaks his arms around my waist.
Slowly but surly he forces me up and into a sitting position - my back and head leaning against his chest.
"Better?" He whispers, and rests his chin in the curve of my neck.
I nod my head yes, involuntarily, unable to do anything but.
***
+Alright, Spike…+
I quietly tighten my hold on him.
+Now we are going to settle this whole bloody thing - right here and right now and once and for all!+
I am just about to get down to business, when with a content little sigh Spike relaxes into my embrace.
+Gosh, isn't there anything easy with this childe?+
However, I don't dare to push him away once again.
So we silently sit like this for more than an hour, neither one of us willing to speak.
He has put his hands on top of mine, successfully preventing me from pulling away.
+I just don't get it - how can cling onto me, still, after all the things I just did…+
+Alright, he is my childe, blood of my blood…+
+But what am I supposed to do with him…+
I quietly look at the blonde, but for once his generally all expressive blue orbs remain tightly shut.
He is like a big happy baby, emanating an aura of peace.
+He can not seriously expect me to…+
+Nah, definite no…+
+Right…+
"Spike," I try once again, ferociously searching for a way to sugar the bitter pill.
Doesn't he realize there is no way in hell this little intermezzo will turn into something real.
When his drowsy blue eyes finally look up I hardly manage to bite back a sob, because of the devotion and loyalty I read.
tbc