I remember the first time I experienced having a period. I felt that I was really growing up. My mother chased the boys away for awhile, but I understood what her fears were. Throughout my life, my experience with menstruation was one of fear. In school the boys were cruel. If they knew you were bleeding, they would tease you about the smell and treated the whole idea like a contagious disease. So I learned to keep it a "secret" from them or face the embarrassment of their ignorance. I also recall that as a young woman, I attempted to camouflage the smell of my body odour with some new spray that was on the market. Fortunately for me, I was sensitive to the chemicals in the spray and ended up with an irritating itch the first time I used it. I also found the smell to be quite disgusting.
The whole idea of bleeding in my early life was "dirty" and "bad". I wish there had been someone their at the time to teach me of the sacredness of blood and the mystery of the cycle and the connection it gave me to Mother Earth. I know it would have changed my whole life. How many times in life do we say "if I only knew then what I know now". I am always concerned about how many mothers are sharing the sacredness of bleeding with their daughters. It took me a long time to appreciate my body at "moontime". I was into my forties before I learned to enjoy the flow of blood that occurred so regularly. It was from younger women, women of another generation that I learned to do this. Now, I know how to appreciate the smell, the feel, the whole process of being a "Woman in the Moon". I think it is absolutely amazing! It is such a powerful connection to the Mother Earth and to other women. It is an experience that I have totally learned to appreciate and love.
Unfortunately, it is my late appreciation of this time that is making it difficult for me. I know that I am preparing myself to say goodbye to this time in my life. I am so glad I learned the things I have learned before the blood will stop. There is a great conflict in my body and I try really hard to create thoughts to soothe the conflict. I know I have to convince myself before my body will respond. Moving out of the flow is a very meaningful time for me. Every month I learn more about moving out of the resistance, of letting go. I find myself becoming more in tune with my body and the cycle as my body moves me towards another part of my life. I have to be aware of the messages the body sends and to decipher them accordingly. I find my moontime irregular and more powerful and healing. A woman in her forties experiences more active brain-waves. The thought forms jump up at me at amazing speeds. The emotions follow easily. One morning this month, I got up and I cried for a week. I had decided I was thinking too much and it was time to leave the baggage behind. I cried about the things in life I did, I didn't do, I should have done, I could have done and I wanted to do. After I became tired of crying, I decided to focus on the things that I had a passion for.
I'm really fortunate to have been involved with herbs for the last ten years. I studied herbs passionately since I moving into my forties, and at that time I was beginning to have the symptoms of menopause. I had been playing with herbs for a few years at that time, so I put together a concoction to stop the process. Now at forty nine years I am putting together formulas to assist the process. Dong Quai has been a miracle medicine for me. I experienced intense migraines and since I've been taking Dong Quai, the headaches have stopped. I have made potions to deal with the emotional upheaval. More calcium in the diet has helped a lot, and watching those sugar cravings. I even ate meat again after twenty years of avoiding it. At this time, I don't feel that I want to eat meat again, although poultry and fish are back in my diet.
There are some really good books out on the subject of menopause. The local libraries are great sources of information. Just go to the computer and punch in "menopause" and the books appear. The community offers information sessions on menopause also.
Embers