Title: Hammurabi's Code
Pairing: Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson, Teal'c/Samantha Carter
Rating: NC-17, please.
Spoilers: Beneath the Surface
Categories: m/m
Summary: SG-1 discovers a planet who's society was pulled off earth at the height of Mesopotamian development. The ruler of the world, King Hammurabi, is hiding something from them, and Jack must protect his team while finding out what that is.
Notes: co-written with Diana.

- = - = -

Daniel was dead.

There was simply no other explanation for the pain he was in. He was dead, and he was in hell. A come-smelling, sweaty, farting hell.

Because there was no way his memories were real.

Even if he was laying on Jack's bed, sprawled across sticky sheets, laying in the wet spot, Jack's body pinning him to the mattress. This was not real. He was on some Goa'uld planet right now, being tortured. Blood of Sokar! That was it. He was being drugged. Any minute Apophis would jump out like some demented clown and surprise him. Daniel squeezed his eyes shut... cracked them open... and when nothing happened he began to panic.

Because there was no way he'd had sex four times with Jack O'Neill last night.

There was no way his ass hurt like this because he'd been fucked. Because Daniel wasn't gay, and had never wanted a dick inside of him, and did he mention the bits where he wasn't gay?

Jack… his friend. Who was currently sticking him flat to the bed. He and Jack. They'd had sex. Lots and lots of mind numbingly good sex.

But Daniel wasn't gay, and he was panicking. Big time.

And did he mention his ass hurt?

"Jack," he hissed, poking him in the bicep.

Jack had the worst hangover he'd had since 1978.

And this might possibly be considered worse than the '78 hangover, if who the fuck ever was poking him didn't STOP.

He raised his elbow just enough to peek out. "Daniel. Please stop poking me while I'm trying to die."

... Daniel was in hell with him? Not that he hadn't been before, but... this was a little different.

Yes, well. While Jack was trying to die Daniel was getting squished, and did he mention the agony he was in? His ass was on freakin' fire, and his back was a total lost cause. Oh, yes. AND HE'D HAD SEX WITH JACK. A Jack who was currently almost totally unconscious on top of him like a huge lugging weight, that Daniel couldn't shove off without seeing stars. Okay.

Time for more poking.

"Jack!"

"Poke me again, Daniel, and I'm gonna break your finger." He rolled to the side, then onto his back, and grunted at the serious twinges of pain in his back and his ass.

Ooohh. The weight rolled off of him right over his incision and Daniel saw stars of a different sort. He gasped, staring at the ceiling, and now he was sure.

He was in hell. This was it. The end of the road. He'd been banished to some world, or some alien was scrambling his brains right now.

He was sure of it. Or would have been, if the pain hadn't been so real.

He caught his breath, and that took a minute considering he stunk, and Jack stunk, and he had the most god awful taste in his mouth, and his ass was on fire.

Sex. They'd. Had. Sex.

At the intake of breath, Jack cracked his eyes open, and leaned up on his elbows to look over at Daniel. "You okay, Daniel?"

"Peachy. You?"

"I haven't been this hung over since '78," he admitted.

"Funny, neither have I," Daniel said, as if they had conversations like this everyday. In bed. Naked. "Jack, you finding anything odd about... this?" he waved a little hand around them.

"Odd about the fact that you're in hell with me? No. Not really." A deep sigh. "Odd about the fact you're in my bed? Kind of. Odd about the fact you have no clothes on? No. I stopped questioning your taste years ago."

"Yes. Well, let's think here a sec. Maybe I can jog your memory." Daniel folded his arms over his chest, which he usually did while standing. The effect was totally lost flat on his back. "Last night, we got in your truck and got Chinese and beer. However, when we got here to your house, instead of eating said Chinese or drinking cat piss, we had sex. We had lots of sex. We had lots of homosexual sex. With each other. A lot. Four times, in fact."

"Yeah, I remember. The first two times were me, the second two were you--at least, I think they were, because it gets a little fuzzy after you sucked my brain out through my ass." Jack cracked his other eye open and looked at Daniel. "You also had my dog tags around your dick and I'm gonna need those back."

"They're under my butt. I don't think you can have them back without surgically removing them from my skin, and I'm sure I'll have your name imprinted on my ass for all eternity. But," he waved his hands, scrunching his brows, "Jack, that's not the point. Are you not finding it, oh, just a wee bit odd that we had sex? Just a... ya know. Bit?"

Jack paused to ponder that question.

"Now that you mention it? No."

Daniel's brows furrowed. "So I'm panicking all by my lonesome? That's... that is just wonderful to hear." He rolled, and oh GOD that hurt, pulling the chain where it was stuck to his hip and instead of tossing them in Jack's direction, put them back on and stood, holding his side a little until he straightened.

Bad idea. Bad.

"Oh my GOD!"

And here came the expletives in many wonderful and creative languages.

Jack just blinked. "I don't think I've heard that much profanity since Kowalski and I met up with that platoon of Marines in '81."

Daniel snarled something incredibly rude in his direction, but couldn't help looking back at him, all gorgeous stretched out across the bed. His heterosexual friend...engaging in homosexuality. Which was wrong and there was obviously something wrong with them. Something from the planet! That had to be it. Something very wrong with them because no way would Daniel have ever done anything like this. He loved his Shau're, he loved women in general.

And Jack. But that was platonic love, till now.

God. He was going to have to get off of SG1. Leave the SGC totally, if he had to. No way could he and Jack work together after this. He'd have to find a nine-to-fiver in some university and live off of wafers and orange juice, and get a million cats, and pretty soon he'd be an old fat guy with wafer breath and eighty cats.

Oh God. Delirious. He needed coffee.

"Daniel?"

"Shut up! Panicking now!"

"I know. Shut up and listen. Coffeepot's on an automatic timer. Should start perkin' in about ten minutes or so," Jack said calmly. "Have your caffeine fix before you panic." He winced as he stretched his leg out, and rubbed at the ache in his knee.

"How are you not panicking?!" Daniel wailed, turning back to look at him as naked as the day he was born, and threw his arms out to encompass the enormous mess that was Jack's bedroom. "Look at what we've done!"

Jack let his eyes drag over Daniel, head to foot, outflung arms to the floor, and then over the destruction of the bed.

He just kept coming back to his dog tags around Daniel's neck, and he drummed his fingers on his belly as he looked. "I don't panic."

"Well get panicking!" Daniel cried, hopping a little in his yell that made everything hurt again, and he winced and shuddered and nearly limped into the bathroom. Where he immediately put on the shower, grabbed one of Jack's towels, and crawled under the spray.

Jack waited until Daniel was in the shower, and he stared up at the ceiling.

Why wasn't he more freaked out about this than he was? He... most definitely should have been, because despite the jealousy over Linelos, screwing Daniel into the mattress hadn't exactly been part of the plan.

Nor could be blame Wong this time, because the food was still sitting out in his truck, frozen but likely still edible for breakfast, along with two cases of perfectly chilled beer.

No, this was entirely him, and apparently Daniel.

"Don't leave your wet towels on my bathroom floor!" Jack yelled in after him, after a long moment.

Daniel took his damn shower, scrubbing come and the smell of sex off of his skin. His dick was a bit alarming to the touch, and his ass? Fire. Light-a-match, *fuego*. He was *very* careful when he washed there, surgically careful in fact, and rinsed with high pitched squeaks that did absolutely zippo for his ego.

And when Daniel was done, and he'd picked up his carpet of towels too, he stumbled out of the bathroom, hurting in various fun new places. And he wasn't *limping*, dammit.

He left Jack where he was, sprawled and dozing the *fucker*, and stumbled towards the kitchen where the smell of coffee was wafting through the hall and dining room. He got two cups, straight black like they liked it, and.... he didn't limp. He *ambled*. He *sashayed*. He *strolled*. Yes. That was it. He strolled back to the bedroom, after dumping his towels in Jack's laundry room.

Jack wasn't dozing. He didn't *dare* be less than completely attentive when Daniel was stomping around the bedroom. He cracked one eye open when Daniel came back in with coffee, and held out his hand. "Dump on me and die."

"How well you know me," Daniel said, but didn't. He handed the coffee over and sat, very, very tentatively, on the edge by Jack's leg. Jack.... was completely at ease with what they'd done last night. In fact, if his lounging sprawl across the mattress, a good portion of thigh and ass peeking out from under the haphazardly thrown sheet was any clue, then he was very, very comfortable with what had happened. There was no morning-after awkwardness for Jack. And that just didn't add up to Colonel Hard Ass.

He fingered the tags around his neck and drank a good swallow of coffee so his sticky eyelashes would open and he could focus more clearly.

Jack just watched Daniel's fingers on his dog tags.

For some reason, he really liked that image, of Daniel wearing his dog tags, and he pushed himself up enough to take a drink of the coffee.

And crooked his leg up enough to tease Daniel's thigh with his toes. "Did you pick up the wet towels?"

"Yes," Daniel said, glanced at him, and the touch of Jack's toes made him blush hot red crimson. He'd sucked those toes.

Oh God.

He blushed all the harder, coughed, and tugged a little more nervously at the tags.

"If you break the chain, it's coming out of your paycheck," Jack said calmly, sipping from his cup.

"Jack! Dammit," Daniel finally exploded, dropping the tags and looking at him fiercely through his still sleepy lashes. "At least talk to me! About something more than... than...dog tags and coffee!"

Well, no. Jack couldn't actually do that. Because if he did... yeah. He had a feeling Daniel wouldn't want to hear what Jack had to say about it. "All right. What do you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about the part where WE HAD SEX?!" Daniel yelled, so loud his voice echoed.

"Okay, what about it?" Jack was still sipping calmly from his mug, and shifted his legs under the sheet so one was sitting on either side of Daniel's hips, one covered and one not.

Daniel was nearly vibrating with... well, embarrassment. "We! Had sex! The last time I looked, you were straight! And suddenly we end up in bed together and you!" Daniel reached forward, snatched the nearly empty bottle of lotion from the night table, and waved it in front of Jack's face.

Jack reached out and grabbed the bottle. "Works for me," he said, tossing it down onto the sheets beside them. "Okay. Let me get this straight. You're the one who told me, in the car last night, that we should have sex together. For once, I admitted that you were right, we had sex together, and *now* you're having a hissy."

"I'm not having a -- " Daniel refused to say 'hissy'. He was a linguist. He could find a better word than that. " -- hissy!" Okay, maybe not. "I know what I said," he said and stood, pacing, coffee in hand and hitch in his step. He knew exactly what he'd said, in fact. He was panicking BECAUSE of what he'd said, actually. This was a new morning, and the possibility for all of this to go badly, completely, disastrously wrong was much more real this morning than it was last night. Jack was his best friend -- who he now knew intimately. Would it change their working relationship? Would Jack want him off of SG-1? After his screw up on 118... if he had just left it well enough alone, if he'd only kept his mouth shut and not said anything about the workers under the surface -- ....those poor people would still be there.

He sat again, miserably.

"I know what you're thinking," Jack said calmly. "It doesn't so much run across your face as wave big neon signs." Another drink of coffee. "You think I'm going to chunk you naked out of bed, out of my house, into the snow, yank you off SG-1, and throw you to the wolves." Another drink. "I'm not. But I want you to humor me about one thing, Daniel. Answer me one question about something you said last night."

Daniel glared, but it was halfhearted at best. A man who'd been through all he had been couldn't help but *be* suspicious of anything going right in his life. Nice things just didn't happen to him, and already he was drawing back, putting up protective walls, keeping himself safe should this go south. Horrifying scenarios flittered through his minds eye as he watched Jack silently for a second. "Okay."

Jack wanted to reach out and touch Daniel on the shoulder to reassure him, but at the moment, he wasn't sure that it wouldn't do more harm than good. "You said you knew why you and I weren't friends on 118. You said we're never friends, and I agreed. I shouldn't have. We are friends, Daniel, and that's why we weren't."

Okay, what? "You lost me with the Jack Logic, which is in no way similar to earth logic," Daniel said.

Jack almost smiled at that. Almost. And then went ahead and grinned, and shook his head as he set the half-empty coffee cup on the dresser by the bed. "Okay. Look. When they did whatever it was they did that wiped out our minds... they knew, Daniel. They knew that if they left us as friends, if they didn't separate us, that together we'd have blown the whole thing sky high." He leaned forward, holding his hands out as though he was holding the idea together in his hands as he explained it. "They had to split us up, because we're supposed to be together. I make you strong, you make me strong. We work, Danny, and that's what they were afraid of on 118. That's why they split us up."

And Daniel wanted to believe it. He did. And he could see it in Jack's eyes, that Jack *did* believe it. It made sense, but... but... "Then why Sam? Why did they have her so readily available to you? You and Sam work well together, you always have."

Jack just gave Daniel the driest, most sarcastic look he could manage. "Do we need to revisit the birds and the bees, Dr. Jackson?"

"Birds and..." Oh. Oh! Well, ew. His face twisted. "We never tell Sam that, okay?"

"Never intended to," Jack said, leaning back against the pillows. "I'm sure it wasn't JUST that, but it had to have been a nice benefit. Carter's never been attractive to me, Daniel. She was there as a distraction. So I would let nature take it's course and get distracted from what I really should have been doing--listening to Teal'c, and getting us all the hell out of there."

Daniel nodded, a line drawing down the center of his forehead as he thought about that. It made sense, in some disgusting, horrifying way. Of course Sam had been a beautiful distraction. She was that. Beautiful. Slender and female, with the breasts and the skin and the softness everywhere. A beautiful woman, enough to draw anyone's eye.

And suddenly, Daniel got it. He believed, just like Jack had, and he looked up into those baby browns quietly. "You think that's why they separated us, then?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I do. Because I know me, Daniel. I know me better than I know you, even. And I know that... yeah." Jack couldn't finish the sentence. "I know that's why they did it."

It was a warming thought. A good thought. A thought that calmed some of his panic down and made him relax, ever so slightly. "Inching into 'emotions' territory, Jack," Daniel said, and shifted a little uncomfortably. The flash of hot jealousy yesterday, both in the car and in bed, as well as the hot well of love that had nearly spilled over in Daniel's chest when Jack slid into him in the middle of the night was still there, behind his hastily constructed fences. He glanced up a little. "I don't want this to change our working relationship, Jack."

Jack shook his head and reached for his coffee, done with talking. "It won't."

Daniel glanced up again. "You've had other one night stands?"

"Not for longer than I want to think about, no, but yes, I have had them in my long lifetime."

Right. So this was a one night stand. Right. And there went up another wall. Daniel cleared his throat a little. "Uh, so long as it doesn't change work, then... I... uh. I guess this was... I mean, it *was*... it was great."

"It won't change work, Daniel." He was more than tempted to say that it wasn't going to change anything, but Jack could pretend for as long as Daniel could. "It was better than great."

"Right. Yes, I mean... it was... very nice." And if Daniel thought maybe he loved him a little, and his heart broke a little bit too, then... dammit, he wasn't going to leave without saying so. He exhaled noisily through his nose. "Jack, you're not gay. But... if last night was any... ah... indication, than you seem to enjoy..." He colored. "So what do you... uh... think... well..."

"So why do you think I enjoyed getting fucked up the ass?" he asked blandly. And a little desperately. Anything to veer away from the stammering territory.

"Why?" Daniel stared at him blankly. "Well, the prostate, for one."

"Well, yeah. That's always a plus. But... yeah. Were you not *listening* to me this morning? ...Suddenly I am realizing how you feel." Jack just drained his coffee cup. "Refill?"

Daniel shook his head, eyes locked on Jack. "I get selective memory when I'm embarrassed beyond physical comprehension." Ooohh, and there was the jealousy. He found his tongue along with it. "And I meant what I said. About... you know. Being mine." A cleared thought. Again. "If you want to be."

Jack, being Jack, didn't drop his eyes. "You *weren't* listening to me. I tell you what, Daniel. If you remember what I said about 118, then answer your own damn question." He pulled his legs under him and stood up, not giving a rat's fucking ass that he was naked. "I'm going to get more coffee. Tell me if your memory jogs."

Daniel looked up and watched him leave, eyes on that handsome swaying ass for a minute before looking down and away. Daniel, for being a master of the human language and a student of human relations, always found it hard to relate to his own life. He didn't have the mind for it. There was too much old pain, too much uncertainty, too many demons in Daniel's heart to take risks with something he'd found, especially when that something was so perfect, so gentle, so wonderful. He wanted to be in the glow of that emotion for a little while before it was taken away from him.

Jack had said Daniel was his strength, but that wasn't news. Jack was Daniel's strength too. But did that mean he wanted to flip his entire lifestyle upside down? Did that mean this was more than a one nighter? God, he didn't know, but he was no man's fool and had enough courage for a platoon. He climbed to his feet too, making sure the towel was still hooked firm around his hips, and followed Jack into the kitchen, padding on nearly silent feet. Jack, in all that nude, gray haired, scarred glory, stood in his kitchen, magnificent and beautiful as he'd always been. Daniel wanted nothing more than to set his coffee down somewhere and go to him, but he kept himself rooted. "You said I was your strength."

"Yeah. I did." Jack drained the second cup of scalding hot coffee, and the burn in his throat kept him from sounding scratchy.

Okay. They were both veering away from emotional talk, because they became babbling wrecks, but this was very clearly boiling down to it. God. "Jack, I..." He shifted uncomfortably. "I kind of.. you... you're my... you know. Too. And I don't want... this to.... end. Because... you know. I... with the respect. And I want you... to... you know. Me too. Respect, that is." He exhaled noisily through his nose, pitched his voice low, and said, "I want...to do this again. With you. Because you... arouse me."

Not looking at Daniel kind of made Jack want to grin, because the babble was entirely too adorable.

But, he didn't grin, he just poured another cup from the coffeemaker, then turned around, pot in hand, and held it out to Daniel. "Refill?" he asked again. "Daniel... listen. I know. I can fill all those... blanks." *Even though it's painful as fuck.* "I have a few blanks of my own for you to fill in. Because... yeah. Insert wise linguist brain here." A sigh. "There's not a doubt I'd want to do this with you again." A little gesture with the coffeepot. "All but this uncomfortable babble, that is."

Daniel shifted, yes, uncomfortably, and held his cup out. "I just need, uh, you to understand that I've got more issues than Perry White has in his filing cabinet, and..." He swallowed. "You, and Teal'c, and Sam, are my family. And I don't want to mess that up because we're lonely. I don't know if I could, uh.. you know."

Jack put his own cup down, and used his empty hand to grab Daniel's wrist and steady the shaking cup. He filled it quickly, and then put it back on the coffeemaker. "Daniel... you are family. SG-1 *is* a family. And I don't care what you do. You can't screw that up. You're like... you're like the annoying kid brother who's baseball glove the family hides just to make him whine but we beat the hell out of anyone who isn't us that fucks with you."

Daniel glared at the analogy, and took a sip of hot coffee. Better. The hot, bitter liquid slid down his throat like water, and he exhaled softly and leaned back against the counter with his hip. "Sex ruins things, Jack. You're not in the least bit scared of that?"

"Not in the least. At least, not this time," he added, leaning a naked hip against the countertop.

"Why *not*?" Daniel demanded, suddenly. "Why are you so blasé about this, Jack??"

Shut up, brain.

Jack nearly snorted his coffee at the sudden demand. "Linelos you notice, this you don't. It's been heading this way like a freight train ever since 118, Daniel," he said calmly.

"You're wrong." A long pause. "It's been heading this way since we met." He threw up the hand not holding onto his coffee. "But that has nothing to do with us doing it now! You've been jealous before, and don't you dare say 'who of?' in that innocent voice of yours, because you know damn well who. Anyone who gets within ten feet of me that isn't over the age of fifty."

Jack held up his hands innocently, and gave Daniel his most innocent look. "I wasn't going to ask."

"Yeah right." Daniel glared at him, but the worst was over, and he rolled his eyes in Jack's direction. If they were sniping then they were okay, and this was okay, and maybe they'd be okay together. And Daniel like that, so he set his coffee down and finally indulged in sliding his arms around that nude waist to tug Jack close, back to Daniel's chest.

Jack put his hands around Daniel's, and squeezed them gently. And nearly jumped out of his skin when the telephone rang. He just twisted his torso enough to reach over Daniel's shoulder and grab the phone. "O'Neill, and it better be good."

"It generally is, Colonel," General Hammond said.

"General?" He straightened at that, but didn't let Daniel's hands fall from around his waist. "What's up?"

Daniel leapt out of Jack's arms like he was a house on fire. Or would have, if Jack hadn't clamped down on them. Oh God. They were standing here, hugging, gayly, and General Hammond was... oh God!

"Something came back in your bloodwork. I need you and the rest of SG1 back at the Mountain ASAP. I've tried getting in contact with Major Carter and Teal'c, but I haven't been able to get them. Do you know where they are?"

"No, I haven't seen them since the briefing, but I know where Carter lives, sir. Daniel's here with me, and we'll swing by and pick them up on our way to the Mountain." Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. "If you don't mind my asking, sir... what did you find?"

"Can't talk about it over the phone, Colonel," General Hammond said. "Just get back here soon as you can."

"Understood, sir. We're on our way." Jack hung up, and turned around to look at Daniel. "C'mon, let's go. I gotta shower, and we've got to find Carter and Teal'c. Hammond wants us back at the Mountain *yesterday.*" He picked up the phone again, and started dialing Carter's number, then handed the phone to Daniel. "When the machine picks up, tell her to pick up the phone or she's gonna have the wrath of Jack O'Neill on her ass!"

Daniel pushed down the blush and took the phone, as Jack walked around him and back towards the bedroom. Daniel tightened the towel around him a little more firmly and walked back slowly, giving Jack a chance to get all his stuff. Daniel would look in Jack's closet for the last change of clothes he'd left a few weeks ago.

The phone was an irritating buzz in the back of her mind. Sam's body was alight with pleasure; she'd been lost in a sexual orgasmic haze for the last twenty four hours. She'd lost count of how many times she and Teal'c had made love -- he was a stallion in bed, and had gotten it up more times than any hundred and two year old man should be able to. Over and over, sometimes never even leaving her body before bringing her back, pushing her towards orgasm, again, and again, and again.

His massive, golden body was snug over hers, pushing and thrusting lazily, his huge fingers playing stroking in her ass as they moved. Twisted, bowed together, hot waves cascaded over her, even as the phone rang. And rang. And rang.

Oh God.

"Teal'c," she gasped, stilling him with a tight thigh around his waist, and reached over to pick up the phone with shaking fingers. "H...hello?"

"Hey, Sam. It's Daniel. Sorry to wake you so early."

Teal'c rocked, and Sam saw stars. "H...hello."

There was something vaguely suspicious about her tone of voice, and Daniel felt himself color all over again. "Sorry, Sam... are you... uh... entertaining someone?"

"Oh!" Sam's body rolled into Teal'c as his fingers did something and... "Oh, yes!"

Teal'c centered his attentions on Samantha's body, the broad fingers of one hand stroking inside the welcoming heat of her body, and the other reaching out to pluck the phone out of her hands, to relieve her of the need to concentrate on anything other than feeling the exquisite pleasure he intended to bestow upon her.

"Indeed she is entertaining, DanielJackson. Might I be of... service?" He had heard DanielJackson's voice on the other end of the phone, and as he spoke, he drove deeply into Samantha's body, ignoring the kick of her heels to get him to still.

Oh. Good. God. Daniel burned so red he was crimson, a *full body flush*, and struggled as hard as he could not to squeak. "Uh...no. Thanks. Teal'c," he said, and hung up, thumping the phone on the counter.

"JACK!"

Teal'c carefully put the phone back on the base where it belonged, and used the opportunity to gently caress Samantha's hair before pulling out to drive in again and again.

"Ow!! Goddammit, Daniel, what?" Jack skidded out of the shower, half-soaped and still soaking wet, dripping on the carpet at Daniel's distressed... well, *scream* of his name.

Daniel had lost the towel. He was pacing back and forth, mind racing, with a thoroughly horrified and devastated look on his face. "You... there... you wouldn't... I... it's... there... it... you..."

Jack swiped the towel up that Daniel had lost, trying to mop himself dry with the already-damp towel. "All right, Daniel, now what? Did you get up with Carter or not?"

"Oh, I wasn't up, I left that to... to..." Daniel suddenly wanted to open his brain and scrub it out as fast as Jack was scrubbing himself. "There's no other explanation for it -- something happened to us on that planet. Something we can't control... the water? the food? Something else? We've been drugged before, but I *feel* fine, I mean, I *am* fine. There's nothing outside of the normal going on with me, aside from that whole wanting to fuck you in the ass thing, but I mean... it was coming. Wasn't it? Oh, God, I don't think so," Daniel said, and looked up at Jack. "Teal'c, Jack."

Jack was fighting the urge to slap Daniel until he made sense. "You got up with Teal'c. That's good. Is he still with Carter?" Everything else just skidded by until... "Wait. You didn't want to fuck me before this? And wait. Drugged? Okay. Go, get dressed, clothes are still in the closet, left side, blue hanger. I'm calling Carter this time." He threw the towel at Daniel, and stuck his head under the kitchen sink to rinse out the last of the shampoo. "Go, Daniel. Get dressed, calm down, and don't babble."

"I! I didn't get up with Teal'c! Teal'c was already up with Sam!" Daniel said, pointing at him furiously.

Daniel was still choking on the words as he said it, WILLING Jack to understand without having to say it. "Up! With... Oh God," And Daniel turned tail and thumped back into the bedroom for his clothes as fast as he could.

Oh.

OH.

Now that explained that half of things, and Jack slammed his head into the faucet, cursing as he straightened up. "Okay. So, Teal'c and Sam are apparently bumping uglies together and you were traumatized by the phone call. Okay, I get that. You go get dressed and I'll deal with the sex."

Sex! Sam! And… and... Teal'c! Oh my "GOD!" Daniel wailed from the bedroom, throwing his khaki's on, the blue sweater on the hanger, and pushed into a pair of Jack's socks and his shoes before hunting down his wallet. He didn't want to think about it. Because if they were doing it, and Jack and Daniel had done it, that meant something had *made* them do it and neither he or Jack had any control over what happened last night. Meaning, what? It wasn't real? It *felt* real. It had to be real, because Daniel didn't know if he could handle another heartbreak.

Jack picked up the phone and hit re-dial, waiting for someone to pick up while he used a dishtowel to scrub his hair dry.

Finally, the machine picked up, instead of Carter. "Major Carter! This is *Colonel* Jack O'Neill calling, and if you could please, take Teal'c's dick out, get dressed, and both of you get to the Mountain right away!!!!" he bellowed into the machine.

There was a scream of feedback, and then Teal'c's deep, angry baritone.

"O'Neill. For what reason are you interrupting and demanding that we return to the Mountain?" His voice held the unmistakable rumble of displeased Jaffa, which had sent lesser men scurrying to find cover.

Jack wasn't at all cowed by the angry Jaffa, though he did have a sizeable amount of *respect* for him. "Because General Hammond ordered it, Teal'c."

Daniel heard Jack bellowing all the way in the bedroom. He got his watch, his wallet, and his swipe card from the pocket of his ruined blue jeans and shoved them in his pocket before rejoining Jack in the living room. A naked, wet Jack.

God. Last night couldn't have been a... a...

A false alarm? Drugs? The aliens made them do it?

Daniel didn't think he'd ever been so humiliated in all his life, and he cleared his throat a little, keeping some distance between himself and Jack as he ended his call to Sam's place. ...Where he was talking to Teal'c, apparently.

"DanielJackson did not speak of General Hammond when he called earlier," Teal'c said, the warning growl getting deeper. "If this is some ploy to--"

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Teal'c! It's *me!* Jack O'Neill, the one who *doesn't* have an interest in Carter's ass!" He added his own growl. "I've got Daniel with me, and we're coming over to Carter's to pick you both up. If you're not ready, I'm dragging your asses out naked!" He slammed the phone down and growled again at Teal'c's attitude, and turned to look at Daniel. "Is it too early to have beer for breakfast?"

Daniel looked at him, expression shuttered and carefully calm, even as the last bit of his blush was fading. "Much. Get dressed, Jack, we need to get going."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He grumbled as he headed into the bedroom. "Look in the fridge, there's... I think there's some leftover meat...something. Put it in the microwave for about thirty seconds, and it's breakfast on the run." His head had appeared briefly in the doorway of the bedroom while he gave the instructions, but it disappeared again as soon as he started getting dressed, tugging on a blue shirt and jeans.

Daniel rubbed his face, thought if he ate he'd puke, especially if it came out of Jack's fridge, which wasn't known for its freshness. Instead, with an ease he'd always had in Jack's house, he found two thermoses and filled them with the rest of the coffee. He found Jack's keys on the floor by the door, straightened the front hall rug, and waited for Jack, jacket and coffee in hand.

Jack exploded out of his bedroom like a missile, his own leather jacket in hand as he patted his pants down frantically for keys.

Saw them hanging in Daniel's hand, along with coffee, and grinned as he changed direction. He circled the kitchen table easily, and took the keys from Daniel with a grin. "You're a lifesaver." The smile widened as he gave Daniel a quick peck on the nose, and held the door open. "C'mon, let's go. You can share your theory of what happened to us THIS time on the way to Carter's. And oh, by the way, Teal'c is a little pissed at me, so uh, you get to go first when we knock on the door."

- = - = -

go on to the next part