Warning: Excessive long-windedness follows. Scroll to the bottom if you don't feel like reading it all. New ramblings added!!: 4.26.02 Read away! Seriously. Knowing the pleasure of loving someone AND being loved in return is something that cannot be replaced, not by time, by money, or by circumstance. It's a completeness to the circle. And a place where your heart can find refuge in times of pain. So, ah... don't pass up the opportunity to snuggle that special somewolf :} My father has recovered quite a bit from his traumatic fall from the roof in November of 2000. When he first fell (while putting up Christmas lights), he fractured his skull, his pelvis, his ribs, his arms, and got himself several subdural hematomas in his brain. After about six months of coma, he has woken up... somewhat... although he still can't walk or eat on his own. He can't talk, he can only growl and make guttural noises, and he is still incontinent. It's taking a lot out of me to take care of him and work too, especially with my hag of a mother hanging over me like the ghost of bad indigestion past. But it's lump it or leave it right now, and I want to make sure I'm fully ready to leave it when I do. If I can think of one bit of advice to give everyone from my life, it's to always go first. I don't necessarily mean in anything in particular. But try to always go first. During a presentation in class, be the first to stand up and offer to read! YOU be the one to set the standard, to be the model for everyone else to follow! Go first even if it's only because you want to get it over with. Once you're done, you won't have to sit there and chew your nails in absolute horrified nervousness. You can relax and watch eveyone else. Watch THEM shake in their skins and sweat and be afraid. Set the trend. Prove your bravery. Be the first to walk away from a dangerous or hurtful situation. Be the first to greet someone who has just walked into the room. Be the first to try some new food or game. Go first because you are brave. Go first because you are afraid, not in spite of it. Go first to get it over with. Go first to be a leader, not a follower. Go first because you want to. Nearly a year and a half ago, when I first met the person who was later to become my boyfriend and the light of my life, I noticed him because he walked in first. I had been working at Wizards of the Coast, a game store, and Jim walked in with his friend David, who ALSO worked at WotC with me. However, even though Jim had never been to Wizards before this, and even though David worked there and knew the place and everyone in it, Jim walked in first. He was confident, smiling, handsome. But it was him walking in first that really caught my eye. I recall walking over immediately and pretending to chase him out of "my" store. It was just a joke, a game, and we laughed about it. But as the days passed and he returned with David to visit the store and hang out there time and time again, it was his manner of being the first to do things that really made me take notice of him. Of course, he took notice of me too and we've been together since just a few days after we first met. Going first and being the first to do something definately have their advantages. Go on. Get up from the computer. Get out into the world beyond your window and be the FIRST. Enjoy.