This is a fun week to come back. First post I saw asked me about my breastages, as though I had any. I am 40 something and have never had a mammogram. I have long said, they would have to find them first.

Then, after boobies we moved to penises. So what do you call the your nearest and dearest penis? This is asked as though calling it "penis" is not a funny enough word. I have not been near a joystick called Elrod, Maynard, Peter, George, Smiley or John Thomas in so long, I have to check out the anatomy book to remember what one looks like. Oh yeah...one of those...looks bigger in the book.

It has been a week of penis talk in my real life too. I have a frumpy, awkward, putz of a neighbor man chasing me with "romantic" intensions. I am very sorry, but I don't find him attractive, not that way. Well, okay, not in any way I can think of. Another neighbor/girlfriend asks if we can "play around" and see if maybe he is good at it. I said to Nancy, "oh come on! ick!". She said, "you know, you might just see...he could be packing a big pickle".

Then we move on female parts. I never mentioned, I call mine "pussy". Never did till a nurse friend mentioned that it was always a good idea to have a "pits and pussy". Said this is what doctors and nurses in training call that sponge bath they grab during a real long, long shift. I guess if you are guy, you call it a pits and peter...pits and John Thomas....pits and Elrod...

My only association with any male body parts is to make crude statements. "Don't point that thing at me unless you mean business." "Yes, gentlemen, I can settle this argument. Get me a ruler and drop your pants." "That is NOT a magic wand. Don't wave it at me and expect me to do what you tell me to." "It really does have a mind of its own...too bad it is so small AND in charge."

I don't hate men...I have just never met one I really like. They are nice enough to start with, but then when I see what they are really like, I really don't like them. I would rather have a really gorgeous man's body I could borrow sometimes... I know, I am just jaded. I think I am meant to be single.

Now we come to the touchy feely subject. No Phil, I don't mean you, but I am sure that your Nancy would appreciate the offer. I am speaking about trolling, trolls, flamers, lamers and all those who don't play by the rules. This IS just like the playground in kindergarten. We DO want to play with you, but you have to help build the sand castle, not keep trying to kick it down. Here is a pail and shovel for you.

I find that now, we are also be called "boxers". I would prefer to be a "tighty whitey" or a "Y-front". I don't like hockey, not like flygirl and so, I cannot be an "athletic supporter".

One last note about the "best side". Darlings, I sit on mine!