Fart in the Box from September 2000

This week has been totally scatalogical. I had no idea how anal retentive you all are. I had no idea how many held in so much. I have no doubt that for many of us, we are like homing pigeons...I will break wind on my own turf only and by the way, I have to have MY OWN bathroom and MY OWN toilet paper to do what comes next.

Speaking of toilet tissue, I had no idea what a touchy subject that would be. We must have sensitive private parts and we will even post our own names when we talk about our privates and discuss other's private parts...how private is that? What would your mother say?

Speaking of cracks...poor LaLa cracked her blue mud mask. It is okay LaLa, we are all pretty cracked when you get right down to it. That a group of otherwise wise, intelligent, hard working women (and then there's Phil) would spend the best part of a week discussing our gaseous anomalies...well it was all so much hot air, wasn't it?

So why do we all laugh so hard at the silent, but deadly? Cause we are home typing and the odor is elsewhere? Or is it just that we all like to "share".

I swear, I will never lean to one side in my chair and cut a loud one without thinking of all of you.

While we discussed grannie pannies flapping in the malodorous wind...my kitten sat in my lap and had herself a little pootie party...freep! went the kitten. pfffum! went the kitten. I thought I was laughing till I cried, but those tears were from her effervesence. I am thinking of renaming her for the Egyptian pharoah.....Tootincommon.

Someone said we could not discuss sex here, but we did. When men see a tool, they think of sex. When we think of sex, we want to use it as a tool to get what we want. This is a truly American notion. Canucks...well they share sex on equal terms. I think this means we should all become Canadians cause the sex is way better up there. It stands to reason. After all, Canada tends to the artic, weather wise, and they must keep warm in the winter and practice makes perfect..... Barring emigration, perhaps those of us that have forgotten about sex could hire a fine specimen of a Canuck male to remind us. Just, no combing over, no thongs...

I don't know who got those little bars of recycled soap, but I will never forget it. In my idle minutes, I still think of Willa's husband and I can still envision a muscular, naked man's body and a towel...flossing.

We need to welcome Beth to the Box. I am sure she has no idea what she happened into here. Well Beth, we are all just a bunch of rootin' tootin' little cowgirls here.

Pass gas, freep, crepitate, flatulate, break wind, pootie, popping panties, blowing out boxers, flappin the crack, cowboy bubblebath, cut the cheese, spitting at Ralph over the big white telephone, what crawled up your backside and died, whoa how can that come from the living? In the words of The Brain: It's true Pinkie, Uranus is gaseous.

Please, someone air out the room, somebody....fff somebody cut one.