o.o Lookie at my lovely blog!! Yay!

We have MOVED!!

Finally my own place!! YAY! www.bluememory.net. And my hosted, www.discord.bluememory.net So, check it out!!! ^______^

June 26th

*Yawn* The night was long--I went to a party---hahaha...just kidding...like I have a life? I'm replaying FF9 and yesterday got disk 3 almost compleated. I've forgotten just how wonderful that game is! Garnet is in her "sad" stage right now--she so cute when she's hurt. However, I find myself using Amarent more. I like him ^_^.

Life is going as usual. Nothing is happening! Grr...well, I did go shopping today, and that was fun. I got a very cute necklace, and a beaded purse. Hehehe...I'm saving for a poster of Aragon. And I want some other things for my room...I'll have to take a picture and post it here when I'm done. Yup...its my whole world.

Anyway, I've been making lots of final fantasy music videos latly. When I get my own domain, I'll have a few of them for download. Geocities dosn't allow movies.

Well, Buhbye...I'm in such a cheezy mood...*flees* *trips over own two feet* *dies*

June 25th

Long time no write---I have been neglecting my blog!

Its summer now, time to be getting a job, and settling down to life and what it has to offer. I'm now a Senior! *capital letters* yay! Soon, I will be going to collage--what a scary thought. My SAT scores should come in soon. I hope I did well...

I've been writing alot--but I promise to come and update more. I want to write a book...and I think I can accomplice this task, the sooner the better.

I really have nothing more to say. Worried about my sister comming home. Will she be the same?

May 18

Today it rained; the moisture falling in thick foggy sheets that rippled off the side of my house, drowning out the noise of the fan, and of my alarm clock ringing. I shook myself. My bed was warm--I had no wish to leave its embrace and step out onto the cold floor to run barefoot to my open closet. However, it was Sunday, and if I wanted to make it to church on time, I had to get up, and get ready. So, groggy with morning, I dragged myself from beneath the covers and fairly staggered into the hall. I never take ghastly amounts of time to make myself presentable, a quick shower, some deodorant, a dress--and I'm ready to go. If in the effect it does take an absurd measure of time, it is only because I am lazy, and do not wish to exert a due amount of energy to propel me from point A to point B. Nevertheless, I was ready and downstairs, checking my e-mail and tapping my foot impatiently at mother, who was taking her sweet time. I really hate being late for church. And it didn't help that I wasn't going to be able to stay for second service and possibly see a friend who I never get to see…

Umm...so, even late, we managed to get to church relatively in one piece, and I sat and listened to our pastors insightful speech. Pastor Willis is wonderful--he knows the tune of our hearts and just the right notes to play to touch us deeply. I never tire of being in awe of his presence. He is so close and so on fire with the sprit of the Lord. After church mother and I went and looked at tennis rackets and skirts (she said yes to the skirt and no to the racket) and we went home, I spent a good hour cleaning my room, writing a story, and, although I blush to say it, sleeping my weekend away. It is not like I ever do much anyway.

That is another thing mother and I argue about relentlessly. I am seventeen years of age, old enough, I assume to do a few things on my own--to take responsibilities into my hands as a older person should do. I am not allowed to hang out with people I wish to hang out with, go places on my own (she has forbidden me to go to prom…) She does not comprehend that I have morals and values, and am not just about to drop those things on a whim! Oh now look, I've worked myself into a tizzy. Change of subject…

I finally have a webpage! It isn't much, but it does its job. I'm going to be adding my stories and writing there--its nice to know I own my own little space, even if it is only 15 mb. Please, check it out! I'd love to get some feedback. Anyway, I must run. I shall try to update later. I wonder if anyone shall leave a comment to my blundering… *flee*

May 3

Bored. Life has a way of catching up to one, does it not? I am exhausted…and I blame only my self; for staying up late and…trying to think about anything but my bible, sitting just a few feet away…because I am so scared, and I am letting my fear control me--to wrap me in that vase-like grip that everything just becomes a blur and all I can think about…

Its petty, really.Monday night I took a day off from school to visit the doctor, and lo and behold, I am the proud owner of a deviated septum--and much to my madness, must have sugary. Yay. So we are sitting in the doctors office--and I'm just deathly pale--because my number one fear is needles. I'm shaking and terrified, reminded of that IV that's going to stink into the vein of my arm, and of the pain of them breaking my nose and cutting my flesh. Hyperventilating over a little pain--and black eyes that will last about 3 weeks, when Christ went through the cross for us? For about a week this plagued me…I still don't know I am going to deal with this. It seems silly, it does now… But I'm still apprehensive--even if the initial feeling has left. The nurses are probably going to have to hold me down. I mean, when I got my figure pricked I totally freaked out…

*feels like an idiot*

Well, that's where I am tonight. Wondering why on earth did God give me this problem--he knows what makes me quiver in immortal fear…and yet, I know he is testing me, to see if I really trust him, if I can really go the distance. And there is no one that can go with me, no one who can wave the wand of magic and make it all better--its just me, and Christ. I'm afraid I shall fail.

I was blubbering in selfishness on the way home--until I realized in some irony I could have something much worse, like cancer, something incurable. God got my attention that day. And I've kind of been avoiding him for a few days. Bad Carolynn. Oh well…tonight I shall repent, and began anew the walk of faith. "Even through I walk though the vally of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil"...