February 1999

A month where I both wrote new poems,
the first 2 and the last on this page,
and finally got my act together to translate/rewrite some of my older stuff

When I look inside myself what do I find?
friendship, deep desire
and when I dare look deep
I find a dream.. a hope
once to me a fear, something to be avoided
When we dared nothing but
seiging the day, living the moment
But slowly grows
the courage and the need to know
Ever growing louder
this voice that speaks in me
saying I must dare
even when daring means loosing safehold for a while
Because I see with ever growing clarity
that not daring could mean loosing
so much more
And I ask you to dare with me
and maybe we can win
our golden fleece

Written for Vincent.
In the realisation that some gains are worth any risk

I am
I am the creature that will eat you up
I am
I am your destruction and your deepest night
I am
I am the one that will devour you
I am
I am the water you will drown yourself in
I am
I am the little death you seek
I am
I am the dream that fills your soul
I am
I am your creation and awakening
I am
I am the ashes you will rise from once again
I am
I am
I am !

My body stands
in the winterlight
breathes silverclouds
sun dances
in white frost

My mind travels
the ocean of parting
to impress
on your beloved face
sweet kiss
impercepible

this is the mystery
of distances
to be bridged

Waiting
waiting
knotted up inside
no focus for my mind
but the waiting
hour after hour
day after day
restlessness
pain
fear
hope
maybe, maybe
think
be sure
dont do anything
impulsive
but hurry
please hurry
I wait
I hope
while I wait
wait

And here I sit
and listen
waiting to hear
the footsteps
the sound I will know
amongst the footsteps
of a million others
because I hear them
not with my ears
but with my heart
the same heart that sings
now that
they are there

A straythought
and a shooting star
and the moment an eye is closed
can give birth to a love
like the world has never seen it before

the motion on a hand
a falling leaf
a drop in eternity
can give bith to a longing
as deep as your soul

a downcast gaze
a sunlit wall
a tone in space
can give birth to a strength
that will carry through eternity

Lonely wind
frostsong
in naked trees
low sun
giving birth to rainbows
from the womb of ice
round ball of feathers
turns its beak
into the wind
waiting for spring

I dont know if I dare
where I will find the courage
to open the door to the world
where you are
but I do know
it must be done
for I cannot face
to walk alone
on the path
that lays ahead

words.. All the words
streaming and flowing
rambling and running
filling and overflowing
over and over
no stopping the words
that are so without meaning
that dont say what I try
to express
disturbing
annoying
insane
make me hush
stop the words
before they eat me up
one caress
is so much more
than all these
words