The rays of the blooming dawn
had only just begun to trickle across the dark velvet sky, but the full moon had
already waned, reduced to a pale silhouetted orb partially obscured by the
clouds overhead. The tentative break of day heralded the end of a sleepless
night of excruciating torment, and Remus welcomed it like a soothing salve on
his stinging wounds, taking comfort that his ordeal was over.
One night
in every month, he would live the pain, stoically bearing the agony as his lithe
young human body contorted into the form of a wolf under the influence of the
full moon. The suffering was intense, and the night was filled with burning
anguish. His screams reverberated around the tiny shack, unable to convey the
extreme measure of his distress, unable to bleed away the pain which he endured
all alone.
Remus was curled up in a far corner of the small shack, his
breath coming in shallow, sporadic gasps, his eyes closed. He bit his lip as he
felt the pulsing pain slowly ebb away, and the blistering haze in his head
cleared slightly.
It was over, he told himself, repeating it steadily in
his mind like a fervent mantra. It was over, and it would be four long, glorious
weeks before he would have to face his demons again.
A dull headache
pulsing in his temple was what remained of his violent transformation the night
before, together with the random cuts and abrasions which marked his youthful
flesh. Remus gingerly stretched out his legs, checking to make sure that he was
entirely human again. His thigh muscles had seized up, and he gingerly massaged
the knots of tension from them. He quickly evaluated the injuries on his body
he had determinedly fought to restrain himself from being too violent the night
before, and there were noticeably fewer scratches and gashes on his arms and
body this time around.
Remus pulled himself to his feet, his bruised
body wracked with fatigue, wanting nothing more than to sleep the morning away
in the hospital wing. He was exempted from classes each morning following the
night of the full moon Dumbledore had kindly given him this concession so that
he could get his wounds tended to and rest up a bit before going back to classes
in the afternoon. Madam Pomfrey would magically heal his injuries and fix him up
so that no one would suspect why he always came back from his supposed 'urgent
leave of absence' with multiple wounds and scratches all over his body.
Remus shrugged on a loose set of spare robes that he retrieved from the
cupboard in the other bedroom, shielding most of the bruises on his upper body
and thighs. He slowly crawled through the tunnel, wincing as the rough surfaces
lacerated his sore skin. Finally emerging at the other end, just below the
Whomping Willow, Remus squinted at the sun as it rose in the horizon, banishing
the last shreds of darkness as they fled to the other side of the
world.
He slipped out of the hole and quickly made his way across the
landing, the blades of grass pricking the soles of his bare feet. The warm
morning breeze embraced him gently as he hurried in the direction of the
hospital wing, an invigorating breath of calmness washing over him as he inhaled
the fresh scent brought by the breaking dawn. Most of the students were still
asleep, and wouldn't be up for at least another half-hour. His paces quickening,
Remus rounded a bend, and abruptly ran straight into someone.
"Well,
well, what a surprise," sneered a familiar voice that Remus instantly
recognised. He found himself inches away from the angular, unyielding face of
Severus Snape, which wore a vindictive grin as Remus stumbled a couple of steps
backwards, thrown by the sudden confrontation.
"Traipsing around the
grounds before everyone wakes up, eh?" Severus smiled deviously as he advanced,
blocking Remus as the other boy tried to sidestep him to get past. Severus'
sharp black eyes narrowed wickedly as he stepped closer, nudging Remus against
the wall, edging him to the left so that they were obscured in the shadow of the
nearby Gryffindor Tower.
Severus' voice was low and intense as he spoke
again. "I know that you're up to something, Remus. I saw Madam Pomfrey leading
you away from the main school grounds yesterday evening. So tell me," a vicious
smile twisted his thin lips, "what were you doing all night, if you weren't in
your dormitory?"
Panic rose within Remus, but he fought to remain calm.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Snape," he replied evenly, although he
couldn't conceal the barely perceptible quaver in his voice. "Anyway, my
whereabouts are none of your business."
Severus continued talking as
though he hadn't heard Remus' reply. "I know you weren't back in Gryffindor
Tower last night because I went and asked for you on the pretext of delivering a
message, but a second-year kid said you'd gone home because your aunt was ill.
So then," Severus finished almost idly, "what are you doing here, sneaking
around so early in the morning?"
"It's none of your business," Remus
repeated, anger flaring in his voice. He resolutely pushed Severus away from him
with all the remaining strength he could muster. "Just leave me alone."
Severus let out a forced laugh, his hands quickly clamping down on
Remus' arms before the other boy could slip away. "No, Remus, I won't leave you
alone, not until you tell me what you were doing last night." His voice was
threateningly harsh as he stepped closer, trapping Remus in a corner, the bulk
of his body blocking the other boy's path of escape.
On any other
occasion, Remus would have proved more than a worthy match for Severus, being of
almost equal height and comparable build. But the preceding night had drained
him of his strength, and in his present weakened condition, Remus knew he
wouldn't come off victorious if he challenged Severus to a fight.
"Go
on," Severus tightened his vise-like grip on Remus' arms when he didn't answer,
and saw him wince slightly. Quick as lightning, he lifted Remus' left hand and
pulled up the sleeve of his robes, revealing the random cuts and gashes which
streaked across the length of his arm.
A malicious smile crossed
Severus' face. "Ah, the plot thickens. Gallivanting in the thorn brush, perhaps?
Were you making out with some boy in the bushes? Oh, that would break poor
Black's heart." His grip tightened on Remus' arm, making him
flinch.
Remus' mind was racing, desperately trying to think of a way out
of his predicament. He didn't hear what Severus said about Sirius all he could
think about was that he needed to get out of this compromising position before
anyone else saw them. He glared at Severus, who had a smug, nasty grin plastered
on his face, and tried to wrench his arm away, but failed.
"Just leave me
alone!" Remus' tone bore an implicit warning as his eyes simmered with
controlled anger, and sheer frustration was evident in his voice. "What do you
want from me, Severus?" His eyes darted around furtively, trying to see if there
was anyone who could come to his rescue, but there was not a soul in
sight.
"I want you." Severus abruptly leaned in, so close that
their noses bumped. Remus recoiled, but came up short against the wall. He was
well and truly trapped, but he looked squarely back at Severus, refusing to back
down. He fought to conceal his rising fear as realisation of the other boy's
intentions slowly became apparent.
A bitter smile contorted Severus'
mouth, which was only inches away from Remus' lips. "I want you, Lupin. I've
wanted you just like this for so long." He pressed the other boy harder against
the wall, and punctuated his words by allowing his gaze to sweep down the length
of Remus' body, slowly taking in every curve and contour.
Remus' eyes
widened as he stared back in utter disbelief, a distortion of shock and horror
flitting across his face. The expression of raw, seething desire on Severus'
face startled him, sending a jolt of stark fear though his nerves.
Severus raised his eyes to meet Remus', noticing the other boy's body go
rigid with trepidation. His manner suddenly softened as he lifted his hand to
caress the outline of Remus' jaw, although his eyes still remained hard, mocking
the other boy silently.
When Severus spoke again, his voice was soft but
sliced with venomous hatred. "Why you hang around with Potter and Black is
beyond me, Remus. Potter couldn't even stay on his broom during the last
Quidditch match, and Black is so hideously pathetic that he didn't even make the
team. That's saying something, considering they've already bent so low as to
choose Potter as their Seeker. "
"Don't you dare speak of Sirius that
way!" Remus bit out, glaring defiantly at Severus. "And you know damn well the
only reason James fell off his broom is because you Slytherins were trying to
jinx it!" Then abruptly, without warning, he unleashed a sharp kick to Severus'
right shin, making contact with a dull crack.
Severus let out a howl of
pain and staggered a few steps backwards, momentarily releasing his grip, but he
somehow managed to recover speedily enough. In a flourish, he had his wand
clasped in his right hand, and he pointed menacingly at Remus, who stopped dead
in his tracks it would be no use trying to flee when Severus was armed and he
wasn't.
"If you do that again, you'll be sorry," Severus said, his tone
dangerously soft. He stepped forward and threw Remus' body against the wall once
again, his manner a lot rougher this time. "I'm sure you don't want me to try a
couple of curses on you?" One hand secured Remus against the wall, while his
other hand leisurely twirled his wand between in fingers. "I've just learned a
few new ones. How about the Cruciatus curse, for starters?"
Remus cringed
involuntarily, his jaw slack as he stared incredulously at Severus' smirking
face. He knew all about the three Unforgivable Curses, and the measure of
extreme pain that the Cruciatus curse brought. He could barely believe that
Severus was even contemplating using that lethal curse. He didn't know if
Severus was only just intimidating him, but he certainly wasn't planning on
provoking him to carry out his threat.
A cruel smile spread across
Severus' face as he relished the dumbstruck expression of horror on Remus' face.
"Or perhaps I should try the Imperius curse instead." A peal of mirthless
laughter. "I can make you ask me to take you, make you get down on your knees
and beg me." His tone was harsh and merciless. "But maybe I won't, and
give you a chance to show your own initiative. I always prefer a willing
participant, although I'll take what I want if I have to."
"Please,
Severus." Remus wouldn't bring himself to beg or plead, but his eyes implored
what his words refused to express. He looked intently at Severus, silently
appealing to his inherent moral sense, however scarce. Remus' voice trembled
ever so slightly as he spoke again. "Don't do it."
A spiteful smirk
crossed Severus' features, which were furrowed by a hateful frown. He leaned
even closer, his hands sensuously running up Remus' flanks and sliding around
his waist, drawing the reluctant body closer. Severus pressed his lips against
Remus' ear, feeling the resistant body under him tense as his tongue flickered
out to lick the delicious curve of his earlobe.
"As I said, Remus," he
whispered harshly, his tone pitiless. "I'll take what I want, if I have to. And
it's certainly delightful to finally possess something that Black wants so badly
as well."
Remus closed his eyes, feeling Severus' hands roughly
traversing his body, devoid of the smallest measure of tenderness. He wondered
why Severus kept talking about Black, the sheer hatred in his tone each time he
spat Sirius' name was sharp enough to cut glass.
It wasn't supposed to
be like this. Remus' mind drifted to fond thoughts of his close friend,
involuntarily thinking about how intimacy with Sirius would feel like in
contrast with the hurtful way Severus' lips were ravaging his inflamed skin. He
bit his own lip and swallowed hard. It was never supposed to be like this.
Abruptly, Severus pulled back. Remus' resentful gaze was filled with
pure loathing, making it clear that although he had been taken, he was not to be
possessed. An ambiguous emotion briefly flitted across Severus' face, and he
hesitated for a moment.
He had imagined that Remus would relent and
yield to him eventually, but as he saw the abhorrence in the other boy's sullen
helplessness, his worst fears were confirmed, that Remus Lupin would only offer
willing submission to one person Sirius Black.
That thought angered
him intensely, and Severus launched himself forward with renewed ferocity,
capturing Remus' parted lips with his own in a vindictive kiss. Remus didn't
struggle as he received Severus' hungering mouth upon his own, but he didn't
respond either. His body went limp, supported against the wall only by Severus'
grip, and Remus felt the pulsating, delirious ache in his head slowly take
over...
"Remus?!" came a familiar voice, which he instantly
recognised.
Remus felt Severus tear his mouth away from his own lips, and
he dizzily turned his head to find Sirius Black standing a few feet away, rooted
to the ground, gaping at them.
A new wave of frenetic horror spiralled
through Remus' mind as he realised what Sirius was probably thinking. He tried
to say something in explanation, but nothing but a choked sound emerged.
Standing across them, Sirius was unable to conceal the immense shock from his
face, his eyes moving from Remus to Severus and back again in undisguised
incredulity.
Severus' eyes lit up with a vicious glee as he turned to
see Sirius staring at them. "Hello, Black, how very nice to see you," he sneered
coolly, a victorious look on his face. "But if you'll excuse us, we're having a
private moment here." He gave a jubilant, simpering smile.
Remus
finally found his voice. "Sirius, I " he started desperately, but it was to no
avail. With a last glance of supreme disbelief, Sirius had turned on his heel
and stalked off without saying another word.
Remus felt thoroughly
sickened as he slumped back against the wall, reality slowly sinking in. He had
caught the hurt expression on Sirius' face before the other boy had turned away,
and the brief pain which flared in his friend's eyes was impossible to
ignore.
Severus, on the other hand, was almost beside himself in delight.
However, his joy came to an abrupt stop when they both heard an assortment of
voices drifting closer with each passing second. The soft rustling and swishing
sounds accompanying the footsteps told Remus that it was probably a team of
Quidditch players with their brooms in hand, heading towards the pitch for
practice.
Severus must have realised that too, and he quickly released
his grip on Remus, anxiously looking around. He took a few steps back, putting a
respectable distance between him and Remus, his eyes still darting in the
direction of the voices. A few moments later, the voices materialised into the
Gryffindor Quidditch team as they appeared around the bend.
Remus almost
sank to his knees in relief. One of the Chasers, a seventh-year student named
Blake Staunton, saw him leaning against the wall and cheerily waved, although he
shot Severus a suspicious look. He drew to a halt in front of Remus, who was
gazing at him with an expression of utmost gratitude.
"Hello, Remus,"
Blake greeted, with a lopsided grin. He cast another doubtful glance at Severus,
who was loitering in a distance, edging farther away from the crowd of
Gryffindors. "What's everyone doing up at this unearthly time of the morning? We
just ran into Sirius around the corner. Is there some breakfast feast at the
Great Hall today?"
"Or maybe they're all coming to watch us practice
Quidditch," Kent Ridgewood suggested innocently, and the rest of them chortled.
Kent was another Chaser, and he jovially nudged Kieran Stone, a tall blond boy
who was captain and one of the Beaters for the Gryffindor team. "But don't let
Kieran here know that," he added in a loud, conspiratorial whisper. "Or he'll be
so hyped that he'll drag us all out of bed tomorrow at five in the morning for
practice."
Kieran was holding the Quaffle, and he lobbed it at Kent, who
guffawed loudly as he nimbly ducked out of the way. The wayward Quaffle
ricocheted off the nearest wall and rebounded straight at Jim Watford, the
Gryffindor Keeper, hitting him squarely on the back of his head.
"Yeowch!" Jim whirled around, startled, rubbing his head. "What the "
Seeing what happened, Kent hooted with laughter, hopped onto his broom and took
to flight, as both Jim and Kieran mounted their brooms and chased after him,
hollering loudly as they pursued him all the way to the Quidditch pitch.
Blake chuckled at his teammates' antics, shaking his head with a smile.
He suddenly caught sight of the cuts and scratches on Remus' forearm. "What
happened to you? Are you alright?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah, I
uh tripped and fell over some thorn bushes just now," Remus lied, quickly
pulling his sleeves down to cover his injuries before Blake noticed that the
cuts were too narrow and sharp to be caused by twigs and spikes. "I was just on
my way to see Madam Pomfrey."
"You'd better get her to take a look at
that arm, before it gets infected." Blake suddenly frowned as he noticed Severus
still lingering behind them. He regarded the other boy with wary, distrustful
look. "What are you looking at, Snape? Trying to eavesdrop and find out about
our Quidditch strategy?" He clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "Wait till Kieran
gets wind of it, he'll be profoundly interested in rubbing your nose in the dirt
for that."
Severus scowled, looking infuriated. He was clearly
outnumbered by Gryffindors, so he ungraciously backed down, glaring venomously
at Remus before stalking off, muttering resentfully under his breath. Remus
exhaled a quiet sigh of relief.
Blake watched Severus skulk off, a hard
look in his eyes. "A rotten lot of them, he and his Slytherin gang. Always up to
no good, meddling in the Dark Arts, cheating at Quidditch..." He shook his head
disapprovingly. "Anyway, are you waiting for James? He won't be coming down for
practice yet, he's at a prefects' meeting." He gave Remus a light pat on his
shoulder. "But I'll let him know we ran into you, though."
Remus mumbled
his thanks and started towards the hospital wing, limping slightly as he went,
finding it hard to ignore the aching fatigue in his legs. The walk to the
hospital wing had never seemed so long before, and when he finally reached it,
he was greeted by a very flustered Madam Pomfrey.
"You're late," she
snapped, a mixture of exasperation and relief on her face. "I thought something
happened to you! Where in the world have you been? Students are already up and
around the school grounds, you know. If you hadn't come within the next five
minutes I was going out to look for you..."
Remus wasn't paying attention
to her as she bustled around, giving him a change of robes, feeding him some
toast and spooning nasty-flavoured medicine down his throat. He sat absently on
the bed, still shaken by what happened, letting her fuss over him as he replayed
the morning's events over again in his head.
Madam Pomfrey was oblivious
to Remus' distracted silence as she busied herself with fixing him up. With a
swish of her wand, all his cuts and grazes instantly healed and disappeared,
leaving a mild, tingling sensation on the surface of his skin. She gave him some
tablets to swallow for his headache, and made him choke down more horrid-tasting
syrup.
As the medicine slid down his throat, Remus felt a heavy stupor
descend upon him, gradually obliterating the dull pain gnawing in his bones,
nudging his troubled thoughts back into the recesses of his mind as he was
lulled into a deep, dreamless sleep.
As his heavy-lidded eyes fluttered open,
it was first conscious thought that ran through his mind: I need to talk to
Sirius.
Remus suddenly sat up in his bed, rubbing the drowsiness from
his eyes. It took him a few moments to establish where he was in the hospital
block. The remnants of his raging headache still lingered at the fringes of his
mind, but he could think clearly enough to know that he had to talk to Sirius as
soon as he could. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, grimacing as the
memories of his encounter with Severus flooded, and he shuddered as he thought
of what almost happened.
"LUPIN!" Madam Pomfrey squealed, appearing at
the doorway and rushing to his bedside. She'd just entered the hospital room and
had mistaken Remus' grimace of disgust for that of pain. "Where do you think
you're going? Get back here! You need to rest!" She started dragging the covers
over him, even though he was already halfway out of bed.
"I'm fine,
Madam Pomfrey!" Remus protested, valiantly tried to fend her off as he wriggled
out of bed. "Really, I've rested up and I'm feeling all right now." He
successfully managed to evade her as she made a concerted attempt to drag him
back to the bed. "Honestly, I'm feeling well enough to leave now, and I have
something I need to attend to very urgently!" He gave her his best pleading
look, dancing out of her reach and sidling toward the door.
She looked at
him crossly for a moment, an expression of displeasure on her round, rosy face.
"Oh, all right," she finally huffed, giving him a stern look. "But don't you go
running and doing anything strenuous for the rest of the day, you
hear?"
"Yes, yes, I won't," Remus hastily assured her, adjusting the
ruffled collar of his robes, already halfway out of the door. "Thanks a lot,
Madam Pomfrey!" he tossed over his shoulder, and with a quick smile, he was
gone.
Madam Pomfrey looked at the closed door for a moment after Remus
had left, shaking her head in mock disapproval. "Something he needs to attend to
very urgently," she tutted, rolling her eyes knowingly. "Hmph, like I'd believe
that! He probably just needed to talk to his sweetheart couldn't stand to be
apart for one day."
Remus looked at the time as he quickly
passed along the corridors. It was past lunchtime, but Remus knew that the
Gryffindor fifth-years had no classes that afternoon, and he hoped that Sirius
would be in the common room.
As he weaved his way to the Gryffindor
Tower through the meandering human traffic, Remus noticed that people were
giving him strange, lingering glances as he walked by. He even paused for a
moment to check if he had fully transformed back to human form, or whether a
persistent wolf's tail was responsible for drawing the curious looks. As he
rounded the bend, Remus bumped into Peter Pettigrew.
"Remus! Where have
you been?" Peter exclaimed, almost dropping his books in surprise. He looked as
if he was bursting with news, and his excitement made his voice rise an octave.
"It's not true, is it? What Snape's been telling everyone about you?"
Remus stopped short, stiffening slightly at the mention of Severus'
name. "What?" he asked warily, a rather bewildered expression on his face. "What
did Snape say?" He felt a sense of foreboding, a sinking feeling in the pit of
his stomach even before Peter answered.
Peter regarded him with wide,
stunned eyes. "You haven't heard?!" He glanced at Remus apprehensively, and
hesitated for a moment. "Snape said he said that, well, you and him
"
"WHAT?!" Remus' jaw went slack as he stared at Peter in horror. "He
said WHAT?"
Peter looked startled at Remus' violent reaction, and took a
step backward as he nodded cautiously. "He said that, uh, you you slept with
him this morning." Peter looked distinctly uncomfortable, but quickly added,
"It's not true, right, Remus?" He watched Remus nervously, taken aback by the
expression of pure dismay and revulsion which contorted the other boy's face.
Remus leaned against the nearest wall, feeling nauseated. It felt like a
huge boulder had been hurled straight at his chest, knocking the wind out of
him. He couldn't even find his voice to reply, Peter's anxious question still
disturbingly hanging unanswered. Finally, he croaked, "When did Snape say that?"
"In the Great Hall, during breakfast," Peter looked at Remus, a worried
expression on his face. When Remus didn't show any reaction, he continued
tentatively. "When he said that, Sirius suddenly got up, and we all thought that
he was going to punch Snape in the face. But he didn't, he just turned and
left." Peter's eyes watched Remus questioningly, still waiting for him to deny
the rumour.
"Where's Sirius now?" Remus asked, a grim urgency in his
voice.
Peter shrugged. "I haven't seen him since he stormed out at
breakfast, but we had different classes today I had Arithmancy. You could ask
James, though, they both had Care For Magical Creatures this morning. But he's
not in the common room, I just came from there, so you might try the library."
He trailed off expectantly, and looked at Remus, uncertainty in his voice.
"Remus...it's not true, right?"
"Of course not," Remus snapped bitterly,
turning around and heading toward the library. "See you later, Peter."
He
hurried to the library and slipped in quietly. Obscured by a shelf of books, he
peered around and caught sight of Sirius sitting alone at a table in the far
corner of the library. He appeared absorbed in making notes from a thick book
laid open in front of him.
Remus felt a lump form in his throat as he
nervously made his way across the room. As he neared, he saw that Sirius' table
was stacked with books mostly from the Restricted Section, with titles like 'The
Art of Animagi', 'Advanced Transfiguration', and 'Wizarding Skills: Animagus
Abilities'.
Remus drew to a halt in front of Sirius' table, but the
other boy didn't look up, and simply continued diligently copying text from the
book onto his roll of parchment. Remus was quite sure that Sirius knew he was
there, and his cold indifference made it even worse. After a few moments passed
in tense silence, Remus summoned the courage to speak.
He cleared his
throat uncertainly. "Sirius?" he began timidly. "Sirius, please. We need to
talk." Remus held his breath, bracing himself for the outburst that he was
almost certain would follow.
Sirius stopped writing, but still didn't
look up. He continued staring at his parchment, a look of pensive thoughtfulness
on his averted face. He carefully laid his quill down next to the bottle of ink,
and another silence ensued before he finally he spoke.
"Snape was
boasting about you at breakfast this morning," Sirius said quietly, his eyes
still looking distractedly at the open book laid before him. "He said that
that he had you, that he gave it to you so good that you had to go to the
hospital wing to recover."
Sirius' voice sounded strained, and he took a
deep, controlled breath. "You know, Remus, on any other occasion I wouldn't have
believed a word of what that weasel said. But this time I couldn't deny it,
because I saw both of you with my own eyes."
"Listen, Sirius, there's
nothing between me and Sn"
"I SAW you, Remus!" Sirius suddenly exploded,
startling a couple of second-year students at a nearby table and drawing a
reprimanding look from Madam Pince, the stern librarian. His voice dropped a
notch, but his eyes still blazed with a jealous flame.
"I saw you
kissing Snape, and there's no fucking way you can deny that!" Sirius
hissed the bitter words through clenched teeth. "Of all people, Remus!
Snape!" He made a spitting noise in disgust.
"It wasn't like that,
Sirius," Remus tried again, his low voice desperately earnest. "It really wasn't
how it looked, you have to believe me." His eyes met Sirius', pleading
wordlessly for a chance to explain himself. "Please, Sirius, just listen to me
for a moment."
The anger in Sirius' eyes abruptly dissipated as they
hazed over with a certain expression of sad resignation. He leaned back in his
chair, his shoulders sagging, looking worn and tired. He regarded Remus for a
moment with a closed, guarded look before he finally sighed, and with a facile
wave of his hand motioned for the other boy to sit down.
Remus gladly
slid into the chair opposite Sirius. He looked deep into his friend's eyes,
seeing the veiled hurt which simmered beneath the surface of forced calm. He
took a deep breath, and started talking in a low, urgent tone.
"After I
transformed back again this morning, I was on my way to see Madam Pomfrey. But I
ran into Snape instead, just behind Gryffindor Tower. He saw me, Sirius,
yesterday evening when Madam Pomfrey led me across the grounds to the Whomping
Willow he suspected something was going on, and he wanted to know what it
was."
Remus paused thoughtfully for a moment before he continued. "Well,
things things got ugly after that. He became very antagonistic, and he said
that that he wanted me, you know, in that way." Remus shook his head
helplessly. "I was so drained, so exhausted after last night, and I knew I
couldn't overcome him, at least not physically. I tried to make a run for it,
but he stopped me and whipped out his wand, threatening to use the Cruciatus
curse on me if I tried to escape again."
"What?" Sirius' eyes widened in
disbelief, and his jaw dropped slightly. "He threatened to use the Cruciatus
curse on you?" His voice was a hoarse whisper.
Remus nodded. "And the
Imperius curse as well but he didn't use any of them, in the end," he added
hastily, noticing the rising alarm on Sirius' face. "But I was hemmed in, I just
couldn't fight him off, especially when he was armed and I wasn't."
A
look of vulnerable frustration crossed Remus' delicate features as he buried his
face in his hands shamefully. "I didn't know what to do, Sirius," he mumbled,
his muffled voice strung with despair. "It all happened so quickly, and the next
thing I knew he was kissing me" Remus' voice broke off in disgust, and his
fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "then you
appeared and he stopped."
Remus exhaled deeply, leaning back in his seat
wearily. "Shortly after you left, Kieran and the rest of the Gryffindor team
came by, on their way to the Quidditch pitch, so Snape couldn't do anything. He
hung around waiting for them to leave, until Blake noticed him and chased him
off." He gave a small, weary shrug. "After that I went to see Madam Pomfrey, and
that's all that happened."
Remus fell silent after he concluded his
story. There was nothing else he could say that wouldn't end up sounding like a
defensive justification. He watched Sirius carefully, waiting expectantly for
his response, never breaking eye contact with him, his eyes communicating what
his words could never explain.
Sirius looked at him contemplatively, but
said nothing. He appeared deep in thought, although his dark, smouldering eyes
still evenly held Remus' gaze. When he finally looked away, Remus couldn't stand
the silence any longer. "Sirius," he said softly, his tone brimming with quiet
desperation. "Do you believe me?"
A sombre, thoughtful pause. "Yeah, I
believe you," Sirius said softly, but his eyes didn't meet Remus'.
Remus
let out a sigh. "Thank you," he breathed, a relieved smile breaking across his
face. His voice quivered slightly. "You have no idea how much that means to me."
"Now, I'm just thinking of whether I should give Snape an elephant's
trunk for a nose or make him sprout a pair of horns like the devil he is,"
Sirius continued, his voice calm, but his eyes gleamed darkly with unexacted
vengeance. "Or if I should screw the fancy spellwork and just bash his overlarge
nose through the back of his head."
Sirius looked almost serious about
his intentions, and Remus quickly shook his head. "Don't, Sirius, I'm in enough
trouble as it is. I want this whole thing to blow over as soon as possible,
before people inevitably start asking questions about my nocturnal
disappearances every month." He groaned. "Just that it's downright revolting to
be linked with Snape in that sort of way." He paused, noticing Sirius stiffen at
the mention of Snape. "How did James react did he believe what Snape
said?"
Sirius shrugged. "I don't know I left the Great Hall when Snape
started broadcasting what happened between both of you in, well, rather graphic
terms. I just couldn't sit there and listen to him say all those things." He
involuntarily shuddered at the thought. "But I think James has more faith in you
than to believe that piece of scum. I " he hesitated for a moment, then
continued in a rush. "You don't know how much I wanted to believe
otherwise as well, Remus, but what I saw..." Sirius' voice trailed off, and he
seemed to be grappling for words.
"I know," Remus said softly, almost
sadly. "I don't blame you for misunderstanding."
Sirius suddenly looked
very awkward, the nervous way his fingers fiddled with his quill betraying his
uneasiness. "Look, I didn't mean to yell at you like that just now" he cast a
glance at the second-years nearby, who were stealing surreptitious glances in
their direction "I was, you know, feeling rather high-strung about the whole
thing, you and Snape and all."
Sirius bit his lip ponderously. "I know I
should've come to clarify things with you first, but I I guess I was afraid
that you might say that it was all true, and if that was the case..." His hands
reflexively clenched themselves into fists as his unspoken meaning strove to
find form in words. "...if what I saw was true, I'm not sure I would be able to
handle it," he finished simply, raising his clear, unguarded eyes to meet
Remus'.
Their eyes held for a moment, communicating the unspeakable,
sharing the inexpressible, a certain tender, ambiguous emotion darting furtively
between them. A tentative grin finally broached the serene expression on Sirius'
face, and Remus readily returned it, a secret meaning imbued in his diffident
smile.
"Well, I've got some good news you won't have to worry about
Snape ambushing you again next month," Sirius said seriously, leaning forward
until their faces were only inches apart. "Because we'll be there with
you."
Remus' eyes brightened and he stared at Sirius, his face lighting
up with excitement. "Really?! You" he dropped his voice slightly. "You and
James managed to get all the ingredients? And learn the Animagus
spells?"
Sirius nodded. "James just received his order of pelican
feathers this morning. He reckons we can get down to business next week, since
we have everything we need now except for the spatula of platypus fur. But we
can get that quite easily at the next Potions class." His eyes danced with
anticipation. "So, yep, basically we're all set."
A broad smile shone on
Remus' face when Sirius finished speaking. He never quite knew how to express
his immense gratitude to them for their endeavours and sacrifices just to make
his nights as a wolf more bearable. Now, he could hardly believe the news
after almost three whole years, James and Sirius had finally learned enough to
attempt their Animagus transformation. If they were successful, then they would
help Peter through the paces as well.
"Anyway," Sirius continued, "I
need to find out everything I can about the possible pitfalls during the
procedure, so that we know what to avoid. There isn't all that much here in
these books, but we could do with all the help we can get." Sirius returned to
his parchment, picking up his quill and dipping it into the ink. "I'd better
finish copying this by dinner, Madam Pince will get suspicious if I come back to
borrow these again tomorrow she'll wonder why I spend so much time siphoning
information out of Restricted Section books."
"How did you get her
to let you have them, anyway?" Remus asked inquisitively, picking up 'The Art Of
Animagi' and curiously leafing through it.
"I went to see Professor
Hoffclaw, the Care For Magical Creatures teacher, after lessons this morning,"
Sirius explained, his brow furrowing as he checked how many pages in his current
book were devoted to Animagi. "Ah, crap, there are more than ten pages to go.
Anyway, I gave her this long list of books about everything under the sun
ranging from Hippogriffs to unicorns to dragons, and just slipped in a couple of
titles on Animagi as well. I told her that I wanted to do some extracurricular
research on Magical Creatures, but needed her to sign the list because some of
them were in the Restricted Section."
Sirius grinned impishly. "Well,
being the befuddled, over-excitable person she is, she very enthusiastically
authorised my reading list, profoundly delighted that one of her students
'actually demonstrates exemplary interest' in her subject, as she put it." He
chortled, and Remus laughed as well, quite impressed at his friend's
ingenuity.
Sirius gestured at the books strewn on the table. "So, well,
here are some selected titles from the list I showed her." His smile
suddenly faded, replaced by a frown. "Of course, the down side is that as
something to show for my 'extensive research', she's asked me to write an essay
about Red Rooglepuffs."
Sirius grimaced, and nodded reproachfully toward
a thick, leather-bound book lying isolated in the far corner of the table.
"Apparently they're these horrid, ghastly things that are scarlet in colour and
look like overgrown porcupines." He groaned mournfully. "Just reading about them
makes me lose my appetite do you know that they only eat frog intestines?
Eugh!" Sirius pulled a disgusted face.
Remus laughed, picking up
'Advanced Transfiguration'. "You managed to sneak this past Professor
Hoffclaw?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "It's got absolutely nothing to do
with Magical Creatures."
"Oh, like the other Animagi books have?" Sirius
retorted. "If she asked why I needed to know about Animagi I was just going to
say something about learning the differences between real Magical Creatures and
wizards who masquerade as animals. But anyway," he continued, "James got that
book, he told Professor McGonagall that he was fascinated by Transfiguration and
was even contemplating a career of teaching it." Sirius shrugged. "He did the
asking because I'd have cracked up laughing if I went, and she wouldn't have
believed me, anyway."
They spent the rest of the afternoon copying out
innumerable sinister warnings about how hideously they would turn out if they
botched up the Animagus transformation. James had wanted to come and help, but
the prefects were on duty because Dumbledore was receiving some guests from the
Ministry that afternoon. Peter was still abysmally behind in his homework so he
couldn't spare the time.
However, with both of them working together,
they managed to gather all the necessary information by dinner time. When they
finished their research, they tidied up their scrolls of parchment and returned
the books to the shelves under Madam Pince's watchful scrutiny.
As they
headed out of the library, Remus suddenly turned to Sirius. "Thanks," he blurted
out.
Sirius regarded him with an arched eyebrow, a mildly bemused
expression on his face. "For what?" he asked, a smile playing on the edges of
his lips.
Remus paused thoughtfully. For what? He was grateful to Sirius
for so many things for trusting him enough to believe that things weren't what
they seemed with Snape; for going to such great lengths to become an Animagus so
that they could spend time together even when he was in the form of a wolf; for
sharing that uniquely special bond between them that only he and Sirius could
truly understand and appreciate
Instead, he just smiled and simply said,
"For everything."
They walked together into the Great Hall
for dinner. As they passed the Slytherin table, they were greeted by jeering
whistles, and someone called, "Hey, Lupin! Never knew you liked it so early in
the morning!" The other Slytherins sniggered loudly, and Severus was grinning
smugly like a Cheshire cat stuffed with a mouthful of mice.
Remus blushed
furiously, and he quickly turned away, keeping his eyes averted as he headed
towards the Gryffindor table. However, Sirius' firm hand on his shoulder stopped
him, and they both drew to a sudden halt in front of the Slytherins. Standing
beside him, their shoulders touching, Remus could feel his friend's body go
rigid with tension.
Remus felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as
more catcalls rang in his ears, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. Sirius,
however, was standing straight, his chin raised, staring hard at Severus. Both
of them glared hatefully at each other for a protracted moment before Sirius
finally spoke, his calm voice trembling slightly with suppressed
anger.
"I never knew you'd stoop to such depths just for a few moments of
attention, Snape," Sirius said, his eyes flashing dangerously. The entire
Slytherin table was watching them with rapt attention, and their confrontation
was drawing curious glances from students sitting at the other
tables.
Sirius ignored all of them and continued scathingly. "Because if
you ask me, Snape, it seems like this alleged clandestine affair between you and
Remus is really just a figment of your starved imagination." His eyes issued a
silent challenge, daring Severus to defend his own pride.
"Don't be
stupid, Black," Severus snapped savagely, rising to his feet abruptly to level
Sirius' gaze. "You were there, and you know damn well that it's true " a
malicious smile twisted his lips, " you just can't bear to admit it, that I
possessed something you wanted so badly."
Sirius stared hard at Severus
for a moment, not saying anything, his face a mask of intense loathing. He
looked as if he was going to concede, but then suddenly, he turned and seized
Remus by his shoulders, pulling him closer. One hand swiftly slid up to hold the
back of his head as Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus deeply. Remus let out a
soft gasp of surprise, which was quickly smothered as Sirius' mouth claimed his
parted lips.
An exclamation of murmurs erupted across the Great Hall as
heads swivelled in their direction, pointing and staring. But their hushed
muttering faded distantly in Remus' ears as he closed his eyes and melted
against Sirius' body, instinctively pressing himself closer to the warmth of his
touch. Everything else was a shifting blur, except the firm tenderness of
Sirius' lips on his and the fiery sensation which burned through every nerve
fibre in his body.
After a fleeting eternity, Sirius finally pulled away.
Remus' eyes fluttered open, and he breathlessly took a small step backwards.
Sirius gave him a quick smile before he turned to face Severus, who was staring
at them, his mouth open, seething with rage. Severus sputtered something
unintelligible, an expression of utter consternation on his face.
Sirius
offered him a serene smile. "A word of advice, Snape," he said mildly, although
his piercing eyes still stared invisible daggers at Severus, who stood
speechless, shaking with fury. "Stop pretending that your fantasies are reality,
because frankly, Remus is way out of your league."
With a parting glare
filled with contempt, Sirius took Remus by the arm and strode off towards the
Gryffindor table, leaving Severus to nurse his wounded pride. Most of the
Gryffindors were on their feet, cheering loudly as they approached. Remus
noticed the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs smiling encouragingly at them as they
passed by, likely also delighted at the public humiliation of Snape and the
Slytherins. Remus smiled shakily back, still rather dazed at what had just
happened.
Sirius had kissed him. Sirius had kissed him in front
of the entire school, and invariably silenced Severus' gloating once and for
all. Remus could hardly believe it, but the tremors of sensation which still
pulsed through his veins were too real to be dismissed as mere elements of a
dream.
James was grinning broadly at them as they took their places at
the Gryffindor table, and he heartily pounded Sirius on his back. "You got Snape
really good this time, Sirius! I can't believe you actually did that!" he
exclaimed, and he flashed a sincere smile at Remus. "Both of you I never knew
" He shook his head as he beamed, and he looked genuinely happy for them.
Remus noticed that Sirius didn't acknowledge or deny James' statement,
and merely offered a vague smile in response. On the other hand, Peter wore a
strange expression and gave them a strained smile as he feebly chimed in with
the others who were offering their congratulations.
Amidst the loud
chatter which ensued, Sirius cast Remus a quick sideways glance, and he caught
it. They both smiled at each other, sharing a brief, meaningful moment. There
was no need for Sirius to say anything Remus already knew, for the wordless
language of their lips had voiced their feelings more eloquently than they could
ever articulate.
They were surrounded with people for the
rest of the evening, and although they spent most of their time side by side,
they never really spoke directly to each other. The night was spent mostly
immersed in studies Peter was trying to clear his backlog of homework, Remus
was catching up on the lessons he had missed in the morning, James was perusing
the information they had procured from the library, and Sirius was reluctantly
writing his essay on the dreaded Red Rooglepuffs.
When midnight chimed,
the common room had emptied except for them. James decided that he was going to
bed, before he couldn't wake up for early Quidditch practice the next morning.
They all readily agreed to call it a night, Peter the most enthusiastically of
all, and gathered up their scrolls and quills. Remus was already starting toward
the stairs when he heard Sirius call his name.
"Remus, can I have a word,
please?" Sirius asked quietly. He was still standing in the common room, rolling
up his half-completed essay, and he looked at Remus evenly, his calm gaze
betraying nothing.
Remus halted. "Uh, yeah, sure," he replied hesitantly,
suddenly feeling very nervous as a rush of uncertainly flooded through him. He
silently anticipated what Sirius wanted to talk about was he going to say that
what happened at dinner was just staged to get back at Snape, and tell him not
to misunderstand the kiss?
James quickly caught the hint, and he
smothered an enigmatic smile as he hurried over to help Peter gather his things.
"We'll head up to the dorm first, see you two in the morning." He grinned
impishly as he ushered a miserable-looking Peter up the stairs to their
dormitory. "Goodnight, then." He and Peter disappeared from sight, and almost a
minute later Remus heard the bedroom door close at the top of the
tower.
Sirius drew a deep breath, leaving his scrolls on the table as he
walked over to where Remus was standing. He stopped inches away, so close that
Remus could breathe the familiar musky scent emanating from his skin. He dared
to raise his eyes to meet Sirius', his gaze mutely questioning.
Sirius
paused for a moment before he spoke. "I hope you weren't uncomfortable with what
happened at dinner," he said softly, his dark eyes gazing sincerely at Remus.
"It was it was an impulse. I'm sorry if I made you feel embarrassed in front
of the others."
"No," Remus whispered simply.
Sirius gave him a
searching look. "What do you mean, no?" he asked.
"No, I wasn't
embarrassed or uncomfortable with what happened," Remus replied quietly. He
offered Sirius a reassuring smile. "It was a very brave thing that you
did."
"Brave?" Sirius eyed him carefully. "Why was it a brave
thing?"
"Because I would never have worked up the nerve to take the first
step in anything like that," Remus explained softly. He raised his right hand as
he spoke, allowing his fingertips to trail up Sirius' chest and gently brush
past his chin. "Because no matter how strongly I felt, I still wouldn't have
said a word, being too afraid that the answer would be no."
Remus' hand
lightly caressed Sirius' cheek, coaxing a tinge of blush to his pale skin. "But
when you kissed me like that, in front of everybody, you taught me a lesson..."
Remus' hand slid to hold the back of Sirius' head. "...that everything worth
having is worth the risk of failing to get it." With that, Remus pulled him
closer, their lips meeting in a tentative kiss.
Sirius' hands slipped
around Remus' waist, drawing him toward his own body. Their kiss escalated
feverishly, and Remus felt Sirius' tongue teasing his lips apart, flickering
deliciously against his own. He was subliminally aware of being nudged up
against the common room wall, supported firmly by Sirius' arms on either side of
him.
He felt Sirius' hands stroking down the length of his body, tender
and gentle in manner, so different from the roughness of Severus' advances that
morning. Remus arched his body against Sirius, moaning softly against the other
boy's parted lips. He had never before experienced a sensation which even
rivalled this. When they finally pulled apart, Remus found himself giddy with a
unknown, exquisite pleasure as he coyly raised his hazy eyes to level Sirius'
gaze.
"I've wanted you for such a long time, Remus," Sirius whispered
breathlessly, his dark eyes misted over with passion. "I just took this long to
pluck up the courage to do something about it." His lips eagerly reached forward
again, and Remus tilted his head back slightly as he received Sirius' mouth onto
his.
An eternity melted away as they slid to the ground, oblivious to
everything else except each other. Their tingling laughter echoing softly within
the empty common room as they talked in low whispers and kissed ever so often.
Time dissolved away in careless inconsequence as they rested curled up on the
floor, finding blissful contentment in each other's arms.
The weariness
of the day accumulated in Remus' eyelids, and they gradually grew heavy. He
eventually let them fall close, his head nestled comfortably against Sirius'
shoulder. Just before he dozed off, he felt Sirius turn to kiss him lightly on
the tip of his nose. "Good night, Remus," Sirius murmured drowsily.
Remus
gave Sirius a sleepy grin, and shifted closer into his firm embrace in response.
He closed his eyes, his body exhausted but sated, the soft, regular hum of
Sirius' heartbeat close to his ear. A pensive smile twitched on the edges of
Remus' lips as the steady rise and fall of Sirius' chest gently eased him into
the ethereal realm of sleep, where for once in his life, the essence of his
dreams coalesced with reality.