Under the trees and away from the starshine, the night was as dark and bleak as their situation. They needed help. Darun knew that, and so had led his Prince away from the blood and gore of the battlefield to find the man best suited to help them, to guide them in their bid to re-take the kingdom. Narsus. A master strategist with more intelligence than any 10 men, able to easily straighten the convoluted twists and turns that politics and battle sometimes took, a man whose advice and guidance would be invaluable to Arislan. A man who would probably cheerfully gut him if given half a chance.

Not fair. He's far too elegant and genteel for that. Darun grimaced, glad that Arislan rode before him and was entirely oblivious to his increasing discomfort. The closer they rode to the small house in the woods where Narsus had chosen to seclude himself three years ago, the more uneasy Darun grew. He wished he could be sure of their reception. Well, he was sure of his reception, he just hoped that Narsus would put aside the hatred he undoubtedly felt for Darun and listen to Arislan with an open mind.

He was uneasy, yet Darun couldn't deny feeling a certain amount of eagerness as well. Was it because of what they would gain should they win such a valuable ally? There was that, of course, but honesty forced him to admit that wasn't the only reason he'd leaped at the chance to bring Arislan this way. They might need Narsus in the capacity of a strategist, but he just needed the other man. It had taken far too long and it scared him, but he needed Narsus in his life. He was desperate to see his old friend.

They were getting close. Darun began to recognize some of the signs from the map he'd memorized so long ago. He'd never been this way before. Even after he had finally admitted to himself that he'd made perhaps the biggest mistake of his life, Darun could never bring himself to break Narsus' self-imposed exile. He'd only memorized the route so that he'd know the way should Narsus ever need him in any way. Or so he kept telling himself. It was an easy way to justify his interest and concern at first. It was only after an endless period of soul searching that Darun was able to admit that he'd been deceiving himself for a long time.

Darun sighed. It was ridiculous to think that anyone as self-sufficient as Narsus would need anything from anyone, especially not from the man who was one of the reasons he had isolated himself to begin with. Darun never believed that his one-time friend had permanently absented himself from court simply because Andragoras had taken his post as Imperial Secretary from him. And it wasn't so he could 'devote' himself to his painting either. He shied away from the reason he suspected Narsus had really left, abandoning his career and all the causes he'd fought for.

Darun closed his eyes briefly, his nature not allowing him to deceive himself no matter how much he may want to. To be brutally and bluntly honest, he was the one who'd driven Narsus away. Because of his foolishness, he'd deprived his kingdom of one of its greatest assets, and deprived himself of... Of what? Darun had no idea what could have been. Was it too late to find out? He didn't know. Probably. He prayed that it wasn't.

Darun continued to brood as they neared their destination. He'd been expecting a challenge eventually, so wasn't particularly startled when an arrow split the air inches from the nose of Arislan's horse. Darun instantly recognized the youthful voice that warned them away. So, Elam was still with Narsus. For some obscure reason, the thought made Darun glad. It seemed that the former slave boy that Narsus had taken responsibility for so long ago was still extremely devoted to his master. He sighed inwardly even as he moved his horse past Arislan's still uneasy mount. At least Narsus had someone taking care of him all these years. "It's been three years, but you should know me Elam. I've come to see your Master."

"Darun, is it really you?" Darun could hear the surprised disbelief in young Elam's voice. Thankfully, there was also a note of... happiness? He'd been unsure of his reception. Narsus' young charge was fiercely loyal, protective, and loved his caretaker like a Father. It didn't seem as if Narsus had ever revealed the nature of the falling out between them. If he had, Elam certainly wouldn't be greeting him with anything remotely resembling happiness. More than likely, if Elam knew what he'd done, he'd be dodging arrows instead of sitting his horse and watching the youth scamper down from his vantage point.

"It really is you. Darun, it's been so long. Where have you been? Why have you stayed away? How are you?"

Darun couldn't help but smile as the words spilled from Elam in an enthusiastic rush. Gone was the fierce warrior stoutly defending his Master, to be replaced by the eager, excited child that Elam still was.

"It's me, Elam, and I'm here now. I'm fine, but we really need to see Narsus." Darun waved a hand to his left, indicating Arislan who was calmly sitting his now quiet mount, smiling a little at the reunion. For the first time, Elam seemed to notice his companion, and Darun saw the boy's eyes widen as he finally recognized his Prince. Almost immediately, Elam dropped to one knee, bowing his head.

"Oh, your Highness, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was you."

Darun looked on with pride as his charge reassured the younger boy. Though Arislan's station was so far above Elam's, the Prince treated the other boy with the respect due an equal. "It's all right, Elam. Please rise. It's very important that we speak with your Master. Will you lead us to him?"

"Oh, yes!" Elam leaped to his feet, and turned away beckoning them forward.

"Hold up, Elam," Darun said with a slight chuckle. "Why don't you ride with me." Something approaching a real laugh escaped him when Elam slid to a halt, then turned back, blushing fiercely. He leaned down and gave the boy a hand up, settling Elam comfortably in front of him in the saddle.

"All right, Darun, let's go."

Darun kneed his mount forward, not able to suppress another smile as Elam practically bounced his eagerness. Elam had grown so much in three years. The thought abruptly saddened him. He'd missed so much. At one time, he'd been almost like a second Father to the young orphan. At one time, he and Narsus had been best friends.

They finally emerged from the woods and began to climb a craggy path. Elam chattered quietly, relating his life for the last three years in between issuing directions. As he listened, Darun found it odd that Elam didn't mention Narsus much at all and concentrated almost exclusively on himself. Finally, it bothered him enough that when Elam finally paused to catch his breath, Darun quietly interjected, "Elam, how is he?"

Elam immediately quieted, immediately stilled, and Darun's concern deepened. Voice subdued, Elam said, "He's all right, I guess. He's just so sad, Darun. He paints. He drinks, and then he just seems to get sadder." Darun felt rather than saw Elam shrug. He'd closed his eyes against the twinge of pain and guilt he felt at Elam's words. "I don't know, Darun. I never thought losing his post would still bother him so much. But I'm sure he'll be happy to see you. Maybe you can talk to him?" Elam brightened even as Darun felt himself sinking even deeper into the mire of guilt that had been consuming him for so long. Oh, Elam, how little you know. I sincerely doubt that Narsus will be glad to see me of all people. Oh, hell. Darun felt a little sick. This was going to be so hard.

More rocks, then more forest. They traveled closer and closer to their destination, all the while climbing steadily. Finally, they emerged from under the canopy of the trees. A small cottage carved out of the hillside faced them. Whitewash between exposed beams, cheerful red-tinged roof. A stair led up to the main entrance, smoke puffed gently from the chimney, and the light blazing from the many windows invited them closer. The place where Narsus had isolated himself was a hovel compared to the grand estate he'd given up, yet it seemed to suit him. It was simple, yet elegant, open and friendly. Darun decided that he liked it.

It had seemed to take forever to get there, yet now that they'd arrived, Darun found himself thinking that it hadn't taken long enough. He could feel the sick fluttering that centered in his stomach begin to radiate out to the rest of his body. He wasn't ready for this. He'd spent so long in denial, throwing himself into his work in order to avoid examining how he felt about Narsus. He'd finally admitted how much Narsus meant to him, had wanted for so long to try to set things right between them, yet he was afraid. It was laughable that one man could scare a battle seasoned warrior and leader of 10,000 so badly, but he did. Perhaps it was because Darun didn't know how to say he was sorry, didn't know how to tell Narsus that he'd been so wrong, didn't know how to beg for forgiveness. Didn't know what he'd do if Narsus never wanted anything to do with him again.

Darun tethered their mounts, then motioned Arislan ahead of him as they approached the stairs that led up to the dwelling. As he watched Elam climb, calling out that he brought visitors, Darun took a deep breath and firmed his resolve. He had to try. After so long, he was finally able to admit that he loved the other man. At least he thought so. He'd never been in love before with anything other than his career, especially not another man, and didn't know what love felt like.

All Darun did know was that Narsus had left a gaping hole in his heart and life when he'd left, a hole that no amount of focusing on his work would close. All he knew was that he ached for the other man's simple presence, his smile, and the light in his eyes. He'd do anything to get Narsus back, and that, as much as anything terrified him, but if there was anything left to salvage between them, he had to try.

But then the door was opening, and there was no more time for reflection, no more time for confusion. There he was. Framed by the warmth of the firelight blazing through the open doorway stood the man who'd rocked Darun's very foundation three years ago with just a simple kiss.