He is mine. Or at least as much as he ever can be anyone's. No one can ever quite tame a fox, especially one with a rose's thorns. I turn on the bed to face him, propping myself up on one elbow to watch him as he sleeps. He looks so gentle...one would never guess his real, wild nature. Not even I. I have known him for two years now and all I really, truly know about him is that he is walking mass of complexities, an enigma, a puzzle. Oh, and not to insult his human mother. I remember the first time I did that a year ago and I shudder. That was also the last time. The look he had given me still haunts my nightmares.

Pulling myself away from such disturbing thoughts, I focus myself in on the present. The past has no place in life except as something to be learned from. The past, however, has taught me little in the way of Kurama. He still remains as much a mystery as the day that we first met.

He's friendly enough, gentle and teasing with the people that he knows, but I can see that that isn't him. I want to dig deeper, past the crap that he puts out there for the world to see, and to the real him. Hn, but that would be taking the relationship too far, into the realms of which demons know little. It would be crossing the line that we have mutually drawn; we have no use for love.

I am just a game to him of that I am certain, what else could I be? I am nothing but an interesting diversion, a toy to be used and discarded at his leisure. I wish I could say the same of him but, somehow, I can't. I can't and he can; that hurts.

In a gesture I would never do if he were awake, I tenderly brush a stray lock of red hair away from his smooth face. He shifts and murmurs in his sleep before cuddling closer with a contented sigh. My heart clenches at the sight. Gods, if only I were emotionless. Everything would be so much easier, but...fire makes the blood run hot. And hot blood let rampant leads to an easily tricked heart, something no demon needs, especially me. So I control my emotions, hide them rather, and give my mind room to think.

People, enemies and allies alike say I have walls around my heart--stark, high, and impenetrable. I snort in amusement. I have found the one with the walls--he beds me every night. It is something that I willingly let him do. If he only knew.

In a way, I guess, he suspects. He knows that this is my first time being in this kind of a relationship for more than one night. My inexperience in the language of long-standing lovers tells him that. In every heart, whether it be youkai, ningen, or any other, there is a special place where a person's first love dwells. It isn't much, just a tiny corner, but it is there. In the beginning, however, it is more; it is a dependency that you have until they break your heart. That is what he suspects, that I am lightly snared in his trap until he decides otherwise. But...but there is something else, something...deeper...than that.

The room is starting to be touched by the night's chill, a fact made obvious when Kurama shivers and pulls the blanket up. I smirk; he's stealing the covers again. Ningen bodies are so weak. Why does he put up with it? The fox's disguise may have its good points but as I look down I can't help but wonder what the youko is like. No, that's not right--I ache. I ache to see the beautiful and sensuous creature that my jagan can only show tantalizing hints of. How can he stand to stow away such breathtaking beauty? Why does he hide behind his charming mask?

Slowly, ever so slowly, he opens his emerald green eyes to regard me lazily. They should be windows to his soul but appear more to be a labyrinth to lose myself in. Under my scrutiny he smiles, reaches out to touch me and all resemblance of thought slips away as he takes me again.

It is later, the moon well past its zenith before I start thinking again. I lay awake watching my sleeping lover once more. What is this I feel for him. It is...? Could it be...? No, I can't afford to be. I need to be free. I-I can't...can't...Deny it all I want to, thought, it has a ring of truth to it. Shimatta.

I am foolish, stupid, idiotic and naïve. Not only that, but I am weak. How could I not be, I who have let a youko steal what even I thought did not exist--my heart. Maybe I should feel some pride at the fact that it was Youko Kurama, the best thief in all of the Makai, who managed to pull off the heist. Nothing but the best for me, huh? Only the King of Thieves is good enough to rip out my heart and watch it bleed.

Kurama has no sense of love, none that I know of anyway. How could he? No demon should ever experience love, including me. I guess it is just one more fault of mine for being a Forbidden Child.

"What about his mother?" an inner voice whispers to me. "Have you ever seen any youkai treat a human so nice? Maybe he does--" I silence the voice quickly before it raises my hopes too high. But...but maybe, just maybe...Could Kurama--knock it off Hiei! Stop torturing yourself!

My mind blessedly turning blank, I lay back down, my head pillowed by my hands. My eyes start to close when one last thought crosses my consciousness. Smiling slightly I once more face my lover.

I bet you think that you have me figured out, don't you Kurama? I silently ask him. My chuckle is also silent. I have a secret. I'll never tell you, so don't even bother to ask; it is mine and mine alone. But now, as you sleep on blissfully unaware, I guess it's safe to whisper it to you in my mind.

I love you Kurama.