stupid2

B4 n Afta Marriage:
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?

Before - Romeo and Juliet.
After - Bill and Hillary..

Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before - Twice a night.
After - Twice a month.

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.

Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

QUESTION: How do you tell the difference between a female cat and a male cat?
ANSWER: You ask it a question and if HE answer its a male but, if SHE answers it's a female.
A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I've got a strawberry stuck up my butt. And the doctor says, "I've got some cream for that."
Q. How are men and parking spaces alike?
A. All the good ones are gone and the only ones left|
are disabled.
Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence from the following words:
1. Deduct
2. Defense
3. Defeat
Nobody could think of a sentence. And then the dumbest kid in the class raised his hand and said, "I can do that - 'Dee duck jumped over dee fence and hurt dee feet.'"
A mushroom went to a party and asked a girl to dance. She said no and the mushroom said, "Come on! I'm a fungi!"
These two really dumb guys were walking along the beach one day. They had never been to a beach before and they were in absolute awe of all the seagulls. As they looked up in amazement, one of the birds took a dump on one dumb guy's head. "Oh my God," said the other. "I'll run back to the car and get some toilet paper!"
"Don't bother," said the splattered one, "I kinda think he'll be gone by the time you get back!"
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.